bug family

1 hour ago, Bulya said:

Where are you?

Perth WA.....

To the original poster samt4,

On here you will find some very good advice from both sides of the divide,  I am possibly one of the 'stuck ones' that are written about on here, I like yourself miss the culture, scenery, people, places, diversity, pubs (especially the pubs lol) and even the weather back home in the UK, I would say that the pull of home only gets stronger and it does not get any easier with time, and that is without throwing children into the mix (i am married with two young children). I am telling you this as its very easy for 8 months as in your case to suddenly become 8 years, as in my case and you will find that you are still in a place you do not want to be going over and over the dilemma of Australia vs the UK, only now it is way more complicated to just 'go home' as time will have passed and circumstances will have changed.

Good luck..... as i have said before, don't let your Australian story become another 'shipwreck' to add to those already floundering on here, .........trust me i know, my ship is well and truly sinking lol ...I wish you good luck

On 14/12/2019 at 13:16, Bulya said:

Takes at least three years if not longer.

No I am sorry bulya i have to disagree, i do not think you can put an arbitrary number on it and say after that point you will either be settled or not, i knew within the first month or so that it was not for me, but got sold on the old ' it takes at least two years then you will be fine ' speech, here i am 8 plus years on stuck with either the choice of leaving my children and wife to go back home to the UK on my own or staying here and going completely nuts ............it has already cost me my health to a degree, when i first arrived i was fit and healthy since then i  have had a couple of serious heart dysrhythmias and now have rheumatoid disease for life which is an autoimmune disorder that can be caused by stress.

On 08/02/2020 at 16:29, Amber Snowball said:

I have not seen any age discrimination in health

Hi Amber, I have definitely seen age discrimination in health care here in Australia unfortunately,

The hospital that I work in (Perth region) recently they had an internal recruitment drive from the wards for the emergency dept, not one person over 30  got a look in, even though some of those nurses were highly experienced and would have been brilliant for the role; also, each year they run their grad program for new grad nurses, how many over 30's do you reckon they have taken on in the last 4 years in the emergency dept?....zero! not one. I also know of 'older nurses' 30's, 40's and 50's  who are told you need more experience to work in emergency, come back in 6 months please, mean while a bunch of twenty some things are welcomed on in with open arms, the attrition rate for the younger nurses is high and I reckon that is because (a) they possibly lack life experience and maturity (b) poor management,

Even the CN roles are usually only given to the younger nurses, the older ones are over looked, which I find strange as when you look at the traditional matron / sister role in the UK, it has always been held by those with not just experience but also age on their side as in more mature in age, what happens here in Aus seems to be the opposite and i think it sometimes shows in the level of care, I regularly see nurses with one eye on the patient and the other on their latest snap chat/twitter/facebook feed, not only is it not a good look and unprofessional it is also dangerous and bad mannered, how many of those more mature nurses do you think are guilty of this.... none as far as I have seen, I am not a nurse by the way, but work closely with the nursing team ....i think the icing on the cake for me was the young CN who told me how she likes to lie in her own urine when getting 'smashed' at the weekend as she cannot be bothered to get out of bed......this is a nurse in charge of an emergency department!!! ........ageism and nepotism are both encouraged in Australia in my opinion

4 hours ago, Marisawright said:

as long as I am still resident in Australia

Marisa, just curious about this, how is a person classed as being resident in Australia ?...what i am getting at is can you claim a Australian pension at pensionable age and have it paid into an Australian bank account, but reside in the UK and just transfer it online to your UK account or is this a no no.....just asking for a friend

19 hours ago, Marisawright said:

But if you went to Australia with a reasonably open mind and just found that you couldn't help it, you were always thinking of home - then it's not something you can control, ever. 

^^^^ This is me

19 hours ago, Marisawright said:

Some people can move anywhere in the world and live anywhere without a second thought.  Those people make good migrants

^^^^^ this is not me

19 hours ago, Marisawright said:

But some people - and actually I think it's the majority - have a very deep attachment to their homeland, which never fades.  They may not even be aware of it until they try to move overseas,

^^^^^^^ This is me

19 hours ago, Marisawright said:

Logically they can see all the good things about their new country, but they know something isn't right.  Those people should simply never be migrants.

aaannnd this is also me ^^^^

4 hours ago, FeelingStuck said:

I've managed two trips home, both in December/January, and cried when I arrived in the UK (happiness) and cried when I came back to Perth (despair)

Thanks feeling stuck, rather apt name by the way lol......i know this feeling well, what part of Perth do you live in if you don't mind me asking?

