Jemvin

I’m in EXACTLY the same boat! Moved back in June as wanted to come home and be near family. Hubby hates it complains about everything the uk is. Financially he is stressed as we are much less off over here. I’m now starting to feel the stress and wonder if aus is better for our child. But my heart doesn’t want to leave. I don’t know what is going to happen and it’s extrem stressful so I totally know what you are going through 

On 08/12/2019 at 05:54, samt4 said:

Hi everyone,

I’m a 31 year old female from England and have been living in Brisbane for 8 months now, whilst awaiting a decision on my partner visa. I have been dating my boyfriend for just over 2 years now, after meeting him right at the end of my working holiday visa. After a couple of long stints apart (me in the UK, him in Oz), we have been living together in Australia for 8 months now. However it feels completely different from my working visa, because I know it could be permanent. 

I am missing home a lot, mostly feeling disconnected from my family and friends but just as strongly missing the English countryside and London. I had both on my doorstep back home and I’m missing my countryside walks, as well as the culture/ history/ excitement of London. I don’t know if I’m looking at the UK with rose tinted glasses or whether I will feel like this permantely.

I realise that 8 months is not long enough to really know, and plan to give it 2 years at least to see how I feel after that, however I feel like if I was to have children (this is something I really want and preferably no later then 35 ish, so not much time left!), then I would want to go straight home to where I have support from my own family, am familiar/ comfortable with my surroundings and for my kids to have a British childhood. This is hard for me as I love the lifestyle in OZ and think its great you can get outdoors and active with your kids, but how much good will that be if I feel depressed about being here away from everyone I know?

I am undecided on the difference of raising kids in the UK vs Australia- if any parents have any views or advice on this I’d love to know! I’ve read a lot of posts already and views are mixed. I guess both countries have good education systems and pluses and minuses, etc so I guess it’s where the parents will feel happiest?

Ok I rambled in that topic for a while- what I am really feeling is that I will still feel like in wont want to be here in say 2 years time and I am struggling as my partner has his whole life here and I guess more to give up. He works in business/ property and has plans to develop some land, which is basically his life’s dream and he has all these long term plans for the future which would mean we would have to stay here.

He said that it’s the only thing from holding him back and that if it wasn’t for his work/ re development plans he would already be living in the UK. But he did say he would give everything up if necessary. Thing is how could I ever ask him to do such a thing?! And he says he likes the UK but I know he also loves the sunshine and blue sky (which we don’t get much of in the UK) and he gets kinda miserable when its cloudy. I also think he would find it hard to adjust to the UK (more people, the mindset of the people there, the weather, far from family). I’m not sure he realises how tough it is to move and I would feel horrible to make him give up all that he’s worked for over the past 10 years or so, building his business/ plans up from scratch.

Do I sacrifice my happiness for him? Or does he do the same for me? I’m worried that I’m getting older and I would like to start a family within the next few years but our living arrangements might alter that and I do not want to wait until im in my late 30’s to start having kids (especially if I want more than 1!). My partner is not even thinking about proposing, let alone kids but I feel like we need to think about this as I would like to settle somewhere first (and soon).

I have spoken to him about all of this and he feels bad that I’m having a hard time adjusting but realistically there’s not much he can do. I feel a bit up and down, sometimes depressed when he works a lot, as I am on my own otherwise. I have job from home and have made no friends, so I feel bored and isolated here. There’s not a huge amount to do in Brisbane it seems. Everything is at least an hours drive away which is too far. I’m a bit sick of going into the city, with about 2 shops I actually buy clothes from, and going for the occasionally walk in the bush- I miss the culture and pretty villages of the UK.

Thing is it’s like I don’t want to make friends, I have no energy to put on that smiley face and get out there. I know it will help me but its like I don’t want to try because I don’t want to settle here in my heart. I realise there’s lots of things could be doing such as joining social clubs, sports groups etc but I can’t bring myself to do those things just now. I feel detached from my family, even though I’m probably messaging them more than I would normally do if I was back home. It’s like I’m not part of my family anymore. I miss everything about home and it is really where I would like to raise kids, to be able to see my sisters children if they eventually have them. But then someone is going to have to give up their whole life- how do you decide who?! Could I live with the guilt if I asked my partner to move to the UK?

If anyone ese has had this struggle and come out the other side- or who has moved back home, then I would love to here your thoughts and advice! Sorry for the long post!

