Guest kiwi&jane Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 HI ALL, WELL IT'S 30 DAYS OFF US FLYING TO OUR NEW LIFE, ME , OH AND THE KIDS ARE ALL REALLY EXCITED, PITY I CAN'T SAY THE SAME ABOUT MY MUM, FROM DAY 1 OF US MENTIONING GOING TO OZ IT HAS BEEN NEGATIVE TALK, AS THE TIME IS GETTING CLOSER IT'S GETTING WORSE, SO BAD THAT I DREAD SEEING HER, THAT SOUNDS AWFUL I KNOW SHE HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME AND SUPPORTED ME IN EVERYTHING I HAVE DONE TILL NOW!!!!!MY HOUSE IS SOLD BUT NOT THROUGH YET AND SHE IS LENDING US £10,000 TILL IT'S THROUGH SIMPLY BECAUSE SHE SAYS THE SOONER YOU GET THERE, THE SOONER YOU WILL BE HOME SICK AND COME BACK HOME.SHE WILL JUST NOT ACCEPT THAT WE ARE GOING AND IS PUTTING A REAL STRAIN ON OUR RELATIONSHIP AS MUM AND DAUGHTER, WOT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO? I'V TRIED TALKING TO HER, DONT THINK IT;S ME GOING TO OZ IS THE PROBLEM IT'S ME TAKING HER 3 GRANDCHILDREN.ADVICE NEEDED PLEASE GUYS.JANE X:arghh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest wardy Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 Hi Jane It sounds like your mums heart is breaking, probably not what you wanted to hear I know. I envy anyone who has a close relationship with their mum, I dont. I cant talk to my mum, never had support just critiscism. Try to keep talking to her and explain your reasons for going, I know you have probably already done that. Can you buy her a ticket as a gift when you leave or for xmas make her know that she is always welcome and show her how much you want her to be part of your plans. I often think ahead I wonder how I would feel if and when my kids leave me, my eldest is 18 and refusing to come and to be honest it breaks my heart I want him with us and I know it causes friction between us. But as mothers we have to let go we may not want to and it hurts like hell but we have to. All I can do is send you ((((((((((hugs ))))))))))))))) and hope things work out for you kaye xx :wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest beverley Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 Oh its just her way of dealing with the situation. Shes going to be upset about you all leaving and has chosen to be an old bag about it rather than crying and begging you not to go. I kind of feel like that with both sides of my family, my mum said that she has never had any interest in going to australia and the inlaws say they could never do the long flight because they would need a cigerette! Ive given up with it. I just think if you love us then you will just have to come and see us. I said to my mum that if she ever changed her mind then if both her daughters were resident she should be able to get a visa and shes perked up abit. Has your mum got a computer? perhaps you could either buy one with her and show her how easy it will be to stay in touch. My 84 year old nan just emailed my uncle in sydney during her computer class and now she wants to get a lap top so she can email us all when we go ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gollywobbler Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 Hi Jane Will it be possible for your Mum to go out to Oz to visit you once you are settled? If she has the time, she could go out for anything up to a year. Please see here: Visas and migration - Australian High Commission Note that if someone wants to stay for 12 months, DIAC need the application to be made on paper and sent to the Australian HC in London. I'm not saying that what follows is any sort of a "universal solution" but if a visit is viable, it can sometimes do a huge amount to cheer the Parent up. In our own family my mother was the one who migrated to Oz last year! Wild horses wouldn't keep her away from her only grandchildren, who are in Perth. However, a friend and her sister both migrated to Adelaide last year. They are the only 2 children and between them have three children. Their Parents were devastated and their mother refused to discuss it. Their father had tears in his eyes when they first brioke the news to him. It was very, very hard for my chum and her sister. Nonetheless, their parents are retired and in their early 70s so they have plenty of spare time. Bit by bit they managed to persuade their Parents to go out to Oz in November 2006 and to stay for six months. Once the Parents could see that Adelaide offers a far better lifestyle for the whole family than the UK does, they fell in love with Australia. They are going out for another six months this coming November, they say, and the girls' Mum says she and Hubby can't wait to get back there! When they return to the UK next Spring, they will set about applying for Contributory Parent visas to enable them to move to Oz permanently. If you are able to coax your Mum into a visit, it might make all the difference. I hope it might, anyway. Best wishes Gill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest UK2Perth Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 Awww I'm sure in one way or another we have been through/are going through the same! My mum is not at all happy either! She truly hopes it will work out for us but deep down she feels helpless that if I need her, she will be on the other side of the world! My dad died when I was 3 so mum has always been sooooo over-protective but like people have said