Englishlover

You don't think it is strange to go on the internet and meet English men? You doin't think it's strange that you "always" date English men yet you live in Australia?

 

Whilst I'm easy and have no problem with dating on line the fact you don't date men from your own country (Australia) and you go online to have a long distant relationship and that you deliberately target English men is IMV strange. Surely it doesn't matter where they come from? Most people meet someone on line or in person and fall in love regardless?

 

 

 

 

I'm not having a go - I'm just paraphrasing the stuff you mentioned - and to be honest if you are meeting English men on line and having long term online relationships and they turn out to be dodgy where you don't actually meet their family or know their background - you need to wonder if your desire to meet an Englishman and live in England may end up in something sinister happening? Personally I think you need to tread very carefully...and that's what I mean by strange...

 

Anyway good luck with your Englishman and living in England - at least this is the right place:skeptical:

Hi Pommiaussie, I dated some English in Australia. This guy is only one living in the UK. Thanks for your wish anyway. My LDR has been ened. I will never have any LDR again.

Right now you are hurting and i think we can all understand that and it will take a little time to get over someone you loved and thought they loved you but it is better to end it now than go to the UK with unreal expectations. As others have said get out there and enjoy life, join social groups and try new things. See the start of 2014 as a time to move forward with your life. Hope you meet someone worthy of your loyalty very soon.

Yes, Tina2. Even I can go there for 6 months (visitor), but I do not have enough feeling to invest it so hard.

from your post above it seems you are from a different culture in Australia yet you say you have "always" dated English men and you are fascinated about England and you came about this website as your fiancé is English. Don't you think it's strange just to choose English men all the time?

 

I always dated people who had great values regardless as to where they came from and which country I liked. I always loved Australia however I married the person I met (regardless of where he came from) and 20 years later we moved to Aus by getting the qualifications and skills needed to get here.

 

I didn't join an Aussie website or fall in love with an Aussie just because I loved everything about Aus. So maybe you can get to UK under your own steam and all will not be lost.

 

Good luck with whoever you meet - you don't need to date an English guy just because you love everything about England. You never know - you could still end up moving to the UK!

Hi Pommyaussie thanks for sharing. I do not think it is strange, but I think it is just different.

Can you live in England or UK without him?

I cannot, and I am not thinking to live there without him. Anyway, it is already over. We broke up now.

I would appreciate an apology. I did NOT suggest this at all.

"I wonder if you are holding on to this because of your love not for him, but for Britain, which you seem to love. He gives you a link to that doesn't he?"

Can you explain this sentence more before getting apology? Does it sound like I use him for Britain (if it is rewritten). Please teach me English. Sorry, I am not native-English speaker.

oh I see what you mean.....

 

you sound like a really lovely dedicated loyal person and it does appear that this man has a few too many excuses....

do you think you deserve more than this?

I have given him ultimatum

why don't you just ask him whats going on ........5 yrs! you should both be open enough .........but its hard for a bloke to maintain a 5 yr relationship without much physical contact ,I really don't think that can happen , even you have questioned that ..........

It will end soon this time if there is no progress. I have given him ultimatum.

I dont think Peccavi was saying you dont have the right to reside in oz.....

I mean I can live here (citizenship) with job. I tried to explain that I dont need to use him for Britain (like Peccavi mentioned) if life is already good here.

Well inevitably I went back and read your history on this. One thing has stuck out for me and that is your nationality.

 

Ultimately what I say is racist, purely because it is based on race! I know we can't generalise specifically because everyone is an individual, but I will generalise...in general!

 

It is I think part of your nature to be somewhat more gentle then perhaps those in a Western culture would be (I am being general folks..), your nature I suspect is a damn sight more forgiving and patient then for many of us.

That is why I think what is blatantly obvious, even I suspect to you, has gone on for so long.

 

Caring for someone; loving them, can cause us all to continue on with callous insensitive or even violent behaviour in the hope that it will 'get better'. I am sure there have been cases in this World of this occurring, but I have yet to hear of it. This situation allows the abuse of one over another in whatever depth that occurs.

 

I am bound to say that this man has taken full advantage of that,-and knows full well that it is the nature of you to continue on, and keep looking for the bright side.

 

Do you really-really think there is any future with someone who could treat you this way?

Do you really want a man who behaves in this manner? You can make excuses for it, but it IS obvious you know.

