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supa

Easier to come back than go?

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Don't normally look on here as we still intend going to Oz, but just out of curiosity, is it easier to make the decision to go to Oz in the first place than to decide to return to the UK?

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Good question, obviously I've never been in that situation but I would have thought it was easier going back to the UK as you know what to expect, you have family, friends etc waiting for you.


If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.

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Don't normally look on here as we still intend going to Oz, but just out of curiosity, is it easier to make the decision to go to Oz in the first place than to decide to return to the UK?

 

Depends how long you have been here and what stage your children are at regarding school, for us it is harder to make a decision to go back then what it was to come, I think the longer you are here the harder it gets for us.

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IMHO, much harder to return to UK. All sorts of things begin to tie you down - kids education, finances (there has never been as good a time as now to leave Australia - for the past 30 years it has been a very disadvantageous move), kids relationships, grandkids, fear of being seen to be a failure (cant understand that one myself).

 

I am back now but there are financial aspects which still scare me about being here but at the moment (touch wood) it is all good!

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Don't normally look on here as we still intend going to Oz, but just out of curiosity, is it easier to make the decision to go to Oz in the first place than to decide to return to the UK?

 

Harder because in someways, it is like unpicking some knitting, because if you leave for a "better life" & thought that the UK had no future, & then down the track, decide to return back to the Uk, then you are having to completely change a mindset & thought process.

 

Thrown in on top of that kids/education/finances etc & how many years you have been away & the odd flick on to read the Daily Mail & what is "alledgedly" going on in the Uk and you create a mountain of fear, that you find yourself thinking, it would be easier to wrestle a great white.... ha! ha! Takes a tremendous amount of courage to leave the UK but takes double the amount to return to it.....

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Harder because in someways, it is like unpicking some knitting, because if you leave for a "better life" & thought that the UK had no future, & then down the track, decide to return back to the Uk, then you are having to completely change a mindset & thought process.

 

Thrown in on top of that kids/education/finances etc & how many years you have been away & the odd flick on to read the Daily Mail & what is "alledgedly" going on in the Uk and you create a mountain of fear, that you find yourself thinking, it would be easier to wrestle a great white.... ha! ha! Takes a tremendous amount of courage to leave the UK but takes double the amount to return to it.....

 

Interesting responses - thank you. Also, so true sunshine about the Daily Mail, and in fact any of the "dailys", that the UK is painted in such a poor light. Don't get me started on the BBC website; absolutely everything is painted as though this country is finished (which, of course, it's not). There are many, many problems here, no denying it, but to listen to them all you would think it was horrendous. Good luck to all those returning.

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I'm going to agree (wholeheartedly) with those saying it's so much harder to return to the UK than to leave it. I've been pondering this actually, how strange it is. You leave behind the country of your birth and formation with barely a moment of hesitation to come to a foreign country at the other side of the world where no support network awaits, no job or home. It sounds insane, yet it feels right. I wonder if it is the excitement of it all that buoys you along, the hope and anticipation of something 'better'? Familiarity breeds contempt so they say and I think that is a large part of it, how we can become so critical of the country of our birth. So yes, it was easy for me to emigrate, despite the task ahead of me I was undaunted and just ecstatic.

 

Now five years later and I want to return. I have ached to return for two years at least and yet returning is also the hardest decision. I can't tell you how many hours I have spent thinking and talking about this move and recently I am back to square one debating it again. And this is after I made the decision to return and told all my family. I just don't know what to think quite honestly. I have wanted this for so long and now I'm scared. I keep thinking that there must have been good reasons why I left and those will not have changed. As close as I am to my family, something made me feel that I could emigrate and live day to day without them. Will I feel that again?

 

I wanted to echo what some have already said. The British media certainly paint a bleak picture. What do we do? Do we ignore this? If it didn't happen they couldn't report on it right? Australia is no utopia but yet I must admit it's size and relatively small population make it feel safer. I and my family have been very happy here, Australia has changed who I am as a person, I know it will always be a part of my life and yet...I have no family here and this hurts so much.

 

Anyway, your question is just very current to me right now, hence the emotionally charged post. Just part of the fun of being an ex-pat I would say. I'm not even sure if what I have written makes sense but that's my two cents FWIW.


-CrimsonPetal

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Have to say that I think it makes perfect sense - and it doesn't even apply to me!

