Clm

52 minutes ago, jimmyinoz said:

I know how you feel ive been here 13 yrs and im heading home in about another 5 ..  however ive met some of the most genuine friend s im ever likely to meet here  for instance when my dad died in 2010 they had a whip round for me and helped keep my business on its feet while i was back home sorting things out .ive lived in Qld and NSW ,i must admit i like NSW better . It sounds like you live near Brisbane  lol it appears to be the norm around there i lived a bit further up in Gladstone ......Youll find country people here more genuine  than city types ..i guess you get this wherever you go ..I spent most of my life in London but came from a wee town in Scotland so i may be a bit bias lol .

.I hated the atmosphere in London it sucks , maybe thats the solution is to  move 

Ive travelled all over the eastern part of this country conducting business ..it seems the further south you go the more Euro it is ..my advice is dont chuck the towel in just yet,develop a thick skin [Aussies are pretty much  the same as working class brits ]and maybe investigate other states ..

Thank you - we will stick it out and do enjoy being here - just have found it more difficult  than anticipated and in different ways - I guess for me I just wanted to know I wasn't alone in feeling this way - I will definetely will take your advice and travel more ? 

Yes we live 10 mins away for Brisbane city. 

But I agree on the tough skin - it's something I certainly didn't have coming here - it's slowly growing ?

Thank you you for your positive input ? And not the - " go home " or " Australia  won't change for you "- much appreciated. 

28 minutes ago, LKC said:

If I'm completely honest, I felt settled to start with, but the longer we were there the more unsettled I felt.  I've never been one who has needed lots of friends, and would rather one or two good friends.  That said, I never had any trouble in making friends in the UK, and had quite a reasonable circle of friends from school, uni and my working life, plus a few from childbirth classes etc.  In Australia I put myself out there, tried to meet people at playgroups, school etc, but I never really made any friends.  There were a couple of people who I was closer to (both migrants, funnily enough), but even then our friendships were shallow and I've not heard from them since we moved back to the UK.  In my experience in our part of Sydney, people tended to stick to groups of family and friends of family, friends they'd had since school, and church groups.  If you weren't in those groups already, you had no chance at all.  At the school gates there was lots of bitchiness and two-faced behaviour which I didn't want to be involved in.  I got taken advantage of by people (looking after people's children in school holidays if their childcare arrangements fell through, picking kids up to take them to school and dropping them home etc.), but even trying to be kind and helping people out in that way didn't help.  Most strikingly, the behaviour kind of filtered down to our kid's friends.  My eldest daughter's best friend (of six years) used to come over to play, for sleepovers etc. frequently, but she was only invited to their house maybe three or four times in the six years they were friends.  The kids were rarely invited to birthday parties.

The kicker for me, was having a visit from some friends from the UK, who were on holiday in Australia and came to stay for a few days.  We'd not seen them for something like nine or ten years (just kept in touch via email/Facebook), but the second they arrived it was like we'd seen them yesterday.  That made me realise how isolated and lonely I was, and triggered a huge depressive episode which pretty much lasted until we moved back to the UK.

We've only been here (Scotland, which isn't where we came from) for a few months, and have already made better friends here than we made in the nine years we were in Sydney.  I don't really know why, I've not done anything more to put myself out there than I did in Australia, just done the school run.  We have moved to a small village, though (and always lived in villages before), so that may be something to do with it.  Perhaps if we'd gone to live in London or another large city our experience would have been different, and more similar to our experiences in Sydney.

8 minutes ago, Fida said:

I feel like to write a bit here 

 

In My 5th Year of (Sydney) Life

 

It is Hard to find a Genuine Person in first place. But never mind ,I'd rather prefer to be all alone (friendship) than to have a fake friend who would always watch out for an opportunity in Friendship.

PS: Its not Just with British migrants or etc., I'm Indian but find myself Alien when I'm in my Indianised gatherings, as they are completely fake/materialistic many more to write here.....and it takes years to Identify real faces 

 

 

Hi Fida ,

that is exactly like me - I'd rather have none than fakes 

But that's where I think I fall short here - because I won't play the political friendship game.

if I like you and want to be your friend - I'm your friend - no gossip , no slating you , yours kids or your husband when your not around - 

mid i have something to say I'll say it to your face not behind your back.

im genuinely appalled at how people treat each other here and then think how blessed I am to have the friends back home that I have. 

25 minutes ago, Wa7 said:

How longs a piece of string............it may never happen on the level that you are used to or feel was enough ?

I have found in my years In Aus that it's a very private place and friendships are done a bit at  'arms length ' ( I have plenty of Aus family here and none of them have much of what I define as friends or a social life ) but its normal to them.

You will get  the usual advice of put yourself out there,  join clubs ( which is good advice) but this doesn't guarantee anything but atleast you tried.

Its not a major issue to me personally, I am well and truly used to it and it never stopped me feeling settled ( but then again we will probably be returning to the uk at some point so it's not forever) but it's definitely a hurdle to get over and one that you can't prepare for until your here.

 

 

 

 

Hi , 

i have sincerely put myself out there - joined groups - fitness , school groups ect 

i just found myself with the same hurdle of - cliques and almost political friendships.

its not something I'm used to and just wondered if this was just me felling like this! 

I'm a very social person and my own company I like, but I do like to enjoy my friendships - have fun and do things - this to me is a healthy balance to have within my life. 

So much so - I feel very alone here 

yes I have my husband and kids but I do believe friendships and socialising is important too. 

55 minutes ago, wattsy1982 said:

Ive been here coming up 5 years and don't feel anymore settled than I did the day we stepped off the plane.

That 'genuine' friendship is what I miss too, you end up being friends with people here because your kids are friends or because you are both English...therefore you must be friends!

Thank you 

I never write on these things , but is nice to know I'm not the only one. Can I ask what part of Brisbane you are based in? 

Hi , 

we as a family ( me, my OH and our two daughters) moved to Brisbane over two years ago.

However I still feel very unsettled - my OH and youngest daughter feel very settled. 

But myself and my eldest daughter 11 have struggled.

I miss home , friends and family, but the hardest thing I have found is genuine friendships?

i feel like there is not many people here - well I have yet to meet genuine sincere people. Who don't play mind games - take advantage of kindness , play keeping up with the jones - gossip or are just mean to friends when they are not around.

it just all seems very fake - I've sincerely met some of the rudest people in my life here! I'm not a negative dweller - far from it! I'm polite pleasant and will go out of my way to be kind and friendly. I miss friends that I could share problems with - that were kind , friends you can socialise with and  laugh till you cry. 

But I'm starting to feel like an alien here. What I think are basic morals , manners and respect - others don't ,and the whole - playing mind games within friendship isn't me.

I guess in my baffle , what I'm trying to say or ask is - how long before people made genuine friendships or has anyone else felt isolated or met these hurdles ? 

Thanks for reading ?