Harpodom Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 I am reading this with tears falling... I have been here 3 weeks and from the moment I stepped off the plane I wanted to go back home... what is wrong with me? I had been to Perth before and I have family here... but for some reason I instantly knew that I had made the biggest mistake of my life coming. I cry every day, I don't sleep, I am scared and my heart races 24/7. My OH is gobsmacked as he says I have not even tried, I am terrified that he will end up resenting me. I went to the school today to enrol my children and was highly dissapointed with it.. I believe staying here is not in their best interests and I have now mucked up their future. Please reply... I am scared and lonely. Hi Laura, Blimey! :hug: I think the best thing to do is try and relax and hang in there. It is easy to assume you've made a mistake on first arrival. I certainly felt like that. Don't impose any time restraints (like thinking "this is it, we're here forever now") cos you can always go back if you really had to. Think of it as just for now. it takes the pressure off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevenpasha Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Hi Laura, Blimey! :hug: I think the best thing to do is try and relax and hang in there. It is easy to assume you've made a mistake on first arrival. I certainly felt like that. Don't impose any time restraints (like thinking "this is it, we're here forever now") cos you can always go back if you really had to. Think of it as just for now. it takes the pressure off. the same thing happened to us we landed queensland 3 weeks ago instantly i felt something was missing my wife is homesick and our kids are feeling it,although things are getting a little easier,we lived here 2 years ago for 8 months and cant quite figure why we are feeling like this,please remember why you left and hang in there things will get better i promise,the uk is bleak at the moment and your kids just want to be happy but wont if you are not at least compromise and give it a year,good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RockDr Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Hi Laura, big hugs! it's to be expected that your emotions will be all over the place right now, you've just moved to the other side of the world and your routine has been turned upside down. Different people react to that differently. Take your time, take each day as it comes, and when it all gets a bit much, take a deep breath and let it out in a primal scream, then have a cup of tea, or whatever coping mechanism you used in the UK when you were having a bad day. I would also think about getting a sleeping pill from a GP, if you've not slept well for three weeks and had jetlag on top of that, there's no way you're thinking straight right now, a solid night's sleep will almost certainly help... Good luck with everything Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 :hug::hug:Laura:hug::hug: One hesitates to say 'early days yet' and you may well be quite right that Aus is not where you want to groow old and die, but you have not screwed up your kids lives no matter how dire the situation and whether you will return or not. I echo Dom - dont think of it as 'forever' because that way madness lies. Tell yourself that you will throw body and soul into it for 6/12/24 months (pick a date) and then sit down and evaluate your options at that point with the expectation that if Aus isnt working for you then you will pack up and head back. Only exception to this is if your kids are GCSE/A level age in which case cut your losses and try and recover something right now because once your kids get off the educational merry go round in UK it is very difficult for them to step back on it. If they are in primary you have no worries, you have time to make your decision and you can think of Aus as one big holiday scenario. Also, if you have things to go back to and not have burned too many bridges in the process - house, jobs etc then maybe restrict your decision time frame so that the bridges dont smoulder an disintegrate before your eyes. Personally I would be keeping OFF Skype, Facebook etc and doing your best to get into the real world rather than constantly picking of the scab which was your life and connection back in UK (I know, that is contrary to a lot of folk who think social media is the best thing since sliced bread - I cant think that a constant reminder of what/who you are missing is going to help you build a new set of connections but hey ho, each to their own) Good luck :hug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpersgirl Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 I am reading this with tears falling... I have been here 3 weeks and from the moment I stepped off the plane I wanted to go back home... what is wrong with me? I had been to Perth before and I have family here... but for some reason I instantly knew that I had made the biggest mistake of my life coming. I cry every day, I don't sleep, I am scared and my heart races 24/7. My OH is gobsmacked as he says I have not even tried, I am terrified that he will end up resenting me. I went to the school today to enrol my children and was highly dissapointed with it.. I believe staying here is not in their best interests and I have now mucked up their future. Please reply... I am scared and lonely. :hug: many of us will relate to how you're feeling love:hug: I know I certainly do. I spent the first 3 months trying to think of ways to get back "home" It didn't help that EVERYONE else seemed to be totally embracing their new life and that I was the one dragging them down!!! It does get better. It helps when you get your own stuff around you again. I found that getting out and about and getting a taste for the life I had imagined helped amongst all the scary stuff of beginning again. So that meant sizzling sausages on the gorgeous beaches and dinner out with hubby and kids and coffee and cake in the many lovely parks and playgrounds....:yes: I'd say try not to rush yourself into your new life and give yourself the gift of time to recover from the highs and lows of the past few months. Will be thinking of you :wubclub: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mattinoz Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 