Smokeybear

Ps in terms of resentment, I do question whether I would resent him if we married and stayed here. I think that is why I am trying to be as fully informed now so I know it is my decision, not his.

I think what you're all saying is right. In terms of going back to the UK on an 'extended break' - that would be very difficult as I am in the middle of training for a profession and doing so would mean giving up my training/career (I finish at the end of this year). The options (as I see it) is to make a decision now re marrying this year or not, or delaying it until i a, sure. I also do not want to be unfair to my partner as we have been together a long time and he needs clarity about our relationship so he can live his life. jules - it sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your husband and the give and take is absolutely what it is about. The difficulty here is that my OH has his own business in oz and it would require setting up from scratch again if we moved - economically not viable hence his position about not being able to move. To complicate matters he has supported me financially whilst I have been training so I am not in a position to support him yet until I am working full time again (if we move to the UK that is). Relationship counselling is a good idea but not sure i would get him there. I wish I could see in to the future! Part of me says I love him so much, I am happy in oz (enjoy the lifestyle etc) we could have an amazing life together. The other part of me wakes up in the night questioning why I am still here, how can I commit to a lifetime in oz, how much I miss my family and long to live close to them again. I really "belong" in England but have had a good time here. I think the inflexibility of his position scares me - I appreciate his certainty but equally I am not sure i am strong enough or able to say "no, I don't want this" when I am unsure.

Thanks quoll - that is good to know! You are right - we don't know where life will take us but I guess I want to be as informed as I can before taking the plunge. My partner is amazing and has been very supportive of me. not sure if I believe i 'the one' though and we have had our problems but who doesn't? I guess this is what I am struggling with -am I willing to sacrifice my family and country for him (that sounds extreme but that is sometimes what it feels like).

Thanks for your replies - I know you are right and it is ultimately my decision - I just have so many conflicting emotions and thoughts and am finding it difficult to reconcile them! I also feel slightly ashamed to be having these doubts so late in the day...so am hesitant to talk to my friends/family about it as they will worry and it will make me more confused. Feel sad. Trying to distract myself as thoughts are circular but then by doing so i might be sticking head in the sand. Want to make everyone happy but feel I am not able to do that here. Hope to come to a decision soon. Thanks again.

Hi there, I have been living in Oz for ten years and have met my fiancé here, who is Australian. We are due to get married this year and have a really good relationship but I am having doubts as I am not sure i can commit to living in Oz for the rest of my life. His work is here and he is not able to move to the UK for at least ten years, by which time my family (parents) will be very old. I am so scared as I do not want to be living here, married, with no prospect of moving back. I have spoken to my fiancé about it and he is very clear about his position (ie he cannot move his work to the UK) so it is really up to me. We visit the UK at least once a year, which helps, but my family mean everything to me and now is crunch time! Do I accept that I can't have everything and commit to a future life with my fiance here or do I listen to these doubts and act now? thank you for your help.