7 minutes ago, ramot said:

So perhaps I have settled happily in Australia because I was used to moving around and adjusting.

Hi Ramot, wow you really have travelled,

It is funny because I also grew up in an air-force family, my father was in the RAF and when I was a child we moved to various parts of the world (south Africa, Cyprus etc)

when my dad finally finished his career after nearly 30 years in service they settled in North Wales which is where I then grew up.

Maybe it was because of all the moving early in life, that i finally settled in Wales and have always thought of the UK as home...never really thought of it that way ..mmmm

anyhow you definitely sound like one of Marisa's Nomads

2 hours ago, calNgary said:

the couple of weeks we got here with Wanted Down Under

I never realised you where on the show!! ....i am glad you have found your happy place

2 hours ago, calNgary said:

had a static caravan in a beautiful part of Wales with jet skis etc

oooo..what part that's my neck of the woods

7 minutes ago, calNgary said:

Another myth you tend to read on here a lot is if your life is better here its cause you lived in a crap area in UK , its BULL#@^&, lol..

Sorry cal, I disagree, On my recent trip back to the UK I spoke to my brother in law and his wife about why they moved back from Aus to the UK having only spent a relatively short period in Western Australia and Canberra (About a year in each) their answer was clear the area and lifestyle they had in the UK was far in a way nicer than the 'mind numbing, dull and isolated' (their words) suburbs they ended up in here in Australia, on the opposite side of this is another couple we met when we first came out here who absolutely loved it here (western Australian suburb) and would never move back to the 'dump of an estate they lived in Leeds' (their words), unfortunately they had to move back due to visa issues.

These are both comparisons being made on opposite sides of the same coin and that's what we do as humans, naturally we compare on a daily basis, ' I prefer this over this because of this', Migrants are very good at this because we have something to compare to.

I talk to many, many brits on a regular basis in the hospital where I work, and have a chat about where they are from originally and about their lifestyle both here and back in the UK, some love it here based on a comparison with where they lived and what the left back in the UK and some do not based again on where they lived and what they left again back in the UK.

On 08/01/2020 at 08:08, Vickie78 said:

you are in your 40s as am I, life certainly isn't over we are still young ish

Hahaha thanks Vickie...... i feel much older at the moment though

On 08/01/2020 at 10:01, ramot said:

Have you got citizenship here?

Hi Ramot, Yes that is one thing I have done, as you say, you never know what may happen in the future

12 minutes ago, Quoll said:

Not got much better then huh?

No sadly not

16 hours ago, Antipodista said:

I’m in absolutely the same position as you, scarily similar,  and my husband and I are in the process of separating over it. It’s so awful and I offer my sympathy.

Im not saying that will happen, but it’s such a tough scenario where someone will always be losing out. I often get hit with the “Australia is a better and healthier life for children, you are denying our kids a better life and childhood because of your selfishness” which is a hard one to take.

 

Hi Antipodista, I am sorry to hear you are having the same tough time, I absolutely know where you are coming from on the 'Australia is better and healthier' quote, I truly think it can depend on:

(a) where you previously lived and where brought up previously in the UK,  if it was a say a run down or rough part or you had no social activates etc, then comparisons will be made and  lots of areas here must seem like paradise in comparison.

but

(b) if where you previously lived and where brought up  in the UK, was a lovely area and you had an active social life etc,  then lots of areas here must seem dull, lacking and possibly rough in comparison.

Maybe its the luck of the draw, I must admit i was naive when coming here and thought it would be a paradise,  just like neighbours etc and that the sort of lifestyle that was on offer, was right up my street, the reality as I now know is very different, its sort of shiny on the outside but dig a little and its very different.

Can I ask then are you  moving back to the UK?

Feel free to message me anytime for moral support,

11 minutes ago, Quoll said:

I'm also concerned by the level of mental health issues in adolescents here in Australia

11 minutes ago, Quoll said:

youth suicide rate

I have tragically seen the results of this first hand and continue to do so, the amount of young people we see in the emergency department on a regular basis is both sad and shocking

5 minutes ago, Jon the Hat said:

You won't leave your kids for a job in the UK surely?  Paramedics seem to have it pretty tough in the UK.  

That my friend is the conundrum which i face ....  you are correct paramedics in the UK have it tough, but then so do paramedics here in Australia in my opinion paramedics in the UK are better equipped and meth use is much lower in the UK, a lot of the violence towards paramedics here can be attributed to meth use...

