LucyFlo

Wow, some really good replies that have really got me thinking this morning. Thank you all. Still lots of thinking to be done. X

11 hours ago, Marisawright said:

It's a very difficult situation.   As someone who is your parents' age, I can fully understand them not wanting to take the CPV route. For one thing, if they applied now, there is a 5-6 year waiting list, so your older parent would be in their seventies when they move, and it's hard to uproot your whole life at that age.  Besides, your daughter will be at school by that time, and busy with after-school activities, so it's not as if they will see her all that often.  They would be giving up everything they know, in exchange for seeing their darling granddaughter on a Sunday, or maybe on the school run.

I've met a few sets of aged parents living here in Australia.  They're settled in Australia, but they say they were so desperate to be near their grandchildren, they didn't realise how much they were sacrificing   They miss their home.  They miss all the treasured possessions they had to dispose of.  They miss their dearest friends (of course they make new ones, but it's not the same).  Also, because they had to pay such a huge application fee, they've had to downsize their home and live on a tighter budget, so their life is more limited.   

Taking all that into consideration, I think your parents are being sensible in deciding not to join you, so I hope you are not holding that against them.  

 

Not holding it against them at all. Like I said, I 100% empathise and understand their choice to stay. This is our dream, not theirs and they shouldn’t feel pressured to join us. 

Hi,

I am an only child with parents who are 62 and 67. 

My fiancé is Australian and we’ve decided we would like to relocate to Australia with our little girl who is 10 months old.

Initially, my parents took it ok. We asked them to join us on a CPV which they were up for and also very excited about. After a couple of months, they decided they didn’t want to leave the uk. They are a very anxious pair and decided it was too much for them to cope with. Fair enough, I totally understand and empathise with them.

Since deciding they won’t be coming, it has been an absolute rollercoaster of emotions. They’ve been so upset and very vocal about it and I feel horrifically guilty. They said they don’t want to come and visit after coming for the first and only visit and they aren’t sure they want to FaceTime as it will be too painful (we are very close now and live in the same town). 

As time has gone on, it has become more awkward when I see them. Today I got lots of angry messages from my dad saying we had been selfish and not thought of them at all (we did though as I wanted them to come with us and when they said they couldn’t, I tried to work out a plan with them to make it work). My dad says he’s glad our relationship seems to have changed as it will make it easier when we leave. 

I 100% empathise with how they must be feeling, I feel dreadful, but I also feel that it’s unfair to call me selfish for thinking of my fiancé and my daughter’s future.

Has anyone else been in this position? Please tell me it gets easier! I love my parents to bits, but at the moment I just can’t be around them. We are all too sad and that sadness is slowly turning into anger and resentment which breaks my heart. I’m crying as I write this as I feel so awful and so guilty for making them feel this way, but I feel like we can’t go back on this now. I really want to make the move and if we cancelled the move, we would always wonder ‘what if?’ And I would also feel awful for putting my fiancé and child in second place.