Some useful Q & A's

[Guest davy]

An old one but a good one!

Below is a list of Q&A.......hopefully they should be of some help to all those people thinking of emigrating......they are real questions asked by real people......not so sure about the answers though

 

Q, Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK)

A, We import plants fully grown, then just sit around watching them die

 

Q, Will i be able to see Kangaroos in the street? (usa)

A, Depends how much you have been drinking

 

Q, I want to walk from Perth to Sydney, will i be able to follow the rail road tracks? (Sweden)

A, Sure, its only 3000 miles, take lots of water

 

Q, Is it safe to run around the bushes in Australia? (sweden)

A, So its true what they say about the swedes.

 

Q, Are there any ATM cash machines in Australia, can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

A, What did your last slave die of

 

Q, Can you give me some information on Hippo Racing in Australia (usa)

A, A-FRI-CA is the big triangle shaped continent south of europe, AU-STRA-LIA is that big island in the Pacific ocean which does not........Oh forget it, sure, the Hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, come naked.

 

Q, Which direction is north in Australia? (usa)

A, Face south, then turn 180 degrees, contact us when you get here and we will send you the rest of the directions.

 

Q, can i bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A, Why? just use your fingers like we do.

 

Q, Can you send me the vienna Boys choir schedule (usa)

A, AU-STR-IA is that quaint little country bordering GER-MA-NY which is.....oh forget it, sure, the Vienna Boys choir plays every tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the Hippo Racing, come naked

 

Q, can i wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

A, you are a British politician, right?

 

Q, are there supermarkets in Sydney, and is milk available all year round?(germany)

A, no, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunters/gatherers, milk is illegal.

 

Q, Please send a list of doctors that can dispense rattlesnake serum. (usa)

A, Rattlesnakes come from AM-ERI-CA which is where YOU come from, all Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

 

Q, I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but i forgot its name, its a kind of bear that lives in trees (usa)

A, Its called a drop bear, they are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone underneath them, you can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go for a walk.

 

Q, Do you have perfume in Australia? (france)

A, No, we DONT stink

 

Q, I have developed a significant product, its called the fountain of youth, can you please advise where i can sell it in Australia.

A, Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

 

Q, Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female populaton is smaller than the male population (italy)

A, Yes, gay nightclubs.

 

Q, Do you celebrate christmas in Australia? (france)

A, Only at christmas.

 

Q, I was in Australia on R&R in 1969 and i want to contact the girl i dated while i was staying in Kings Cross, can you help? (usa)

A, Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

 

Q, Will i be able to speak English most places i go? (usa)

A, Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

[Guest Firefly]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: you have been out in that sunshine too much Davy!

 

Karen

[Guest andy&marie]

davy please post some more q&a coz our brains are scrambled and you have just made us laugh so much :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[The Broughtons]

Oh our sides are aching. I think I may have wet myself laughing - we haven't laughed so much in a while. Thank you so much and please keep 'em coming.

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: