Helz980

Hello!! I'm home at the moment been back since end July! Been all over the place including having a boozey night away in Ambleside. Nothing beats the Northumberland pubs either or countryside or fresh air! Have fun!

I honestly think oz is a beautiful, fantastic country but its not for me & I would love to move back home so I'm heading home 28th July on a decision making mission. I've pretty much read most of the posts on the mbttuk thread because I was looking for support & maybe answers as to why I didn't want to be here. But after time I've come to realise nobody else can tell me where I will be happiest, nobody can tell me which country is better, nobody can tell me I'm crazy for wanting to leave the sunshine & nobody can tell me I'm stupid for wanting to leave oz & return to the uk. Who cares what the stats say, it's only a bloody number after all.

Lovely to hear your update! You actually 'sound' more at peace with yourself & that's great!!! Enjoy your time Hun xx

Too many to list!! Flying home 28th July for a 'holiday' so will enjoy all the uk bits & bobs that I miss xx

Thanks both! I must admit to feeling a bit funny about it all like some of the old feelings from January have cropped up again

Hello all

well I've made it to July!! Back in January when I was desperate to go home I didn't think I would last 7 months! But 28th July I fly home with hubby & Olivia even though oh had specifically said that he wouldn't go home. Also giving up the lease on current place & putting everything in storage....so this means that dependent on my decision 'stay in the uk' or come back to oz we will move to a diff area.

All I can think about is landing at Newcastle airport & seeing my family. It's been a long slog but I feel like a stronger person & capable of making decisions xx

Congrats my 2 year old has just been granted her PR visa ?

I've been off a while too & it bugs the life out of me those that have not been here yet but still seem to have the answers! But why the hell be looking at a mbtuk group anyway?!

I have 1 child, I don't want anymore whilst I'm in oz, I couldn't cope tbh! Plus I was kinda thrust into motherhood as Olivia wasn't planned! I don't really like kids tbh lol well I love my own!!

Hadn't finished!!

.....I started my business venture so that I've got something for me & Olivia in case me & Paul split up. Which was looking the case but now we are talking about my wish to go home & listening to each other. The main thing is I'm not scared anymore! I just want to say thanks for the support, this group was my haven during the dark times, but now I can see the sun shining xx

Wow! I haven't posted in a while! So then what's been happening?! Well I started seeing a counsellor & honestly it was the best thing I've ever done. It was very hard to begin with as it was difficult to process but at my penultimate session I walked in head held high, smiling & looking & feeling like me. I will admit that I was depressed but now am stronger. I can talk to hubby & I know that when I need to make a decision I will make it with a clear head & a light heart. I've found a great friend in a girl whose not long been here, we've been out on the razz in Sydney & have fun together with her little boy & my little girl! I've also started my own business venture & the beauty of it is I can do it from the UK as well

North Tyne valley in Northumberland

bamburgh....beautiful coast line & a great golf course

marlow in bucks

That's fantastic news!!!! I wish you all the very best!!

Que sera I agree!! & my other half now knows it when I told him in a tirade that I couldn't stay in a place where I was unhappy

I've gone through the calendar & put down all Olivia's activities, when people are coming, potential days out to places, when I need to give notice for her daycare so the calendar isn't bare anymore (even though I know she goes to playgroup on a Tuesday it's good to see the day filled up) & now when I look the time doesn't look as far away.

Havebt had that chat with hubby though as he came back from night shift & was just home for less than 2 days. He's got a long weekend though so I will talk then, bit scared tbh

hughes why's up?

Yep!! Currently seeing a counsellor as am lucky to have a good GP here however one doctor practically threw pills at me & I said no that not what I need. I'm a strong person & have always 'gotten on with it' since 2012 I've moved to oz, fell pregnant with triplets 3 days before I flew, lost twins at 19 weeks but carried them, 28 weeks my 'survivor' was born & spent 6 weeks in special care (albeit in the uk) & I came back here start of 2013 & I was 'happy' but deep down the strongest person can only take so much. Having no family around or comfort blanket has exasperated issues that were buried deep & unfortunately they have risen to the surface. All am saying is its not Australia's fault I feel like this, it's a great country, all I know in my heart is that the UK is where I need to be.

I thought you had stayed in oz while your wife went back with the kids?

Do you resent her for 'making' you do this?

Thanks so much for all your kind words, it's good to know that I've got people on here who understand how am feeling. I'm going to talk to my hubby about booking my flights now, even if it means chucking it on a credit card. I think I do know what I want & that's to head home & feel whole again. I had a long chat with my mam last night & although I spent most of the call in tears I did feel better for it. She said chin up Helen & it's not long until July. I will get there I've been through enough in my life to know that things do get better it just takes a bit of time xx

Helz, I can honestly say I have never experienced loneliness until I went to Oz. Yes i made friends etc etc, and the sun was shining (sometimes) etc etc BUT i just felt so alone. I don't think you can put it into words really. I'm not an expert by any stretch but happiness and contentment do not consist of "things" or a place, it so much more complex than this. You only have one life, do what you need to do. The Important people in your life will be there for you no matter what and that's what counts.

Aww buttercup, you have just said exactly how I feel. If you are crying inside it doesn't matter if the bloody sun is shining!

Are you back home now?

I think you're right that your counselling session allowed you the space to bring up some stuff you've been holding in. It's positive that you're giving yourself somewhere you can talk about how you feel, and hopefully it will help you find some further clarity. I hope your trip home in July will be what you need. I remember feeling like you, pretty much from the start I knew Oz wasn't for me long term, it can feel so isolating, vent away here if you need too.