I feel my time to leave Australia and return home is fast approaching and this was re-enforced for me as when I got back from our trip my wife had taken every picture and photograph of us down and put them in the attic .........probably didn't help that i took a couple of days to notice though

18 hours ago, Macho man said:

Hi everyone,

 

Currently in a bit of a pickle at the moment! I moved to Australia with my wife 10 years ago at a young age as her family had moved from the UK to Australia. This was a struggle at the start but I gave it a go, adapted and got on with things as it was hard being away from family.

 

After being there for 10 years, deep down it was never home and I could never imagine living there for the rest of my life away from my family. We always had the uncertainty which remained for me but not for my wife who settled in amongst her family. We decided to move back to the UK to see how it was. I also had a kid while we were there which meant taking her away from the grand parents (Wifes mum and dad). So we made the decision to return to the UK early last year.

 

Since returning, my wife is not enjoying it at all and has a completed negative mindset in relation to being back and everything is in comparison to Australia. First few months of being back was very stressful as I felt like I had put my wife into a situation she clearly did not want to be in but at the same time, I did not want to continue living my life in Australia as it wasn’t home. Eventually after a few months, things sort of started to fall into place, we got a nice house on rent, settled in and got on with things and my wife slowly started being herself again.

 

This was until her family came to England for a few weeks which was nice but again has completely unsettled things again for my wife so It is like I am back to square one and do not know what to do. Since being back, I have realised, there is not a lot I miss about Australia, The only reason we have been in Aus in my wifes family. If they were not there, we would not be in Australia. My wife’s parents have decided they will not be coming back to the UK which we thought may have been a possibility now their grandkid was here, but since returning, they have decided otherwise and they also have a son in aus which plays a factor in that a\s he is very well settled.

 

All of our families are in the UK. In Australia, we have my wife’s parents and sibling, that’s it. The way I see it is we are sacrificing the time with everyone in the UK just for 3 people in Australia. Australia itself was amazing while we were there, I made great friends and there are a lot of benefits to being there, but I have missed out on so much in 10 years, it has made me realise I am not sure if I’m prepared to go back. At the same time, I’m not sure my wife wants to stay as she is no pro Australia.

 

I understand the possibility of a better life in Australia, however I believe family is way more important than the additional benefits in Aus (Weather, lifestyle etc). We gre up in the uk and left at 16, but since returning, I feel like it is home and for my wife, England is not good enough (NHS, wages, work hours etc)

 

I am very confused and not too sure what is going happen this year! Anyone else been in a similar scenario?

 

Thanks

 

 

Hi Macho man, I can absolutely empathise with you, our situations sound very similar, only on opposite sides of the world, my wife loves it here in Australia with her parents and brother and you have guessed it I do not.

this has been an on going battle for me  since we came here some 8 and a half years ago, i have never settled and always missed home (UK),  i think I am coming to the end of that battle as I am in the final year of my degree (paramedic) and then I will qualify, i would probably find it hard to get a job here in Australia as the competition for paramedic vacancies is fierce, where as in the UK there is a shortage, this in some ways forces my hand,  However my wife will not return as she prefers Australia and is willing to end the marriage in order to stay .

I think Marisawright and Quoll who have posted above are spot on with their thoughts and advice and kind words, they have helped me rationalise my thoughts in the past.

My sticking points possibly like yours are that I have two children who I love without condition, leaving them would be for me the hardest thing I have ever done, but staying is wearing me out as well, sometimes you have to accept that you will lose no matter which choice you make.

I have recently returned from a trip to the UK with my 11yr old, we had the best time and it cemented for me where i would rather be.

I would say that it sounds like you are younger than me (i am in my 40's) so look at that as a bonus you have time on your side and you are by all accounts 'Macho' which must help

Anyhow I hope you can find a solution, there is no end of advice or similar situations on here, if nothing else it is a great place to vent, i can vouch for that

Take care and good luck

i think i may be a bit older (40's) so time is probably more on your side as it is mine

On 26/12/2019 at 12:42, RoundInCircles said:

Hi Everybody!

Firstly, hope you all had a VERY Merry Christmas and wishing that all your hopes, dreams and goals come true in the New Year!

Well, after thirty years living in Australia I've made the decision to return to the UK to live.  My young adult daughter (Australian born) and my dog (hopefully) are joining me on this journey;. this next Chapter of my life.  I cannot express how excited I am to be doing this at the grand old age of 57!  But...it's time.  You know how you just know?  I fully accept, understand and appreciate the many changes that await me.

