ExpatAbroad94

I’m Irish living in Australia, engaged to an Australian man who I adore. He made it clear that living in Australia was where he wanted to be which is also what I wanted when we started going out. My lifestyle is definitely better here but I am extremely close to my family and I go through bouts of homesickness. We are due to get married next year and we are talking about buying our longer term home and it’s stirred up feelings and difficult conversations that I didn’t realise I had buried. Obviously we have discussed this before, but I feel now my subconscious feelings that I wasn’t admitting are coming to the surface. I really want to live in Ireland for a period if we have children. He is an only child and cites that his parents want their chance at being near grandchildren so it wouldn’t be fair for us to move away. I have three siblings, so the logic is my parents at home will get other opportunities, which is upsetting to me because it won’t be my children. We came to a compromise they we would live in Ireland for one year. My partner however has made it clear that he doesn’t want to live there longer term. My job and career and everything would be better here, but I fear that once I have children my pull to family will be even stronger. I’m struggling with the finality or the option of living there not being even an option. He feels like he has been cheated and the goal posts moved because I agreed to living here, which I can understand. But I guess now I feel a bit different, or might feel different in the future. After a year a home, I may hate it, I may love it, but I suppose the hard thing is it won’t be a trial it will be a temporary thing with a definite move back to Australia. I feel like I’m left with a terrible choice, stay with the man I love and envisioned a future with and be maybe homesick, with potential to get worse in the future, or cut it loose now before it gets complicated with children etc, but risk moving home and being miserable and alone and being filled with regret: I don’t know that I want him to move and be miserable either, which I think he thinks is what the outcome would be if he lived there/ He wants to do whatever he can for me, but feels like he can’t leave his parents here with no support. There has to be a loser in the situation and the compromise he feels is we live there for a year but I don’t feel totally satisfied with that, because ultimately I still feel like I have to sacrifice a lot more. But then again, I was the one who lived in Australia and thought I wanted to live here. It’s also a hard sell in terms of financials, weather, lifestyles and career goals, because the only benefit is my family and a larger support system. He has a step sibling who he doesn’t get on with and who doesn’t have children. Obviously my head says stay but my heart doesn’t know because it’s like choosing between the family I already have and the family I’m trying to build. It’s like I’m waiting for the moment for it to all become clear but it hasn’t happened. I know nobody can decide but me but any advice from people who have been through something similar would be appreciated and how you have navigated it. I wasn’t trying to move the goal post, I guess as time has gone on, my feelings are just changing. And that’s the hard part, everything is based on maybes and hypotheticals. Please be gentle, I’m homesick and torn!