Very emotional 8 year old

[wetnwindy]

Flights booked for 5 weeks time but 8 year old daughter having emotional breakdown. Daddy already in Perth and flying back for us but she cannot get over the fact that we are leaving family, friends, school. Now I consider myself a strong person and mum (3 kids) but I cannot make her understand! I can only cuddle her and tell her it's ok to be upset and that daddy will be here in 5 weeks (been gone 9 weeks now).

 

I know some of you will have been thru similar so looking for words of wisdom? How did you deal with it and once you got there how did they settle, what helped and what didn't help?

 

I don't want anyone to come to airport as think this will be awful but can't pluck up the courage to tell parents and sister etc this.:frown:

 

Apart from this I have been fine and am dealing with the emotional debris daily, wobble one day, elation next day. The usual when leaving family, friends.

[Petals]

I am sure it will be fine, you have three children so she is not alone. I did it as a 10 year old only child and all I can say is make sure that you keep her in the loop at all times and that she feels secure. I think the worst thing for me was being an only child and the fear of being alone. Also please do not compare Aus with UK as this drips down and causes more upset to a child, I know about that too.

 

Good luck just be the parent not the friend and things work out. I survived so can she.

[whoiam]

Looking forward to replies here on this because I have a gut feeling that I am going to face the same sort of thing at home. My daughter too(8 next month) has been feeling very upset anytime australia is mentioned. Her main gripe is that she dosent want to change schools as she loves her current one. One of her worries I came to know yesterday was about the language - " they speak australian and I speak only English mummy" - and this after careful querying of her fears. Many things that we know we take for granted but can actually faze lil ones I guess.

I guess if she is too upset then offering a bit of leeway in that "if we are not happy after going to Oz we can always come back " might help her?

[Guest truebeliver]

awwwwww sorry to hear your daughters feeling like that

 

i havent been through this but i do have a 9yr old boy and i reckon at that age shes probably just reacting to the things thats going on around her, missing her daddy and having to go through it again soon, missing her family. if i were you id make sure you dont mention any worries or concerns you might have as she will pick up on this, in turn becoming more worried herself.

 

keep doing what your doing and just reassure her, tell her shes a very lucky girl and shes about to have an amazing adventure that most children can only dream of, make it as exciting as possible and stay strong and positive, hope you dont think im patronising im just speaking as one mum to another

 

good luck

dawn x

[mansawant]

The same thing with my son (7 years old). Whenever we say Australia, he doesn't like it and always his comment is 'I don't want to change my school and house'. He is the only child of ours, may be that could be the reason, he doesn't want to be away from his friends. So we are thinking to move in August during his holidays so it will be easier for him to leave.

 

 

.....Mansawant

[ali]

We didn't want anyone to come to the airport either - I think if you explain that it will just be too difficult hopefully they might understand.

 

We had a leaving party for my daughter (it was me and the other mums who ended up crying lol), make a message book so all her friends can write their addressess in. When we got her we bought postcards of places we'd been to and sent those to people. I know my daughter was constantly on skype/msn when we arrived at first.

 

My son was 7 when we moved, took it all in his stride and asked after a year if we were still on holiday (he'd been going to school and everything lol).

 

Help her make some memories, let her know how you're going to keep in touch ... we went to cheap souviner shops and bought koalas and roos to send back for friends.

 

Keep cuddling ... as a mum it's all we can do xx

[tea4too]

One of my nephews was around this age when he left for Australia, and he struggled big time too. Mum and dad asked him to trust them……they were grown up and had a lot of years experience to help them to make the right decision about the move. They also set a date for when they would come back to the UK for a holiday. I don’t know if you can do that, but it seemed to help my nephew to believe that he really would see people again. The rest of the family talked about how they would keep in touch. In the early days I used to send him airmail letters full of silly bits and pieces of news about the family. As most people use email, skype or text these days, it was just something a little different and special to him when the blue envelopes arrived.

