bug family

4 hours ago, Jennyrose Shields said:

As a retired person my advice is to make a list of pros and cons Before you turn 50 ys .

Thank you for your post Jennyrose, sounds like your having a tough time of it, hopefully you get that house in cheshire and settle back into UK life without too many bumps in the road

I also think that this is great advice, leave it much later than 50 and your options start to narrow rapidly 

Hi to all on PIO,

A little update hope you and yours are all well  X

It has been a roller coaster over the last few months; since I last wrote on here I have been very busy (did I expect anything else) .....side note a rather experienced health care professional recently discussed a potential diagnosis (off the record and not official) of ADHD ..for me ...cheeky ...but something for me to consider ...when I get time....is this why I never settled in Aus? 

I am no longer employed as a Paramedic around Manchester.....................(an amazing bunch of people to work with) 

Because I am now employed as a Paramedic for the Welsh ambulance service 

I am finally home 

following some intense interviews, clinical tests and a months' worth of blue light emergency driving assessments ... I got the Job for the people of Wales (and England as we operate over the border).. I am proud to serve all before me, regardless, it is a privilege to serve all.....

I have also found a very small 350-year-old! cottage in a small village ...that I have been accepted for a mortgage for.

I have to be honest I have had many 'wobbles' over the past few months... I am in some ways my own worst enemy...maybe I like to test / torture myself.. for example, I have set up a screen saver on my desktop computer ..it scrolls past pictures of my children and my life in Australia ...I love seeing my children's pictures scroll past, aaaaand it absolutely destroys me at the same time .... I miss them, that aching has not and will never go away...

My wife (ex wife) I cannot as yet get used to the past tense in that statement, has definitely moved on as she has had a number of ..liasons, dates what ever you want to call them...and has now got a stable partner again, I am happy that she is happy again.....but it is a very bitter pill to swallow. If I am honest....I still miss her ... I carry my wedding ring around with me in my 'manbag' which goes every where with me ....yes I know this is not probably  healthy but it suits me ..for now...after all I am thousands of miles away, I recently went on a coffee date....I enjoyed myself (nothing physical), I was honest, ridiculous though it sounds I felt guilty for meeting another women...I guess its to soon for me....

Many times I have wanted to go back...but the logical part of me realises that that would be harder than staying put....plus my wife (ex) has said I cannot go back.....

being single again, in mid-life presents new challenges, it is at times very lonely and without purpose, once you have been a functional father being without your children and partner  sets you adrift .... I now can see those that are also invisible, ....as I am also invisible....I shop at the large super-markets ...I sometimes feel embarrassment, ...a cursory nod to those in the same boat ...until you wear the uniform of singularity you will not know how this feels..... I have never noticed to quote the Beatles ' All the lonely people' before.....(next time you are shopping really take a look)...its the person with a small milk and micro meals....

Anyhow I am hopeful to complete on my (and my children's) small cottage in a small Welsh village within the next month...it needs work...but then so do I  .... don't we all....I absolutely love my Job....I make a difference , every day.... I make sure of it.....the 93 yr. old who was my patient recently...we both sat and ate cake and tea ...we may be from different decades... but we are the same .....

8 hours ago, tea4too said:

Thinking of you @bug family at what I know is a difficult time of year for many and possibly for you too this year for a number of reasons. Be kind to yourself and maybe try to keep busy if you can,  too much thinking time is not always the best way to  get through tough times. Best wishes, Tx

thank you tea4too, 

I have deliberately picked up a shift working Christmas day and am working over most of Christmas, I admit I am finding it hard as I have never been away from the children this long or at Christmas......... but the thought of setting them up for another future and seeing them again one day keeps me going

This time next year I will be in my own house again...and they will be here for Christmas  x

Happy Christmas tea4too x

Well hello to you all at PIO,

I have missed you and the group but I have deliberately not posted until now as I wanted to give myself sometime to get over the initial shock of moving my worlds…literally, 

I have been so very very busy with new job / divorce 🥲 / saying goodbye 🥲 / saying hello / trying to settle / British life again and just feeling like I am back home and belong

it has been the hardest thing I have ever done, I knew it would be but until I sat down in the single room in the shared house and the door shut it didn’t really hit home,

I sat there in silence, no more voices of my children, no more cooking meals, dancing to music with my daughter, being a silly dad……Australia for me was with the people I love with all my heart, but not in the place that I love…….and that is eventually toxic to your soul