This is my first post...probably the first of many...and I just know, by reading the many posts on this site, that you are all so well informed about the whole process of moving back "home".

* Step one was for me to apply for an Australian Passport...I became a Citizen in 1993...application lodged and waiting for the passport to arrive in the post in the next couple of weeks 

* Step two - apply for UK Passport.  LOL started the application online...Question: Has your name changed since birth?  Answer: Yes  Why: Marriage.  Got virtually to the end of the Application and was asked when did I need the passport?  Before OR after the "Ceremony"...Ceremony?...LOL Wedding...oh, goodness...I obviously did something wrong.  Also I need to provide a full birth certificate with mother and father's details included (I have only ever used an extract before...however that was thirty something years ago...oh, haven't times changed!)

* Questions please...

* Is this the correct site to use for both Passport Application AND to get a UK Birth Certificate? https://www.gov.uk/order-copy-birth-death-marriage-certificate

* Also...re the Birth Certificate...it will be a copy, yes?...Passport Application requires "original"...does it arrive as being a "certified copy of the orginal birth certificate"

Please excuse my naivety; I am long out of touch with these kind of matters.  I will be most grateful for all suggestions and advice that your replies will bring.

Thank you SO much, in advance.

Kind regards...

 

 

Hi Round in circles, just wanted to say good luck, i shall be following your progress on here, i have just got back from  a three week trip around the UK, this was my first trip back since moving to Australia some 8 years ago, i loved every minute, took my 11 yr old son with me and he had a great time, i will move back one day, as you say home will always be where our hearts are at and not our feet ( i love that little saying thank you for sharing )

good luck

Hello all,

Sorry for the delayed update i only arrived back in Australia a few days ago and have been busy / jet lagged since!!

I would say I am not going to waffle on...but that would be a lie lol,

Anyhow two items to note: 

here goes, right prior to going back to the UK on my epic December trip i had wanted to take my children with me on the holiday, but simply did not have the funds to do so, my son (Daniel 11yrs) was particularly upset as he wanted to see his country of birth etc and to go on a boys trip together....... well out of the blue (call it fate or karma) a cheque arrived a few weeks before I was going for the sum of 647 pounds out of the blue!! from the student loans company, basically when we moved to Australia I carried on paying  my student loans from over here in Australia (this was 4 or 5 years ago) well apparently I had over paid...and they sent me a refund!!, this meant the world to Daniel and to me and we purchased him a flight ticket and updated the accommodation about the extra person etc, to surprise him we wrote in a little card and sealed it in an envelope that he would be spending Christmas in the UK on a road trip with me.........he cried when he read this.

second item: My sister informed me that my mum was a bit down and that it might be a nice surprise to tell her that i was going prior to arriving which would also help with planning so i rang her and told her that myself and Daniel where coming over....................and she also cried

Right o .....onto the trip itself..what can I say.......it was absolutely amazing....i absolutely loved being home, I can not overstate it, as we flew into British airspace and I got a view of the coast for the first time I ..............cried , no really I did, my son held my hand and the bloke on the next isle gave me a funny look  hahaha,

From the moment we got to the airport the holiday went so well, for example at the car hire in Manchester airport, I was told "sorry the car you booked is unavailable"..oh right I thought..."so we are going to upgrade you to a new Mercedes A class", at no extra cost (bear in mind I drive a battered old mini cooper in Australia) i didn't even know where the handbrake was on the Mercedes (its a button on the dash, i had to stop and ask) the dashboard is fully electric and not unlike a spaceship in the amount of displays it had. I hit the M56 and within 5 mins it was like I had never left..honestly i felt instantly at home, I am not going to knock aus in this post but being on an actually motorway with four or five lanes as opposed to the 'free-way' consisting of two lanes we have here in Perth, even this small item made such a difference.

