Dan Not Dale

16 hours ago, MARYROSE02 said:

Imagine if you were single just like me and there was no quandary about going back to England or Australia, you could just say, "Sod this, I'm leaving TODAY". I did it too, 12 years back to England, and now four months in Surfers on holiday which so far, has not ended.

But would the partnered people WANT to be "Just like me?"

I use that scenario to evaluate what I want. If in  your shoes, I’d have a flight booked and be selling up here as soon as possible. 

Partner and I have agreed,  12 months in UK (and see how it goes) in approximately a years time.

On 30/01/2022 at 07:31, FairyBlue said:

This is the first time I have posted so hopefully I am in the right spot here! I just need to say how much your stories all resonate with me and how I have been in a constant quandary for the last decade at least as to whether to move back. I would really appreciate your thoughts. No-one can truly understand the soul crushing predicament and homesickness that can find yourself in as an ex-pat. Particularly when you are married to an Aussie!

I will say that I like Australia, but something has always been missing. I go home regularly and from the minute I land at Heathrow I feel such a deep sense of belonging. When I look at recent holiday snaps of me back in England, I can see true happiness written all over my face. I feel whole. 

I have wrangled with dibiltating homesickness for probably 14 of my 18 years away and had I had not got married I have no doubt I would have returned back to England long ago. My back story is I have been living, for that time, in Melbourne and NZ and am married to a proud Aussie and we have a surf & sun loving 8 year old daughter. That makes things very complicated. 

From 2004 I spent 6 years in Melbourne before we headed to Christchurch, NZ with work in 2010. It was truly amazing to be in NZ and I felt 'at home' for the first time in ages. Sadly we left in 2011 due to the Christchurch earthquake. I was devastated to then be moving back to Melbourne due to hubbie's work. Just devastated.

Back in Melbourne and unhappy, I didn't think the UK was even a remote possibility back then and my DH had no desire to live there. So I yearned for the next best thing. To be back in Christchurch, NZ which is oh so very English. An opportunity came up and we moved back in 2019. I absolutely loved it.  Our daughter started a gorgeous school and I was in love with kiwi life. The seasons, the birds, the weather. It all felt so familiar and I felt at peace..But again things came crashing down when we both lost our businesses to Covid. So again we returned to South West Victoria in 2019 where my DH's family are based. It is a beautiful part of the Australia and one where I have felt more at home than anywhere in Australia but my husband is not happy!!!  He wants more to do and has a fractured relationship with his fairly painful family and would move back to Melbourne in a flash. Me never. 

We have been at a loss as to what to do and if we should move and so for the last 6 months we have been talking about a fresh start up in Queensland where we could settle down. The idea gathered so much momentum that, roll forward to this week, we are up here on the Sunshine Coast looking at houses and schools. We nearly bought a house this week, but all of a sudden I have realised with a screech that this is so far removed from what I want that I have pulled the pin. Amazing school and life for our daughter now down the toilet and I feel AWFUL. Absolutely awful I have let the family down. I had a stark realization, again, that all I really want is to be back in England with my family, friends and aging parents. 

What it has done, however, is bring up the conversation of England again and my husband, for the first time in forever, seems totally onboard and dare I say, excited. I am so worried though after all this time, that it is almost like meeting your idol you thought you would never meet. Is it going to live upto my years of want? 

Ah help!! 

Your experience resonates with me hugely. I instantly feel a sense of belonging when I arrive home. 
I would imaging NZ has a more of a  community feel too.

And I agree, we talk about other parts of the country, bigger houses, smaller houses, city, rural, blah blah. But it’s English countryside I really want. You were probably wise to change your mind.

18 hours ago, Bulya said:

Everything apart from the footy!

That’s one of the worst parts. I cannot think of any other sport where people deemed professional would be so bad at the game.

Can you think of any sport with a goal of unlimited height with no goalkeeper where they would miss so often. Then add another goal either side, still with no keeper, and they still put it wide of all 3 of them. 

On 25/01/2022 at 13:21, BeachBabe2022 said:

I absolutely hate Melbourne. As does my husband, even through he was born there, worked there and has family there still. Also found it hard to make friends there. But have made friends in other places in Australia where I have lived. Have you joined any clubs or organisations? As for PP, it has never appealed to me. Would be too expensive and the emotional upheaval would weight to heavily on me (I think). It would be OK if you were single or a couple, but the though of moving children and pets back and forth, gives me the shudders. 