 

I wonder if you are holding on to this because of your love not for him, but for Britain, which you seem to love. He gives you a link to that doesn't he?

My view has changed now that I know the history of this,-and your culture.

 

You need to talk to YOU. You need to perhaps start researching ways to get to GB on your own efforts, and not on the drag out excuses of another.

 

The English phrase 'flogging a dead horse' comes to mind. LOOK at this situation; really LOOK at it. There is nothing there! I suspect that by repeatedly going over the same ground you are 'validating' it; you are giving it life/substance. Which is what you want, when it is obvious there is nothing there.

 

Don't bother with these responses if they tell you what you don't want to hear;-go and read your own posts on this, and let you yourself tell you what you NEED to hear.

 

Work on your own plan, your own destiny, and get your soul back.

Face what you are refusing to face.

No one can help you but you.

Please research all my post history and you will find out that my man has fear of flying. It is very hard for him to come here. I already have got a job and the right to stay in Australia. Moving there is only to live with him.

EL do you have a first name ? makes it nicer to talk to and help ......

Hi Tony, you can call me EL I dont mind:) My first name is quite long for English.

I am going to be even more honest English Lover as I have looked through your previous posts on this site over the past 4 years or so... You are being messed around.

 

He wont let you see his facebook (well 2 years ago he wouldn't - has this changed?)

You asked to meet his family - he said no and this caused arguments

You have met him 4 times in 5 years - that is not serious. 5 years is a long time and if he truly loved you things would have progressed.

 

You can keep coming on this forum asking similar questions, year after year but honestly, you get the same answers and you are still playing into his hands.

 

You must have a better quality of life in Oz and you need to be spending your time and attention to making friends or meeting other men. From what I have read you are setting yourself up for failure but you still expect more. Plenty of men in the UK sit on the computers night after night whilst their wives are downstairs, it wouldn't take much to hide that from you. His wife or partner may work nights. Plus during your visits its easy to do this by taking 'business trips' etc and renting out a place.

 

You need to walk away and not contact this bloke again... But from previous posts - we are all wasting our time advising you because you still don't listen.

I am sorry for making you or anyone else here feel that you waste your time, and I did not mean to play with anyone's emotion here. Yes, I have been here for about 3-4 years and asked similar questions. Maybe, the problem is myself, not him.

Hi Englishlover ,I am English and not all English people are nice and gentle people, you ask about people making fake posts , yes they really do , its a fact that some people do that, why I don't know, because it spoils it for the genuine ones Please don't be offended by my post

No worries

I find it hard to think this is a genuine post from English lover , doesn't any one else ? I apologise if I am just being a cynical observer.

Hi Roborac, it is me. It is a genuine post. I came across this website because my fiance is English. I always dated English in the past and found that they are nice and gentle. In addition, I like everything about England since I was a teenager , football, history for example. Do you think someone just made the fake post?:twitcy::twitcy::twitcy:

Maybe he wants to be 100% sure of your relationship before allowing you to give up everything and move across the world for him.

 

I dated a guy from Belfast for a while. He wanted to give up his home, family, job and move here to live with me. I kept putting him off because I wasn't 100% sure it's what I wanted. I didn't want him to give up everything for me and then 6 months down the line I decide its not for me and h

e's homeless, jobless and far from family. So for that reason I asked for more time. And I was right to because it didn't work out.

 

maybe just give him a bit more time, but in the meantime, there's no reason why you can't go out with your friends and have some fun.

 

Debs

Hi Debs, Thank you. You might be right. I asked him again last night what he wants to do now. He said he is thinking. I have told him to make a decision soon.

Ahhhhh my dear, this is so telling!

 

Your assertion that there is nobody better than him, plus his lack of personal relationships, shows a devotion to someone who may-may have a problem with relationships and commitments. Thus there could well be some real heartache in this for you.

If you feel this way,-then you must be prepared to carry this emotional load and no one can really help.

 

I hope it works out; I really do.

 

________________________________________

 

I know it must be so difficult for you: coping with the personal situation, seeking advice online,-and then coping with the onslaught of us all who are simply responding with our opinions!! It is probably now compounding your problem; now you have to defend the situation to us!

 

It is the classic: 'well I did ask'!!

 

Good luck.

"now you have to defend the situation to us!" I love this

OH NO dont do that . Our daughter met her ex on line and got married, he has now totally destroyed her life, she cant even move suburbs for the next 14 years unless she leaves her children behind. Might be some nice ones on line but the majority ?????????

