No way out...

[Sarahelle]

Hey all,

 

I don't really know where to start...the beginning, I guess...

 

So how did I end up in Australia? I met my Australian fiance back in November 2008 and knew pretty much straight away that he was 'the one', the fact that he was aussie and might want to return home one day didn't even really register in my head, I just got caught up with the first flushes of love, so when we had only been together for a few months and he told me that he wanted to go home after 8 years in the UK and wanted me to go with him, I was pretty freaked out but we talked about it and decided to give it a go. We moved in together in 2009 after a year together and no sooner had we signed the lease when he lost his contract and found himself out of work for 6 months which brought our Australia plans closer but to be honest, we didn't plan it very well at all. We just booked the flights, landed in Oz in September 2010 and moved in with his parents for a few months. DF got a job and we've moved around a bit but are still in Brisbane.

 

So now it's getting on for 4 years and since we've been here, we got engaged in 2012 and now have a 4 month old baby girl and I love my little family to bits. Unfortunately, every day more that I'm here, I like it less and less. It was never my dream to come here, to be honest I would have been happy to live in the UK forever - I had a nice job, lovely friends and family and most importantly, a life. I honestly feel that my life stopped as soon as I got off the plane, and while I adore my DF and DD so much, I just seem to exist. My DF and I have spoken about it a few times and he's told me that he doesn't want to stay here either and quite often tells me how homesick he is for Britain.

 

I was so proud of myself for moving to another country and being strong enough to do it when all my friends didn't think I would, but now and especially since I had my little girl, I think about going home all the time but the problem is, I can't. I can't find a way to get my Australian partner and daughter back to the UK through all the red tape UK Immigration now has and I feel completely trapped and destined to be unhappy here for goodness knows how long.

 

I know that for some people this is the dream and feel so ungrateful that I'm a PR here in this beautiful country with it's glorious sunshine, but I guess the heart wants what it wants. All I can do is hope that either we can somehow get our hands on pots full of cash, or that the rules change again, otherwise I'm here indefinitely. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but if I had known how difficult it was going to become to return to my homeland, I would have thought long and hard about it, we might have not even come here at all but foolishly, I thought it would only be for a couple of years and what makes me feel even worse is that my parents only grandchild is thousands of miles away from them and they're missing her grow up - it truly does break my heart.

 

Thanks for listening. Sorry if I've rambled on a bit, but it is nice to get it all off my chest.

 

Sarah xx

[Guest]

First of all big hugs, I am so sorry you have ended up in a situation you are unhappy in.

 

I'm afraid I can't offer any magic wands and it does seem ridiculously difficult for British citizens to move back to the UK with Australian partners and very unfair.

 

Having had a baby 4 months ago is going to make everything seem even more difficult - the emotions about your own family are incredibly understandable and add to that 'baby blues' if not post-natal depression and sleep deprivation and it is going to be a very tough time for you.

 

My baby is 10 now As the baby fog lifted I did say no-one should be allowed to make life-changing decisions in the year after having a baby! In my case it was just quitting a job but in hind-sight it was not a smart decision - I'm not saying you'll feel different in a year but it may not feel quite so raw.

 

Australia and the UK are both great places to bring up children and your daughter will only have one parents heritage and one set of grandparents no matter which country you are in. The fact your DF would also like to be back in the UK, at least means you are not trapped by him (& the Hague Convention) so you can work together on a route back.

 

If your DF worked for 8 years in the UK before does he not have any 'right to reside'? Would it be possible to work there again and get a 'right to reside'? Have you considered the via Europe option - I don't know the details but if you live in another EU country for a period of time you can then enter the UK permanently.

 

In the mean time I would suggest you throw yourself into mummydom - go to every 'mother & baby', breastfeeding group, baby sensory class etc. etc. you can find. I was so cynical, I was an intellectual, a professional what was I going to get from hanging around with a group of mummies into knitting and baking? How wrong I was!! In fact I met a lot of people just like me - most had just had their first baby, most didn't have families close by to support and we became an extended family. I am sure you will find other women having their first babies away from their own mum's who know exactly what you are going through.

 

I think it will get easier even if there isn't a way forward for a return to the UK. At the end of the day your daughter matters more than anything and wherever she is you will find happiness.

[Quoll]

Oh sweetie, have some (((hugs)))

 

DO NOT GIVE UP! There will be a way through this no matter how awful it looks at the moment. I take it you have researched all other possible avenues of his ancestry? No UK born grandparent for an ancestry visa? No European ancestor for an EU passport by descent anywhere? Have you looked at the Surrinder Singh process? It takes longer and involves a European stepping stone (could be Ireland) to getting a permit. Failing that keep taking the lottery and win the jackpot (joke!)

[ewok4314]

Hi, my situation is fairly similar & equally depressing. Moved here in 2008 with my Australian partner & child, we've since had another child & despite making a huge effort to settle here as well as making lots of new friends, my homesickness has caused many problems particularly the breakdown of our relationship last year. We're slowly working things out & I'm hoping we will move back to the UK by the end of this year but like you unless the rules change I don't really know how that will happen. I've been a stay home mum for almost 6 years & will not be able to meet the new financial requirements of his visa, it just seems so unfair. I recently read there is to be a court case regarding this whole issue in early March & they are even putting spousal visas on hold at the moment that don't meet the financial requirement until the ruling takes place which sounds promising. Crossing my fingers & toes it will get changed for the better for us both!

[Sarahelle]

Thanks so much for your support and lovely messages ladies, it's good to know there are others who feel the same way.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your situation Ewok. I have read about the applications being put on hold too, I'm hoping for something positive to come out of it because I know this ruling has split an awful lot of families up - it just seems so unfair and ridiculous to expect the Brit partner to live and work in the UK for 6 months as well as having the set income, and us being stay at home mums means it's impossible as we'd have to work full time to earn that. Let's hope and pray something good comes out of it.

 

We've looked into the ancestry line but there's nothing doing and the thing is that DF actually had IRL but because we haven't been able to make it back the the UK since 2011, it has expired which is extremely frustrating! How I wish he had applied for citizenship but I don't think at the time he thought that he would want to go back to live there. I've read that they won't renew it unless you can prove a strong link to the UK but that being married to a British citizen, having children and even owning property there won't cut it. If they aren't strong enough ties, I'd like to know exactly what are.

 

I won't give up, there has to be some way. We've given ourselves 3 more years here which I know seems like a long time, but if we're going to be working on a way back home, it'll be totally worth it. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you too Ewok

[Guest Guest55385]

Sarah,

 

I totally understand about the existing bit. I have no life because we have no money. I get up in the morning and we get through the day by exisiting, nothing more or less.

 

I don't understand about the red tape because I guess that doesn't affect us, but I'm wondering if returning home for 3 months just you and your DD would help?

 

Em

[Sarahelle]

I'm sorry you're feeling like this too. I can relate as part of my problem is money related - we got ourselves into a bit of trouble when we first came here and we're still paying for it, it doesn't help that I'm on maternity leave atm and can't quite figure out if it's worth the money to go back to work due to day care, travel costs etc. I'd love to go home for a bit, but again, we just can't afford it.

 

As much as my DF says he'd like to go back to Britain and if we work out how to get there, I worry that he's going to get homesick and miss his family - as you would quite rightly expect - and we'll spend our whole lives ping ponging back and forth which would cause another problem as I'd be more than happy to visit, but I think once I leave Oz I won't want to live here again.