Wishful

Dell,

I think you are amazing and I say go for it how wonderful !! You have given me hope here I am at aged 49 thinking im leaving it too long to go back and live. I moved here with my parents who live in sydney, I have two kids aged 18 and 20 and its not the right time for me to move back although I would love to. I look forward to hearing all about your adventures... Im going back with hubby and kids for four weeks next year and am looking forward to that.... can I ask do you have any kids or relatives either here or in England ?, how do they feel ?

My brother had a falling out with them some years ago, its just not an option for him to be involved. Its not an option right now to move back just looking at other options for the next 3-4 years. My kids although adults at 18 and 20 still need me and I probably still need them ..... thanks for everyones answers and feedback x

Hi Marisa , easier said than done parents getting older , brother doesnt speak to parents and my son is only 18 and I couldnt leave at this time. At this time Im trying to work out how to spend more time in UK. Maybe in 3-4 years things may be different but leaving now is not an option.

Morning Everyone , 

I have posted on here before and then disappeared , Im sorry for that as some people posted really lovely replies.

Short version of my story : emigrated to sydney on 1986 with parents and brother , married Aussie had two kids. Got divorced and remarried first boyfriend from UK. Mum and dad in their 70's. They have made the decision to not move back to the UK ( although its still where there heart is ). My kids are 18.5 and 20.5 , my daughter wont move to UK ( although loves going for holiday ) and my son feels English ( even though born here ) so he could end up anywhere. The thought of living in Aus for the rest of my life I actually cant let myself believe ( although I love Aus ).

Next May 2019 we are going back for four weeks , the four of us. I am trying to think of a way to be able to spend more time in the UK .

Has anyone lived in Aus and found a way ( without been rich ) of spending time each year in the UK ?

really appreciate any help.... on a side note I am close to my parents , and hubby loves it here xxx

Hi everyone,

Live in the blue mountains and so got very close to wills and kate yesterday and as great an experience as it was for me and my ( Australian born ) daughter it also make me more homesick than normal. I have been thinking about an idea for a while now and would really appreciate any advice from anyone.

I yearn to live back in UK some days its unbearable and I find myself getting showers just so I can cry ( I'm truly not depressed though I still work full time and find real joy in spending time with my family ) Financially we are scraping back up the ladder mainly due to trips to UK ( it really is a need not a want ) so my question is assuming my kids don't want to live in UK , I'm thinking a caravan in a park that I can go to every year for various periods of time , to buy I mean , I understand there are site costs BUT if you were going to do this , taking into account this is more than a holiday ( so don't really want a big commercial park ) which specific park have you been to that you would consider buying a van in ???

Or if you have a van what are the costs , has anyone done this ????

What other ways have people found to be able to have a foot in each country ??

Short story of where im at : Moved here 1987 at age 18 with parents and brother , got married had 2 kids( their dad is an Aussie ) divorced now married to an English man ( no kids together ) , have taken kids back to UK twice a third time ( hopefully in next 18 months ). Kids are now 16 and 14.

Thank you so much I really appreciate any advice :yes:

So glad to be part of this group ... thanks.

I moved here at the age of 18 in 1986 , with my mum dad and 14 yr old brother. I came kicking and screaming with the promise of an airfare after I had given it three months. I gave it three months and then I said thanks dad but no thanks Im off , mum and dad hid my passport and I was not very street savvy so didnt know I could get another one ( they are good parents and thought they were doing whats best for me ) .. any way life went on I went to Uni and I was happy , met an Aussie got married and had my daughter and BANG !!! it suddenly hit me I was now trapped it was no longer a lon long working holiday , got post natal depression worked through that and then had my son. 18 months later the marriage fell apart and I reconnected with my first love in UK ( through friends reunited ) long story short he came here for a holiday and stayed , got married ( to me lol ) and we have been happily married for 10 years in November. My kids are now 16 and 14 and have been back to UK twice they both love it, their dad is in their lives and so until they both reach 18 there is nothing I can do , In 2018 we are going for a minimum of three months and then see !!