 

Is it possible to come back for an extended break just to see how you feel. I read about so many who do, who then actually change their minds (friends moved on, job prospects not so good, things remembered in a more favourable light, etc) and remember why they left in the first place.

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Would agree its harder to come to UK.

Supa.. What you have just said is where we are at now.

Dont get me wrong.. I'm glad we did oz, then I'm glad we came back..

 

But now... I just don't know. Hubby wants to go back, try new state and all that.. Me I love both countries.. Our son.. Hasn't really said much, but is at least talking about it. We came home because of our son just didn't settle, in the end we didn't like where we're living, and did find our life style worse off in oz..

We don't feel like we failed.. Very much the opposite.. We're very fortunate to be in the position to choose.

I swore I wouldn't be a ping ponger... But here we go again..

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Would agree its harder to come to UK.

Supa.. What you have just said is where we are at now.

Dont get me wrong.. I'm glad we did oz, then I'm glad we came back..

 

But now... I just don't know. Hubby wants to go back, try new state and all that.. Me I love both countries.. Our son.. Hasn't really said much, but is at least talking about it. We came home because of our son just didn't settle, in the end we didn't like where we're living, and did find our life style worse off in oz..

We don't feel like we failed.. Very much the opposite.. We're very fortunate to be in the position to choose.

I swore I wouldn't be a ping ponger... But here we go again..

 

Sounds like the honeymoon period has worn off? They say it can take up to 2 yrs to really settle. Could you peel back the layers of why you want to return? what is missing from your life now? Or are you just after another adventure?

 

Got to say on a bad day, there is a part of me that wants to run back, not because of the Uk but because I want to run away from having to deal with certain family members..... one in particular, who has made live very difficult for us since our return. More to the point, can I share the same country as this person!! The hardest part of the move for me has been trying to pick up with a very dis-jointed mixed family. I am glad our return wasnt just for family reasons or we would have been very disappointed & on a plane straight back to somewhere new within Oz!!

 

Luckily for us we have chosen a great spot & my kids are really benefiting in so many other ways from the return & the things missing from their lives in Perth. Seeing my eldest thrive here has kept us on the straight & narrow! our kids are happy. we're happy!

 

good luck with whatever you decide. There is no right or wrong, is what makes you happy as a family. :)

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Always found it hard to return to the UK.

 

Never liked the thought of being 'comfortable' again, if that makes sense.

 

I would rather get up each morning and wonder what the day will hold for me and see it as a challenge to 'make' it work.

 

I know that doesn't make much sense at all, but when I return to the UK everything 'seems' a bit too easy, family there if I need them, same old jobs, etc.:nah:

 

Sorry, but a rather confused post.

 

Cheers Tony.


Keyser Söze Was Real. :shocked::yes:

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Don't normally look on here as we still intend going to Oz, but just out of curiosity, is it easier to make the decision to go to Oz in the first place than to decide to return to the UK?

 

WOW good question....for us harder to make the decision to return for lots of reasons. Guess we will not know if we have made the right decision until we are back. OZ has been good to us in many ways and we are grateful for that. Along the way we have met some great people and some strange folk (precious) ......But family and many more reasons pull us back.

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Hi Sunshine..

 

Maybe it's the honeymoon is over. But to us it's new adventures.

Hubby since being back, has seen to have the option of dual citizenship is a good thing. We have to be back soon, well he does

to be with in the visa regulations. So that's our drive at moment. Get citizenship.

 

We like England , and don't see it as we did before leaving. It has so much to offer, that we appreciate.

I guess while we are young (ish), we are up for the next adventure. Our son is still young and at an fairly easy age to adjust.

 

It all makes sense in our heads, and plans .. Just hard to relay to others :)

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WOW good question....for us harder to make the decision to return for lots of reasons. Guess we will not know if we have made the right decision until we are back. OZ has been good to us in many ways and we are grateful for that. Along the way we have met some great people and some strange folk (precious) ......But family and many more reasons pull us back.

 

I wish you the very best on your return and hope it all works out for you.

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Always found it hard to return to the UK.

 

Never liked the thought of being 'comfortable' again, if that makes sense.

 

I would rather get up each morning and wonder what the day will hold for me and see it as a challenge to 'make' it work.