 

Try not to worry too much, although it is heart wrenching to see your children stressed and upset they are amazingly adaptable and on balance it’s a good thing that she is prepared to talk about how she feels.

 

As far as the airport departure goes – I agree that the goodbyes are best done at home. The airport is where you begin your new life and tears and stress at that point are not the best of starts. Maybe you could ask family and friends to do you a really big favour and explain why you need to make the airport a ‘no go zone’.

 

All the very best, I’m sure you will come through it all fine in the end .Tx

[wetnwindy]

awwwwww sorry to hear your daughters feeling like that

 

i havent been through this but i do have a 9yr old boy and i reckon at that age shes probably just reacting to the things thats going on around her, missing her daddy and having to go through it again soon, missing her family. if i were you id make sure you dont mention any worries or concerns you might have as she will pick up on this, in turn becoming more worried herself.

 

keep doing what your doing and just reassure her, tell her shes a very lucky girl and shes about to have an amazing adventure that most children can only dream of, make it as exciting as possible and stay strong and positive, hope you dont think im patronising im just speaking as one mum to another

 

good luck

dawn x

 

Thanks for replies, much appreciated. I do try to keep my emotions from her so she isn't feeding of mine. I know its fear of the unknown. She says she is not interested in the sunshine or beaches as non of that matters! Oh lord, she can be too knowledgeable sometimes! It certainly tough, my other 2, 6 and 18mths aren't phased, well obviously the 18 mth old has no opinion, but 6 yr old is excited and will embrace it.

[frostie]

Thanks for replies, much appreciated. I do try to keep my emotions from her so she isn't feeding of mine. I know its fear of the unknown. She says she is not interested in the sunshine or beaches as non of that matters! Oh lord, she can be too knowledgeable sometimes! It certainly tough, my other 2, 6 and 18mths aren't phased, well obviously the 18 mth old has no opinion, but 6 yr old is excited and will embrace it.

 

Hi Wendy we are also flying out in 5 weeks to Sydney. I have the same problem with my nearly 8 yr old. It is also the same for her leaving school, best friends and family. She is very tearful and is crying at any mention of us leaving!

I have told her if we are not happy in 2 years we will come back. But at that age 2 yrs is a life time so not to sure that has helped. The thought of seeing all the wildlife over there is our strongest positive point to persuade her she is going to enjoy it.

My other 2 are 10 and 3 and they are very exited.

My in laws asked if they could see us of at the airport but I am not going to let anyone come to the airport. I would like the day to be a positive one without the tears and emotions of leaving family behind. I dont want the sadness on their grandparents faces to be their last memory of England.

Are you having a leaving party?? I have chickened out of a party as I dont want to see people get emotional and upset because of us. Both the oldest kids are having their very best friends over to sleep and they are happy with that. I am also going to be making up some cards for the kids to give out at school with our skype & email address on them.

 

Good luck with your move and hopefully the kids will sette quickly and be happy

Mandy

[SpongeRobert]

Hi Hope this helps a bit?

 

we left the UK last August and think the packing the house up was the worst thing on this earth for my daughter. Up until then i think she had been pretending it wasn't going to happen. She was absolutely gutted watching her things disappearing into boxes. We let her cry, cuddled her and explained that it was going on a ship and it would be alright she would see it at the other end.

Trouble is my daughter thought this meant it was falling off the end of the earth! When i sat down and asked her why she was finding it all difficult she couldn't grasp that when we were in Australia that everyone was still going to be in the UK, carrying on with their daily lives and thought that they were going to disappear forever. There wasn't two countries just UK or Aus, not both running in parallel.

We practiced using the internet and using skype for her and laughed when people came on etc.

 

Saying goodbye was very difficult for all of us but i have to admit we didn't do the big party thing at all and kept it all very low key. We went out for meals or round peoples houses so the kids could play etc then said a quick goodbye, see you soon and left but didn't drag the goodbye out. We then had stuff to take the kids minds off it, like dragging them round tesco's (open 24 hours) for things to do on the plane (didn't use any of it!)

