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Guest alone123

help advise needed on leaving abuse behind

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Guest alone123

Since moving from uk to au my husband has changed into a violent stranger. He abuses me verbally and threatens me constantly. He has physically hurt me on one occasion and i am now scared to speak or even look at him in case it provokes another outburst. Often his black moods last for days. i have absolutly no family or friends here and am desperate to go back to uk but frightned he may stop me taking our children please please any advise would be great as not sure where to turn

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Sorry to read of your situation. Sadly, I don't have good news to pass on - you will not be allowed to leave Australia with your children, without first getting permission from their father or a court. If you just leave it will most likely be treated as kidnap and the children can be forced to return to Australia.

 

You need to read this thread: http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/news-chat-dilemmas/47091-children-what-happens-if-you-your-partner-decide-go-home.html

 

And seek some proper legalise advice. Really sorry I don't have cheerier options to share.

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Since moving from uk to au my husband has changed into a violent stranger. He abuses me verbally and threatens me constantly. He has physically hurt me on one occasion and i am now scared to speak or even look at him in case it provokes another outburst. Often his black moods last for days. i have absolutly no family or friends here and am desperate to go back to uk but frightned he may stop me taking our children please please any advise would be great as not sure where to turn

 

 

What is your immigration status?


Westly Russell Registered Migration Agent 0316072 www.pinoyau.com

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Guest alone123
What is your immigration status?

my children have dual nationality both born in the uk and i have permanent residency here in oz.

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Guest VickyMel

Hi

 

In the meantime can you try contacting a victim abuse support group here in Oz - without your friends and family nearby you really could do with some support and they should also be able to advise on what your options are here in Oz.

 

Was the move & the abuse recent and this out of his normal behaviour. Not condoning it in any way but might it be possible to get him some help if this is something new and unexpected.

 

:hug: Take care

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Guest guest36187

You need sound legal advise.

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There are plenty of people who can help. Where are you in Australia and I'll see if I can get some information for you...................

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Check out the domestic violence services for your area and get support fast!

 

There is every chance that you wouldnt be allowed to return to UK and remove the children from Aus unfortunately but if you can document abuse (and towards the kids as well, if that is happening) then you do stand a slightly better chance.

 

If you have kids of school age and really dont know where to turn, make an appointment to see your school counsellor - they will want to know that the kids are living in an abusive situation but, more importantly, they should (if they are worth their salt) be able to put you in touch with your local services.

 

If you are feeling very alone and dont have anyone to talk to - and you have time and freedom in which to do it - dont forget that Lifeline is always there and they have a good source of possible referrals for you 13 11 14.

 

(hugs) what you are going through must be awful!

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Hi, I don't have any amazingly helpful advice but I just wanted to acknowledge your post. Your isolation must be making a tough situation far worse. Are you talking with any friends and family back home? We tend to bottle things up because we don't want people worrying about us but now is the time to talk to the people who care about you.

 

I second Quoll in recommending Lifeline. There are good people at the other end of the phone who'll listen, not judge and help you work out what to do. They also have a complete list of services in different areas and so can put you in touch with people who can provide more active support.

 

Moving countries can bring out the very worst in us all. I hope that things get better for you soon.

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That sounds so awful for you. No wonder you are scared and lost here in Oz. Again I don't have any advice except to echo the helplines available. There are more at the front of the yellow pages. Good Luck. Getting friends would help too, and believe me I know it is hard but if you let us know where you live maybe someone is nearby.

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I am so sorry to read your post. I guess you would have read my story by now on the general chat forum, the sticky about children - what happens if you want to go home....... It would be difficult for you to get home, but not impossible. I am living proof. I also lived in an abusive situation and when I look back I do believe that my diaries with dates and incidents helped my case when I was dragged through the courts. Keep everything documented, every single thing. Go to your Dr's and get them to document everything too. See if you can get him to go to the Dr's, he may be suffering from depression himself - moving to the other side of the world is huge and takes its toll on each and everyone of us in all different ways. He must have been a decent person at some stage, otherwise you wouldn't have moved......

 

You say that your children have PR, what is your status? Is it linked to his visa? Some visa's won't allow the spouse to stay in the country if the relationship has ended, you need to find this information out as it could change everything.

 

Lifeline is a good source of help, so is your child health nurse.

 

If either of you need help with depression, AU is very on the ball - you can ask your Dr about a voucher scheme that they do which enables you to 6 vouchers to see a psychologist or counsellor.

 

If you ever need to contact the police, make sure you get your full story across and ensure that they document it. I had a terrible time with the Australian police and found them chauvinistic when I had to call 000 for abuse, then when I ended up in court the police had not documented the details, (one of them knew my ex husbands friend) - their response was - we needed to sort out our differences. In the UK this would never have happened as majority of murders are by someone who knows the person, and a lot of them are the spouse. A terrible unprofessional service that is living in the dark ages. The Judge I remember being very upset with the police missing information out. This was not an isolated situation either, I had further miss-dealings with the police where I was ignored and spoked to as though I was sh*te.

 

Good luck to you, all of us on here will help as much as we can.


"If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you'll never enjoy the sunshine"

 

 

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Guest Fleurinoz

My friend has just took her 2 kids back

To the uk n off they went,

No problems!!

Been bk 4 months

Obviously the dad isnt happy

Can't do much now they r bk

Good luck x

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so sorry to hear about your situation ....and i totally sympathise with u ...but ....have u actually spoke to your o/h about this when hes in a good frame of mind ......perhaps u could persuade him to go and see a counsellor .....is there anything thats changed within ur relationship apart from emmigrating .... is he working ...is there financial worries .....am not sticking up for him by any manner of means ....but he could be depressed and need help ...perhaps this is a cry for help from him ....on the other hand u know ur o/h better than anyone and if u have got to the point of being terrified of him ...its time to get out ......

 

mrs keily


LIFE IS A COIN , YOU CAN SPEND IT ON WHATEVER YOU WISH , BUT ... YOU CAN ONLY SPEND IT ONCE

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I'm really sorry to hear about your situation.

 

Sudden personality changes can be symptoms of a variety of serious medical conditions, including Alzheimer's, strokes, AIDS or a concussion. Similarly they can be triggered by drink or drug abuse.

 

I'd advise that your husband gets a check-up, though I'm not sure if you could make that suggestion in his current state.

 

Beyond that, I'd suggest seeking help from the local authorities or services. I'm not sure what support groups or refuges are available Down Under, but there should be something.

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My friend has just took her 2 kids back

To the uk n off they went,

No problems!!

Been bk 4 months

Obviously the dad isnt happy

Can't do much now they r bk

Good luck x

 

Your friend is very fortunate, but please warn her - the father has 12 months to apply for the Hague Convention to be enforced, and if this happens he will have his legal fees paid for until the children are returned. Its harsh but its the law, if he ever did enforce the HC and she refused to take the children back, she could be sent to prison for child abduction. Then when back in AU, your friend would have to apply through the AU court system to relocate the children back to the UK, regardless of what her visa situation is. As crazy as it all may seem, she would be seen as abducting her own children. The law states that as the whole family has made a conscious decision to relocate to Australia, when they landed on AU soil, the children became immediate residents of Australia. For them to return back to the UK (regardless of where they were born) both parents need to agree, otherwise its for the courts to decide.


"If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you'll never enjoy the sunshine"

 

 

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