Hello Out There

[Sam Brown]

Hi There,

 

New on here, just moved to the west burbs in VIC.

 

We've (myself, hubby 2 kids) been here about 2 months. It all happened quickly as my husband got transferred over here with work. I am struggling. Kids have got school, he's got work, I've got... housework :-(

 

Im so used to being busy, I had a part time job, plus my own business plus all the usual family things back home now I feel I have nothing. I look at peoples posts about moving to Australia and how they've been planning it for years. It ever crossed my mind to move abroad as I was quite happy back home but if we didn't my husband would have lost his job and knowing what they market is like back home we decided to go for it.

 

I really don't think it was a good decision or myself but then I feel I am being selfish as everyone else loves it here.

 

I don't understand how anything works over here like medical and dental stuff. I cat get a job really because of the kids (youngest is only in kinder 2 days) I don't really have many friends or family over here. I am going out to groups to try to meet people but I just don't think its happening.

 

Any suggestions?

[Rupert]

Well it does sound a bit rushed and your needs are as important as anyone else's so should have been considered ... but 'tis done now so I guess you have to try and get on with it. You mention you had a part time job and your own business before so perhaps you could look into either of those again? Childcare can be arranged.

 

Good on you for going out to try and meet people, I have been here four years and never done anything like that (although I do work so met people that way). But don't be hard on yourself if you don't think it is working just yet, you spent a lifetime building up your UK relationships so don't be disappointed that you have not replaced them within two months.

[LKC]

To be honest, you will need to give it a bit more time. It is really difficult to make new friends, particularly when you don't have a shared history such as friends in common, or knowing the area where the person is from. Lots of different cultural things like a shared sense of humour and even silly things like remembering a TV show from your childhood, all add to shared history, which can make things easier when you are trying to make friends. You don't have that here, so it will probably take a bit longer. IT is good that you are getting out and about. Could you continue your business over here, or start something new? I would probably enjoy the freedom for a while maybe. Get out walking in the local area, join a group or club if you have a hobby or interest. Maybe you could do something voluntary?

 

We have been here for five years, and to be completely honest, it is only in the last three to three and a half years that I have felt that I have made headway in the finding friends thing. Many of the people that I met to start with were busy with their own lives, and I put such a massive amount of pressure on myself about finding friends (as did family members), that I became depressed, and felt less and less like going out and making friends, and... vicious circle, you see where this is going. Eventually, I took a step back and put our girls in to daycare a couple of days a week, so that I could enjoy being on my own for a while. I pursued my interests, and enjoyed the time off, and eventually I started to make connections. Being the out of work one can be hard, particularly if you are at home with the children. It can be very lonely, so I totally understand where you are coming from! Now I have enough friends to keep me happy, and the girls are both in school, so I can run a small business from home, study and pursue some other interests that I have.

[Guest]

Agree with Rupert. Given you've just uprooted yourselves I can imagine you are feeling a bit lost. As has been said, most of us spent a fair while planning our moves, you had yours sprung in a short timeframe. Give yourself a pat on the back though. You have acheived a great deal in a short space of time.

 

We've been here since October 2013 and I am still building those contacts, seeking new work and more. I was prepared it might take a year or two to happen and so I've just made sure not to lose heart with it and to keep plugging away.

 

I know its not always easy but have you tried playgroups and other child based things to meet other Mums? My son is school aged (5) and I found it helped just hanging around a bit after school was out each day as lots of his friends do the same while the Mums chat. The kids play, Mums natter and I managed to make a couple of playdates at parks and stuff and where I could get to know the other Mums a bit. It was really helpful. OK its not work but it is at least a way of meeting others and even if its just the odd meeting up now and again, I am finding its slowly leading to more. I also made sure to invite a few of his friends over for playdates after school and in holidays and other Mums also extended invites. Was really nice over the summer hols as one of the Mums arranged a couple of times a whole bunch of us to meet at the outdoor pool with our families. So husbands/partners came along too, packed lunch for everyone, got to know a few more people.

 

Work wise, I went self employed. Its not been easy but I've now got some regular work which keeps me ticking over. Its fitted in around the school day and over the holidays. Once the house sale goes though and we are in our own place and staying put then, I shall seek to increase my working week or maybe try to find employment somewhere. I've tried not to put pressure on myself and do find I am very bored being stuck at home otherwise, but that is probably more so for me as its a family members home and its not mine. Even a rental would probably feel different for me, but there, it is what it is.

 

I also joined a book club as one of hubbys old school friends invited me when she started it up and although its not my usual thing I'm giving it a go as it means I get to spend an evening once a month with a lovely group of women, have a few drinks and food and socialise a bit. I am also slowly building friendships with a couple of other migrants from the UK. I don't want to rush this sort of thing as I want to make sure the people I spend time with I truly get on with and enjoy their company and all that and hopefully for them, they feel the same way. Its been good having a couple of female friends to natter to, something I do miss from my friendships in the UK.

 

I am also going to sporting stuff with son as he is playging footy (Aus rules, not soccer) and in the summer it was cricket. Getting to know other parents that way and they have lots of social stuff and sausage sizzles after training and the like. Its been good and I like seeing him doing something he enjoys and making friends. Other Mums have sought me out for a chat which has been nice.

 

I'm not in your state (we live in SA), but feel free to drop me a PM anytime if you want to chat