We stayed for three years, we wanted to go home after six months but persuaded ourselves that if we bought loads of nice stuff and tried to make it feel like home then it might all click into place. The real crunch came after two years when we could of just got on a plane and left straight away but we forced ourselves to stay for another year just in case we were missing an opportunity, the last year of clock watching and calendar watching was really hard but we got there in the end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalejaneaustralia Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 I guess it really depends on what ur reasons for going is. We've got a great lifestyle here, get away in our vw camper loads, relatively reasonable mortgage (not obsessed with keeping up with the Jones), both got above average paid jobs. But we can't wait to get away, we're in early 30s don't want kids at the minute and just want to try living somewhere else. We're going with the view that 'nothing is forever' and are not going to be putting any pressure on ourselves. We're also not going with the rose-tinted glasses, I'm sure there are going to be problems/issues along the way but thats life. I'll report back once we arrive in August! --- I am here: http://maps.google.com/maps?ll=52.266798,-0.889373 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest31881 Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Once again I find myself on the MBTUK thread and clearing posts from members who will not listen when told to stay away from a thread if they do not like its content. MBTUK is designed for members who wish to or have returned to the UK for whatever reason. The idea is exactly the same as the other threads in that it is here to help member make the move or discuss life after the move. I must also point out to our members that do post on MBTUK, the threads on this forum are not there for you to insult other members who Like Australia, this thread has to go both ways, please show tolerance and understanding of everyone's point of view without resorting to insults. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in Bris Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 I am reading this with tears falling... I have been here 3 weeks and from the moment I stepped off the plane I wanted to go back home... what is wrong with me? I had been to Perth before and I have family here... but for some reason I instantly knew that I had made the biggest mistake of my life coming. I cry every day, I don't sleep, I am scared and my heart races 24/7. My OH is gobsmacked as he says I have not even tried, I am terrified that he will end up resenting me. I went to the school today to enrol my children and was highly dissapointed with it.. I believe staying here is not in their best interests and I have now mucked up their future. Please reply... I am scared and lonely. My Australian wife was the same when she arrived back in Brisbane. I was happy to give it a go. Now I really want to go back but she seems more settled. We've now been here 4 years and as each year goes on the more settled we have become BUT the more I yearn for home. Sometimes you may feel caught between a rock and a hard place. You see many will say give it time but we have and it has just made me more and more fonder and eager to go home whereas at first I was happy to stay and give it a go. Now we have kids, a mortgage and typical expenses, but in time I'm making it my necessity to go home. I've been home for a holiday (last April, during the Royal wedding) and I loved it but one thing made it a lot easier - surprisingly - that was coming home to our life in Brisbane as it was normality for the others in the family. It's hard, I know, and so do others and I wish you the very best but don't regret doing things. You do them for a reason, and nothing has to be forever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest rebeccae Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Life throughs so funny things our way, keep your options open and have citizenship of two Countries, it only takes 4 years. I arrived here on my own 7 months ago not knowing a soul, its been hard but its now getting so much easier. I have become acustomed to the Aussie way of life and count my blessings every day for that chance i have. I found it has helped me beyond belief to join a club, in my case a Motorcycle club! I have some really good friends. I think some people in the Uk have great lives and close families etc and it must be so hard. My plan is to stay min 4 years to get Citizenship. I just think about how bad everything is with the economy and the weather in the UK if im unsure! Goodluck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest GoldCoastMag Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Being 10 pound poms meant returning to England before 2 years meant paying the costs to the Australian Govt, maybe thats where the 2 year "rule" started. When you discuss moving countries and coming half way round the world from the life you live, knowing how things are done, sometimes we can forget or not realise that in a foreign country it may be done differently. This thread and the mbttuk are good places for people to reevaluate. After all your opinions can probably still be shaped when they are discussed and researched and listened to others thoughts where ever you are the process. No one can anticipate what they will feel in a new place, we know we will miss people and that ourselves and our families will need time and understanding to begin to settle down. But until we make the move we cant anticipate how we will actually feel. As many pp said any move doesnt have to be forever. :hug:I am sorry so many of you are feeling so anxious and disappointed right now, I think Christmas is a particularly difficult time of year and the most depressing if you are missing all that you are used to. Having contact with others can help.:hug: Some of PIO enjoy living in one place, some the other, good luck to finding the right place for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jodie stott Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 im in the same position as you !!!! can u email me or add me on facebook? jodz grace stott Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sh7t man no way Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Once again I find myself on the MBTUK thread and clearing posts from members who will not listen when told to stay away from a thread if they do not like its content. MBTUK is designed for members who wish to or have returned to the UK for whatever reason. The idea is exactly the same as the other threads in that it is here to help member make the move or discuss life after the move. I must also point out to our members that do post on MBTUK, the threads on this forum are not there for you to insult other members who Like Australia, this thread has to go both ways, please show tolerance and understanding of everyone's point of view without resorting to insults. well said colin--lifes a two sided coin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boomerang Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Hi Bobj,have been on pio for over 1 year and have loved reading your posts just wanting to know if you can tell me anything about Whyalla South Australia . Hi Davie, what is it you want to know? I lived there for four years going back sometime however I still know people who live there and people that visit family there on a reg basis, so if I dont know the answer I can ask for you. Where are you currently and if your thinking of going to Whyalla for what reason? It takes a special kind of person to live there thats for sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mag33 Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 I think you become desensitized after a while. I knew right from the first that although I liked the place and quite enjoyed being here, it was just an adventure but it wasnt where I wanted to end my days. As long as I had that tantalizing prospect that I could move on to where I knew I belonged, it wasnt too bad - I was desensitized to it - but once the iron bars clanged down then living here became awful. In hindsight I should probably have thought more about the move after the first 4 years because that was a major decision point in our lives - if you had told me then what would be happening now, I would have fled faster than greased lightning. If you cant see yourself growing old in Australia then escape while you can otherwise your options will be cut off. 2 years, 4 years, 10 years who knows - just when you get to a major decision point (job change, kids schooling, financial benefit etc) thank you for your post, i just movedd back to uk in march this year after 33yrs in oz, my husband died 2yrs ago and i had a knee jerk reaction packing up and coming back. the thing is i love england, and have more friends here like my bridesmaid etc and we have always kept in touch, i have been to switzerland, poland, norway, this year but feel sooooo bad at leaving my grandchildren in perth and sydney so feel i HAVE to go back to them. i am going in april for 3 mths but am thinking of going back for good in april?? margaret Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobj Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Hi Davie, what is it you want to know? I lived there for four years going back sometime however I still know people who live there and people that visit family there on a reg basis, so if I dont know the answer I can ask for you.Where are you currently and if your thinking of going to Whyalla for what reason? It takes a special kind of person to live there thats for sure. Have to agree with that statement. Being on the coast is its big saving grace. The snapper fishing off shore is brilliant. And remember, it is classed as semi desert. Since the BHP steel industry finished, Whyalla has gone from being a progressive small city to more or less, a backwater. Cheers, Bobj. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lostlily Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 We have now been here for over 12 years. Loved it to start with, it was a great adventure for a number of years BUT! Life moves on, I now have one daughter who has returned permanently to live in the UK and another who is settled with an Australian and has her own family now. My parents are in their 80's they need me and I feel such a strong need to spend time with them in their twilight years. On the other hand my husband will not entertain the idea of returning and even if he did I couldn't leave my daughter here as she would be brokenhearted. So you see I have a really horrible dilemma. I so miss the UK even though I go over for a holiday every year. I am so lonely, I miss my extended family on a daily basis. Phone calls, emails, skype just don't cut it with me. Australia has been an easy place to live, don't get me wrong. The weather is lovely, the scenery good but you can soon get sick of beautiful beaches and palm trees. Nothing can replace your friends and family, I have found that out too late and am so sad. All the lovely homes and an affluent lifestyle cannot make up for the pain :-( Lots of people come out here with the idea that they can return at some time, but it isn't always as easy as it sounds. I am in the impossible situation now of no win. My selfishness brought me here and I feel I am now paying the price! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RockDr Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 Lostlily, it is tough, all I can suggest is that you try to extend those trips home as much as you can. When you retire, is there really anything stopping you from going home for a couple of months or more at a time? maybe combining it with a summer holiday in Europe as a way of making your Husband more amenable to the idea, you could even holiday with your relatives so you don't spend the whole of your UK trips staying at people's houses. big hugs :hug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lostlily Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 Haha that is a good idea, rent a cottage in Provence or Cornwall or something? I guess I will just have to find a way to make it work, at least I have options. A lot of people are too skint to even get a return trip very often. It is so easy to fall into a depressive mindset when you are feeling sad and lost isn't it, thanks for your help Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 Haha that is a good idea, rent a cottage in Provence or Cornwall or something? I guess I will just have