Trinny

Hi there I completely agree with macguyvers comments and I am also going through something similar. I came back to the UK on my own in November after a divorce and 21 years away (11 in NZ and 10 in Australia) and am finding it quite challenging to adjust to life back here after so long away. I choose to move to Edinburgh rather than Glasgow (where I originally left) for somewhere different and new and also work opportunities. What I would say is that, whilst I expected to have to create a new life for myself moving back after so long, I have found that after lots of “catch ups” with old friends, subsequent suggestions (from me) to meet for lunch or another time have fallen on deaf ears and none of them are really very interested in what I’ve been up to over 20 years (even the person who was my best friend before I left and former bridesmaid). Initially I found this a bit surprising and hurtful, however have now realised it’s not personal, their lives have moved on and - like many others say on here - I need to treat being back here like moving afresh to a new country. so my new philosophy in April was to get out there and to join 5 meetup groups of things I am interested in and go to them regularly to get to know people. Regardless of whether the event is something I’m dead into or not, I go along to the same groups regularly (usually at least one meetup event a week) as I think this is the only way to get to know people & make new friends. One of the better type events one of my meetups runs are pub quizzes which are great as you are focussed on the activity rather than only trying to make polite small talk with strangers. I’ve also found that volunteers are sometimes needed to Marshall or help at specific events and I’m just about to start my training for volunteering at the Edinburgh festival in August. i think regardless of whether you move somewhere new or not, you will really need to put yourself out there - join a gym class and go regularly; join a mother’s group, look at meetup groups in your area (also try citysocialiser etc) - if you want to make new friends. Also put some things in the calendar to look forward to - mini break with hubby and get extended family to babysit, schedule some calls with your old friends etc i am expecting the process of re-settling to take me at least a year before I feel less lonely and more in a routine, so I think you need to give yourself a bit more time to adjust. It is really hard - in amongst day to day living to force yourself out to events at times - but think it is the only way to go. Go easy on yourself

Thanks all for the advice. I’ve just returned from a short break in the UK which was highly productive - met with several recruiters - and whilst the Glasgow / Edinburgh job market is not the same size as Sydney they were pretty positive and one recruiter even had a role I’ve thrown my hat into the ring for & should make the candidate shortlist for. Also met with 3 old friends and spent a lot of time with family - all of which was great. I’ve know got clarity as to what I need to do ..after arriving back at my unit and bursting into tears at being back, going home, giving it a go and renting out my unit is the answer for me. Just now to hand in my notice at work and get my affairs put in order. thanks everyone for the advice as it was helped enormously

Can I ask why you think I’d be mad not to go back ? I’m constantly going round in circles trying to figure out what to do so interesting you think it’s so clear - although must admit I’ve been thinking on and off about returning home for at least a year. I feel a bit foolish for having bought my unit now but 6 months ago when I made the offer it felt right.

Thanks for the advice. The main concern is finding a decent job. I am not sure how that would be given the Scottish job market is quite small. When I go back soon for a couple of weeks break I have a few meetings lined up with recruiters to get my cv reviewed and talk about the job market. The ideal would be to try and get something lined up in advance to go to but not sure how realistic this is

I am stuck in a rut and looking for others’ opinions. I left the UK in 1998 (in my mid 20s) and have lived in both New Zealand (11 years) and Sydney (9 years & currently). After 3.5 years in NZ I met my kiwi ex-husband and we got married 2 years later. Over the years we grew apart and became very different people and we separated 18 months ago after 15.5 years together (currently divorcing). I have no regrets about leaving the marriage but am now finding it terribly difficult being stuck overseas on my own. My husband and I had no kids and hung out extensively either on our own or with our couples. All my immediate family, which is fairly large, are based in Scotland and since separating I have gone back every 6 months to visit. I am still in touch with a couple of old, good friends in the UK and New Zealand. I do have a few friends in Sydney but they are mainly coupled and not really very close friends (I only came to Sydney in late 30s). I bought a unit in Sydney 3 months ago with my equity (relatively low home loan) which I thought would help me move on, but as time goes on I feel more alone & isolated with no solid support system. My UK based family and old friends have been very supportive & understanding, and I’m going over for a couple of weeks shortly, but I can’t help feeling more & more homesick and isolated as time goes on. I had a health scare 6 years ago and was very sick, and whilst on amicable terms with my ex-hubs who is currently also still in Sydney, am not sure what would I would do on my own in this circumstance. I’m in a fortunate position in that I have both Australian, NZ and British citizenship, have no ties really and am a qualified accountant with a fairly senior role. I could rent my unit out and would only need to contribute around $7,000 a year to cover strata fees & insurance or could refinance to make it fully cashflow positive. So my interest is really to hear from others’ who have perhaps been in this situation. I am seriously thinking of returning home to the UK as either way I have to start over & build a new life for myself. However I am very aware that I have no UK work experience for the last 20+ years and am 46 now - the whole getting a decent job piece, is probably what scares me the most. Also credit ratings and the like sounds problematic. However with both my parents in their early 70s and as they get older unable to travel as much, it feels like this would be the right time to do it as I truly feel at a crossroads in my life and am increasingly feeling that I no longer really know my UK family and 4 nieces & nephews who have been born since I left. (I should also add that I had been feeling quite isolated from my family for a number of years, even before leaving my husband)