writergirl74

Hey Banana707.... I just messaged you. Hope you don't mind. My situation is similar to yours.

I feel your pain OP. I've been in Sydney for about a year. I met my boyfriend on holiday in South America and then came to visit him in Sydney and we decided to make a go of it and I moved here. He's English but has been here 20 years or so. I have been so homesick and it's really affected our relationship. I am definitely a less fun/balanced person here than in London where I have loads of friends, family etc. and having no one but him puts the pressure on. I love the outdoors though but that alone doesn't make me love it here.

I've done the usual stuff to meet people - joined a sports club (great), gym (not met anyone there) and hiking meet up groups (not bad) but still have zero real friends, just casual acquaintances. There's no one I could call to go for a beer with tonight. I find I am drawn to other Brits who just moved here but there are all 20-somethings and I'm 40. And the 20-somethings tend to leave anyway. 40-somethings tend to have kids in tow. And my boyfriend's friends...well, I have nothing in common with most of them (they seem to just like drinking and watching other people play sport). I feel like I have made a big effort initially but eventually the constant small-talk making just gets too much.

So, the plan is we return to the UK in a year. I feel like I'm making my boyfriend move although there are lots of positives to him moving back - family etc. I still have my flat in London and as a freelancer my job hasn't changed the whole time (it's just harder from here due to the time difference). We rent here and it seems like chucking (a lot of) money away and everything else is expensive too (I earn pounds). Anyway I have just been to London for two months and it was awesome, it made me realise what I gave up to live here and how the trade off (all the people I love vs nice weather and beaches) isn't worth it.

I have been back a week and still sure I want to go back to London... I just need to figure out how to survive the next 12 months. I've decided to do one thing each week to try and meet people/turn acquaintances into friends and really put myself out there. So if anyone in Sydney fancies a drink, I'm up for it.

I realise my situation isn't quite the same as you OP with a proper Aussie partner and baby but I get how you're feeling. Sorry for rambling on your thread....

Thanks for the reply.

Interesting.  I'll double check. Yes I have a bank account and address here.

Hi. I'm currently on a bridging visa while my partner visa application is assessed. I am going back to the UK for a couple of months and looking for travel insurance in case of travel issues, falling ill  on the plane,  anything that might happen on the layover etc. But to get  a mainstream travel insurance policy I need to be AU resident - which I am not. UK policies require the trip to start from the UK. I've seen a couple of AU companies that will cover non residents but they're expensive  (about $200 for a single trip basic policy). Any ideas of cheap travel insurance for a non resident? Thanks.

Hi Sarah

I'd be up for a drink and a chat. I've been here a year and live in Bondi. Shout if you fancy a coffee/beer.

Hi Helen... I could have written the title of your post  - I am also 43, female, new to Sydney and missing my friends. I moved here to live with my boyfriend who already has lots of friends - but mostly sport-watching blokes. Shout if you fancy a glass of wine and a chat sometime. I'm in Bondi.

14 hours ago, Collie said:

Ok, so you love the location and love him and the relationship.  Your issue seems to be that you miss having a social circle to do stuff with (independent of your partner).  This is important and you need to have a life outside/independent of the relationship or else the pressure of being in each others pockets will become suffocating.

Yes, this is exactly it.

I met up with some fellow writer types I connected with via FB last night which was nice so hopefully I'll see them again. It made me think it was definitely possible to make a social life here and that other newbies feel the same. And I'm off to the cinema with a tennis friend tonight.

Our relationship definitely isn't suffocating but I am kind of jealous that he can ring his best mate for a drink and I can't (my own best mate I mean, I could probably call his...). His whole life is here which makes it a bit unbalanced and different to couples who moved here together.

@BritChickx - sorry things didn't work out for you but it's always best to try these things rather than spend your whole life wondering what if... I'm also on a bridging visa, waiting for a partner visa. The whole visa thing is pretty stressful - I've just paid for a bridging visa B so I can go to the UK in June. Needing a visa to leave/return doesn't help with feeling a bit isolated here.

Thanks for all your replies. Some interesting points....

To address a few:

16 hours ago, Quoll said:

Married an Aussie, ended up in Australia via PNG and UK.  Sometimes you go through life and have to be content with the least worst option (life in Aus with him was less worse than life in UK without him).  

Hopefully I wouldn't have to choose between my man and country. He vaguely talks about returning to the UK one day and has a big family there.

15 hours ago, simmo said:

After London, anywhere will feel boring so why bother even thinking about staying.

