Daffodil

Hi Everyone Just thought I'd give an update on my situation - i wrote in a few months ago about wanting to move back to Wales but my husband refused to make the move. I was in a really bad headspace with home sickness and became so fixated on the desire to move back that I couldn't appreciate the positives in any aspects of my life here on the Gold Coast. I knew I couldn't keep living like this so I need to take control of my life and do something about it. So I went on a solo trip to Wales at the end of Dec for 3 weeks and it was the best thing I could have done. I've only recently returned and I already feel a lot better about my life. In a nutshell, I have decided that I am going to stay here in Australia. I still would absolutely love to live in Wales and would move in a heartbeat if my husband was willing. But the reality of my situation is that he doesn't want to move and with 2 very young children to consider I simply cannot take them away from their dad and move them to the other side of the world. I don't want to split up with my husband either. So while I still have that strong pull to Wales, my kids are more important and their needs/happiness have to come before mine and destroying my family and uprooting them is not the best option for anyone. It stings and hurts to fully accept that the shipped has sailed on my opportunity to move. I loved everything about home - my parents, family, best friends, the weather (believe it or not!), the culture, the pubs, the coastal paths, the friendly locals, the close proximity to everywhere, the cuteness of the community etc. But I do recognise that as I have been living in Australia for 14 years I probably don't fit in as much I had romanticised in my head. I've changed and so has my family and friends to some extent so I think me moving back and trying to make a new life for myself would be incredibly hard, especially as my parents are so much older now. So back here in Australia with a clearer head and a bit of help from a psychologist, I can see things in a better light now. There are so many fabulous things about my lifestyle here that are in a different league to what I'd have in Wales. I certainly don't 'love' it here. I really like it though. I know that with a better mind set and some changes that I need to make, I can definitely make a real go of things here once and for all. It's not going to happen over night so will be a work in progress! I don't really have a choice. I have to accept that moving back isn't going to happen and it's not the end of the world. My husband is so supportive of my Wales woes and always reminds me that I have the best of both worlds - I am a Aussie girl and also a Welsh girl and have the pleasure of being able to live in one country, and visit the other as many times as I like to get my Welsh fix whenever the crippling homesickness monster rears its ugly head. I will still continue to have a visit home each year, or two visits if need be. I sometimes feel a bit envious when reading of some other members who have been lucky enough to move back to the UK with their partners/family. But then I remind myself that each situation is completely different and mine is what it is. I think there are pros and cons living in either country but I know that the most cons for me at this stage in my life are in Australia. xx

Thanks again for all the replies. I've taken a few to days to read through them all again and do some serious thinking about my situation. Writing here about my shall I stay/shall I go woes has lifted a massive weight off my shoulders as it's the first time I've been able to be brutally honest to myself and express how I truly feel. So thanks for taking the time to give me your thoughts/experiences/advice. It's done me the world of good. You're right @kiwiinaus - I am asking for help (from a bunch of people I don't know!) and doubting my hubby. His lack of compromise has led to resentment on my part and that certainly has not been healthy. I've got some big decisions to make. For the first time in a long, long time I now feel I have the guts to do something about my situation. I'm trying to be productive. I've booked a trip back to Wales in January by myself to see once and for all if moving back really is a viable option. I have chosen to go in January as the weather is at it's worst so I need to see the place again in it's wettest, miserable state. I usually go back in the summer when the weather is at it's finest. In the meantime my husband and I are booked into to see a marriage councellor and I'm looking forward to seeing what that has in store for us. One way or another I need to knock this homesickness on the head as I can't live the rest of my life feeling like this. It's exhausting. This forum has been a godsend to me. Thanks for all the kind replies. I'll keep you all posted on my journey

Thanks again for the replies. I've just read through them all and appreciate the advice. I've taken on board all the comments even if one or two came across as a bit harsh. It's impossible for me to give an accurate account of my situation and all the ins and outs in a few paragraphs in a forum like this but I do want to point out that I don't consider myself 'obsessed' with wanting to move, I certainly wouldn't do it 'on a whim' and the job prospect thing is irrelevant for my husband as he wouldn't make the move even if he had no visa issues and had a dream job lined up that he could walk into. Of course the kids are the most important thing and the last thing I want to do is ruin their lives. I understand that the best thing is for me to stay here and make it work and that is what I will continue to do. As I've already stated, I'm only at the talking about it stage. It doesn't mean I'm going to pack my bags and fly back. It's not about 'me, me, me' either. Yes I've expressed that I'd love to move back but I know that it's not as simple as that - there are other people to consider and a million other factors which is why I am turning to this forum for some constructive advice. If I was thinking of only myself I would have moved back years ago and not given a stuff about anyone else. As far as my husband's side of things go, he simply does not want to move. He loves the Gold Coast, the relaxing, easy going lifestyle, the weather, his jobs, friends and house. He's been to the UK a few times and also to Wales on trips with me. He cannot imagine anything worse than moving over there. He says it has no appeal, there's nothing there for him, the weather is depressing etc. He reckons he would be absolutely miserable living there despite us having a strong support network with my family and friends and a house to move straight into (we are very well set up financially). He won't even consider moving and is very sure about his stance on it. He's terrified of change and won't put himself in that position. He's listened to my feelings, reasons, ideas for a compromise as we've discussed it many times but at the end of the day it's not enough for him to make the change. I appreciate his honestly as there is no false hope that he will consider it so I know it'll never be an option for him. I understand where he is coming from too and I would hate for him to give up his life here and move to Wales when that's the last thing he wants to do. He absolutely has a great life - he works two jobs one of which he adores, has a hobby he loves and has a good social life. Everything we do is based around his jobs and hobby which has a massive impact on our lives so I can see why he would not want to give that up. I could write a novel about how I feel about where I fit into all this but I wont. I just want to go back to Wales where my family and friends are and where my heart belongs. I love everything about the lifestyle, the place, the people and the way I feel when I am there. It's a feeling deep inside that I can't explain. I know it's horrible wanting to leave. I know it's horrible even thinking about potentially taking the kids away from their father. It's not as though I like feeling like this. No one in their right mind would want to be in this predicament, but this is the way it is for me right now and I'm trying to work on it. But it's also horrible living in place that you really don't love or have any connection with and know you will never be able to leave. I know the damage has been done now though, I know I made the choice to have kids here, I know I've made my bed and I have to lie in it. I know that kids come first. I'm fully aware of all that so it doesn't need to be pointed out. I do go home to Wales every year which is great so at least I get my fix in that respect. My husband is hugely supportive of this too. @endlesswinter has summed up perfectly how I am feeling.... "she's articulating a dream that deep down she knows is unlikely to ever happen".