 

Once we had said our "goodbyes" to friends etc, saying goodbye to the grandparents i think is the hardest thing on this planet not just for the child but also for the grabdparent. Luckily although everyone is upset, everyone tries to look on the bright side but certainly do not let anyone come to the airport. This will be the hardest thing to do, it was bad enough without anyone, let alone walking through the gates with the kids when saying goodbye. Advice ...leave everyone at home!

 

Its hard for everyone to stay focused on why you thought emigrating was a good idea when you get to the goodbye stage! however you know why you want to emigrate so keep this upper most in your mind. We thought of things the kids really wanted to do in Australia that they couldn't do in the UK. Some kids really want to cuddle a koala, see dolphins, have a swimming pool etc. Keep them focused with lots of discussion on what they are going to do etc. For example my youngest daughter was desperate for a drum kit (yes well i never said i was sane!) so we said we'd get her one in aus, the eldest wanted to learn ice skating so we said yep (after looking it up) that she could do that. Then whenever we saw tears welling up we started to discuss the drum kit or ice skates..like how many drums and how do you play the cymbols etc really stupid stuff! ice skates and what they look like and how you move your feet. Because its something they really want to do it refocus's their minds on something they can only do in Aus.

 

Remember that it is important for them to see saying goodbye is just as upsetting for you as it is for them, we cried saying goodbye just the same and the kids starting cuddling us! make the goodbye quick and remember chocolate works wonders!!!!

 

Hope this helps and good luck. xxx

[hogan]

hi spongerobert, thanks for the post but more importantly how are the children doing now ? so we know if it all works out once we are there x

[PDC]

It's been great reading these, as like you, we have a 7 1/2 year old daughter who feels the same. Many tears about leaving the lovely group of friends she has and going to a new school. However, just this week her primary did a morning's exchange with another in our area - 10 kids swapped over for a few lessons and lunch - and my daughter's teacher chose her as she knew she would soon be changing schools. She was very nervous to start (mainly as we were a little late - my fault!) but when I went to pick her up she had just had the best time. It has completely reassured her that changing school is not something to be scared of, and that the kids will want to be her friends. It's given me some comfort as well, seeing how well they can adapt within a few hours.

 

Again, there are lots of cuddles at the moment. We've set up an email address just for her so she knows she can write to her friends instantly, and she knows we can Skype them. She seems much more settled about the idea, and we focus on what we are going to, and not what we are leaving behind. It is easier for us as we do have my husband's family there, and she was born there, but I think it is a case of looking forward all the time - rather than behind. I'll deal with the broken hearts in time.

 

I should point out, that to ease all of the sadness at leaving family and friends, we have also promised her a DS (she's been asking for 2 years!) - anything to get her on the plane!!

[SpongeRobert]

Hi Hogan.

 

In response to your question.................................my kids absolutely love it and would not return to the UK. Hope this helps!

 

Saying good bye is really hard and i didn't realise how hard it was going to be even with all the preparations in the world. Think we had a couple of days after saying goodbye to everyone to catch our breath before going to the airport. My brother drove us to the airport and dropped us off as we had asked him not to come in and to make it quick, not just for us but also for him. Driving to the airport in the car was very hard and it seemed a long drive. Getting my legs to move to get out of the car was really funny cos they didn't seem to be taking any notice of what my brain was telling them! The youngest didn't want to get out of the car and stubbornly sat there. My heart dropped, I mean how was i going to get her out of the car, even chocolate wasn't working! In the end the rest of us got out, got a trolley and put all the bags on. Then we all said our goodbyes, then how to get the youngest out? In the end my brother was telling her how it was a new life and not to worry he'd be out really soon to see her and she had to get out cos he had to go to work! He jollied her along and between us with lots of positive encouragement her legs worked and she got out. Believe me when i say it was very hard, the kids were crying and for the rest of us to try to hold them back cos we didn't want to make the goodbye any harder. When my brother drove away i think it was the worst feeling on the planet and that's when i did cry but by this time the kids were feeling better so they looked after me! Then it was too late..he'd gone so no choice but to go into the airport.

