6 months in Melbourne and it is breaking us

[Robo234]

Really good update post a year on, luckily u didn't find out to delete the post lol !! i'm sure it will help lots of people, i defo love reading before & after stories, a nice happy ending :cool:

 

Ellen x

[ratherangelic]

Thanks so much for updating this post. It gives us all insight into how difficult it can be when you are finally there and "living the dream" and also how to turn things around so you are enjoying life. Glad to hear things worked out for you.

[I Love Oz]

Remember that 99.999% of poms that have made it, have never, and will never, post on an ex pat forum. So you're seeing a very skewed idea of reality.

 

Yes but I still see a lot of negativity so it is nice to see a positive for once, of course not everyone will post on this forum you can tell that from members numbers.

[Guest The Pom Queen]

Hi Ross what a great update. You are not alone in this, I've known many want to go home in the first 6 months, they carry in and things improve and they end up loving the place.

[Jlew]

Thanks for the update - great to hear things have worked out ok.

[the_shaws]

Hi everyone, thank you for the kind messages! I haven't been on this site for 2yrs now and thought I would have a quick look at the thread.

 

It's now nearly 3 yrs and....we are still here! We are still in Diamond Creek and have now owned our house for 18 months. I have had ups and downs but there are definitely more ups Our kids are now 17 and 13 and love Australia, I don't think I could ever imagine them living back in the uk. I still have occasional thoughts of missing the uk but they now drift off as quickly as they arrived. The main thing is getting out there meeting people and joining clubs, groups etc to get into your new life. I joined a running club and the CFA 12 months ago and feel part of the community which I never had in the uk.

 

So anyone reading this I would recommend a minimum of two years and don't think of it as forever, you can always go back, however if you go back too soon you won't know what you are missing either! Don't feel like you have to stay in the first place you land, take your time and look around, we know a few families that returned from Melbourne due to the suburb they were living in, you need to work out what you like, the beach, city, leafy areas etc we ended up in the north east which is a beautiful area near to the Yarra valley, close to the vine yards

 

I am heading back to the uk in a few weeks after 3 yrs of being here so a little apprehensive, however this is now home, I have spent the last 6 months of summer dining outside in the evenings, camping in holiday destinations on our door step, jet skiing and wake boarding at the Great Lakes in Victoria and wondering around a fantastic city with so much to offer! When and where can you do that in Nottingham??

 

I wish everyone all the best with you own adventure

 

All the best

Ross

Edited March 14, 2014 by the_shaws

[fifi69]

Thank for the update. Now having bing here for 20 months, can totally understand the up and down thing.

 

but if not for people like you, telling it as it is...we all might have given up. It's hard, but def worth sticking it out n till the two year mark for sure, then you can really make a comparison xx

[Mrs Keeneyboy]

Felt so sad reading your OP but was so very pleased to read your updates. I think it's incredibly admirable to come on here and share your feelings. You should be very proud that you found the gumption to make the necessary changes, you clearly have a wonderful relationship with your wife and kids.

 

Wishing you all the very best.

 

Mrs K x

[ramot]

Hi everyone, thank you for the kind messages! I haven't been on this site for 2yrs now and thought I would have a quick look at the thread.

 

It's now nearly 3 yrs and....we are still here! We are still in Diamond Creek and have now owned our house for 18 months. I have had ups and downs but there are definitely more ups Our kids are now 17 and 13 and love Australia, I don't think I could ever imagine them living back in the uk. I still have occasional thoughts of missing the uk but they now drift off as quickly as they arrived. The main thing is getting out there meeting people and joining clubs, groups etc to get into your new life. I joined a running club and the CFA 12 months ago and feel part of the community which I never had in the uk.

 

So anyone reading this I would recommend a minimum of two years and don't think of it as forever, you can always go back, however if you go back too soon you won't know what you are missing either! Don't feel like you have to stay in the first place you land, take your time and look around, we know a few families that returned from Melbourne due to the suburb they were living in, you need to work out what you like, the beach, city, leafy areas etc we ended up in the north east which is a beautiful area near to the Yarra valley, close to the vine yards

 

I am heading back to the uk in a few weeks after 3 yrs of being here so a little apprehensive, however this is now home, I have spent the last 6 months of summer dining outside in the evenings, camping in holiday destinations on our door step, jet skiing and wake boarding at the Great Lakes in Victoria and wondering around a fantastic city with so much to offer! When and where can you do that in Nottingham??

 

I wish everyone all the best with you own adventure

 

All the best

Ross

 

Home Pierrepont!!!! Also from Nottingham, Keyworth, and only joking about HP. Enjoy visiting but have no desire to move back, as have lived away for 20 years.

a really great update and an important one, to remind people that it isn't easy to move countries, and it can take time and hard work before it feels home. You did the right thing not deleting your thread.

wish you and your family all the best for the future. Aye up me duck!!!

[starlight7]

Good update and thanks for taking the trouble- shows how, with time, things can change dramatically.