 

I know that doesn't make much sense at all, but when I return to the UK everything 'seems' a bit too easy, family there if I need them, same old jobs, etc.:nah:

 

Sorry, but a rather confused post.

 

Cheers Tony.

 

I'm so jealous Tony; I'm a comfort zone girl which has made this whole migration lark such a headache for me, until I realised it was what I want to do. Then the GFC hit so not quite ready at the mo!

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Many people return to the UK and then return to Aus and they have been doing it since the first migrants came over. No PIO in those days but still the pull home and then the push back. Its laying a ghost for lots of people. I left as a child returned to live as an adult and had great expectations of living in UK and hated it. The family were all fighting and split apart, some large families do, only takes a death and who gets what to cause that sort of thing. So returning and leaving the family was easy I had laid the ghost. My mum on the other hand would return for a year at a time, fall out with the family and come back. Dad never wanted to return, its usually the woman who wants to go back. Dad just said no but do not let me stop you to Mum lol


Petals

:ssign15:taking no prisoners :wink:

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Hi Sunshine..

 

Maybe it's the honeymoon is over. But to us it's new adventures.

Hubby since being back, has seen to have the option of dual citizenship is a good thing. We have to be back soon, well he does

to be with in the visa regulations. So that's our drive at moment. Get citizenship.

 

We like England , and don't see it as we did before leaving. It has so much to offer, that we appreciate.

I guess while we are young (ish), we are up for the next adventure. Our son is still young and at an fairly easy age to adjust.

 

It all makes sense in our heads, and plans .. Just hard to relay to others :)

 

Good on you, isn't it fantastic to have so many options. We had a fantastic adventure in Oz & Nz over a 12 yr period living & travelling around there & I think they'll always be apart of us that will always have that little travelbug! but have seen nothing of the UK, (even tho' spent first 24 yrs living in it!) so looking forward to getting out & about. Should be enough to keep us going for a little whilst at least! wishing you all the best on your next chapter:)

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Many people return to the UK and then return to Aus and they have been doing it since the first migrants came over. No PIO in those days but still the pull home and then the push back. Its laying a ghost for lots of people. I left as a child returned to live as an adult and had great expectations of living in UK and hated it. The family were all fighting and split apart, some large families do, only takes a death and who gets what to cause that sort of thing. So returning and leaving the family was easy I had laid the ghost. My mum on the other hand would return for a year at a time, fall out with the family and come back. Dad never wanted to return, its usually the woman who wants to go back. Dad just said no but do not let me stop you to Mum lol

 

Families are funny things. I have fond memories of growing up in a small village community in the UK & have managed to find something similar for our children, which has started us off on a good footing. Just had to look outside of our hometown/area for it.

 

Grew up in that village with no family apart from my mum & younger sister (regular contact with my Dad & x2 wonderful sets of grandparents which we regularily saw on holidays) & a friend base that was fantastic, always someone to play with, if you went down the local park! so never felt any level of loneliness or isolation, like we as a family felt, towards the end of our time in Perth.

 

Strange as it sounds & even with all its problems I am glad to be able to jump in a car to access family and to be honest its my family that are more the problem, hadnt realised how big egos both my parents had & they arent even together!! & it is that part that I am finding hard to manage, along with a stepmum who seems to feel I/we are in competition for my Dad's attention! so hampers the potential relationship he could be having with his only grandchildren. (has always been the case I just hadnt recognised it & being much younger as a kid,thought it was me or something I had done when she used to blow hot & cold) Another sister barely has the time of day & is a very superficial relationship

 

On a positive note, my hubbies mum is a delight to watch with the kids & one of my sisters (half) & husband have been the best auntie & uncle ever! I guess I am trying to salvage something from the "extended family" rightly or wrongly for the boys...

 

My vision of what life was going to be like with family is not how it has turned out, but you are right re putting certain ghosts to bed, I would always have been hankering after "what if" In someways, I have found some peace from it, ie. its not me, its them! ha! ha! so from that perspective has been good therapy, don't think even scooby doo has laid more ghosts to bed or solved more mysteries than me re; family! ha! ha!

 

The main thing is, I & hubby feel we have got our sense of belonging back, by being back! & somewhere we want to be long term for the kids.. Felt so lost in Perth towards the end, detached/lonely/isolated..... everything else will find its level... The challenge is really that we are starting again, trying to build friendships which where ever you move to in the world, takes time.