to me, you are living your life for you not your mum! I'm sure she would feel worse if you didn't go and blamed her! I will miss my mum too but will make coming back to the UK for holidays all the more 'special' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest UK2Perth Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 Oh its just her way of dealing with the situation. Shes going to be upset about you all leaving and has chosen to be an old bag about it rather than crying and begging you not to go.I kind of feel like that with both sides of my family, my mum said that she has never had any interest in going to australia and the inlaws say they could never do the long flight because they would need a cigerette! Ive given up with it. I just think if you love us then you will just have to come and see us. I said to my mum that if she ever changed her mind then if both her daughters were resident she should be able to get a visa and shes perked up abit. Has your mum got a computer? perhaps you could either buy one with her and show her how easy it will be to stay in touch. My 84 year old nan just emailed my uncle in sydney during her computer class and now she wants to get a lap top so she can email us all when we go ! I'm a smoker (20 a day) and to be honest the flight really didn't bother me. If they fly to Dubai, there is an indoor smoking area so the flight isn't that long and they can have a few fags in between flights like I did :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Baggo's Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 Hi Kiwijane! I am having exactly same thing! I keep saying my mum's either in denial or not bothered!! Hopefully she will come round but at the end of the day you have to do what is right for you. We have had a bit a a rough ride, everyone being negative etc. but we still want to go!! Good luck Nat xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ian Laverick Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 Hi Jane ... We have had the same problem with my mum. We hope to be travelling May / June 2008. Family - me, the wife and three .. soon to become four children. My mum was really upset at me for taking her grandkids away from her !! .... ouchh ! My mum would not talk about this either and I was really struggling with this - carrying it about on me shoulder like a sack of tatties ! What helped was other people coming to my mum and telling her info she would not listen to from us - she felt betrayed that we had not told her this info, but she would not listen - not our fault !! She seems to have to come to terms with things for now - your mum has not got hold of this yet, but she will have to as time moves on !! Think you have been given some good info ref your mum coming out to see your family - folk seem to think that emigrating is final and they will not see you again. Hopefully mum will understand what you are trying to do for your family. Good Luck with your future Ian Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KazzE Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 I am sorry you are having such a hard time, I lost my Mum 3yrs ago, she could be an awkward so and so and I am not sure if I could have made this move leaving her behind. On the other hand if you have made the decision for the good of your own family then that is the best reason and you should not let anyone spoil that for you. Have you tried talking to her honestly and bluntly and letting her know how much it is upsetting you? If you cannot sort this out you are going to have to accept that she is not happy about it but your family has to come first, as they say you can choose your friends but not your family. Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 Not alot I can add to the great advise you've been given. My dad was very supportive of our coming here and he recently visited, he said that he could see that this was the best thing we could have done for our children - he's already planning his return visit. Ali Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Darryl&Lynne Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 HI ALL, WELL IT'S 30 DAYS OFF US FLYING TO OUR NEW LIFE, ME , OH AND THE KIDS ARE ALL REALLY EXCITED, PITY I CAN'T SAY THE SAME ABOUT MY MUM, FROM DAY 1 OF US MENTIONING GOING TO OZ IT HAS BEEN NEGATIVE TALK, AS THE TIME IS GETTING CLOSER IT'S GETTING WORSE, SO BAD THAT I DREAD SEEING HER, THAT SOUNDS AWFUL I KNOW SHE HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME AND SUPPORTED ME IN EVERYTHING I HAVE DONE TILL NOW!!!!!MY HOUSE IS SOLD BUT NOT THROUGH YET AND SHE IS LENDING US £10,000 TILL IT'S THROUGH SIMPLY BECAUSE SHE SAYS THE SOONER YOU GET THERE, THE SOONER YOU WILL BE HOME SICK AND COME BACK HOME.SHE WILL JUST NOT ACCEPT THAT WE ARE GOING AND IS PUTTING A REAL STRAIN ON OUR RELATIONSHIP AS MUM AND DAUGHTER, WOT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO? I'V TRIED TALKING TO HER, DONT THINK IT;S ME GOING TO OZ IS THE PROBLEM IT'S ME TAKING HER 3 GRANDCHILDREN.ADVICE NEEDED PLEASE GUYS.JANE X:arghh: Hello Jane sorry about your mum a shame but that's her way of dealing with it. We have only spoken about Aus to my mum and she has always been really negative so haven't said about us having started our application. Anyway have you thought about setting her up with a computer and web cam then she