[jac2011]

Nice update to read! I am in Nottingham atm so hoping I am as happy in Oz as you and your family! x

[Counting Stars]

So glad you stuck it out for a bit longer glad it's all working out now xx

[docboat]

I think this thread ought to be sticky. It has been an absolutely fantastic read, and will be of immense help to all who are thinking of emigrating to Australia, for balance, or who have stepped off the plane into confusion and disorientation. Well done Ross and family!

[Quoll]

Good to hear it's all worked out for you!

[Guest]

So valuable for those people struggling in their first couple of years that you came back and gave this update.

 

I agree entirely with the 'stay long enough to know for sure' - we were in Australia over 5 years, but were there 4 before we decided to return. Our story was the reverse really, first couple of years were a honeymoon and an adventure until in the end we were bored with the lifestyle we could afford to live. I really think though if we had come back sooner there would have been niggling doubts that it wasn't just homesickness.

[Snape]

Fantastic thread, really interesting read. Thank you for sharing your experiences and I'm so pleased to hear that you and your family are feeling much more settled in Oz x

[Guest Guest 47403]

What a great read well done Ross and family a proper success story, that could have been a different story completely had you not been so strong, so many fail early on and then spend there life wondering what could have been if they had just stuck it out a bit longer to see if they settled.

[grahamffc]

So glad it's worked out for you guys.

 

It really is important to give it time. I was pretty unhappy too for the first 9 months here in Melbourne but was keen to give it at least a year and a whole summer. As well as summer finally arriving, it has massively changed things by finally having a permanent job, a place to live (the first 9 months were spent in short term houseshares as the work situation prevented me from committing to a lease), and I joined a cricket team.

 

However I still plan to go back in a few months as I want to finish my Accounting qualifications which I need to complete by 2017 and cannot do here. I quite like that this practicality means the decision isn't purely emotional, but also i do not feel ready to leave my life at home forever just yet. Had I left in those first 9 months I would have been happy never to come back to Australia even for a holiday but now would be open moving back one day. Probably to somewhere warmer than Melbourne though.

[helenhere]

No use comparing the two. You just miss home. It is more than just things and people. It is a state of mind. You may be one of those people who need "home" for the good and the bad. No shame in that.

[LadyCroft]

I was just wondering how what happened with your story because I have been feeling terrible recently. It is really affecting my relationship with my other half because I am just so depressed a lot of the time. We have been here 5 months now and I have terrible ups and downs. We too have ended up in one of the sprawling suburbs with the shiny new houses but NOTHING else in wallking distance. I had to walk for 2 hours recently to take my little one to the nearest available doctor. I had booked a taxi but they usually ask you to book 24 hrs in advance since we are further out than they like to go at short notice.

 

Anyway, thank you so much for not deleting the thread. I am in a very dark place just now but having read your updates, I have looked out of the window at the sun shining through the clouds (how metaphorical) and gone for a walk with my toddler in the crisp, cool air but the warm beautiful sunshine. It was like I lifted my head up and looked around out of the fog of depression I have been in recently and I thought back to what it would be like to walk the same distance from our little 2 bed terrace house in the UK which would have taken me past rows and rows of council houses, a burnt out car that has been sitting there for ages and up to our local shops which consisted of several bookies, several rough pubs, cash for gold type shops and a Greggs surrounded by high rise blocks of flats. That is where we could afford to live in the UK.

 

I think it is just the feeling of being a foreigner. Everywhere we go I look around and feel like a fish out of water. I am alone in a new country with no friends and no family. I speak and everyone looks round (or it feels like it) probably just because we have such strong accents. They will just be like "Oh that is a strange accent..." and go back to what they were doing but it makes me feel like a total freak since I am focusing on it so much.

 

You are right that you don't have to stay where you start off. We are looking further down the coast at rentals that are maybe $20 dollars a week more than we currently pay with 1 less bedroom (we got a bigger house with an extra bedroom for all the hoards of relatives and friends that were going to come and stay with us... silly...) in an area that is already established and older with everything already in place. Shops, buses, parks, everything within walking distance (we only have one car) and the thought of being able to move, even though we will have to uproot our little ones again, is making me feel there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Also, it is probably lucky for me that the "people back home" in the UK have already moved on with their lives and are not missing us any more. Well, not as much. The phone calls have become scarce, Skype is once in a blue moon and Facebook updates are back to the same old die hard FB fans rather than everyone asking what we are doing and saying "Come home! We miss you!" so after feeling a bit miffed that they have kind of forgotten us so quickly, it is making it a bit easier on the homesickness front because I am not missing everyone quite as much as I did.

 

I have not made any friends yet either but again we have only been here 5 months and it takes time to build up real friendships. I do the small talk at the school gates stuff and say hi to neighbours when passing by but I am not an outgoing person and never have been so why am I trying to force myself to be someone I am not when I have never had millions of friends?