I ache for "home" at least once a week have a cry and sometimes the despair is soooo bad ( and I don't have depression ) , I don't hate Aus I actually have a lot of affection for it but after 26 years I think ive given it a go !! I hope one day to live in both countries ( if my kids wont go to live ).

It really helps knowing others feel " exactly" the same. That you don't have to explain that feeling you get when you have to get on the plane to come back to Aus and how it takes all your courage to not run screaming ......

:wub:

that's what im thinking- when we 'gave it a go' back in 2010 it was in full on recession mode but things are on the turn. we had no way to survive it back then either which really clouded our experience of it. it's true what someone else said, that you will always have Australia in your blood (it has altered me forever) and the UK will always seem different. but i'm hoping, not in a bad way. i long for a sense of belonging and you can never alter where you're from- esp as you get older and crave it more. we are so lucky. we can live in both. my job allows me to travel. fear is no reason not to do something either. the winter can be gotten through. both countries have things to offer and things which irritate. i'll try and make the most of wherever we are. kids adapt and who knows, we could get more out 'being back' than we thought. thanks.

My story is different BUT the feelings are the same , that sense of belonging is what I ache for , for what its worht here is what I have come up with and its far from perfect. My story is moved here when 18 , married an aussie had 2 kids ( now aged 14 and 16 ) divorced married childhood sweetheart from UK now happily married for 10 years. SO I have taken kids back twice , plan is to take then back in three years when finished school for 3 months and see what happens , worst case scenario I am going to buy a caravan in uk to give me that sense of permanency and go back every year for as short or long as can afford , I want to live there and plan to spend lot of my time there , hubby will go where I want ... . . . I know I cannot live out my life here. I truly have a lot of affection for Australia I really do its just not home x

thanks for the replys .... my homesickness is so bad that I have to have plans to go back to keep my sanity. My son (14) said he should have been born in England and my daughter Im not sure . In the future I need to spend time each year in the UK and so for me this is my first option but I understand of course that they may not want it and then I will revisit things ...... My dad is 68 years young but longs to go back to UK and at times is a right misery guts ( actually most of the time ) and so I dont want to end up like him ... we will find a way but to believe this is where I will be for the rest of my life is not an option for me and I dont hate Australia I actually think I would miss it if I went home but this is not home and after 26 years Im pretty sure Ive given it a good shot...... what will be will be !

Hello everyone ,

Has anyone taken their Aussie kids back to UK for a " holiday" to see how they liked it and how did it go ??

My kids are 14 and 16 and in 3+ years planning on taking them for three months ( they have an aussie dad ) and I am remarried to an englishman for 10 years , I was born and bred in yorkshire and have always longed to go home but wont/cant without my kids.

People tell me im living in a dreamworld .. maybe I am

So has anyone taken kids back to UK for a longer holiday and they have wanted to stay despite having family here ????

If this hasnt worked has anyone successfully left their adult kids ( 20+ ) in Aus and gone back to UK with regular visits to Aus ?

it isn't fair when family guilt you when moving in either direction but unfortunately many families do just that. It's likely to be their grief response and whilst it is unpleasant and causes friction you just have to live with it and maybe label it for what it is - acknowledge that you know they will be grieving over not being able to have the kids so close but that you will be visiting and talking on skype (works for some, i hate it but there ya go). Etc etc. The kids will be just fine - they will be going to excellent schools in scotland, have lots of friends and be able to play outside in all weathers instead of freaking about skin cancers. It's not like scotland is a third world country! You're in for a couple of uncomfortable months i fear - don't know if you can issue an ultimatum - "we're planning on being here for christmas so you can have it with the kids but if this cr*p continues we will leave sooner".