can see the kids as often as possible. I do this with my friend out there and the children just send the funnies and make faces on the camera it makes them feel really close. We get to see the pets house etc, just thought it might help good luck love Lynne x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest richayl Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Hi there, sorry you're having such a hard time - I have it all to come so will be e-mailing you for tips! We are just about to apply on a skilled visa, hubby got TRA first and we haven't told any of the family. My mother-in-law will be the one, hubby is one of 4 - all 3 sisters live within 4 miles of mum and we can't even imagine what she'll say about us taking her grandchildren away! All quite a close family so dreading it, as daughter-in-law it may well be my fault!!! My mum won't be happy but will understand our desire for a better life.......... watch this space and good luck x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoanneHattersley Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 My Mum always wanted to live the Aussie dream but never did. (Long story). When we decided to move out here she couldnt handle it and hated talking about it. OH and me couldnt discuss Australia in my mum and dads house. It was hard as it was so exciting to us and we had so much we wanted to share and get advice on. Since moving out here, we have settled really well and are permanent residents. My parents are now waiting for a case officer on their CPV Visa. Guess what I am trying to say is that parents DO come around. My OH parents didnt want us to leave the UK but said "do what you want - its your life". We did and OH parents (having been here now) BEG us not to come back!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest richayl Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Thanks for that, know it will all work out in the end............. we desparately want to do this but OH's family can be very persuasive too. I know that they will try and put us off, tell us what can go wrong etc (as if we haven't thought of all of that ourselves?! Just got to get ourselves sorted and start saving some money to show them we mean business!!! How hard was it for you moneywise etc? We are looking at the North Lakes area, any info?? How far is it from CBD etc, looked at prices for rent but not sure how it fares with other places. We want water, walks, good schools and nurseries, shops and a pleasant area for our kids -2 yr old twin girls and 13 year old daughter? Any advice would be welcome............ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TheArmChairDetective Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Good luck and best wishes to you and your family Jane, Your mum will come round, I'm sure she loves you really, she's just heartbroken at the thought of loosing you. Have a re read of gollywobblers advice. It will work out.:smile: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bernie Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Hiya, sorry to hear that you have these problems as now's the time to be enjoying the time you have left together. Someone posted that their regret was that they didn't spend more time together with friends and family. I can imagine that you are the one going to a new life and part of her life is going to be the gone. The hurt seems to come out in all sorts of ways. My mum has passed away now, which makes it easier for me to leave, but my sister is pretty much in denial and I feel so guilty leaving her as my brother lives in Italy. I can't talk to her about it and have to keep any news and excitement under my belt as she doesn't share the experience with me. This does put a strain on our relationship now too. I think something that dawned on my lately was rather than think I can't wait to get out to Aus, and it may be a wait! I can make the most of things here. I think it's important to make the most of your time together. Why not plan a spa day or something special together and she may open up....my hunch is that she is very hurt that you are leaving and it's coming out all wrong. You wouldn't want to go to Aus feeling this way and may regret not sorting it out sooner than later. Perhaps a holiday for her there too would be a good thing to look forward to. Good luck :wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest n-jayne-30 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 God its really terrible i just know how you feel. My mum wont even talk about it we are at the last stages and she hasnt even ask how its going. When i first told her she went mad telling me off for about 2 hours. Funny thing is that she left me with my dad when i was 6 for another man, now that man left her 2 years ago and of course doesnt want to be left on her own. I know what shes going to do, ruin the excitement when we get our visa. We want to have a big party before we go and my oh said if she makes it difficult she wont be coming. How i look at it shes had her life and im doing this for my kids they have no life here and when they get older they wont want to be visiting nanny every week anyway. good luck with everthing it will be fine :yes: Got to say though how nervous are you? Im starting to get a bit scared xxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest OldiesRUs Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 As I have said before on this site, it makes me angry when people behave like this. Yes it hurts like hell to have your child (and only grandchild in my case) 12,000 miles away, yes you are a sobbing mess everytime you have to say goodbye to come home, but I firmly believe that a parent's role is to bring up happy INDEPENDANT children. Your mother should be proud of you doing what you think is best for YOUR family and support you all the way. Of course she is hurting, but she really shouldn't put emotional pressure on you. Australia is not the other side of the world anymore. It is easy to keep in touch and easy to get to and getting cheaper all the time. So come on all you parents of wannabe emigratees out there, give your kids the support they need not additional emotianal turmoil. I'll get off my soapbox now and get back to work! Jean:wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bernie Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Guess we'd be upset if everyone cheered at us going hey! Just because people love you doesn't mean they are not going to see things from a selfish point of view. Perhaps they think they'll be forgotten and in their days Aus was so far away and it meant being cut off from everyone, like oldies are us said it's different now with email etc (even though it's not the same). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest debsean Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Hi Jane know exactly what you are going through! We actually went to Perth a year and a half ago ( for good we thought!) my Mum and Dad found it really hard. Really negative about it I felt so bad. I had 2 children then and it was like the end of the world. Any way we are now thinking of going back I was quite happy out there and my mum knows it was not my choice to return to the UK. I think my mum knows she is keeping her distance as we have had another baby she just seems not so interested? I feel bad all over again and we have not decided 100% what we are going to do! One ray of sunlight - when we got to Oz my mum seemed fine chatted on MSN and we had a web cam so we could see eachother and I think that really helped. To be honest you'll be so busy getting yourself sorted you won't have time to feel guilty!! When you see family at home on the web cam wrapped up in scarfs and jumpers and you are in the sun and its not a holiday but every day life wow it feels great! Good luck and take care - Deb x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keily Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Hi Jane - Stay Positive You Know Why You Are Doing This - My Mum Is Exactly The Same - Every Time We Mention It All I Get Is - You Wont Like It / You Are Better Off In Your Own Country / Its Too Hot Etc Unfortunately My Mum Is From The Old School Of Thought And Wouldnt Dare Venture Out Of Her Comfort Zone ! Parents What Do You Do Lol Good Luck With Everything [ Wont Be Long Now ] Mrs Keily Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Jean will you adopt me!! Ali Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KAWASAKI900 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Hi Tel Her To Chill, Your Doing This For A Better Life For Your Children Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Phil,Deb & Brad Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 It is very difficult to leave your parents. My mother is seriously ill at the moment and I do have an awful lot of guilt. When we first started applying my mum and friends would try all the negatives to make us feel guilty. It has taken her a long time to come round but I have managed to turn her negatives to positives. It helps that we have my fathers 100% backing as he believes that it will be a better life for his grandson (and his thinking of the holidays he can have). We have managed to get her using a computer and using webcam, so I hope that will help. At the end of the day, it is hard for parents but we have to make our own decisions the same way our children will one day. We leave in 2 weeks and I am anticipating lots of tears at the airport and then once we are on the plane hopefully we will just be focused on our new life in Brisbane. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoanneHattersley Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 As I have said before on this site, it makes me angry when people behave like this. Yes it hurts like hell to have your child (and only grandchild in my case) 12,000 miles away, yes you are a sobbing mess everytime you have to say goodbye to come home, but I firmly believe that a parent's role is to bring up happy INDEPENDANT children. Your mother should be proud of you doing what you think is best for YOUR family and support you all the way. Of course she is hurting, but she really shouldn't put emotional pressure on you. Australia is not the other side of the world anymore. It is easy to keep in touch and easy to get to and getting cheaper all the time. So come on all you parents of wannabe emigratees out there, give your kids the support they need not additional emotianal turmoil. I'll get off my soapbox now and get back to work! Jean:wubclub: Well said!:notworthy::notworthy::notworthy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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