I felt a real need to reply when I saw this post as it’s veey similar to what was my situation. I was 23 when I moved to Aus for my partner. I always told him I’d want to go home one day, and he said he would. We had a lovely house. He had a good job in new housing like yours and earned good money. We had a son years later and I had very bad post natal depression I was so home sick I didn’t have any help or family. A few years I stuck it out and this year we moved back. My partner didn’t really want too. Although he always said he would. H wasn’t happy about it and He hasn’t stopped complaining about the county the lack of income the rent the old houses. How he can’t achive his goals etc. He can’t get a job anhthing like what he had there or that pays like that in sales. I am your age now and we are really struggling. I know it’s harsh to say but one of you either way will always be unhappy or homesick. If there’s any issues or warning sighs on your relationship run now. Because you’ll end up in a very bad situation. Especially when kids are involved. And if you have any there you may get stuck there. I really hope for your sake it works out. It took me Untill the 7 year mark untill aus felt like another home to me. And it took having kids to make my own friends. Also to get a partner visa for the uk was hard and we had to have a lot of money. So make sure you look into that aswell. I’m here if you have any other questions. Make sure you have a good honest chat to your partner about the options and the reality of living in the uk and his real job options and income/ expense of living. 

Also if you really feel this way maybe come back for a trial for a few months. Holiday vs living here are also different. 

Tbh he was bad there too and I really thought a change from work stress and having family support here would be a good thing. I guess I was naive. I think he has ocd but he doesn’t wanna hear it.  He things he is “ perfect” He will check and comment on how the is car is parked, how things are put and done etc. The seasonal thing wouldn’t surprise me either. 

Moved back to uk 6 months ago now with partner and young son. After 9 years in Aus I wanted to be closer to my family. Which I really like. Although we had some family issues and my parents health isn’t the best and they barley leave the house part of me feel content and at home. But... partner hates it here he left a good house and job for a huge downgrade and pay cut and I do understand that. Part of me misses it too. My main issue is his behaviour he isn’t just miserable he is horrible his mood his behaviour is wearing thin on me I’d say he can be quite mentally abusive and mean. and I don’t know what to do. Financially I feel stuck but how can I leave when he came here for me. How could I let me sons Dad go back to Aus leaving us here? But if I go back I feel ill be stuck there forver or I’ll end up there alone. I don’t know what I’m posting this as I know it’s my own problwm I just don’t feel I can be honest about this with my family and friends. I just feel completely stuck and stressed! 

9 minutes ago, starlight7 said:

People say that money doesn’t bring happiness but lack of it doesn’t, either - especially if you are used to having a bit more. Would you be able to return to Australia easily or would it be a big hassle ? Maybe have a bit of a browse of realestate.com.au to keep abreast of housing costs to see how realistic it would be.

Thanks, we didn’t sell our house just incase and I got my citizenship so going back wouldn’t be trouble but then I would feel guilty to leave my mum and brother again Suppose we can’t win. 

Everyones responses have definitely helped. We will see through the winter and take each day for now 

What did you end up doing? I’did Things get better? 

On 26/06/2019 at 15:53, Ema said:

Thanks Trinny, it’s great when you feel understood. Since being back I’ve joined a netball team and go to a regular yoga class. I’ve signed up to start a masters degree in September so I’m moving forward and feeling better about my new life here. It’s been a difficult 8 months but I’m getting there. Thanks again. I’ll look at joining some other clubs. It’s hard as hubby works away and I have two young girls but I’ll figure it out. Thanks again  xxx

How are you getting on Emma? I feel a little in the same boat as you but more so my hubby but I know it’s normal to feel this way. Have things improved? 

1 hour ago, Chortlepuss said:

I’m from the south of England - I love it, I really do. But if I was young with kids and looking for work life balance, I’d go North unless I absolutely had to be based down south for work. In the UK at the moment as a tourist - Newcastle and Leeds have struck me as fabulous places which are liveable with a short commute and relatively manageable house prices/rents. Hear great things about Scotland - even my mate working in Edinburgh commutes to work in half an hour and doesn’t earn a fortune. Yet she’s an hour away on a flight to Gatwick! I’d explore your options closer to home before throwing in the towel. You want to be sure of your decision- ping ponging is jolly expensive!

Thanks maybe I should have a look into this 

9 hours ago, Marisawright said:

This doesn’t quite make sense. The alternative is to move back to Australia where she won’t be able to help with childcare either. 