 

Nothing is forever and, down the track, you never know where your best opportunities may lie, you have to do what is right for the here and now!

agree 100% quoll

I hate that we "poms" think everywhere else is better and constantly complain about the weather like its the only thing that matters , I hate we don't realise how great our history is

My mum and dad are going to do this 8 months here and four months in UK for next few years until their health dictates for them to make a choice. They will stay with family over in UK some of the time and cheap digs at other times. They have a unit near Sydney here and wont sell that I don't think. They are just determined to make it work , I shall be doing th same thing but hopefully a lot sooner xx

Thank you Sunni,

for me money really is the answer , I know money does not buy happiness in all situations but in this it would , If I could go back every year for a period of time ( prob at least a month or two ) I think this would help. But in the end I am one of four people and at the moment this is where I have to be. The kids will both have finished school in four years and they have a good relationship with their dad and family so maybe it will be an option. My plan and I have told them is that when they finish school we all go over for three months and just see and take it form there whether this will happen I dont know. x

Why can't you take your kids now?

I am not married to their father and there is a court order inplace with access. I would be arrested in UK and sent back. After they turn 16 the Hague convention doesnot apply and so if they wanted to at that point we could do that but I am 90% sure they wont want to and as I was brought here against my will ( all be it well meaning ) I owuld not do the same to them.

But they may move to the UK or Europe (and feel guilty about leaving you) ...or some other scenario you haven't thought of. Life has a way of throwing up all sorts of unexpected surprises.

I know Skani and I have not thrown the towel in I cant ....... Just as they got older I thought it would be easier but they have their own minds which is annoying !!! (LOL)

Hi Michelle,

Yes thats how I know I would feel , I better keep playing lotto. I have though I will open up a UK account . You said an important thing though you are going " home" this is not my home and believe me I have REALLY REALLY tried ...... I love my kids so much so I dont know what to do. My husband loves it here and has a job he loves so I dont know what the answer is x

It won't be too many years before your children are independent and you will be free to move. What's to say they won't be off to another country then? I guess you'll be about 50 by that time...so plenty of time to grow old in another country.

Hi Skani, Yes but its not that simple really , as they will still need me and they will get married have kids etc etc...... and I think the guilt of leaving them would be toomuch

I had a break from Poms IN aus and now Im back , despite all the arguing that goes on here. I find no one else really knows how I am feeling.

If it helps someone here is my story , moved here in 1986 with parents and brother , I was dragged kicking and screaming I didnt want to come ...... when I was 17. For the last 20 or so years have yearned to go back to UK , Have 2 children born here am divorced from their dad and re-married an english man. Cannot go back right now as kids here ( they are 13 and 15 ). My mum and dad are now going back for four months to see if they want to live there. I truly dont know what to do I actually like/love Australia but England is where my heart is and I dont want to grow old here and have regrets but then there are my children who are my life as well ...... Has anyone else had this situaaion and how has it/is it been resolved good or bad , has anyone managed to live in both countries ( and not won lottery ) ........... thank you x

My son is 15 very focussed on joining RAAF. Does football coaching has many good friends and has a girlfriend he has been dating some 12 months now. He has binned all his England things and hangs a Aussie flag on his wall.. He won t visit the uk either. I used to live in Dudley, it's a dump. I had 3 redundo s in 2 years and the work is poorly paid. Bills are sky rocketing and wages are not. When I moved to oz 4 years ago my hourly rate was $26 an hour and has risen to $41. I get another 4% next June.

I hesitate to comment as I am kinda hoping your post is a mickey take , it has to be cause it is pure make belief. I lived in the UK for 18 years been back 8 times and lived here 26 , I love both countries and don't feel the need to divorce either given the choice I would go live in the UK... Dudley prob is a dump but there are the most beautiful places in England far more spectacular than here.... Have you vivisted western Sydney at night lately or inner Sydney to name a few places they would be on a par with the places you speak of in England Each country has its good and bad points , but the UK is not responsible for how you feel... you are !

Yes we have!! First because of work we left our three in UK, aged 13,19,21. The youngest newly into boarding school, next one still at university and oldest just finished uni. I'm not saying it wasn't hard, but we all survived, Asia became home for the 2 younger ones, as they still had good long holidays, and we all had some amazing times together, so on balance the good outweighed the bad. Sometimes only just!

Until you become an expat, you don't realise how many families live like this.