I'm not bored - I love the beaches and hiking  here and Sydney's a great city. Any boredom is from not really having anyone but my BF to do stuff with and not having anyone else I feel close to in any way.

14 hours ago, snifter said:

I'm firmly in the camp of moving because of a relationship is usually not a great plan. You need to want to migrate also, to love or at least really like where you will be living and to be able to build from that foundation. If you don't have that connection or liking for a place, being the person that moved to the new country can be incredibly hard going and chances of settling well and being happy isn't great. 

You might be right but I'd been to Oz 3/4 times before I met my BF and knew I liked the country. I really don't know how people move to places completely different to home or with a different language.

14 hours ago, snifter said:

My boyfriend (now husband) moved to the UK to be with me but we had been in a relationship for a few years by that point and had both spent extended periods of time in each other's countries

Sounds like a good plan but it would have been tricky to keep a relationship going with one of us in the UK and one in Australia. We wouldn't have seen each other much and one or both of us would have always been on holiday. I'm not sure a LDR would have meant getting to know each other any better by the time came to move IYSWIM. I don't regret moving at all but it's harder than I anticipated. In the UK I was single a lot and so had a lot of friends - here it's the opposite and I miss having friends and spending time with different people.

Everyone has said I need to talk to my partner and I think that's key so going to give it a go and see what he says. Thanks for all the advice.

Cheers for the reply.

We don't want kids (and also too old) so that makes things a lot simpler than for many couples. We signed a two-year lease on a flat in Sydney, up next August so in my head I am committed until then albeit with another trip back to the UK before then (after my June trip).

The trouble with work is I love my job and don't want to change. It gives me the flexibility to do so many things (including moving to Oz, obviously). I'd find it hard to do a 9-5 job in any location now. I am still paying tax in the UK and think I probably need to find out what I should be doing - i.e. pay tax in Oz - but that will have knock on effects on National Insurance etc which I need to keep going in the UK to get the state pension. I'd need to change my mortgage to BTL to rent my flat out properly but that would be virtually impossible as a freelancing expat and to be honest, I don't want to. So, I guess I am just leaving my life in the UK ready for my return.

I've joined a tennis club and made a few friends there but no one close and mostly just playing tennis rather than moving on the friendships to doing other stuff at other times. It seems easier to bond with other Brits but most of them at tennis are much younger than me while the 40-somethings seem much more settled in friendship groups. My boyfriend's friends are mostly sport watching drinker types  - I am not (most women are not!?). I've done a few hiking Meetups and met some people that way but no one I've really gelled with.

My boyfriend must realise I'm homesick but we haven't really discussed it - only when I was ill and pissed off and wanted to go home. I'm ok now but it was a couple of trips to hospital and talk of an op that made my realise I only have one person in this country that cares about me and then when he fell short a bit and we argued, I felt really alone. God knows how I would cope if I was seriously ill.

I think my plan is to see how I feel when I am in the UK in June and then, mentally, give it another year here. I just can't see it as forever but when people (both here and UK) assume that, it freaks me out.

Hey... my first post so be gentle with me.

I met my partner on holiday about 18 months ago. He's English but lives in Sydney, has citizenship, been here ages etc. I lived in London. So I came to Sydney for a visit and it went well so moved here last June. We're in the process of applying for a partner visa but my heart's just not in it...

I miss London too much, friends, family, the usual. I freelance so still doing the same job as before, paying UK tax, and I've kept my flat in London with a lodger in the spare room - leaving my room for me when I visit. So I haven't fully committed to life in Oz and the door's open... Making friends is tough despite trying sports clubs, meetups etc. And to be honest I just like my friends at home, at 42 it's hard starting again with zero friends and no history with the people I do meet. I liked my old life, there was nothing wrong with it (apart from terminal singledom and bad dates).

And it's all so expensive here even though my boyfriend contributes more than I do. So all the usual moans about Australia. Obviously the weather, beach, outdoors life is great and I love all that stuff.

So, how long do you give it? I am going back to London for two months in June and I honestly can't wait. I think my boyfriend's open to the idea of moving to the UK (his family are all still there) but we haven't discussed it really (or my homesickness) and I feel I'd then be responsible for his happiness there. I can't help but thinking men are happy to have a mate to go to the match with but women need deeper friendships? I think in an ideal world I'd do 6 months in each place each year but has anyone made that work practically? And it wouldn't work with my boyfriend's job either. I am not sure what advice I am looking for, I think I just needed to put it down on paper somewhere. But any advice from people who moved to be with an already settled partner might help.