Ah in Australia I could look after my son because my hubby was eating a high wage 

Appreciate the advice of moving but I  don’t think with my family circumstances it would really work out for us moving somewhere else here.esiaxilat as my Mum helps with childcare,  Another thing really pushing hubby atm is how much everything is costing us vs such a low income compared to what he has before. Argh 

Thank you both! My only worry about relocating is more isolation. Closer to city’s for jobs is also more expensive housing. Everywhere with in an hour seems same rent prices and I don’t like the idea of going up north or somewhere as defeats the purpose of retuning to uk 

feeling confused.... which I’m sure is totally normal. Myself (British) and my Aussie partner and 3 yr old son moved back in June. Mostly because I have struggled missing family etc didn’t want to have another child far away after having terrible post natal problems. and felt like it was best to do it before staring school etc, my partner was never keen but always said he would. Also my dads health hasn’t been great so I never wanted to have regrets. But he is also an alcoholic, we stayed with my parents to start before we could find somewhere to live. But my meant to be sober father was drinking and turns nasty on us and gave us no choice to leave, after 6 weeks of living with friends we are now in a rental. Quite small, old £1000 a month in rent. My partner selling cars and with no experience but couldn’t find s job in home sales which is what he done in Aus earning a high income. We are feeling stressed and missing our home in Aus. I know it’s early days but it hasn’t gone how Imagined at all. I don’t want to give up so easily and the thought of possible being stuck in Aus does scare me too. I know my partner would fly home tomorrow if he could and he is constantly complaining about everything daily which is also taking its toll on me. Sorry for the rant I guess I’m seeking some kind of reassurance or stories  from others 

I totoally understand I was the same and me my partner and 3yo came back to the uk in June, after a month of feeling like being on holidays then a month of family drama and having to move in with a friend, now in a rental with boxes everywhere. I feel confused. I love seeing my friends and family but I do miss our home in  Syd. My partner is not happy here and is constantly sighing and in a bad mood, esp on about how much less he is earning.  I know we have to give it a good go here, my son has started an amazing pre school and I don’t want to give up easily and then be stuck in oz forever?? but I am very confused! 

Help... just seen this post and I’ve just sent my cube or uk and flynon Wednesday.... did I need to do this form, what happenes if you don’t? Seven seas didn’t ask or tell me about it??? 

Thanks

Wow thanks for the info 

On 16/05/2019 at 11:44, Sarahelle said:

Thanks so much for your help Marisawright - I'll definitely be looking into it.  We've played around with figures before but we're definitely set on trying to get back to UK.  Luckily my husband is homesick for the UK too (he lived there nearly ten years) so he's willing which is half the battle. 

Jemvin: Apologies for hijacking your thread :o.  No, no UK/European grandparents unfortunately - only great grandparents.  The annoying thing is my husband had ILR but didn't bother getting a passport as we assumed we could do defacto then all the rules changed.   I cannot tell you how much we regret that lol. 

No worries at all! I wish you the best of luck I know how you feel! 

Do your Aussie partners that come over use their aus licence and how do they go when getting insurance are they charged a higher rate for not being on a uk one? Any info would be great thanks 

We’ve booked a move cube with seven seas can anyone help it that insurance is good or if we need to take out any other cover?? Thanks 

Did she have any British grandparents etc can he be eligible for a visa?  Can you go over to work first to sponsor him? 

Sure,  as in visa wise?? We applied for a spouse visa eligible under the savings category 

Thanks everyone that’s what we were thinking! I think we are gonna go for a move cube and just buy new furniture as most of what we have here wouldn’t be suitable anyway. I just hope we manage to sell most of it 

So we got approved which means we are coming home, me my Australia. Partner and our 3yr old son. We’ve got 3 months to sort everything out, we will be renting our house out here. First time I’ve ever moved properly let alone across the globe! I came to Aus with a backpack! Any advice would be greatly appreciated to those that have already done it!  

From date of appointment to date of text to collect was 12 weeks. When collecting we had a letter of approval. But they stuffed up with our intended travel date and has only allocated my partner a month from now to go to the uk so we’ve had to send passport back to uk hoping they will fix it! So make sure you check you passport when collecting! 

Thanks! Oh I hope so!!! 

So hubby got a text to say his prosessed visa application was ready to collect in Sydney ( from uk) we know we are waiting to collect his passport but does this mean we could have an answer too? Or do they email it? Eeeeek!