I could not stop smiling....we drove up to Leeds to see my mum and sister they where so happy to see us, que a round of good food and pubs for a few days, a proper pub and wide range of food, one thing I had forgotten was the range and choice of food available in the UK, we walked into a sainsburys local store and i was stood mesmerised by the range and the price...1:50 for a pack of bacon, 3 pound for a meal deal (sandwich, fruit bowl or snack and a drink) and sainsburys is not the cheapeast!! the value and choice was amazing, also the amount  of supermarkets available (tescos, sainsbury, asda, morrisons, safeway, waitrose, etc) ...greggs sausage rolls (i am a man of simple pleasures)....McDonald sweet curry dip and banana milkshake ...the people we met where so friendly, for example we ran out of coins in a laundrette this gentleman simply put money in for us to continue drying our clothes, a lady in a shop spent time googling attractions in the area and ringing up for tickets for us both, two of the B&B's we stayed at decided not to charge any extra for Daniel staying, the hotel in gloucester upgraded us, i could go on and on.

After a couple of days we started our road trip around the UK ...the weather was cold and sometimes wet.......we loved it hahaha....we wrapped up warm, the first cold christmas in 8 years. They say its about the journey and not the destination well in our case it was both, Daniel was simply awestruck by the countryside, the buildings and architecture, the roads, houses, the food the beaches...we stopped in a little town called stow-on-the -wold, what a magical place straight out of a harry potter or similar novel, we went to Blenheim palace, stayed in  yha near Stonehenge, on to lands end stood there with a storm blowing, right at the bottom of the UK blowing a gale we both got soaked and loved it, we stayed that night in an old YHA nearby (this building is 500 years old) and the power went out we where in the dark in the storm amongst the woods in a 500 year old building, i did the decent thing and told Daniel ghost stories (he wasn't keen) ..not sure why ...... from here the journey continued, Gloucester cathedral magnificent, Cardiff was amazing, beautiful Tenby, and on up to Barmouth...have you ever been to Barmouth....go..just go, have a pint at the Last Inn (other pubs are available) it is a stunning place, ...then up to north Wales where we stayed in Rhyl for four nights and explored the North Wales area and caught up with old friends and colleagues, they where all very welcoming and happy to see us, i have to say i kept asking Daniel for his unbiased opinion and pointed out to him that we where in the depth of winter and that it could look a little bleak and dark, he kept assuring me that he loved it and was having an amazing time (he is still talking about it now we are back in Australia), we finally returned back up to Leeds to spend Christmas with my mum and sister, we even went to a pantomime in Leeds city center which was a lovely way to end an epic road trip.....a trip that i am sure will stay with Daniel and I for a very long time, we did just over 1800 miles, which is not bad when you consider that the total length of the UK is 870 miles.

I had to pinch myself at times that i was really home, and so was Daniel....i found it really hard to leave once again and I think that feeling told me all I needed to know, that after over 8 years away the UK is still home and will always be so....thank you for listening

I shall return ...one day.................... Happy new year to you all, where-ever in the world you may be

good luck and safe travels

12 minutes ago, Paul1Perth said:

ets hope they have Brexit sorted by then or you'll be sick of hearing about it after a couple of days. 

I am already sick of hearing about it Paul

22 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

The problem is that every time you go back,  you're reminded of the life you lost.  What good does that do?  Reminding yourself of what you can't have - that will only make you more miserable.

Sorry Marisa, what I mean is, if going back confirms for you that this is not the place for you ( as in Australia) then you can hopefully work a solution that takes you back home permanently, therefore going home can have some positive benefit other than just going home because you miss the place .....interestingly some call it going on holiday...some call it going home, how you feel about where you are may depend on which one you use.

I do not see it as a 'Life I lost', as I always intended to go home one day, it is more a break from my old life so to speak....

27 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

For some people, going back for frequent holidays can be counter-productive because it keeps reminding you of your old life.  

Sometimes I think refugees have it easier, because they know they can never go back. So there's no point in thinking about things they loved about their old country. They just have to close the door on their old life, throw away the key and commit themselveswholeheartedly to their new home.

I liken it to having a marriage breakup, where you're still in love with your partner.   If you keep photos of her around the house, think about her all the time, and constantly visit your old neighbourhood, you'll never get over her.  New relationships won't work because you'll always be thinking of how she doesn't live up to your previous partner.  But eventually, though it breaks your heart to do it, you have to put away the photos and let your previous partner go - then you've got a chance of finding happiness with someone new.

 

Good Analogy Marisa, But....there is always a but lol.....for some going back is the fix they need, confirming that in doing so it reminds them that the life they have now, may not be the one they want forever, then that also points to a problem that they have with where they are currently in their life, which in turn helps them make a change...bit like Brexit in reverse knowing what you do want, helps with what you don't.

As for the marriage breakup...yes...but...some forgive their original partner for their errors (if any) and after a period of exile makeup with them and live happily ever after THE END.