I cannot pretend that it has not been a bumpy ride, I have had moments when the aching to see the children have been so bad that I started packing a bag and looking at flights…after all I could just do it, I could just get a cab, get a flight and go back…..but even though that’s what my heart wants my head is telling me to stay, 

I should explain that when I came to Australia I was very homesick from day one, but I decided to not just cut and run, I needed to keep going to ‘ see it through’ to ‘ stick it out’ …ten and a half years later I finally left

so how has it been, other than the difficult bits, missing my children, new job, new people etc

Amazing….I can only describe that the feeling of being back where I belong has been like a weight lifted of my shoulders…like I have been released from a prison, like I had never left…really…I knew that somethings will have changed, the people I knew would have a few more wrinkles, houses and roads would now be in places that they where not in before, but on the whole ten years have not really changed that much, since being back I spend all my time when I am not working exploring…not only does it help to keep my mind occupied, it helps with mental health to have an interest outside of work, something totally separate 

the food….the food …..honestly the choice and the food…..

the places every town, every village, every city is individual and different….

the pubs ….say no more…there are hundreds of them each one different

the beaches…the mountains…the long country drives …the late nights …..the late sunsets

I have met some really lovely people, I forgot how friendly people are, and how they are willing to help you or check in on you, 

I have just got back from camping around the lochs of Scotland, every spare moment I get I go camping and exploring….I can’t pretend it’s all roses I have to admit it would be nice to share my time with someone…it can be lonely at times

A couple of things I have found really difficult, I have gone from being with someone and serving a purpose as a dad, to being not needed as such, it’s a weird unsettling feeling, I have had to try and get used to no one being there when I get in from a journey or work, it doesn’t matter what time I get in no one is waiting for me, I do find this hard

a song came on you tube whilst I was listening to Coldplay yesterday it’s called ‘daddy’……it really got me….I cried and that doesn’t happen often

on a plus note the work here is so very, varied and I feel like I have already made a difference in my patients lives, when I am at work I am totally committed to my job and the patient before me, I switch off my personal life and switch on my paramedic head, to say I have had some eye opening jobs is an understatement,

My next move is to get a mortgage, I have to wait until I have three months wage advices so I can approach a lender….I am working around Manchester which is not where I want to be, but I got ‘put here’ so will have to stay for now….however I will be looking to get a place back in North Wales as soon as possible, as that is my home

i have a post stick note on my cupboard in my room …I look at it most days ….i wrote it when I arrived, ‘ one step, one day at a time’ 

I realise there is a long road to go, but I am getting there…..slowly, ………is it all great nope, nothing ever is, is it home absolutely

Ten long years ago I made a promise to myself and my country that I would have an adventure down under, but that I would return home one day ......that time is now upon me and I am now leaving this great southern land to return home to work as a paramedic for north west ambulance service around Manchester

It has been an amazing ten years I have worked with and met so many amazing people, I have seen and done things I could never have dreamt of, it was so very hard to say good bye.

Just waiting for my plane at Perth airport

Wish me luck on my next adventure

I'm coming home xxx

2 hours ago, Quoll said:

goodbyes are never easy but there will always be hellos to follow.

I shall discover this in two weeks time...............................

On 14/06/2022 at 21:39, Davier said:

Tried it but, the heat isnt for me and i cant deal with spiders. Currently in Canada, very nice here but think i want to go back and fourth to the UK, its wet but somehow pleasant?

Hi Davier,

It was a toss up between Australia and Canada for us before we came, what made the decision easier was that my wife (now ex) had already been to Australia on a number of occasions.

would have loved to have tried Canada, maybe one day  

1 hour ago, Marisawright said:

That is very true. But also, a few have broken up because they stayed in Australia.  That happens particularly when one partner is very homesick and the other digs in and refuses to go.  

yep...^^^^ this is me ..put in my divorce application last week ....and booked my flight back home 

On 11/04/2022 at 08:32, Lucia said:

Thank you for your replies.

I must say, my husband can't be entirely to blame in all of this. He's not a monster. It was me that decided we should stay after all and buy the house so we could truly say we'd tried. I think if we left after renting, I wouldn't have felt we'd truly lived our lives in the way we wanted. I just don't think I was in the best frame of mind to make the decisions.

I've been counting down the days to my next psych session and did suggest that my husband and I should go together at some point. She agreed but said I need to sort my own stuff out first.

