boganbear Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Just a stab in the dark but I'm guessing you haven't got teenagers yet?:biglaugh: No I don't but I also too was a teenager don't forget and some of the behaviour you see today would not be tolerated by my parents. I was naughty, even as a teenager, but I never did anything very serious as I knew there would be consequences and the truth would always come out somehow. My parents had no hesitation in disciplining me when I did wrong and putting me in my place but they were firm but fair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest36187 Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 I'm with boganbear here to be honest. Until he is over eighteen he is still a child and needs parental consent still for anything doesnt he? There are compromises that can be made but that has t be worked out between you and your son. What happens tho if you change all your plans to accommodate him and the. Next year he says.....I'm going backpacking for a year, see ya! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirleyt Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 No I don't but I also too was a teenager don't forget and some of the behaviour you see today would not be tolerated by my parents. I was naughty, even as a teenager, but I never did anything very serious as I knew there would be consequences and the truth would always come out somehow. My parents had no hesitation in disciplining me when I did wrong and putting me in my place but they were firm but fair. With respect we live in a changing world and to harp back to parenting 30-40 years ago (quite often with rose tinted spectacles) is not that helpful and comes across as being judgemental. You simply cant drag a child half way around the world without giving them a fair say or you will for it eventually. Kids are a blessing but if we all gave birth to teenagers instead of babies , I dont think we would have an problems with over population. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirleyt Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 I'm with boganbear here to be honest. Until he is over eighteen he is still a child and needs parental consent still for anything doesnt he?There are compromises that can be made but that has t be worked out between you and your son. What happens tho if you change all your plans to accommodate him and the. Next year he says.....I'm going backpacking for a year, see ya! Compromise is always the solution but if a 16 doesn't want to go, you can't exactly handcuff him and drag him on the plane. You could march on with a plan to go but if the lad went AWOL the night before the flight it would be an expensive plan to make. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irishdancing Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Hi all, we got our visa granted on 5th Sept and thinkin of heading to Perth in March, my daughter who is 18 and at uni also doesnt want to go cos of a boyfriend!!! and other things. can someone tell me if she just comes for a holiday and activates her visa what does this entitle her too..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Si T Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Do not lose hope our 19 yrs old doesnt know whether she is going to come out with us in march. She wants to finish uni which we are happy for her to do but then she does not know what she wants to do. I will be heartbroken if she decides not to come. I have suggested that she brings one of her best mates over in the summer as i think if she starts a social life and makes friends over the summer it will make her decision much easier to make. We have validated our visas in the meantime. I think she will miss us very much if she decides to stay. Maybe your son will to. Good luck. Maybe your son will stay for a summer with you and realise what a fantastic life australia will offer him too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Coxy04 Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Hi, We were in exactly the same position as you, with 16 year old daughter having spent the last year whilst we were getting visas, making sure, every day, that we were in no doubt how she felt about not wanting to go to Australia. Her argument was that at 16, she had no say in the matter, as she was too young to be left here (no family close by), and we knew that by giving her no choice in the matter, she would have made it hell for us once over there, and no matter how good we made it, she would have tried her best to hate everyone and everything. Plus she said we were runining her life by not letting her do her A levels. So we made a compromise, we'd postpone going for 2 years only so she could do her A levels, she will be 18 by then , and we feel old enough to stay and go to uni or work, whichever she decides to do. We also have 20 yr old daughter who is unsure whether to come either, but she has Oz passport and citizenship so can come and go at any time. We have made it clear that we are willing to compromise to get her to a place where she can have choices, but we know that it may just be a stalling tactic, but we are trying to give a little. We may well stay for 2 years and they may still not come, but by then she will be bit older, possibly not more mature, and may be willing to join us. Personally we feel they are just incredibly scared at starting over, we are too, but excited and just wanting some new experiences and to say we have tried something incredibly new and exciting, and hoping for a different life. We are all going out in feb for 3 weeks, to validate, have a good look round and try and entice them both, show them how their life could be, and then they may be better informed to decide to stay or come with us. We are still firm that we will go, we are all very close and we love them dearly, but if we stay we will regret it, and they will all bugger off one day and we will be left in a place we don't want to be! So for us it's a no brainer. The thought of leaving them, is indescribeable, but once we have done it and are all getting on with life, we are sure it will be easier, and at the end of the day, we are 24 hrs apart on a plane journey. Good Luck with whatever you decide to do, and remember you are not alone. x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lurkio Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 Thanks again to everyone for your support and imput. We leave on 17 October to go validate our visas. One step at a time sweet jesus :goofy: We're having a week in mandurah and the next in Fremantle. Some of the time we will travel around and look at areas, some we will chill. We plan to leave the boys with some cash some days and let them get out and about and see what they want, eat out, go to a match?? See what Aus has to offer for a few days. After all, we all speak the same language and it wont be easy for them to get lost when we are all connected by the umbilical mobile phones. But at least Eldest will be validated and that's my main concern just now. He