 

Certainly can relate to the old saying "you can chose your friends but not your family!" but summer is around the corner & went for a beautiful walk up in the fields earlier, blue skies, daffs out & buds on the trees & felt a real sense of peace.....

Edited by Sunshine111

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I agree Sunshine, its funny when we are young we have such trust and loyalty to the family and they are just the most wonderful people in the world. Then as we get older the cracks appear and as I said they appeared big time in my Mums family. Shame really as she is still alive and her last brother was and my cousin phoned our cousin her brother's son to see how he was for Mum and he slammed the phone down. Its unbelieveable that a family of 9 children can become so far apart. Two of my Aunts lived in Streets next to one another and they had the back lane between them. When I was living in UK went to stay with another Aunt, not speaking to Aunt I was to visit so just got dropped off. It made it so difficult so in away my mums family is too hard and I am only in touch with three of my cousins there. I feel more a part of my oh family they are a normal lot.

 

Dad's family a whole other story lol

Edited by Petals

Petals

:ssign15:taking no prisoners :wink:

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I agree Sunshine, its funny when we are young we have such trust and loyalty to the family and they are just the most wonderful people in the world. Then as we get older the cracks appear and as I said they appeared big time in my Mums family. Shame really as she is still alive and her last brother was and my cousin phoned our cousin her brother's son to see how he was for Mum and he slammed the phone down. Its unbelieveable that a family of 9 children can become so far apart. Two of my Aunts lived in Streets next to one another and they had the back lane between them. When I was living in UK went to stay with another Aunt, not speaking to Aunt I was to visit so just got dropped off. It made it so difficult so in away my mums family is too hard and I am only in touch with three of my cousins there. I feel more a part of my oh family they are a normal lot.

 

Dad's family a whole other story lol

 

ha ha! Too true Petals, i think I am reaching that stage of too hard, because emotionally it is becoming so draining along with trying to keep up with x2 little ones 5 yrs & nearly 2yrs, am having to evaluate my priorities or manage stress levels! Trouble is, when its your Mum & Dad its hard because I kind of feel morally obligated, perhaps that is the can of worms that has been opened on returning. They utterly hate each other too, so cant even have them in the same room for any birthdays/events for boys.

 

think the cracks were always there with mine, although now I realise they were really complicated great gigantic ravines! think back to all that time ago, when I had it in my head about going to Oz as a young something 19 yr old, (when I look back then, struggling with family issues) I liked the thought that alot of people were in the same boat re not having family there. Family was certainly something I was looking at through rose tinted glasses, not to say I was expecting things to be plain sailing but wasnt expecting such choppy waters either! Knew I had my work cut out but I'd changed & I assumed they had too.

 

However, thankfully we are at least an hour from anyone, so is actually possible to limit contact or if things get really bad, result to no contact! Have realised our way forward is to build & become part of the fab community we have moved too. That in itself has been a good reason for moving back

(thankfully!)

Edited by Sunshine111

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I'm going to agree (wholeheartedly) with those saying it's so much harder to return to the UK than to leave it. I've been pondering this actually, how strange it is. You leave behind the country of your birth and formation with barely a moment of hesitation to come to a foreign country at the other side of the world where no support network awaits, no job or home. It sounds insane, yet it feels right. I wonder if it is the excitement of it all that buoys you along, the hope and anticipation of something 'better'? Familiarity breeds contempt so they say and I think that is a large part of it, how we can become so critical of the country of our birth. So yes, it was easy for me to emigrate, despite the task ahead of me I was undaunted and just ecstatic.

 

Now five years later and I want to return. I have ached to return for two years at least and yet returning is also the hardest decision. I can't tell you how many hours I have spent thinking and talking about this move and recently I am back to square one debating it again. And this is after I made the decision to return and told all my family. I just don't know what to think quite honestly. I have wanted this for so long and now I'm scared. I keep thinking that there must have been good reasons why I left and those will not have changed. As close as I am to my family, something made me feel that I could emigrate and live day to day without them. Will I feel that again?

 

I wanted to echo what some have already said. The British media certainly paint a bleak picture. What do we do? Do we ignore this? If it didn't happen they couldn't report on it right? Australia is no utopia but yet I must admit it's size and relatively small population make it feel safer. I and my family have been very happy here, Australia has changed who I am as a person, I know it will always be a part of my life and yet...I have no family here and this hurts so much.

