Moving to Brisbane - Excited but my mother is very frosty with me :-(

[Guest Scarlett10]

I remember the weeks before we emigrated very well. I had three children under three and they were my mothers only grandchildren. It was a hard enough decision to emigrate...but made so much worse by Mum who was so upset.

She made her feelings very clear about how devastated she was going to be....but I just listened to everything that she said (and also ignored the silences as well) as I knew that she was finding it hard to imagine us gone.

She would not come to the Airport (good, in essence - that would have killed us all), but did manage to stand out the front of her house as we drove past and wave.

I think I cried to Melbourne.

Anyway - now for the positives....she came out to see us 6 months later and stayed for a month...and she did this every year for the 10 years we were there. She loved her Aussie holiday and would take the kids to school, help them with their homework and do the shopping, cook tea etc. She wanted to maximise 'normal everyday life' with us.

She learned how to Skype and would skype at least 2x per week for an hour. It all worked out so well.

We came back to the UK last year....and now I might see Mum for 1 hour every 3-4 weeks. We do not phone as much either (as we are both in the same country). She has a holiday home on the south coast and spends a lot of time there.

I saw so much of Mum when we were in Aus (espec when she lived with us for a month at a time) - now we are back - she is more a stranger.

This is why I think your situation will change. Your Mother is going through the grieving process and needs the time to do so. It is like when 2 people divorce - one grieves before as they know that they are leaving and are stressed at how they will do so, the hurt they will cause etc. The other person is usually unaware, so grieves afterwards for that loss. The person who left - by this stage has moved on in the grief process.

No matter how hard - keep letting your Mum know that you all love her and will not be lost - she will come round

[poochibabes]

hi everyone just wanted to give you an update. Well my mum finally came around a few days before we were leaving. Since then we have been in contact a heck of a lot since our arrival in Brisbane (mainly by email but also a couple of phonecalls). I've been sending her lots of pictures so she can see how lovely it is here and she was really positive about things.

 

So finally she did come round before me leaving. She is also buying a webcam and is going to get herself set up on skype very soon.

 

Funny how things change - thank you so much for the advice everyone. I did keep my cool with her and didn't lose my temper (even though i really wanted to at times!) and it certainly helped keep the situation calm.

 

Will keep you all posted on how our journey in brisbane goes xxx