Sw4S

It wasn’t Stevenage by the way

37 minutes ago, can1983 said:

I'm the British half of an "Anglo-Aussie" marriage. We had the same decision, luckily in our case I prefer living in Australia to anything in the UK. Quite honestly don't see the appeal of the place anymore just overcrowded and too hard to live the sort of outdoor life I love. So I would say there are better places than others but I can see that the drawbacks of Sydney (I don't live there now but have in the past) over some parts of the UK

So it really was an easy decision my wife and I both agree that our children are better off here, they have regular contact with one set of grandparents and less so with the other of course.

If there is family in each I would just make the decision for yourselves and try not to factor in family support. Many people say new mums want to be close to their parents for support, that's not for everyone my sister has also chosen Aus over the UK because she believes here is a better lifestyle.

Bad places in Hertfordshire, sounds like Stevenage! If it is I wouldn't worry about offending anyone Lewis Hamilton has already done that!

My partner enjoyed the Lewis Hamilton comment

Thanks for the reply - can I ask how long you gave living in Australia a chance before you began feeling like Aus was the better choice for you and your family? 

You’re on the money re the fear of being away from my parents as a new mum (having children is probably not on the cards for another 2/3 years at least, but I see how much support my parents provide to my sister who has a 2 year old and it’s now got me doubting whether I’d be silly to move away from that! My partner’s parents are lovely but it wouldn’t quite be the same and we wouldn’t be able to live near enough to them anyway due to our careers)…I’m also very conscious that the impact of pandemic on being able to travel between the two countries is probably having an effect on how we feel about the situation - it feels very definitive at the moment, ie wherever you pick is wherever you’re set, but of course the other country and it’s ties to us will still be there whatever we pick

3 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

You are very, very far from alone.   It's a very common problem for Aussie/British couples.    Unfortunately each case is unique, so only you can decide what the solution is for you.   

First of all, let's put one thing to bed.   I think there's a perception that life is somehow "better" in Australia, so why would anyone choose to live in the UK instead?  It's rubbish. Both countries have good points and bad points, and there are so many subtle differences in the culture.   It all comes down to where YOU feel more comfortable, because that's the one thing that will endure.  

With that in mind, I'd say if you both feel more at home in the UK, then that's where you should be.  Look into a spouse visa (you don't have to be married).  

My only concern is that you said you weren't happy in Hertfordshire.  If you can't go back to London, where else did you have in mind?  

I ask because one thing I didn't think about, when we decided to retire to the UK, was how small all the cities are.  It didn't occur to me that all the cities I love (London, Sydney, Melbourne, Vienna, Paris) are well over a million people.  I now realize that I find smaller cities, no matter which country, are too quiet and lacking in buzz.  I notice a massive difference between the culture of London and the culture of everywhere else in the UK. 

I guess what I'm saying is, be careful you're not just comparing London and Sydney, unless you're planning to return to London.  Think about where you're likely to end up and what the culture there is likely to be like. 

Thank you so much for this, so true that each of the places are just different - it isn’t that one is better than the other.

That’s a really good point re cities - I think part of what I found difficult was going from Sydney to London to a small part of Hertfordshire - the difference between the 3 was really extreme.

I should’ve clarified though, I actually really like Hertfordshire more generally and would happily live in some of the areas within it (eg Tring, St Albans) - it was just the specific place we lived in which I found difficult (am avoiding naming it as I don’t want to offend anyone) - basically my partner picked it in his mid-20s when he was single and just wanted somewhere halfway between his work in London and his parents place in Bucks. It was convenient for amenities and transport, but otherwise was industrial, a little unsafe and didn’t have too much by way of culture/history. We also had no family/friends there.

Ideal would be a villagey part of London, but if we’re priced out we’d be equally happy living in any of Herts, Bucks or Surrey (though appreciate they’re all quite pricey too…still slightly better value for money than Syd!). I like a bit of buzz, but as long as I can commute to a city without too much pain then I don’t need to be in a city itself. To make up for the lack of buzz though, it would need to have at least a decent high street and some good walks.

Hi everyone, bit of an imposter here (I’m an Aussie, but I have an English partner) - wanting to see if any couples where one partner is English and one is Australian have navigated similar issues/decisions. 
A little over 4 years I moved to London from Sydney, met my now long term partner and generally had a good life and felt quite settled. Just before the pandemic hit, we were living in my partner’s home in Hertfordshire and whilst it had a lot of pros in terms of the areas surrounding and had easy connections to London where we worked, I felt quite isolated and the specific area we were in wasn’t entirely safe. We decided to buy together elsewhere in England and so he put his property up for sale.
About a week later, lockdown hit and there was no interest in his property as it was a one bedroom without a garden. 
So we were then stuck in that place throughout lockdown and were isolated/far from family and friends, and unable to proceed with buying somewhere new because his house wasn’t selling. Simultaneously, I was in a job that was becoming increasingly more toxic, but that I couldn’t change as my visa in the UK was tied to it. I also received all sorts of good and bad news from back home (unexpected deaths, pregnancies, weddings) but because of the pandemic/Aus flight caps, I couldn’t go home for any of it.

I was pretty down and so towards the end of 2020, we discussed the idea of moving to Sydney (my home city) and we both convinced ourselves it was a great idea and that at least that way we’ll have each lived in each other’s countries before making a permanent decision about where to live.

If I’m being honest, I thought Sydney would be the winner, but having now been back here for 6 months, I think we’ve made the wrong decision.

I prefer the UK for so many reasons, and my partner - despite trying his best to stay upbeat and make Sydney work for me - feels the same way.

I’d move back in a heartbeat but my family and friends who I’m very close to are all here so I feel a lot of guilt. I also then see forums like this where a lot of people move back to the UK to be back closer with family, particularly for support with kids.

Sorry for the long winded background, but I suppose I’m interested to see how couples have made a decision where you have sets of families in both countries and where you’ve ultimately chosen the country that has less of a support network, but has other pros - eg you feel more “alive” or more “you” there. Or just any other perspectives where a mixed Aus/English couple have opted for the UK having tried out Aus.

Thanks