 

This bit wasn't too bad to be honest and looking at the planes as we were walking along kept our minds busy. Talking about what films may be on the plane (we checked before we left so could say maybe this or that film etc) what food we'd have etc. Getting on the plane you would think would be easy....but no. Its all hard and if you are the one that instigated the move this is the time when you think.....what am i doing to the kids? thing is you are on the plane, the kids aren't crying and are looking forward to the entertainment on the plane. The rest is easy? mmm 7 months later i can safely say it is the best thing we all did. If you want to know what happened next..................................you only have to ask!! lol

[SpongeRobert]

Forgot to add that as parents remember the time difference. we made the mistake of promising the kids that they could skype their friends all the time etc. However Perth is currently 8 hours ahead. This means when we get up for school at say 7am in Perth, in the UK it is 11pm, when the kids return from school its 4pm and its 8am in the UK so they are rushing to school and when the UK kids come home from school at 4pm in perth its midnight!! try to arrange a time say on sat morning UK time or sunday morning UK time (our afternoon) to skype people. When mine found they couldn't skype their friends all the time and could only do it really at weekends or in the holidays (remember they are at different times!) it was a huge shock and the kids were cross with us. just a thought. x

[Sahara77]

Hi we flew out on the 3rd jan so have been here for just over 2 months we are a family of 5 my oldest daughter is 8 year, I also have a 4 year old daughter and a 1 year old son. I can honestly say that leaving was one off the hardest things saying goodbye to family and friends.

I would defiantly say not to have people come to the airport as it makes it so much harder.

Overall all I would say the kids have settled brilliantly we still have no furniture and think once that arrives things will be even better. We all still have down days but Skype really helps too.

The kids have finally settld in school and are making friends that was my biggest worry and fear that they wouldn't settle in school which again hasn't been easy but after 6 weeks at school they are coming home happy

 

So far I feel we have made the right decision even though it is still really early days, and can't imagine going home.

We have come on a 457 visa and still have our house in the uk.

 

It truelly is an emotional rollercoster but you just need to try to remember all the reasons why you made your decision in the 1st place and nothing is forever and if it doesn't work out at least you tried instead of spending the rest if your life regretting the things you haven't done but have some great memories or even better it could be the best decision you ever made !!!!!

 

I hope this helps !! And good luck

[hogan]

Thanks spongerobert :biggrin: Enjoy your adventure

[Paur]

Just reading these posts makes me feel emotional, this was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. So when you think how hard it is for us and we are the ones who made the decision, it is completely understandable that our kids will find it even more difficult. Our son was so set against coming we almost didn't. He had the added difficulty of leaving his two sisters behind as our daughters are currently at university so didn't come with us. We did similar things to others who have posted, we promised him that if he hated it and didn't make friends and it wasn't how we had told him it would be that we would go home after a year. We promised him an Ipad 2 in Singapore Airport along with a swim in the airport rooftop pool.

 

I would agree with everyone else, don't do farewells at the airport, we decided that we would go to the airport in a taxi so no-one would be with us. Great plan only we ended up running late, taxi turned up when we weren't ready and the thought of spending an extra hour with my girls was too much for me so we all ended up piling in the taxi.

 

Needless to say it was awful, at one point I didn't think I would make it onto the plane. My son at this point was coping remarkably well, I think seeing his usually reasonably well controlled mother hysterical probably meant he was more concerned about me than the trip to Oz!!!

 

When we first arrived he had made up his mind he was going to hate it and all he talked about was "when we go home in a year"!! He didn't want to do any of the stuff we were suggesting and we pretty much had to make him go places and get involved in things.

 

That was 6 months ago and oh how things have changed. He is at Scouts, playing cricket and basketball, going body boarding at weekends, heading for the Formula 1 on Sunday and spent last weekend panning for gold at Sovereign Hill. Last week he said that he thinks if he had the choice of going home or staying he would stay:-) What a turn around!! For those who are going through that difficult stage with your kids and probably with your own emotions too, remember why you are doing it because when you get here the lifestyle you will all have makes it worthwhile.

