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Guest Hatton

If your son told you he was gay.

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Guest Hatton

One of my girlfriends phoned me last night to tell me their 18 year old son had told them over dinner he was gay and was moving in with his boyfriend, we had all suspected he was gay, he is a smashing very good looking lad who I like very much and it did not shock me one bit.

Problem is with the dad who went ballistic and almost physically attacked the lad :mad: he says he wants nothing to do with him and told him to pack his bags and get out of the house by the weekend, the lad and my friend are very upset and she is trying to explain tho here hubby that is his choice and he cannot help feeling this way but he is not listening.

It would not bother me one bit if I had a son or a daughter who told me they were gay, in fact looking at some of the unhappy marriages down here I think I would prefre my daughter to have a female partner.

What would you do in the situation?

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Live and let live.....


Arrived 10th August....loving it

Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right ~Dr Phil

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Guest Hatton
Live and let live.....

 

Try explaining that to the dad, I really cannot understand him as he has never shown any homophobic tendencies in the past.:eek:

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Maybe dad needs a bit of time to let off some steam eh? ;-) Maybe he wanted a daughter in law or was looking forward to grandchildren?


Arrived 10th August....loving it

Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right ~Dr Phil

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Guest Hatton
Maybe dad needs a bit of time to let off some steam eh? ;-) Maybe he wanted a daughter in law or was looking forward to grandchildren?

 

He has already got 2 grandchildren from his daughter, I just cannot understand his anger in this day and age.

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How sad ! My brother is gay & lives with his partner. We had long suspected he was, he was (IS) a mummy's boy .. he is the golden boy in her eyes. He always seemed very Asexual growing up.

However when he finally broke the news to our parents he waited till they were on holiday abroad & phoned to tell them LOL ROFL.

 

My mum although having suspected internally had to go straight to the bar (they arent drinkers either) and couldnt tell my dad although he knew something was up. To give the setting we come from a very small rural area & do not know any gay people, its certainly not the norm around here, eventually my mother left the bar after a couple of stiff drinks & walking back to the hotel room my dad said "well are you going to tell me whats wrong" my mother said colin had phoned but she couldnt tell him.. my dad said "oh he'll have a boyfriend then does he" HAHAHA. So it wasnt a shock to him either. I guess both parents would really rather he was straight as that is "normal" but they didnt make a big thing of it, didnt make any difference towards him & just got on with it all.. no biggie (although i am sure inside it was to them) They coped remarkedly well & I suppose just accepted it.

 

I was always the very "broad minded" black sheep of my family with regard to different races/homosexuality & my mother said the thing that she remembered was something I had said as a young teenager that everyone has the right to love & be loved by someone regardless of colour/sex. Having said all that altho it wouldnt make any difference to me if my son were, I will admit I hope he's straight.. I have the dreams of daughter in law, grandkids etc etc but i'll never love him any less no matter what.

 

I think the most important point to get across to people who cannot accept it is that IT IS NOT A CHOICE THEY HAVE MADE.. ITS JUST THE WAY THEY ARE.

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He has already got 2 grandchildren from his daughter, I just cannot understand his anger in this day and age.

 

 

Well playing devils advocate here, our modern world moves so fast that for reasons of political correctness it is potentially 'assumed' that we have to accept more things these days. Many people are schooled in old ways of thinking and it is hard to change.

 

Never thought my dad was homophobic until he found out my friend I stayed in Madison, Wisconsin for 3 weeks with was gay, and he hit the roof!!! I had to explain that it didn't mean that his son was gay..........


Arrived 10th August....loving it

Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right ~Dr Phil

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Think it's a dad thing, They don't like the idea of their son being Gay, they should be a mans man so to speak! We had this a few years back with a friend of ours, mum was fine about it, tears shed but very understanding! Dad went mad, shouting etc...He just couldn't understand how his son had turned out this way, He refused to speak to his son for some time, this in turn led to friction between him and his wife, Turned out he just didn't know how to handle the situation, didn't know what to say to his friends, he was basically embarrassed, The good news is they are all happy again now, Dad and his son spent a lot of time talking on their own, He has made it clear to his son that he doesn't love him any less, it will just take time, they actually have a joke about it now!


Oz is Beautiful, but the uk is home :wubclub:

Returned to Bournemouth 20th August 2010

 

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I'm a dad and wouldn't be bothered by it. As long as he was happy and loved by his partner that's all that matters. Sorry to hear of such a reaction these days.