Oh sorry to hear that. I always think that this will be my last long distance relationship in my life. It is very hard and unhealthy.

Sorry to hear that English lover could you manage to just go for a holiday ? You could cut costs by maybe doing a "house sit" where you look after a home and maybe a pet for a few weeks and in return you get free accomadation.

Hi Tina, I am afraid I cannot work when I have visitor status. Thanks anyway.

Far to many excuses i smell a rat. Dont mean to be rude but my next message to him would be - Happy New Year - my new years gift to you is "Goodby" you will not hear from me again. Go to the UK on a working holiday have a good look around see if it is where you wont to live - you never know who you might meet along the way.

Hi Tina, I am too old to get working holiday , none of my grandparents are English

Thank you again everyone. I feel so thankful for your advice. I will wait a bit longer for few days and see what will happen and then take action.

Mrs. Pob has hurt her foot, she trod on a tent peg. (she was hopping mad!!!!!)

 

So spending hours on her feet this evening is not going too be an option. Is there anywhere we can go that gets a good view of the fireworks, but doesn't involve lots of standing or walking?

 

Maybe a car park over looking the fireworks?

I went to Kirribilli few years ago, but you need to get the spot to sit early. I have just seen this thread so it might be too late now. It is not far from the city, but you still see firework very close. But guess what, I had to be there around 1500 to get the spot and waited to see the firework at 2100 and then 2400. I swear I will never do it again!!!

However, I think you can also go to Circular Quay. It will be packed but I suggest you to go only 30 mins before it starts . You can still see firework even it is a ringside seat.

I wish you all the best as it can't be easy feeling like this especially after investing into the relationship for 5 years.

 

However - the facts are you've had a cyber relationship for all this time and have visited 4 times and not once met his family. Now he is asking for more time to make a decision and keeping you hanging on. I'm not convinced of his authenticity or his intentions and would personally want to know more before making that leap of faith.

 

 

 

Are you Australian? Can you go to UK to live without requiring a spouse visa? Either way, personally I'd kick this guy to the curb if after 5 years he needs to think about it.

 

His loss.

Hi PommieAussie

Yes, I am an Australian. I can go there without applying visa and stay for 6 months without work permission. However, I do not want to go like a visitor again. I need the relationship to be progressed.

The reason I have been with him (LDR) for 5 years because nobody is better than him. I know that he might have commitment problem. He had only 2 gfs in his life before he met me and it was only few months last long. I am just trying to understand him and hope he will eventually get out of the fears he has.

Agree with this,dont be too hasty in your own decision,but ask for a firm decision from him at the same time,living your life in limbo will do you no good

 

Best of luck English lover

Thank you. I have asked him again today. He is sick in bed and told me he needs time to think for few days. I will have to be in a limbo for few more days

Sent from a laptop on desk via very slow internet

I'm afraid I agree, I think you are worth more than that. Even if this guy decides he was just having a wobble then how does that make you feel? I know I would be doubting my security with a man I was moving to the other side of the world with. I know you have spent 5 years on this man but you haven't seen him in over a year and surely if he had feelings for you he wouldn't have left it so long between visits? As much as you know this guy, I would be slightly worried that he didn't have a prior agenda or a wife hidden away somewhere. Are you sure you know this guy? Have you visited him in England before and met family or friends?

Hi Jac2011 I visited England for 4 times. We mostly went on trip. I have not met his family yet, but I went to his place. Nothing looked suspicious in his place or his personal stuff like phone, emails. He never went away when he was on the phone.

Thank you everyone for your advice. I just cannot understand why he makes it so difficult. I have been living in Australia for 9 years, having a job, but I am ready to start everything again in the UK even I do not know my future there. Maybe it is right that he does not love me at all.

I am sorry but personally I think you need to move on with your life and forget him. I know its not what you want to hear but why waste anymore of your life on someone who wants to keep you at arms length. Do you think maybe he wanted to move out here and he was looking for a ticket out here, or does he already have a visa for Aus?

lots of hugs as it must be very hard for you :hug:

Hi Pom Queen Thank you for your comfort. He will not come to Australia. We have planned the move to the UK for me. I have told him I can do spouse visa for him if he wants to live in Australia, but he wants to live there so I am the one who will move.