I think a mutual dislike of Melbourne is an essential criteria for any new friend at this point.
Maybe there’s a club for that. 

Jokes aside it is something I need to work on. 

May I ask what prompts the hate?

On 24/01/2022 at 14:29, Onward said:

Hi everyone,

I’ll soon be moving from western Canada to Australia.

What’s crazy is that Covid 19 is preventing me from visiting Australia first. I’ve never been.

Honestly, the spiders freak me out a bit. We have the odd daddy long legs or wolf spiders, but that’s it here.

Covid and a winter climate is a brutal mix. The allure of endless beaches and *warm* weather is drawing me to Australia.

Keep in mind, while Melbourne is cold by Australian standards, it’s warmer than Vancouver, Canada.

Questions.

1. How’s the Internet, Wi-Fi, and cable TV compared to Canada?

2. How soon do I need to make friends with a rugged Aussie dude neighbor in case of a spider the size of my hand appears in my house?

3. anything else I should know before moving myself and family?

 

 

I know nothing about west of Canada, but you won’t find Geelong cold. However, when we first moved here we had no heating in our first place. I found winter here harder than England because inside wasn’t warm. 
Heating and double glazing is still not compulsory in a new build here. I had to build a house to ensure I had double glazing throughout. With double glazing and heating winter is a doddle here.  VIC gets below 0. Make sure you get a place with heating. 

Internet/Wifi - again, don’t know Canada, Aus has improved with the NBN rollout, but I believe this is still being rolled out. We have it and it’s good. If you don’t, your internet will be poor by worldwide standards. 

TV - Free to air Australian TV is appalling. Some good stuff can be found on SBS and ABC, (mainly British stuff) they do their best for somewhat impartial news coverage too. Your channel 7, 9, 10’s news coverage neglect that a world exists outside the capital city you happen to be watching it in. Foxtel is the paid service, it’s not bad, potentially essential if you want certain sports. I would guess you will revert to streaming services most days!

Spiders - barely seen any in 8 years.

Geelong is nice - but your questions make me think you are not outdoorsy? Could be wrong? Beyond a beach and a shopping centre, not a lot to do. You may likely find yourself going to Melbourne to find something other than walking, eating or drinking coffee . 

I have considered living there, we stay at partners uncles some weekends and it’s lovely. But potentially boring long term.

29 minutes ago, Mdees1 said:

Congratulations!

You will be busier now so will help with the mood you were having. Its been stifling hot but helps remind us why Australia sometimes!

Yes the odd bbq in the garden works wonders

Will happily answer any questions on Melbourne if you’re still keen to learn more. 

I will be honest, good and bad!

Thought would check in here (been nearly 6 months).

Feeling better about Melbourne (likely summer playing a role in that). 

Not had chance to visit Perth yet (covid and lockdowns), also we are now pregnant. 

Melbourne it will be till he is over 12 months old. 

On 10/01/2022 at 12:09, Mdees1 said:

thats what i am really hoping for...

I think I would want to be in Yorkshire because otherwise I don't see the point as we wont be "close" to her parents. But I just have not explored jobs and the likes, more just thinking about it.

the UK village/small towns appealed to me more than I thought, granted we visited friends and family so if I moved back I think it would have to be near friends and family.

Surrey Hills is lovely part of the world and perhaps creating a village like feel wherever I settle in Melbourne is the best option.

Keeping my thoughts from straying until the ideas "emerge" will be the challenge.

I just get a feeling of guilt come over me when I think about moving away from family but my parents are about 10 years younger than hers so I can ping pong I guess.....good to sound these thoughts out!

I’m sure there are many amazing villages in Yorkshire. Very different from London though.

1 hour ago, Toots said:

I'm inclined to agree with you.  I've known many people over the years from the UK.  Many are still here and well settled but a few did go back.  Not until I joined this forum and read posts about yearning to return to the UK and not wanting to die here and the UK will always be home etc -  did I realise that a lot of people feel stuck in Australia.  I also came to realise that many people who feel the same way are in NZ, Canada and the USA.  Migration is hard and for some folk it just doesn't work.  With a bit of luck they are able to return to their home country and live happily ever after.

I had the chance to live permanently in the USA and I did have a great time there but I knew it wasn't for the long term.  Also tried Europe but was always happy to get back to Scotland.  Australia is a lot further away from the UK than those countries but I felt far more at home here.  Been 40 years now so I should hope I'm settled and at home.  

