Shmisa7220

Hi Bezza - I definately feel your pain! I think its unfair that your husband won't even discuss the subject though, you have to have open communication with this issue (even if you do go round in circles like we do!). You have a child so you need your family around you more than ever, you are the Mother & you need support. One thing I have learnt in our situation is that you have to take care of your own mental health & state of mind because no one else can do it for you so be careful that the feeling of isolation doesn't go on for too long. How old is your child? I think the best time for you to go back to the UK is before they start school. Can your partner compromise on your child doing school in UK then moving back to Oz after that? as you said you'd be happy to live in Oz at a later stage? That's the only fair thing to do. I know what you mean about the half a year here & there - it would never work, the logistics of finding work all the time & kids going to school. We've not come to any decisions yet, its been a very hard couple of months for us discussing it (although we have many times over the years) we've come to a bit of a dead end with discussions at the moment, as I'm sure you know too well. I skyped the women in my family last night (Mum, cousin, Aunty) they were all together having lunch and it was nice to have a laugh over the phone but I just couldn't help feeling how ridiculous it was that I wasn't there & was here, feeling lonely - it felt very wrong! I hope that you can have some more dialogue with your husband soon, its VERY important that you do. If you don't feel like talking, write it all down in a letter, as silly as that sounds it can be a great way of expressing how you feel without your emotions getting in the way of your side of things. Sometimes I do think it's unreasonable that our partners don't offer to come to the UK for the sake of our relationships and at the same time what can you do? you love them & don't want the relationship to break up because they are the person you intend spending your life with - I feel like scrunching up our situation and throwing it in the "too hard basket".....

Thanks Quoll - I relate to your post about the mental health issue, without making me & my partner sound like a couple of crazies, which of course we're not, we have both suffered with with depression & anxieties partially related to our situation (and other factors too of course) but despite that, as I said above, we have no regrets as yet! that's why we're being particularly careful in our decision making now (hence why I sought out Poms in Oz!)....it was interesting to read your post as you're further down this life process than us, so thanks SO much for your input, it is very helpful to hear others experiences.

Hi Rachel, thank you. We have discussed the family thing at length, family is not a deciding factor for him. He gets on with my family amazingly, we've spent many trips back there with them & they adore him. Regarding a previous post about just being in England for help with any children we may have; I wouldn't move just for help, its a deeper than that with or without children - we are all different & some of us need our family around us later in life & some people don't. We do have another factor and that is our dear dog (who we took on from my partners parents) we wouldn't be able to make the move with him as (health reasons) he wouldn't travel well to England at all so we would have to wait until he isn't around anymore (as horribly sad as it is to think of that time). We are aware of the pickle we are in! and sometimes wonder how we feel life just sort of happened to us! but at the same time, we both have no regrets, whatever happens in the future

Thanks, I agree that pingponging is not a sensible option, especially financially. As for my partner, he hasn't point blank said "no I'm not going" nor would he, he just knows he doesn't want to live in England, I know that he most likely would come if I just said "right, that's it, we're going or else!" but it's not healthy for us or him to "make" someone do something they don't want to just because there's no other option....so difficult! Thanks for your input

Thank you for all your amazing insights, very helpful indeed I shall keep you posted & anymore thoughts are gratefully received Thank you

km75 - that's a great idea regarding the year over there thing, I guess we hadn't considered that as we're not getting any younger but as ideas go, that is a good one. thinker78 - I had to laugh at that, yes agreed there's not much time for those activities with kids! I guess its a general "lifestyle" thing that he would battle with or without having children. Although I have to say that it's not that you can't have a great lifestyle in England, you can, its just different. I have looked in to the UK partner Visa & it doesn't look easy by any means - but would still be worth a try. I have considered almost every eventuality, particularly aging parents, this is the one that I can't let go of...I so want to spend quality time with them before I can't anymore. I feel like I've already spent so little time with them in the past 11 years that I'd hate to regret not having spent more time with them. I really appreciate everyone replying & so quickly, VERY helpful, thank you

Hi All, This is my first time posting here - I have found others posts incredibly interesting & helpful, mostly it's nice to hear that my feelings are shared by so many others. I met my Ozzie partner in England & after 9 months together I decided to move to Oz to be with him after having loved the place while travelling. I have been in Oz for 11 years now & we have a fantastic relationship - except for one gigantic hurdle - he wants to live here where he grew up & I NEED to be at home with family & friends where I grew up. I have had many lovely times here in Australia but I have always struggled here for many reasons. There are differences between Australia & England of course & at times I've tried to convince myself that it's Australia I don't like but that simply isn't true, this is a great country with SO much to offer but after thinking about it for the last few years I'm just plain sad not living in England with my family & friends. Mostly I'm lonely (despite having a couple of friends here). It is particularly hard now that we are at the stage we'd like to have children together. I feel his family would not support my suggestion that we move back, so I don't feel all that supported here, apart from by him, he is amazing. I have suggested that we go back to England & put simply he doesn't want to live there due to work (outside in the winter in the UK! eek!)/lifestyle/surfing/fishing reasons. I don't want to have children here & be completely isolated from any help from my parents/friends - it makes me so sad to think of doing that without them, its nearly unbareable. Splitting up feels like such a waste of a beautiful relationship too - we're not prepared to do that at this stage. I would appreciate any help that anyone could give, particularly if you've been in this situation. Thanks for reading my long post! Much appreciated