I always said it wasn't forever & tbh I don't think I really wanted to come in the first place! Thanks i need somewhere to vent!

Start with what you have got

 

Who's happiness is she referring? Bit biased friendship if you ask me. Everyone will have what "they" think is best. You listen to yourself, and make plans accordingly.

 

Happy mum, happy child (what ever country)

you are so right Sustain..I have my daughter that is more than some people can ever wish for. & I thank my lucky stars that I was incredibly blessed to have her, she is my world.

Ok, first off, what your friend said - load of tosh! However it doesn't sound like she is going to be the friend with the best shoulder to cry on unfortunately (it may well be because she us doing it tough herself and can't cope with someone else's angst). I honestly doubt there is anything you couldn't do with your daughter in UK that you could do in Aus

 

Im very sorry that your first counselling session has left you more unsettled than when you started! Counselling should always aim for empowerment, to leave you with strategies for dealing with the day and moving forward, making the best of what you've got. Of course no one is going to fix everything in one session but it should have left you with hope and an expectation that working together with the counsellor will give you the strength to make things better - whether that is changing the way you think about things or actively doing stuff to make things better or at least liveable. If you feel that your counsellor just wants you to wallow but isn't prepared to empower then change your counsellor I reckon!

 

Exogenous depression is a bugger! I knew all about it in theory but did not even come close to understanding what an enormous impact it can have on your physical and mental well being until I didn't have it any more. I suspect that people who haven't had it have no idea how debilitating it can be - but, like everything else, you CAN live with it if that's the choice that you have to make and there are strategies to help you do so.

 

You know that wonderful saying from the Exotic Marigold Hotel - "It'll all be alright in the end and if it's not alright then it is not the end!"

I do think my friend is trying to convince herself, her baby is 6months old & shes been in oz for 5 years & just recently spoke about going back home. But yeh if you want your kids to do something, you will go out & find it, no matter where you. Only thing will be the added bonus of family around to enjoy those times as well.

as for the counsellor maybe because I opened the door on emotions etc that i'd kept hidden for so long & they came to the surface, I basically spilled my guts so to speak. SO I think I just needed a few days to think. Paul asked me how it went & whether it had helped, I just said that it was more scene setting & that I wouldn't know after the first session. I mean in 2 years I've left a career, went to another country, got pregnant, lost twins, baby born premature......that's a lot to contend with.

I just know that when I land at Newcastle airport that weight will be lifted :-)

ive not heard that saying before but I like it!

I can understand your fear of not having anything and i think it is one a lot of people have - i have seen a lot of people on here over the years who are very unhappy in Oz but stay because they are scared of going back with nothing. But, i think they are failing themselves as happyness is not reliant on material things and them things come back anyway. I have a couple of times in my life had very little - i spent a fair stint of my life homeless. So, i know what not having things is all about. It partly scares me again to know that life could make a twist and i could find myself in that position. But, at the same time, i know that if it did, i would get through it.

 

I remember another time about 12 years ago and i was out of work and my wife was on sick leave long term and we barely had enouh to eat. Often had to sit in the dark because we had no money for the electricity meter. But, i also know we were not unhappy. We had some great times during that period and it was that period that inspired me to become a geologist and change my life.

 

So, dont worry about the material things. Just do what and be where will make you happy. You only get one shot at this life and there is no rewind button

thanks verystormy for your reply, you are so right. I only get one chance at life & I don't want to spend it being miserable & therefore having a detrimental effect on my daughter.

I am a strong person (just shes hiding a bit at the moment) & I do have the capability to begin again if I have to

Hi, I agree with Karen. I suffered from depression about 5 years ago and my first few counseling sessions were the same - lots of tears and a bit overwhelming - but it gets easier and I found it helpful. At least if gives you an opportunity to express how you feel without it turning into a fight, or have someone tell you to stop banging on about going home and be happy! It's normal to have ups and downs. I get that your friend may be trying to justify her move here, but her comments were insensitive. However, I found that unless you are speaking to someone who has had depression, it can be very difficult to find the understanding you need. You get a lot of "I don't know what she's so unhappy about. She just needs to cheer up". I know your OH doesn't want to go back, but is he getting any further in accepting how unhappy you are and that you are not going to change your mind?

 

Also, as an aside, what do you do with Olivia that your friend thinks you'll not be able to do in the UK? Not that I have any kids yet, but it bugs the hell out of me when people go on about how it is so much better for kids over here, they can do so much more and had better childhoods - like we all had incredibly dull childhoods in the UK!!

hes stopped talking about it, am pretty sure its just an elephant in the room. But then again he just wants to fix things & I believe that's what he thinks the counsellor will do.

I said to my friend Olivia will do lots of things but it will be different to OZ like we wont near a beach but we will have my parents farm to enjoy as well as ponies for her. I must admit Olivia goes to a lot of playgroups etc because it gets me out of the house & I see my friends as well as the time goes by quickly. & yes lynne it bugs the hell out of me when folk say that, my oh says it all the time.

Thanks Karen. Normally I try not to listen to people but I've not had anyone to talk to about my session. Tbh she was only saying to me a few weeks back how homesick she was so I'm inclined to think she's trying to convince herself. Heading home mid/end July no flights booked as yet but am already counting the weeks & am incredibly excited. Yes oh does not want to move back but I want him to see how happy I am at home. I've never really had depression before but oz seems to have sucked a lot of my spirit away.

Ive talked to my mam before & her & my dad just want me to be healthy & happy & can see/hear that I've not been since November & that worries them