It’s tough for many for sure, especially at the moment as people can’t do visits easily.

I know of someone in NZ who desperately wants to get home for a visit to Scotland.

I would hazard a guess many who have emigrated, predominantly for their other half are struggling without their annual fix of home right now. I know I am.

1 hour ago, Parley said:

If anyone feels acutely English they should stay in England shouldn't they?

Millions of English people have moved to Australia so presumably don't think like that or they wouldn't have come.

If any foreign country is similar enough to acclimatise to from England I think it would be Australia actually.

Yes, it may take that person being away from England to realise how English/set in their ways they are. 

Did I say I felt it before coming? No.

As I said in my first post, I was 100% in on Australia and positive about it. Didn’t realise until I was here it was an issue. It’s taken being here to see it.

The original poster is already doubting things before coming.

19 hours ago, Bulya said:

So you don’t really know much about ‘Australia’, just Melbourne, a very big difference.  

That came across like a dig mate. People can only try and help based on their own experiences. 
More than happy, in fact, would actively like to hear opinions on how much life could differ out of Melbourne, but the majority of my post was applicable to being anywhere in the country and general challenges with the distance from Europe.

As said, I’ll happily have a Melbourne bash and hear ideas on elsewhere, but also, i’m sure many feel acutely English (British) when being here and know it’s not for them instantly regardless of location.

On 07/08/2021 at 21:42, Bulya said:

Where have you lived in Australia?

Melbourne. Partner from there. Have considered Perth recently.

Here’s some experiences I’ve had that relate to what you raised.
I used to keep my phone on loud every night when I first arrived in Australia in case something happened back home and someone needed to contact me. That definitely changes. I don’t worry about it anymore. 
But I did lose 2 grandparents within a year of coming here and you certainly feel the distance with things like that. Getting the call they only have 24/48 hours in them, and racing back. But how long do you book for?? And can your work allow you to do that at short notice? 
I’d say standard of life here is better, despite this, I’d like to move home. 
If you think one trip home a year will keep you ok then give it a try. I always feel a million times better when at least I know I’ll get 3 weeks at home ‘soon’.

I’d say Australia was one of the luckiest places to be in the first 12 months of covid. But bare in mind, with Australia having a huge lack of vaccination you are effectively coming in to a country which is still in lockdown. You won’t get a trip home in your first 12 months as it stands.

I’m not even convinced enough of the population here wants vaccination enough to reach the 80% it’s outlined to open borders. Although that sentiment might change if the lockdowns keep coming. 

I thought Australia would be amazing but  I soon realised it wasn’t for me. My mental health has been shit for the last 5 years. If you’re already thinking it won’t be good. Don’t commit to anything more than a trial. 

On 05/08/2021 at 21:55, unzippy said:

Rob's is brilliant.

Proper cold smoked bacon, pork sausages and a whole load of other stuff!

https://m.facebook.com/robsbritishbutcher/

 

Yeah I had a quick Google after asking the question. As soon as lockdown is over I’m there with a big budget! 
nice to hear it confirmed that’s it’s good!

6 hours ago, unzippy said:

Best you will get in terms of a Greasy Spoon is the Port Truckie Diner.  However the sausages are beef and no black pudding.  Also like every Aussie breakfast, they can't resist putting a bit of garnish on

 

 

If you want black pudding you are going to have to cook your own breakfast.  You can get black pudding at most Woolies now (Irish Clonakilty) or Rob's Butchers in Dandenong makes a great version.

Or come round to mine

 

 

 

Both of those look tremendous!!
Have driven past that butchers in Dandenong! Is it any good?

1 hour ago, Toots said:

You could try the Duchess of Spotswood cafe.  My OH had a full English breakfast there    .........................  fried eggs, bacon, tomato, beans, sausage and black pudding with sourdough toast.  

Cheers will Google!

P.s to all- still open to to places in the east too

Anyone know anywhere in Melbourne where you can get a decent what I would call a ‘full English’ breakfast? 

A workmate wants to try one.

You know, sausage, bacon, beans, toast, mushrooms, hash browns and all that. He even wants to try black pudding with it.

On 20/06/2021 at 20:28, HappyHeart said:

Fathers Day got me thinking. My Dad sent me a message that tugged at the heartstrings and made me feel guilty for leaving him. How do you reconcile the gaps and disconnects that occur when your ageing family are in another country. Covid making it more difficult to book a flight on a whim. I cope with it very well normally and even welcome the distance but today and at other significant family times it hits a bit harder.....