 

Yes they still miss friends but there's so many ways of keeping in touch now and kids can make friends so quickly. It's tough at the time but well worth it so stay positive:-)

[newjez]

I think you need to accept the fact that it can be traumatic for children, and you will need to invest time in them to help them settle. This is often easier said than done when moving to a new country, as you will be pretty busy. One thing I'll say is - when you move - make sure you find the right place in Oz to live, and don't keep dragging them around from one school to another over there. It only makes it worse. Make sure they integrate - and be careful, it's often the quiet ones that are most troubled.

 

I guess you also have to ask yourself why you are moving, and also ask yourselves if you can justify it to them in 20 years times when they blame you for everything that has happened in their lives. (But they will do this anyway - even if you decide not to go)

[wetnwindy]

I think you need to accept the fact that it can be traumatic for children, and you will need to invest time in them to help them settle. This is often easier said than done when moving to a new country, as you will be pretty busy. One thing I'll say is - when you move - make sure you find the right place in Oz to live, and don't keep dragging them around from one school to another over there. It only makes it worse. Make sure they integrate - and be careful, it's often the quiet ones that are most troubled.

 

I guess you also have to ask yourself why you are moving, and also ask yourselves if you can justify it to them in 20 years times when they blame you for everything that has happened in their lives. (But they will do this anyway - even if you decide not to go)

 

Exactly! I keep telling my daughters that they will thank us in 20 years and it isn't apparent at the moment. I tried to explain that in 10 years when they are leaving school there may not be an jobs here in uk for them and that we are doing this for their future. Don't think an 8 and 6 year old quite get this! I have told them we are the parents and we make the decisions for the whole family. There can be too much pussy footing about its time to be strong!

[wetnwindy]

Just reading these posts makes me feel emotional, this was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. So when you think how hard it is for us and we are the ones who made the decision, it is completely understandable that our kids will find it even more difficult. Our son was so set against coming we almost didn't. He had the added difficulty of leaving his two sisters behind as our daughters are currently at university so didn't come with us. We did similar things to others who have posted, we promised him that if he hated it and didn't make friends and it wasn't how we had told him it would be that we would go home after a year. We promised him an Ipad 2 in Singapore Airport along with a swim in the airport rooftop pool.

 

I would agree with everyone else, don't do farewells at the airport, we decided that we would go to the airport in a taxi so no-one would be with us. Great plan only we ended up running late, taxi turned up when we weren't ready and the thought of spending an extra hour with my girls was too much for me so we all ended up piling in the taxi.

 

Needless to say it was awful, at one point I didn't think I would make it onto the plane. My son at this point was coping remarkably well, I think seeing his usually reasonably well controlled mother hysterical probably meant he was more concerned about me than the trip to Oz!!!

 

When we first arrived he had made up his mind he was going to hate it and all he talked about was "when we go home in a year"!! He didn't want to do any of the stuff we were suggesting and we pretty much had to make him go places and get involved in things.

 

That was 6 months ago and oh how things have changed. He is at Scouts, playing cricket and basketball, going body boarding at weekends, heading for the Formula 1 on Sunday and spent last weekend panning for gold at Sovereign Hill. Last week he said that he thinks if he had the choice of going home or staying he would stay:-) What a turn around!! For those who are going through that difficult stage with your kids and probably with your own emotions too, remember why you are doing it because when you get here the lifestyle you will all have makes it worthwhile.

 

Yes they still miss friends but there's so many ways of keeping in touch now and kids can make friends so quickly. It's tough at the time but well worth it so stay positive:-)

 

 

Have just told grandparents no airport run, they accepted it and agreed it is right decision! I can't get them to agree to the Saturday evening goodbye so they will be over on the Sunday morning before we leave. Still won't be easy but think it will help.