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Harpodom

Can you decide in the first 6 months?

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The reason I ask is that a few people seem to make a decision to move back very quickly, sometimes within weeks.

 

Previously I've lived in aus twice, first time 1 year, second time 2 years. Both times I suffered badly with homesickness. This time around, I only really felt settled after about 2 years.

 

For us, stability seemed of paramount importance, our 2 year old son was really unsettled at first, and my wife was preggers so moving back was the least practical option....BUT from a purely personal pov I would have been delighted to get back on the plane anytime during the first 6 months.

 

So, can you decide whether or not moving to aus is the right decision within the first 6 months. Or is it not so black and white? Can the place grow on you with time, regardless of your initial impressions?


My Brain Hurts!

 

 

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I personally think it needs longer. The first year is bloody hard, your trying to make a life, settle in work, find friends and all the time everything and everyone you left behind is right their in your thoughts.

 

I had wobbly days for at least 2 years ,but im so glad i hung on in there as now life and my thoughts are totally different to what they were in that first 6 months/year.

 

Cal x


If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place...

If you get a chance,take it, If it changes your life,let it. Nobody said it would be easy they just said it would be worth it...

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The reason I ask is that a few people seem to make a decision to move back very quickly, sometimes within weeks.

 

Previously I've lived in aus twice, first time 1 year, second time 2 years. Both times I suffered badly with homesickness. This time around, I only really felt settled after about 2 years. [/Quote]

 

But are you really?

 

Can the place grow on you with time, regardless of your initial impressions?

I've never seen a post on PIO clearly stating that. Initial impressions will likely be "blind-sided" by the overwhelming tasks of new home/job/culture. I don't think a true appraisal of Oz (overall) can be given until all those factors are "compiled" (which takes time) and even then the appraisal may well be distorted. eg if you hate your job, you are more inclined to blame it on the "Australian way" than the individual employer/practice........IOW many do not give it a chance to "grow on you with time". They prefer to bail out for reasons known only to themselves (or not if they are in denial)

 

How many times has it been said here on PIO, "I just knew the moment I set foot off the plane that it wasn't for me" How could you know?

 

In the OP's case. Did/has Australia actually "grown on you"? or is it simply that the homesickness (for the UK) has diminished?


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Being an Army wife we have relocated sooooooooo many times.

Some places you feel an instant connection to others you don't.We both knew within a matter of months Sydney was not for us.However we also knew Australia was much,much more than Sydney.

Over the past 3 yrs we have come across some rather odd reasons for MBTTUK.

.You have to drive so slow it takes forever to get anywhere .

.It takes too long to fly here.

.How can I afford to go home to Germany 4 times a year.

.How can we go to the pub every weekend ( like we did in the UK ) when we have no babysitter.

.No-one told me there are no free prescriptions or dental treatment for the kids.

.I thought the sun shined all the time.

.No Tesco or Asda.

IMHO If you do your research and go with an open mind,remember it does take time to build up a network of friends you are giving yourself a head start.

I really do not think you can put a time scale on how long you should give a place.I believe in Gut Instinct.


I no longer skinny dip,I now chunky dunk:laugh:

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But are you really?

 

Settled? Yes, as much as I can be anywhere at this stage of my life and that of my family.

 

I've never seen a post on PIO clearly stating that. Initial impressions will likely be "blind-sided" by the overwhelming tasks of new home/job/culture. I don't think a true appraisal of Oz (overall) can be given until all those factors are "compiled" (which takes time) and even then the appraisal may well be distorted. eg if you hate your job, you are more inclined to blame it on the "Australian way" than the individual employer/practice........IOW many do not give it a chance to "grow on you with time". They prefer to bail out for reasons known only to themselves (or not if they are in denial)

 

How many times has it been said here on PIO, "I just knew the moment I set foot off the plane that it wasn't for me" How could you know?

 

In the OP's case. Did/has Australia actually "grown on you"? or is it simply that the homesickness (for the UK) has diminished?