 

Anyway, your question is just very current to me right now, hence the emotionally charged post. Just part of the fun of being an ex-pat I would say. I'm not even sure if what I have written makes sense but that's my two cents FWIW.

 

I can totally relate to what you say. I think it is the excitement of emigrating that gets you through, and why you don't really worry. When it comes to going back I think the decision is so influenced by a fear that it won't work. When you move FROM the UK, that doesn't really matter cos you think I'll just go back, but when it comes to it it's not that easy. Because, if you do move back to the UK and it doesn't work...What then??? It takes courage, but I think you have to follow your heart x x

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Sunshine and Petals, thank you for posting about families, you are so right.

 

Families....I love my family and I have missed them so much over the last five years. I have come to realize though that absence makes the heart grow fonder and the reality is that at close quarters, not to put too fine a point on it, they do my head in! So I have recently examined and revised my intentions on returning to the UK and I now know I have to return for me and my little family, what is good for us and not parents, in-laws etc who I know will return to form at some point and make me want to get on the plane straight back to Oz! I am moving back for me and mine, because it's right for this moment in time, because we want to travel and see a bit more of Europe, spend some time with mates (who also have moved on) and just enjoy it for what it is. It's so painful being away from family especially at Christmas time but I know I just have to take the rough with the smooth, it won't always be perfect so there's absolutely no use in returning just for family.

 

I know it's never just been about family for me though. When my parents were seriously considering moving here, I got scared. Because I knew that would be me stuck here, still missing the UK and Europe but feeling utterly obliged to stay put for them because they'd made such a big move for me. So, yes, I know exactly where you're coming from. Gosh, this forum is like therapy for me, I think things through on here and feel so much better, lol. Thanks.

 

 

ha ha! Too true Petals, i think I am reaching that stage of too hard, because emotionally it is becoming so draining along with trying to keep up with x2 little ones 5 yrs & nearly 2yrs, am having to evaluate my priorities or manage stress levels! Trouble is, when its your Mum & Dad its hard because I kind of feel morally obligated, perhaps that is the can of worms that has been opened on returning. They utterly hate each other too, so cant even have them in the same room for any birthdays/events for boys.

 

think the cracks were always there with mine, although now I realise they were really complicated great gigantic ravines! think back to all that time ago, when I had it in my head about going to Oz as a young something 19 yr old, (when I look back then, struggling with family issues) I liked the thought that alot of people were in the same boat re not having family there. Family was certainly something I was looking at through rose tinted glasses, not to say I was expecting things to be plain sailing but wasnt expecting such choppy waters either! Knew I had my work cut out but I'd changed & I assumed they had too.

 

However, thankfully we are at least an hour from anyone, so is actually possible to limit contact or if things get really bad, result to no contact! Have realised our way forward is to build & become part of the fab community we have moved too. That in itself has been a good reason for moving back

(thankfully!)


-CrimsonPetal

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After two years of debating about returning we are on our way home currently in Dubai having a few days break and more excited than ever to be getting home. Had a great experience of Australia and it served us well we also became citizens. Got to say my husband was offered a job so that made our final decision to return and I have an interview on Tuesday.

Did I feel sad leaving Australia no couldn't wait to board the plane. The next adventure in our lives is about to commence and I love that fact.

Hopefully this will be where we settle if not then then plans may change again who knows not me.

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Ok, I find myself, again, in a different position to most here. I have lived in Aus for 11 years, will probably stay another 2-3 at least. The decision to go back is not based, in the main, on emotion, but on treating a return to the UK as a new part of our life journey together.*

 

My wife, who is as Aussie as a platypus, wants to live "abroad" for a time. The obvious choice is the UK, we have a house there, (currently rented out,) friends and my whole past history (43 years living there.) When we move back we will hopefully be in a position to either work part time, or hopefully not at all. We will then use the UK as a base to explore Europe and beyond. We may end up permanently back in the UK, we may come back to Aus (I'm a citizen.)

 

All aspects are open to go with the flow as we see fit.

 

 

*Sorry, I came over all hippy there.

Edited by Thom
splellink errorz

all my eye and Betty Martin.

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