will have given himself the option. And Coxy - we are thinking along the same lines. Children leave home, it is the way of things. What we are trying to do is give them another option in life. Good luck to all of us. Goodness only knows what I would do without this forum sometimes :goofy: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irishdancing Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Do not lose hope our 19 yrs old doesnt know whether she is going to come out with us in march. She wants to finish uni which we are happy for her to do but then she does not know what she wants to do. I will be heartbroken if she decides not to come. I have suggested that she brings one of her best mates over in the summer as i think if she starts a social life and makes friends over the summer it will make her decision much easier to make. We have validated our visas in the meantime. I think she will miss us very much if she decides to stay. Maybe your son will to. Good luck. Maybe your son will stay for a summer with you and realise what a fantastic life australia will offer him too. How do u validate your visa!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lurkio Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 How do u validate your visa!!! Fly over, go through passport control and set foot on Australian Soil. Then you've done it. Even if you then get on the next flight home. All of you have to go. One of you can't do it for all of you. Oh, and you have to do it before a year after you had your meds done. We had ours done on April 12 2011 so we have to have gone through passport control no later than April 11 2012. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Been there Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Since when does a 16 yr old tell his parents what he is and isnt' doing? Never read so much rubbish! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lurkio Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 To quote my two teenage sons, and in particular my beloved eldest .... LMFAO Been There. Wish life was that easy - but thanks for your imput. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flybyknight Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 someones going to prove me wrong now but..... you can tell the posters who dont have kids! :wink: (awaits avalanche of hate...... ) lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I'd ask your 16 year old to validate their visa with you - so that they have the option of returning to live with you. I'd have a 'chat' to the parents of the girlfriend. I'd tell them that you'd like them to set out what living at there home would mean i.e. contribution to bills and food. Highlight to your son - how he will have to fund his own entertainment, clothes etc., (all the things that you probably buy for him). If he's asking to be treated like an adult - then I would highlight (in a nice way) what that actually means. Ask him to compromise - give you a year in Aus and if he doesn't like it - he can come home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lurkio Posted October 11, 2011 Author Share Posted October 11, 2011 Well, this is going to be my last post on this subject. We booked our holiday paid £6.5k and then the little brat changed his mind and said he wont come and said that we can't make him!!! His Dad has bribed him by agreeing to pay for a moped and insuring it when we get back - provided he comes. So now he will come after all. He didn't ask for the bike, it was his Dad's idea but lord I resent him right now. You know what? At this moment I really dislike my Son. We really can't afford this holiday and we really, really can't afford to pay for the moped and insurance. But - we've got our way and he will come and validate. I feel that we've now done all that we can and if at the end of the 5 years he decides not to come - well - so be it - he'll have to just flaming well get on with it. Good advice by the way Ali, but the girlfriend's Mother says he can live at their house free of charge and everyone knows that the world owes teenagers a living after all. Grrrrrrr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fmck Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 Well, this is going to be my last post on this subject. We booked our holiday paid £6.5k and then the little brat changed his mind and said he wont come and said that we can't make him!!! His Dad has bribed him by agreeing to pay for a moped and insuring it when we get back - provided he comes. So now he will come after all. He didn't ask for the bike, it was his Dad's idea but lord I resent him right now. You know what? At this moment I really dislike my Son. We really can't afford this holiday and we really, really can't afford to pay for the moped and insurance. But - we've got our way and he will come and validate. I feel that we've now done all that we can and if at the end of the 5 years he decides not to come - well - so be it - he'll have to just flaming well get on with it. Good advice by the way Ali, but the girlfriend's Mother says he can live at their house free of charge and everyone knows that the world owes teenagers a living after all. Grrrrrrr At least you will get his visa validated and he will be able to join you when he grows up. I'm thinking of Kevin and Perry right now. If it was me and he asked for a moped on his return, I would tell him that I've changed my mind and that I won't buy one and he can't make me. Maybe he will realise how it feels when others don't honour their commitments to him. A good lesson for a kid who may get a girl pregnant in the near future. The girlfriends parents aren't very helpful. Maybe if they charged him plenty in digs then he would soon get sick of it and go to Oz. If he wants to be a big grown up then he must pay his own way in life and honour his commitments (validate visa as promised). He could be the best lad in the world, but he wouldn't be staying under my roof regardless of how much he paid me. Maybe if he got a decent job and his own place, he could play by his own rules, but he is waiting for daddy to buy him a moped, wants free digs and his independence?:confused: Independence is a two way street. I tend to agree with Boganbear on this. I have teenage girls and they know the limits. I'm not being judgemental. My kids are not grown up yet, so I can't judge anyone on their methods. I just think that he is still just a kid and if he got a dose of real responsibility now, he may be happy to tag along with his parents for another few years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2tigers Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Hey Lurkio, I do hope he gets on that plane, I think there will be a lot of people on here waiting to hear your news come next week...... I know its coming down to his level, but what fmck has said about 'changing your mind' about a moped, well...... you have to admit, it is tempting! Good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 \ If it was me and he asked for a moped on his return, I