 

Both. Ultimately it was a few pieces of the puzzle falling into place which made the difference: making some good friends, moving into a house we love in a much nicer area, and a shift in mindset from thinking of this as "forever" to simply "where we are now"


My Brain Hurts!

 

 

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I'm only here 7 months and yes I have felt I want to go home but we made a decision to come here and start a new life and with that comes highs and lows. We prepared ourselves as best we could knowing the first 2 years would be tough. Life is starting to look brighter now, but we had to work at it.

Its hard starting your life from scratch again the easy road is to run back to what you know and for some obviously the idea of the life they had at home is too hard to let go of.

I would advise anyone coming to live in Australia to be prepared mentally as best you can and don't give up remember you got on that plane for a reason!!

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Guest Dreamy

When we lived in Queensland I worked in a site office for a construction company. They employed a lot of Brits, mostly on 457s. Part of my job was to set them up with their passwords/create system accounts and train them on how to use the software... in the 18 months I worked there, we had about half a dozen engineers who went back to the UK after a matter of weeks - one's wife booked the flights back on the Friday of his first week in work....

 

Big decision for someone to do that, as the company concerned clawed back every single cent they'd spent on visa/flights/removals/accommodation etc.

 

We decided before we came out that even if we hated it, we'd stay for four years and get citizenship.. that way if we went back to the UK and thought we'd made a mistake it would be easier to return. Fortunately for us, we realised that home was wherever we all were, and we love our life here.

 

One of my friends hated Australia when she first arrived. She didn't think that they'd ever settle.. the kids didn't seem happy, the rental they were in wasn't what they'd expected, they had a load of hassle with her husband's employer.. but then the kids made friends at school, she managed to get a voluntary job in the school canteen and developed an active social life, they bought a house which suited them better and her husband changed jobs, now she loves it here and even after visiting the UK a couple of times, she can't imagine ever moving back there.

 

For me, I think you have to give something a good go before you give up on it - but its easy for me to say that when we've felt at home since we arrived. I can imagine that living in misery can make things seem a lot more bleak.

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Both. Ultimately it was a few pieces of the puzzle falling into place which made the difference: making some good friends, moving into a house we love in a much nicer area, and a shift in mindset from thinking of this as "forever" to simply "where we are now"

 

Good, but I wonder why so many don't do this? They just up sticks and off without even attempting another move to see if some of the pieces of the puzzle will fit.


See my art here: https://kevindickinsonfineartphot.smugmug.com/

Copies free to PIO members. PM me for details.

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Being an Army wife we have relocated sooooooooo many times.

Some places you feel an instant connection to others you don't.We both knew within a matter of months Sydney was not for us.However we also knew Australia was much,much more than Sydney.

Over the past 3 yrs we have come across some rather odd reasons for MBTTUK.

.You have to drive so slow it takes forever to get anywhere .

.It takes too long to fly here.

.How can I afford to go home to Germany 4 times a year.

.How can we go to the pub every weekend ( like we did in the UK ) when we have no babysitter.

.No-one told me there are no free prescriptions or dental treatment for the kids.

.I thought the sun shined all the time.

.No Tesco or Asda.

IMHO If you do your research and go with an open mind,remember it does take time to build up a network of friends you are giving yourself a head start.

I really do not think you can put a time scale on how long you should give a place.I believe in Gut Instinct.

 

You forgot SS...............Sausage Syndrome.


See my art here: https://kevindickinsonfineartphot.smugmug.com/

Copies free to PIO members. PM me for details.

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Guest Guest16631

Can you decide in the first 6 months? ............................what..?.................thats its where you'll be forever ?....................it was worth moving from your last country.?.....:wideeyed:....perhaps all that is needed is ,this is now and lets make it as good as we can........there must of been a good reason of why you moved...........:biggrin:...........I think that especially in todays mobile society..........it is relativly easy to constantly ping pong looking for that evasive nirvana...............its not until its gone to we appreciate what we had.........:eek:........sometimes 6 out of 10 is the best its going to be .................thats life!!!.........and even after years of being in your new country there will always be things..smells...... sounds .......days that bring on a sense of 'homesickness'..........:frown:............it may or may not diminish.................but there will usually always be something that creates that pull..............is it strong enough...?? in 6 months or even 6 years .....................to make you return...........................and sometimes commitments make it impossible...........................so for those people unless they accept what they have .............................life will be miserable................... 5star.gifThumbsUp.gifThumbsDwn.gif“If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything

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I do think you can know within the first 6 months whether the place is going to gel with you for the long term or not but you can certainly become desensitized to some of the aspects which make it not the place you want to grow old in.