to find a way to make it work, at least I have options. A lot of people are too skint to even get a return trip very often. It is so easy to fall into a depressive mindset when you are feeling sad and lost isn't it, thanks for your help I quite agree, being trapped makes all sort of rational thinking go out of the window! I do hope that you can find a way out! The 6/6 thing is probably ideal but you are still going to be without some of your family for some of the time no matter which way you cut it. I have found it far easier to leave my grandkids than to leave my aged parents - I get more guilt from the daughter in law though who believes the kids are missing out (more to the point, she is missing having baby sitters on hand!!!). My son couldnt give two hoots but I guess that is the difference between having girls and boys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 I quite agree, being trapped makes all sort of rational thinking go out of the window! I do hope that you can find a way out! The 6/6 thing is probably ideal but you are still going to be without some of your family for some of the time no matter which way you cut it. I have found it far easier to leave my grandkids than to leave my aged parents - I get more guilt from the daughter in law though who believes the kids are missing out (more to the point, she is missing having baby sitters on hand!!!). My son couldnt give two hoots but I guess that is the difference between having girls and boys. I admire you Quoll ......do you know why ? .......because you have done the right thing . If the elderly parents had passed on ,without you spending some quality time , you would not have been able to live with yourself . Iam doing it now .In the past 10 years ,its affected my health ......i nearly lost everything both here and in Oz .......just trying to do the right thing . Mom is in her 80s now , we are running out of time ......we speak every day on the phone .....i only live 3 miles away .....we are there at least twice a week .... she will be with us ( thats me , my wife and her 2 youngest granddaughters ) all over christmas . I could have walked away .......but ive got to tick the box that says MOM YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN DONT YOU ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lostlily Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Such welcome thoughts from you and quoll....... You are both doing the right thing. In my heart I know I will have to find a way to spend a lot more time in the UK. As you say, I truly couldn't live with the remorse if I didn't. They were there for me when I was young and it is so cruel to abandon them now they need me. I think I will go over in March or April and stay for a few months. Whatever it takes I will just go with the flow, but let them know that I am there for them. My husband and my daughter will be ok they do support me and are understanding, I am my own worse enemy. I cant please all of the people all of the time etc! Quoll you are right about sons and daughters for sure. I am just selling my business and it should all be settled (fingers crossed) in March so the timing is pretty perfect I guess. I believe that everything happens for a reason, even though we sometimes cant see it. So good to be able to get some imput from people who are not emotionally involved but still have a good understanding of the issues. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest55385 Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 We came over with the intention that we would give it 2 years, but more likely this would be a permanent move. After 3 weeks I am so homesick for ridiculous things, but mostly my friends that I would gladly go home today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fizzybangs Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I didn't have doubts for first 20 years! Now 31 one years and we are going back. Leaving behind 3 adult kids who also have no family over here - heartwrenching. If you are already having doubts then find a job back there before returning as it's pretty bad over there for work. My children have so missed having aunts/uncles and cousins and now all of them in their 30's say they so wished they had had family here. I didn't realise how it would affect anyone other than myself when I came - big mistake. I used to say I love both countries but UK pulls you back - humour, pubs, family etc - just feels like 'home' whereas here feels like an adventure. I've been all around Oz, now want to start on UK and Europe! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I didn't have doubts for first 20 years! Now 31 one years and we are going back. Leaving behind 3 adult kids who also have no family over here - heartwrenching. If you are already having doubts then find a job back there before returning as it's pretty bad over there for work. My children have so missed having aunts/uncles and cousins and now all of them in their 30's say they so wished they had had family here. I didn't realise how it would affect anyone other than myself when I came - big mistake. I used to say I love both countries but UK pulls you back - humour, pubs, family etc - just feels like 'home' whereas here feels like an adventure. I've been all around Oz, now want to start on UK and Europe! Gosh, I could have written yoru post too!!! I agree, the first 20 years werent too bad and my kids have also, in their adulthood commented on the isolation of our little family now that they are partnered with girls with huge extended families living locally. My head always said that Australia was 'home' but my heart never did so for 32 years it was like living as a tourist and, like all good holidays, it came to an end after about 20 years. I am now back 'home' and loving it - I belong for the first time in decades. I know that the compromise situation is that we will most likely return to Australia when my parents are no longer in need of our help but in the meantime I am enjoying every moment and hoping that DH can see the positives of living here too (he's noticed a couple of things, including not being woken up every night with leg cramps! so I live in hopes!) Enjoy the next bit of your life adventure! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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