I definitely feel like it's a now or never with the kids being 8 and 10, but I'm really trying to weigh it all up. I read all the positive stories of being in Australia as well as the 'going home' ones. For me, I'm getting to the point of thinking 'enough is enough' - I've done my time here, I've tried my very best to settle, I've had a great materialistic life, I've made some wonderful memories, but I'll always wonder 'what if?' if I don't go now. I've joined a couple of facebook groups and have seen that there are a few others moving back with an 8 and 10 year old so I'd be interested to hear their stories. My kids only know Australia really.

What doesn't help my husband is all the doom and gloom stories of VAT increases, energy bills, crap wages, expensive houses, struggling NHS. I just wish the UK could sort its shit out and it'd be a much easier decision.

I fear that whatever decision is made, it'll split us up at some point. I'd like to think we're strong enough for that not to happen, but resent is an awful thing. I think I'd begin to resent my husband and his family for encouraging me to stay here, or resent my kids purely because they're Australian and have no real tie to the UK. If I upheave the family purely for my own feelings, I'm sure they'd resent me.

If I had my time again, I wouldn't have moved to Aus in the first place.

I'm properly messed up.  

Hi Lucia,

I totally understand where you are at, I posted the question on here ' how long before your realised that Australia was or was not the place you wanted to spend the rest of your days' in the UK CHAT section, have a look if you get a chance there are many who share similar experiences to you.

My own experience is very similar to yours, my wife, myself and our then 3 year old (Daniel) moved over some 11 years ago to Perth from the U.K. this was then closely followed by her parents and brother,

During the 11 years here we have had another child Emily who is now 9 years old and is a real daddys girl  

We had initially set a time limit of ten years maximum stay before we even left the UK and then 'WE' are going back home'....fast forward 11 years  and the 'WE' unfortunately has turned to 'I' am going back home'.....

I will be leaving in another month or so just waiting to get confirmed dates, I retrained as a paramedic out here and am going back to work for the NHS, .....leaving my children here will be so very,...very hard....the most difficult thing i have ever done....

My wife and I are no longer together, although we live together and are good friends we are now legally separated......

My point of telling you this is that we came here as a strong happily married couple just like you, but homesickness and longing to go home takes a toll.....it has cost me my marriage and a lot more besides, ...the move back is very bitter sweet, I get to go back to where I belong ...but without the people I love (my children)

However I intend to work hard get a mortgage and set up a  house again (hopefully) and give them the opportunity of another home in another part of the world where they will be able to live, should they choose to do so when they are older.

It hit home for me the other day when I had to fill out a form for my new employer that asked questions about who I am traveling with and bringing over to the UK.....Alongside each question, partner,children, animals etc I wrote the word 'none' ....

For me Australia has given me a new chance at life , a new career, I have met some amazing people and for that I am very grateful, but it was never going to be a full stop for me, just a comma, an adventure, to see and live another life, which it has been ...

I have said many times that life is truly so very short (I see this everyday)....I hope you find happiness and can resolve this, take care 

p.s. feel free to message me anytime if you need a chat or want someone to vent to   

5 hours ago, Parley said:

Well for your information, my father unexpectedly left our family when I was 13. I never saw him again in my life. So it is a personal issue for me.

I am sorry to hear this about your dad, I am sure this is very personal for you and I appreciate everyone's input on this .

I am not leaving my children for good though, yes the logistics and heartache of seeing them every now and then will be difficult, but not impossible, I am their dad and I will move mountains see them again of that I am sure 

It is funny in life how history repeats itself, when i was a child we as a family moved to South Africa for a few years,  this was due to my father being attached to the south African government (for some reason) as an advisor from the Royal Air force (R.A.F).

At the time I was a bit younger than my daughter Emily's age (6 or 7 yrs old) and I remember my mum being terribly home sick, after a year or so my mum and younger sister left and went back to the UK to live, leaving myself and my brother with my dad, and then out the blue approximately about a year later my brother and I where told we where going back to the U.K.and put on a plane without my dad and traveled unaccompanied back to the UK......I did not see my dad again for a number of years.... no real explanation just that he was 'working for the RAF /  British government'.

He eventually returned to the UK some years later and life resumed as normal.............some twenty years later my dad sat us down one day and produced a letter and asked us to read it, the letter was from the then South African government, it was a pardon and exonerated him from any wrong doing and stated that if he wished to do so, he could return to South Africa without fear of arrest.