 

I do think part of the trick of being fairly sanguine about living in a place you know is not for you is to adopt the 'this is not forever' mantra. However once it becomes clear that maybe this IS forever and you are trapped then the original feelings of discomfort and dissatisfaction come back into play.

 

I still work on the principle that life is about taking opportunities when they crop up - hence now living back in UK when I never thought that would happen to me - I had thought I was trapped. The circumstances leading to that are not great but the outcome is fantastic for me, even though it may not be forever (the DH probably cant cope with a forever future in UK but at least he is here now!).

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I think 6 months is too early to decide, need a lot longer to settle into new jobs, new community, new country, finding your way around, finding out how things work etc...

 

BUT.

I do wonder (and now I'm thinking out loud), those who move back so quickly make it very "clean-cut" and not agonizing over it too much, because I think the longer someone stays, the more embedded in australian life they become.

With staying longer, commitments grow, especially with a job where one starts to feel safe and comfortable, with kids settled in school etc., and the decision to move back is a lot harder.

 

Overall, I think it depends how commited people are to the move and how determined (or not) someone is to make it work.

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Guest Pete the Feet
You forgot SS...............Sausage Syndrome.

 

Never had a decent sausage yet in Australia, can't beat a decent Walls Sausage.

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I've been trying to stay away from this thread due to my present circumstances, BUT, I can't! I do think with all my heart that yes, you can know (sometimes instantly) the places that are going to be good for you, and equally where you are not going to get on... This has been true for me on more than one occasion now so I think this is just the way for me.

There are so many reasons we could discuss and discuss about why people should really stay and see if the place gets better/they get better/the place grows on them etc etc but really, the staying despite being miserable is really a bit of a cop out and is usually a compromise by one party or another due to family circumstances or finances (ducking...).

I am also guilty of this, and we will likely stay in Sydney probably for the medium term despite me hating it a lot, because this is the best thing for our family unit at this present time, considering work and finances amongst other things as well as age. I do firmly believe though that one thing is deciding to make that rational decision and then getting on with things against your preference, another is sticking it out and then discovering that actually it is OK and the place has "grown on you". I know for certain that if things were different or if we won the lottery or even if I lose my rag one day (hope not) I would most definitely be on the first plane out of here! Even a Qantas one... LOL

 

In my heart I know life is too short to put up with being miserable, and in my brain I know I should grow up and just get on with things. It is a very delicate balance (for me at least) with many multiple factors thrown into the mix, and only living out life will show which way the scales will tip ultimately and which one factor will decide against all the others. I will look forward to find out the result in a few months.

In the meantime yes, good idea to try and enjoy it all and make the most etc. Bit difficult tbh as on most days when I really hate where I am, but can see the logic in it. And I have never really been great at supposing this is all that I should expect out of life, always think I can do better (maybe arrogantly, don't know) and that there must be a way, some way, of getting back to a better life.

Ok, I'll get my coat now.


And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive at where we started, and know the place for the first time.

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Guest guest17301

My own personal opinion is that if you have to talk yourself into liking it it will never be 'good enough' Like others I do believe in gut instinct. Thats not to say that you couldnt grow to appreciate a place and what it can offer you but I dont believe you could truly LOVE living there if you didnt love it straight away. It depends on your long term plans I suppose, is it a temporary or permanent move etc.....

 

We were both lucky enough to fall in love with Perth instantly....must be so very hard if its any different...the chance you take with emigration I suppose...could have gone either way.