I totally agree that it will have a devastating effect on my husband and children if I did decide to move, which is why I feel so awful even thinking about it. We're only at the talking about it stage. I'm still here in Australia and still trying to make it work as my children are my top priority. No there aren't any job prospects for him in Wales and even if there were, he still wouldn't move.

Sadly no. I'd happily move to a different state to see if a fresh scene will improve things but my husband doesn't want to. He won't move from the Gold Coast!

Oh wow that you all so much for the replies. I absolutely appreciate all your comments. It's actually so good to know that I'm not alone in feeling like this. So refreshing. You've all definitely given me food for thought. I totally agree with the marriage counselling as a first step and my husband is totally on board with this. If I did end up moving back, we both understand that I would be taking the kids with me. Of course it's not what my husband wants but he knows that is the reality of the situation. Who knows if it would get nasty if it actually came to that point, but at this stage we're both trying to talk as openly, honestly and nicely as we can considering it is a tough conversation to have. I'm gutted to be honest that he hasn't told me that he loves us enough to follow us to the end of the earth and will do whatever it takes to make me happy considering I've tried giving Australia 10 years for him! But I know my life isn't a fairytale and I would hate for him to make the move knowing how miserable he would be as that doesn't solve anything. I'm also aware that I may be romanticising what life may be like in Wales and it could not be all that cracked up to be what I thought it would be like to live there again. It's a huge risk and I definitely don't want to be boomeranging back and forth with my beautiful babies in tow. But how do you really know unless you give it a go? I'm in a lose/lose situation and I know it. If I stay, I will spend the rest of my years deep down unhappy and wishing my life away in a place that my heart doesn't belong. If I leave, I will ruin my husband's life and deny the kids an opportunity to see their dad every day and potentially ruin their lives. How awful is that?! Realistically I can't possibly do that to them all can I? As some of the posters have already mentioned, the kids do absolutely come first and I want the best for them. I am so mad at myself for not thinking things through properly before I had children and having the guts to listen to my head. I was young and dumb and got carried away with it all and now I am left with this exhausting dilemma. I just had no idea my life would end up like this. It's certainly not the end of the world though and I know I have potential to turn it all around and be happy again. I just need to figure out how. Thanks again for your comments. They've been hugely helpful and supportive

Hi everyone! I am new to this site I have read through many posts but can't find any recent ones similar to my dilemma so I figured I'd submit my very first post in the hope that I can get some advice. I am 36, originally from Wales, moved over to Aus by myself when I was 22 (backpacking after uni and ended up staying) and am now married to an Aussie and we have a 2 and 5 year old. I have lived on the Gold Coast for 14 years. In a nutshell - I want to move back to Wales but my husband absolutely refuses. For whatever reason I just cannot feel settled here. I have tried so hard to embrace this lovely lifestyle and on the surface we have a comfortable life here. We have a nice house, car, friends, hobbies etc but no matter what I do to embrace the lifestyle and opportunities I have a longing to go home as I don't feel like I belong here. I know this sounds ridiculous but it's like I'm constantly on a summer holiday and I'm waiting around for my real life to kick in. I feel so disconnected and empty here. I have such a strong yearning for home and my family and I can't seem to extinguish the desire to move back, even after 14 years. I have tried all sorts of things to improve this mindset, including giving it time, getting involved in lots of varied hobbies, meeting new people, going on long and short local adventures etc. I certainly don't choose to feel like this. I'd love to be able to flick a switch in my head to feel content and happy here. I thought that by having children I would finally feel settled. But that made it worse as I have no family at all here so have no support. I also figured a trip back every year will help me get my Welsh fix but that hasn't helped either (I've been back many times now for holidays). I have been suppressing these feelings for a long while but have finally started over the past year to be honest to my husband about it all. He knows I've always been homesick but hasn't really taken it seriously until now. He cannot possibly comprehend why I feel like this as he reckons we have a great life. I can totally see where he is coming from and I desperately wish I could feel the same. But I can't help the way I feel and it sucks. Urgh. I asked him if he would consider a trial move for a year or so and he flat out refuses. No. Chance. Whatsoever. He told me he can't imagine anything worse than giving up the GC lifestyle to move to Wales! He's been on holiday there so has an understanding of what it is like. He won't even consider moving to a different State in Australia. As far as he is concerned we will live on the GC. Forever. I'm so stuck at the moment. I'm starting to feel like my husband doesn't love me enough to even try to compromise on giving the move a go. But he assures me he absolutely loves me and it's just that he knows that he'll be totally miserable living there. But the only reason I am here is because of him and I'm miserable. He doesn't want to move and I don't want to stay. It's made a million times worse as we have 2 beautiful babies to consider. I'd love some feedback as my friends don't really understand. Any thoughts/advice would be greatly appreciated.