 

SOrry, I think I have hijacked the thread a bit but I just wanted to thank you for keeping the updates going. Especially this last one that seems to have picked me up just when I needed to hear that all is not lost and that I am not just losing it. I remember my new neighbours before we left for Oz were from Hong Kong and I would always talk to them at the local park when they were there with their little boy. They were still very much in touch with their family in Hong Kong and were always Skyping on their phones at the park so they said it made them feel less isolated. I didn't really understand how they were feeling so isolated when they were quite chatty and always talking to other mums and dads at the park but now I am here I can absolutely empathise with them. It is losing all the familiar faces, familiar place and just KNOWING that you can jump in the car and drive for a fairly short distance (compared to the long drives in Melbourne) to see your friends/family back in the UK.

 

I am holding on for now to the hope that I too will be able to post back here in a couple of years saying we have bought our house in a community where you know your neighbours and people talk to each other in the street.

 

Thanks again for being so honest and keeping us updated. All the best.

 

Hi everyone, thank you for the kind messages! I haven't been on this site for 2yrs now and thought I would have a quick look at the thread.

 

It's now nearly 3 yrs and....we are still here! We are still in Diamond Creek and have now owned our house for 18 months. I have had ups and downs but there are definitely more ups Our kids are now 17 and 13 and love Australia, I don't think I could ever imagine them living back in the uk. I still have occasional thoughts of missing the uk but they now drift off as quickly as they arrived. The main thing is getting out there meeting people and joining clubs, groups etc to get into your new life. I joined a running club and the CFA 12 months ago and feel part of the community which I never had in the uk.

 

So anyone reading this I would recommend a minimum of two years and don't think of it as forever, you can always go back, however if you go back too soon you won't know what you are missing either! Don't feel like you have to stay in the first place you land, take your time and look around, we know a few families that returned from Melbourne due to the suburb they were living in, you need to work out what you like, the beach, city, leafy areas etc we ended up in the north east which is a beautiful area near to the Yarra valley, close to the vine yards

 

I am heading back to the uk in a few weeks after 3 yrs of being here so a little apprehensive, however this is now home, I have spent the last 6 months of summer dining outside in the evenings, camping in holiday destinations on our door step, jet skiing and wake boarding at the Great Lakes in Victoria and wondering around a fantastic city with so much to offer! When and where can you do that in Nottingham??

 

I wish everyone all the best with you own adventure

 

All the best

Ross

[jasepom]

The thing about Melbourne is that, yes it is very big, but also had a wide variety in terms of housing and lifestyle. If you're not happy with where you are then move. You need to find your pierce of heaven be it in a city apartment, eastern suburbs new build, or a lovely weatherboard home with surrounding gum trees in the hills.

 

i know a few people here who live and work in the eastern suburbs and are happy to be close to home and not travel into the city. Melbourne can be a fantastic place to live, just think of the positives. Go to parks, enjoy the variety of wide life and fauna, pick up a hobby. You can be happy here if you try.

[ramot]

Just want to send you some support LC, I have moved well over 17 times since I got married, due to husbands job including moving to a Muslim country, and stopped counting then, so do know how you feel. It's not easy, everything seems alien, expectation of new life is not the same as the reality.

however it should hopefully get better, smile at every one, it helps. Accept any invitation and be prepared to put in hard work to ask people to yours either play time for children or just a coffee.

trust me the first time you recognize some one at the shops that's a major break through.

Not sure where you are, but there are various groups that post on PIO to meet up, perhaps post one yourself, you never know some one near you might be as lonely. Several of us started to meet up regularly when I moved here and we were a lot of support to each other. 11 years on we are all still friends, but we don't need each other as much.

you will get lots of support on POMSINOZ, don't be afraid to ask, you aren't the first or last.

take care.

[Quinkla]

we ended up in the north east which is a beautiful area near to the Yarra valley, close to the vine yards

Diamo's fantastic - but don't tell people or they'll all want to move here and spoil it.

[Fisher1]

This is a very encouraging thread for anyone going through the horrors of homesickness. I've moved many times, although never to Australia. I don't think it matters where you move to there is always a sad and difficult side to it. It's not even that logical. I once stood in a supermarket with a similar layout to my last 'home' and for a second or two actually thought I was in the last place - then reality came crashing in. I had to go out without my shopping, I was in tears.

 

The thing to always remember is, it takes time. I read an old proverb once "Friendship is slow ripening fruit" and its true. Its really really hard to settle anywhere, even places that we have chosen to live in, with great excitement. I guess being in Australia is worse because its so far away - no chance to run home for a quick visit - but then a quick visit to the last place can be a very bitter-sweet experience. Its important to give a new place at least a year and not make any sudden moves. Look on it as a one year training course or something! I have always begun to emerge from the black fog by the end of a year - and nobody said adventures were easy:biggrin:

[Guest BrisbaneBevan]

Nice thread. I think everyone reading it can take a little from it. Great to hear about a turnabout in fortunes and a dogged desire to see it out. Well done that man.