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Guest guest17301

FatCats makes an important point...if you won the Lotto would you stay?? I suppose the answer reveals a lot

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My own personal opinion is that if you have to talk yourself into liking it it will never be 'good enough' Like others I do believe in gut instinct. Thats not to say that you couldnt grow to appreciate a place and what it can offer you but I dont believe you could truly LOVE living there if you didnt love it straight away. It depends on your long term plans I suppose, is it a temporary or permanent move etc.....

 

We were both lucky enough to fall in love with Perth instantly....must be so very hard if its any different...the chance you take with emigration I suppose...could have gone either way.

 

 

Your right, emigration is really scary - could go either way. Never been to perth but ive done a lot of research and looked at website after website and pics. I know its not the same as actually visiting it but i feel a sort of connection to it. Its strange and probably sounds daft! but its the only place i could really see me living in.

 

Im having a bit of a off today though, dont think its second thoughts as such but just thinking about how difficult it'll be leaving certain things behind even though i know its what i want.

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Guest tandcmum

I think 6 months is a very short time to settle after a move anywhere, and that can be overseas or not. 6 years ago we made the move up to Scotland from England leaving family an friends 5 hours drive away. Ok it is not the other side of the world but still came with it the detachment from family and the support etc the same as movin to Oz. I would say it took us a while to settle here, we had to develop new contacts and friends, find our way around etc. I would say it took a couple of years to settle and finally feel like it was our home, and now we are going to go and do it all again!!!

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Guest guest17301
Your right, emigration is really scary - could go either way. Never been to perth but ive done a lot of research and looked at website after website and pics. I know its not the same as actually visiting it but i feel a sort of connection to it. Its strange and probably sounds daft! but its the only place i could really see me living in.

 

Im having a bit of a off today though, dont think its second thoughts as such but just thinking about how difficult it'll be leaving certain things behind even though i know its what i want.

 

 

No, I was the same Stacey, did heaps of research...sounds so silly now, 'never actually been/don't know anyone there/but done loads of internet research!!!' Sometimes you just have to take a gamble...it might just pay off...life is not a rehearsal!

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FatCats makes an important point...if you won the Lotto would you stay?? I suppose the answer reveals a lot

 

If it was enough for me to give up working, then I'd be seriously torn....I think we'd buy houses in England and France and divide our time between the 3, but the majority of the time we'd spend here due to schooling etc. If the kids were grown up, in an ideal world, it would be 6 months here, 6 months England or France.


My Brain Hurts!

 

 

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Exactly! just have to take the risk sometimes, if things dont go ahead with thispower company then we might think about visiting next year to do a reccie. and if he passes the interview and is offered a job then we shall see you in April/May 2012 ! :) Just wish i could bring the pooches, id feel a lot more settled

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Guest guest17301
If it was enough for me to give up working, then I'd be seriously torn....I think we'd buy houses in England and France and divide our time between the 3, but the majority of the time we'd spend here due to schooling etc. If the kids were grown up, in an ideal world, it would be 6 months here, 6 months England or France.

I'd buy a country home in England, possibly in the Peak District to be near to the family and a beachside mansion in Perth.......(and maybe a mediterranean villa for family hols!)

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What a lovely thought! I'll be dreaming about it all day now lol, forgot to put a lotto ticket on last night!

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Guest guest57588
But are you really?

 

I've never seen a post on PIO clearly stating that. Initial impressions will likely be "blind-sided" by the overwhelming tasks of new home/job/culture. I don't think a true appraisal of Oz (overall) can be given until all those factors are "compiled" (which takes time) and even then the appraisal may well be distorted. eg if you hate your job, you are more inclined to blame it on the "Australian way" than the individual employer/practice........IOW many do not give it a chance to "grow on you with time". They prefer to bail out for reasons known only to themselves (or not if they are in denial)

How many times has it been said here on PIO, "I just knew the moment I set foot off the plane that it wasn't for me" How could you know?

 

In the OP's case. Did/has Australia actually "grown on you"? or is it simply that the homesickness (for the UK) has diminished?

 

That's a little bit harsh don't you think?. For some going home and cutting their losses may be the better outcome, for others, it could be worse.

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