Then on retirement we decided to come and live in Australia, all three children were still in UK, but this was something we had always wanted to do, and I suppose we wanted to live our lives and not through the children. Had we moved back where would we live? Our old village, at least 2 hours away from each child? none of them lived anywhere near the other, near the married one, even though we didn't know anyone? who knows? he could have had a new job offer and moved shortly after we arrived, it had happened to friends of ours.

Been in Australia now 9 years, middle child joined us here nearly 7 years ago and youngest has now been here for nearly a year.

Married one + grandchildren still in UK.

Some people cope with distance from family, some don't, but we looked on retirement as an adventure to do what we wanted to do, we're lucky that we can go back to UK most years for at least 2 months, so we see the UK family.

Ref. the idea of living 6 months in each country, I lived between UK and Brunei for 9 years, it isn't easy, you somehow never quite belong in either, I know people who have tried to do this and always feel they are constantly having to re-establish their lives every 6 months.

Whatever you decide in the future all the best, there's probably no easy answer, but if you still have the need to go back to UK, then go for a really long visit, so after the initial excitement wears off you see the reality of life there.

We joke that we keep moving further away from our children, but they keep finding us!!!!

Thank you for your post , it helps to know people have done it. Our main issue is lack of money so I think for it to be able to happen this needs to be addressed. Both hubby and I have jobs we love but they dont pay really well , looking at going for 3 months when the kids leave school in 5 years and will have a better idea after that what we want to do.... Hubby loves it here so who knows. xxx

Some people will know my story .....in a nutshell moved here when I was 18 came with mum and dad under the promise that if I gave it 3months and wanted to go home then that would be fine.3 months later I said ok its been nice and Ill go home thanks , but they took my passport and then life just went on and then I had kids (2) in 2001 divorced and 2003 remarried the love of my life ( old flame from england ) kids are now 15 and 13 and we are happily married B U T... The absolute gut wrenching yearning ( you know the one ) for UK never goes away , most days it ok then others it sneaks up on me .... my kids have been back twice one would live there the other no way.... In an ideal world we would win lotto and spend 6 months here and 6 months uk but that probably not going to happen , so in say 7 years when they are 22 and 20 my question is:

Has anyone left their grown up kids in another country and how did that work

Has anyone had kids that didn't want to go live in UK but changed their minds

I would appreciate any experiences.....

Thank you

Wishful x

I have been here 26 years and homesickness NEVER goes away but you learn to live with it. Mine is worse at christmas or when things happen back home.

My kids are 15 and 13 so in a few years I will be able to spend more time in UK ( I hope ) Good luck x

Sorry to hear about your dilemma. Why not try and set up a small savings account and call it trip to UK fund. I know it's hard when money is tight (been there many a times myself).

 

Also the lack of concentration could also be linked to some type of depression. I know when I was depressed, all my thoughts and energy went on thinking about Canada and how I could get home,

 

It sounds like you have a great family, and your wish to go to the UK will happen, it might take a little longer but where there is a will there is a way.

 

 

.

 

Cheers

 

Karen

Yeah I had thought about the depression thing but I think when I feel down its linked to the UK nothing else.... I am setting up a savings account and yes I agree where there is a will there is a way ...... thanks. I appreciate everyones thoughts

Hi wishful -

 

If you were in Oz since you were 18, maybe it's not necessarily being in Oz vs. the UK that is bringing forth the homesickness, but something else that you're feeling - maybe some other need that is unmet.

Hi there , No its not honest I am happily married two lovely kids doing a job that is satisfying I know how lucky I am .... I am just not home that's all plain and simple.

Some people know my story in brief , came here when I was 18 now 44 , been back to UK on many occasions. Have two Australian children aged 12 and 14 and remarried an Englishman

( childhood sweetheart ) .... I dont dislike Aus just really want to go home , money is tight at moment and so not an option.. one of my children sees himself as English my daughter as a true blue Aussie ( though she liked England when we visited ).

I cannot concentrate on day to day things I am always trying to work out ways to get home I dont know what to do I feel so trapped and down..just want to go home or at least be able to go home for substantial amounts of time on a regular basis .... ( Olympics not helping but its always there ).

Anyone feel the same , in the same position would value ANY advice !

PLEASE no anti English stuff just would like some advice - thank you