We can video call for free. I have never not had it as an option and simply don’t know how people did it without it. Ring him often.
Covid has exasperated it all massively. Can’t visit, can’t help them. Had to watch sh*t happen from afar. 
I would say listen to your gut, if you think your dad deserves a long spell with you, fly him out or go for a extended trip home. I will be doing a long trip home when this is all over for sure. 
I’m fast learning a bigger house and salary doesn’t really mean much compared to a good family. 

4 hours ago, Toots said:

  Think I've heard  it all now.  You big chav Blue Flu.  I can't tell a chav from a bogan but I'm sure somebody will enlighten me.

Completely different dress code for starters  

13 hours ago, Blue Flu said:

But it wouldn't be OZ without your neighbourhood Bogans. At least in Perth's outer suburbs there's Chavvilles to even things up.  Who knows may even cure home sick English from doing something drastic, like booking a one way ticket back. 

Give me a chav over a bogan any day, at least we’ll have something in common potentially… football, dropping H’s and T’s, stuff like that. 

17 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

I agree, which is why Melbourne is not the place to be.  You say your parents would much rather visit Perth than Melbourne, but why? If they've never lived in Australia they've got no idea whether it's a nicer place than Brisbane/Adelaide/Newcastle etc. They're just romanticising, maybe because they know one or two people who live there.

It's true there are lots of Brits in Perth, but do consider that Benidorm is full of Brits and you might not want to live there.  Some of the "British" suburbs in Perth have a reputation of being real bogan territory (that's chav to you). 

It sounds like you need to visit Perth and book an Airbnb in the suburbs you'd be able to afford, then see if it still works for you.  Maybe it will.

Plenty of bogans to go round where I am currently

Yep I’m sure we’ll do a tour of many parts of the country and see if anywhere suits hopefully 

22 minutes ago, Wanderer Returns said:

That's all many can afford. We live on the Sunshine Coast and $400k-500k here buys you a shoebox in a new development. Often they are a nice new shoebox, close to all the (pre-built) amenities, but you can still find yourself in areas where trouble occurs. Fortunately we owned our UK home outright, so (with a mortgage) we can afford somewhere in a nice area - for which I'm very thankful.

That’s another prompt for Perth discussion, correct me if I’m wrong, but we could have a perfectly liveable 3 bed in a half decent suburb for 700k potentially? (Am I way off)

It’s still a lot, but I think I could sleep at night and actually pay it off before being 70.

Melbourne no chance under a million. 

1 hour ago, Blue Flu said:

I fully endorse your expressed sentiments. We are indeed in an ugly place with concern to housing costs. It is close to impossible to give advise beyond obviously saying don't take on more debt than comfortable with. We have been severely short changed by the political and related forces that allowed, indeed facilitated this to happen. It's of no use saying how Australia was so easy a few decades ago to purchase a house. I lost out big time. Could have purchased three with the purchasing power once had. Now labouring over if want one in a decent suburb (if I want to commit  to an over priced house) 

Yep we’re on the same page for sure. I really don’t think government here or UK has a grip on what it’s really done to the average family. Imagine starting at zero now as an 18 year old without leaning on parents for free board.

Sorry if off topic but you’re 100% spot and and feel strongly about it . You’re right it makes it hard to give advice too. 

12 minutes ago, Blue Flu said:

I think you may find similarities here in Perth Metro. I'd be loathe to buy into such a development  as far too contrived and I'd foresee problems with kids when a little older. First ascertain infrastructure. Is public transport handy? Is it there at all? What amenities are there in walking distance? How far is the nearest shopping centre? Are there community facilities like library/gym/ leisure centre?  How far from ocean/pool? So much to consider. I'd go for an established area, tried and proved if it were me. 

Yep I agree, and most people here would i’m sure. We’ve delayed kids for the reasons you mention.

I’m not putting words in anyone’s mouth here, but it isn’t easy to buy in an established suburb when you have no equity gained from the boom.

I don’t know how old people are around here but I think people of a certain age upwards don’t realise what modern house prices actually mean for many these days. That’s why we choose the soulless suburbs. We don’t want to be there. 
We rented in Bentleigh, far better spot, but houses cost well over a million easily. Repayments on 800,000-900,000 loans are a bit scary.