I admit it reads like a spy novel but apparently all them years without my dad had not been spent working, he was in fact arrested and first of all put in prison and subsequently put under house arrest, due to being found in possession of some sensitive documents (not sure who they where sensitive to the British or south African government)....he wanted us to read the letter as he always felt ashamed for leaving us all them years previously and wanted us to know why and that it was not his fault.........My dad sadly died some 15 years ago now (from an accidental event) .........I miss my dad and think of him often, he was a brilliant dad and a very interesting character.......the time spent apart from him all them years previously as a child did not cause me to resent him or diminish my love for him one bit  

1 hour ago, tea4too said:

Sometimes when options narrow we have to make the least worse choices

Absolutely 100 % this ^^^^^^^

1 hour ago, ramot said:

I might be possibly one of the  only posters who has lived on the other side of the world to our 3 children.

I know my circumstances were different as I was living in Brunei due to my husband’s job for 10 years, had split loyalties between being with  my husband and or children.  and if you think living in Australia is difficult because it’s not like UK, I can assure you Australia is a doddle  in comparison.

Until you have experienced living apart from your children, you have no idea how awful it is, and I was lucky that I could fly back to England  at almost no cost, as often as I wanted due to my husband’s job, so I could be there with them and not miss any important times.  That plus keeping a house there was the only way to make it bearable. I know your children will be full time with their mother, but from experience of the time I spent in UK on my own, it wasn’t easy being the equivalent of a single parent, can make you quite resentful of having the whole responsibility.

I know you are very unhappy in Australia Bug Family, and really wish you well and hope you get the job, but I know my husband really regrets how much time he missed of our children growing up, and he saw much more of them than I sadly think you will, as he saw them occasionally in UK, and they flew out to us for all their school and university holidays.

We made it work, but it took a lot of hard work and it wasn’t easy.

Thank you for sharing this insight Ramot, this must have been a very difficult part of your life, It will as I have said before be one of the hardest things I have ever done, leaving them makes me catch my breath,  and there are days and nights when I stop and think can I really do this.........but when I work out the options there are few for me to choose from and none of them work out to be satisfactory and without some pain,

I do know that it would be totally impractical and unfair to remove them from their lives, friends and school here and try and fit them into what is going to be a hectic new start back home,  The best I can do for them is to leave them here with their mum in their own house, going to the school they know, living in an area that is "home" to them, once i have set up (hopefully 6 months) then I will fly them over for their long school holidays, and hopefully in time, if they would like to, they can come and live in the U.K. with me, when I do eventually get a house i have told them there will be their own bedroom waiting for them. 

I sincerely hope that the job that I will be doing back home will allow me to concentrate on other peoples lives and therefore hopefully not leave me time to dwell on my own to much  

2 hours ago, Parley said:

Do you really think you are going to be happy in England?

No ...that is why i am moving to Wales lol ,

Yes absolutely, I love England (Scotland, Ireland, Wales) it is home, it is where I feel I belong, its my place on the planet 

why wouldn't I? .....interested to know what you think Parley

3 hours ago, beketamun said:

It's no different to those poms who come to Australia and don't make a success of it, putting the blame on "Australia" rather than realising that they may have just made bad choices in where they went, or how they decided to live there lives here, or even how suited they were to any sort of emigration anywhere in the world.  You fit in and make a success of it, or you may as well try somewhere else or go back to where you came from and try again there.

My opinion of a 'success of it', maybe very different from yours or anyone else's, how do you define a success is it in material wealth or experience's had whilst living in a foreign land ?

 Also how long before you realise that you have made a bad choice, surely this can only been determined retrospectively, by which time it is to late,  is there a time limit on this? what if by that time your family are settled and years have gone by.

I have fitted in and have also made some great friends here, and trust me I am going back to where I came from,

It is no slight on Australia or disrespect to the people here, for me I came, I lived, I saw and preferred where I came from.......

10 hours ago, jimmyay1 said:

"never go back" once you've emigrated and spent time living abroad.  Even if you physically move back , the experience of living overseas absolutely changes your perceptions, and perspective.  

Literally you definitely can 'go back', but yes I agree you will take away from where ever you have lived what ever your experience has brought to you, living abroad you cannot help to compare and the experience can either be positive or negative or as most will find a bit of both, even though in some ways Australia has not worked out for me and I am firm in where is my home i will take some positives away when I leave here

On 04/03/2022 at 06:42, Bulya said:

So why aren’t you living in one of the many areas of Australia where that is the winter norm?