would tell him that I've changed my mind and that I won't buy one and he can't make me. Maybe he will realise how it feels when others don't honour their commitments to him. A good lesson for a kid who may get a girl pregnant in the near future. This cracked me up ..... should have brought a smile to your face Lurkio xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Taylor72 Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Hi Lurkio Weve been in Brisbane for 12 weeks and our 16yr old daughter has been here 5 weeks, because we left her with my parents to get her GCSE results with her friends. I really feel for you as we went through the same thing as she to has a boyfriend of 12 months. She didnt want to come over and tried every emotional trick in the book to stay in UK. If she didnt have a boyfriend i may have left her to do her A levels in UK, but couldnt take the risk of her wanting to stay with the boyfriend come 18yrs. So basically asked her to give it ago and if need be would help her boyfriend to come visit , and he also wants to move over (mm we will see). After lots of tears she landed with us and was moody and tearful for a few days, but now she is at school made new friends, speaks to the boyfriend on skype, and blackberry messenger and admits she likes it here. So it just shows how things change. Personally if you dont have a good family support network for your son im not sure i would take the chance and leave him. Ask him to give it ago as this could be life changing for him and his girlfriend if it works out. Good luck its not easy, but i would make him come with you, but that is just me. Annette x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silk Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Hi Lurkio, So sorry you're going through all of this turmoil - bloomin' kids eh? :cry: Firstly I think it's bang out of order of your son's girlfriend's parents to allow him to live with them without asking your permission! I think I'd be having a few words with them over this! We moved here 4 years ago also with 2 sons; one 12 and a 16 year old who didn't want to come. He had a girlfriend who finished with him when she knew he was moving, so we were to blame for that too! We told him he didn't have a choice at 16 but once he turned 18 and if he could afford it, we wouldn't stop him moving back if that was what he wanted to do. We also gave him a double whammy that he'd have to go back to do 2 more years at school, to get his Aussie qualifications :biggrin: (mean old parents!) Two weeks into being here he'd made some great mates and loved it! The msn chatting to his UK mates started to dwindle and he started to get a life here. Going back to school was the thing that made our son settle best. I really really hope you manage to get him over, as I fear you yourself won't settle if you don't. Personally I wouldn't wait the 2 or 3 years you talk of as this may cause even more problems, as someone else suggested; offer to pay for his girlfriend's flight maybe 6 months after arriving and suggest that she could get a working holiday visa in the future (don't tell him she has to be 18 - this just complicates things further lol!) Recently I saw my son had put on facebook that 2007 was his best year ever - the year he came to Australia :wink: I wish you loads of luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lurkio Posted October 12, 2011 Author Share Posted October 12, 2011 "At least you will get his visa validated and he will be able to join you when he grows up. I'm thinking of Kevin and Perry right now." Yup :yes: worth a grand to us. (It's soooooo unfair!!!) "If it was me and he asked for a moped on his return, I would tell him that I've changed my mind and that I won't buy one and he can't make me. Maybe he will realise how it feels when others don't honour their commitments to him." Fantastic!!!!! What a great idea!! I wont do it though - cos I've always kept my word to my Boys - but OMG the temptation!!! :laugh: I will however say when we get back - "actually I could just do what you did you know - and change my mind"!!!! However, if you kids can't trust you to keep your word and do what you say you will do - who can they trust? and what sort of example would I be setting? .... but all the same .... :biggrin: "offer to pay for his girlfriend's flight maybe 6 months after arriving and suggest that she could get a working holiday visa in the future (don't tell him she has to be 18 - this just complicates things further lol!) " What a darned fine plan!!!!!:yes: she's 15 at the moment - I don't suppose that this is a forever relationship - but at 16 everything is sooooooooo intense!!! Anyway - today's update is ... our travel agent phoned today to say that both weeks of the accommodation we thought we had booked on Saturday, have actually been overbooked - We leave in 10 days and actually don't have anywhere to stay!!! Well, she has 10 days to sort it out - so ..... Sometimes I feel like nothing ever actually goes right!!!!!!!!! PS. Has anyone else noticed that I seem to have gone overboard with exclamation marks in this post? A clear sign of total wear-your-pants-on-your-head madness - according to Black Adder. For those that are interested .... I will keep you posted. xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RockDr Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 I'm assuming the moped will be waiting for him in Australia? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirleyt Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 You could always present him on your return a 'mop head' and say sorry we didnt realise you meant a moped. Ha ha his face would be priceless! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoandJon Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 You could always present him on your return a 'mop head' and say sorry we didnt realise you meant a moped. Ha ha his face would be priceless! OMG please, please please do it Or buy him a voucher for a moped so he can choose his own, catch is, it's for a shop in Oz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carsnhoj Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 our son came with us to Oz at 17. He lasted three weeks, then returned. When I offered to return with him, he said that I should stay here and build a life, so he has a choice of either here or UK. I am hoping that once the 18th birthday parties of all his mates are over, and he sees that the school mates start living their own lives and going different ways, he may come back.. now just waiting for this to (hopefully) happen. I too have told him that if he gets a serious girlfriend, she can maybe come on a WHV and stay with us.... living on the opposite side of the world from your kids is the worst thing I've ever done, but then I thought.. If I were in the UK and he wanted to travel, I wouldn't stop him, (so kinda the same in reverse.. seeing it like this has helped me get thro it). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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