True it is a bit late now though, i will have to settle for the four seasons back home......i cannot wait 

20 minutes ago, proud preston said:

Thought that NZ related very much to the UK whereas (lately) Australia was leaning towards the U.S.

I find that Australia is getting very americanised in all aspects of life,  there is a main road with businesses on it in the main town area of where I live, you would swear you are driving through some mexican outlaw town lol 

1 hour ago, Toots said:

This photo of crocuses was taken by a local photographer in my home town (Kirkcudbright) in Scotland.  

 

Beautiful, i could sit at one of them tables in the picture with a cup of tea and a sandwich and happily watch the world go by 

2 hours ago, MARYROSE02 said:

I said to her, "The days are getting longer now,  the hedges are greening up, crocuses(?) are appearing.  I almost wish I was there to see it."

I think she replied, "Surfers Paradise still sounds nicer than Manchester."

But the grass is always greener.... having lived in that paradise .... i will take the over size hedges and the crocuses any day......

On 01/03/2022 at 15:31, Parley said:

I would agree $1M to $1.2M is what the average person can afford today. Maybe more actually (could be $1.5M or more) as Ausvisitor points out, the banks are willing to lend a lot.

Right o.....just for balance i have worked since I was 15 and never been out of work and worked extremely hard (earlier if you count a paper round ) ....i will leave Australia with a few thousand in my pocket, ... in your opinion $1m to 1.2m as what the average person can afford, not in my or anyone I knows life time...maybe i have been mixing in the wrong circles  

1 hour ago, MARYROSE02 said:

Snow, sleet and rain

sounds like my kind of weather 

3 hours ago, proud preston said:

@bug family What was the interview for? Great it was successful! I think many people will be thinking about the UK after this scary, relentless rain. Oh my god. It certainly is feast or famine in Australia. Keen to hear the next part of your journey.

Thanks proud Preston, I had an interview with the NHS to go and work as a Paramedic, my plan is to work around the northwest region (Manchester area) and eventually save up a deposit to be able to (hopefully) buy a house back in north wales again at which point I will finally be home 

I certainly will keep you all updated ....I will bore you silly about my journey back home again trust me 

1 hour ago, MARYROSE02 said:

If you believe in global warming, not that I do, then there's no point in going to the UK to escape the weather because it will be just as bad there. I'm sure I saw on the news extreme weather in the UK?

Trust me i am not moving just for the weather maryrose02, although i do love the seasons back home and am not fond of this heat

On 12/01/2022 at 13:47, Toots said:

Looking forward to any news you have about your return to the UK.  

Well at long last here's my update.........I have had my crucial interview, I wore my suit a tie and waist coat, I was really impressed it still fits me, I have had it for over twenty years and brought it with me to Australia because I remember thinking at the time you never know I may need it some day ...little did I realise at the time, that it would be for my ticket back home 

It was around 35 degree's in an un-conditioned room and what with the heat, wearing the suit and the pressure of the questioning I was somewhat sweating......my clinical scenario was challenging and I realised that I had made a few minor errors.... therefore I have sat here for the last 24 hrs thinking that I may have blown it .........until.....I received an email a few hours ago stating that I had been successful and that I would now progress to the final stages !!!! 

I now feel like I am at the begining of the end (if that makes sense) the next stages from my understanding are logistical and clerical....so not a pass or fail

I am ready to leave, I am sad to leave the children but also glad of a new chance in life and to finally go home....my wife has now met a new boyfriend and is happy and I am happy for her 

I know i am not on the plane just yet.........but I am slowly on my way to the airport 

2 hours ago, Parley said:

No doubt they did some good things but also had a very ugly side to them. The construction unions are still terrible though.

Just having a nose around the forum....I rarely venture out from the 'UK chat' section   and i found this thread

I agree that some of the unions do 'good work' and help those who are members......however I have to say my own personal experience (i am no expert) whilst working fly in / fly out  some years ago was shocking, the union reps where very intimidating on the site (this was a multi billion dollar site) an example being when we used to return to the crib huts for lunch break sometimes there would be flyers left on the tables where you sat down to eat etc, these had militant messages on them some of which where borderline threatening or derogatory, i remember one talking about people who are not in a union are 'rats', not very professional and did not exactly encourage me to join.......I finally decided I had to join after a fellow worker told me i would possibly have an accident (fall from height) if i did not join the union ....so I did