Justin TRA 8/4/11 success 10/5/11, WA SS sent 10/5/11 - approved 16/5/11, 176 lodged 1/6/11, CO 26/6/11, Meds 16/8/11, Finalised 26/8/11, PCC 16/9/11, VISA GRANTED 1/11/11 Arrived in Perth 12/11/2012:ssign19:

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I think the most important point to get across to people who cannot accept it is that IT IS NOT A CHOICE THEY HAVE MADE.. ITS JUST THE WAY THEY ARE.

 

So true -my best friend came out when he was 15. His dad found it difficult at first grew to accept that that was how he was. The question I always throw back (but probably not to your friends OH at the moment!) is 'and when did you know you were straight?'


Sue

 

Open your eyes; the world is outside your door

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As long as our son is happy that will be the most important thing to us!!!

Ideally yes I would like him to be 'straight' in the future, but if not we will always support and love him with whatever life he chooses


Living our dream :biggrin:

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I guess you can never know how you will react until it happens to you. It happened to us, my brother. I am a lot older than him and he came to live with us when he was 17 as my parents were in the Kimberly then. We had no inkling really and a few years later he told us, I was shocked even though I was well used to having gay people around having gone to sea with my oh. Mum was fine about it, Dad reckoned he would be ok when he found a good woman and believed that till the day he died. Bottom line he is family and we love him so what is there to bother about.

 

Must say they seem to be of the good looking variety though :laugh:


Petals

:ssign15:taking no prisoners :wink:

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Guest Hatton
I think the most important point to get across to people who cannot accept it is that IT IS NOT A CHOICE THEY HAVE MADE.. ITS JUST THE WAY THEY ARE.

 

So true -my best friend came out when he was 15. His dad found it difficult at first grew to accept that that was how he was. The question I always through back (but probably not to your friends OH at the moment!) is 'and when did you know you were straight?'

 

I have a few friends who are gay from school and work and I have never thought for one second them as any different from anyone, it just seems as natural to me as a heterosexual couple.

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Most homophobic men are latent homosexuals that can't come to terms with their own emotions. It's a complex issue and as in all aspects of humanity, homosexuallity is not black and white, it is a scale. Society puts constraints on us, which don't always fit well with our own sense of being.

 

To fear homosexuals or to be threatened by them reflects the individuals doubts about their own sexuality. I would say the father has doubts that have been repressed, but now has been forced to face them. Given time, he may come to terms with it. Depends on his strength of character.


Nearly there! Don't drop the ball now guys! Vaccines are weeks away. Stay safe!

 

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Some parents never get used to the idea or like it, it can be a religious reason or just the way they were brought up. Many gay people are estranged from family.

 

That said there many closet gays as well and I guess in the day they would appear to be homophobic.

 

I think the best you can get is that mum is not bothered, dad is bothered, he is moving in with his oh anyway so just keep in touch with mum for the time being and other family members and its up to dad to make his peace if he ever does.


Petals

:ssign15:taking no prisoners :wink:

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Guest sh7t man no way

if my son told me he didnt have long to live -that would get to me--but if he told me he was gay i wouldnd raise an eyebrow--im not bothered what he does with his life as long as hes happy,and healthy

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Its interesting isnt it.. still not so well accepted for a gay male as a gay female. I mean on my facebook the amount of straight female friends I have making a passing comment about a "girl crush" then loads of other girls join in & state theirs.. very odd I found but then my hubby always maintained I fancied drew barrymore, I dont believe I do or did but might have perhaps mentioned she was "cute" .. then he reckons I might have had a thing for shakira.. no not really , i just wish i LOOKED like her LOL.

 

haha perhaps it was wishful thinking on my hubbys part LOL :wink:

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Guest Hatton
Its interesting isnt it.. still not so well accepted for a gay male as a gay female. I mean on my facebook the amount of straight female friends I have making a passing comment about a "girl crush" then loads of other girls join in & state theirs.. very odd I found but then my hubby always maintained I fancied drew barrymore, I dont believe I do or did but might have perhaps mentioned she was "cute" .. then he reckons I might have had a thing for shakira.. no not really , i just wish i LOOKED like her LOL.

 

haha perhaps it was wishful thinking on my hubbys part LOL :wink:

 

I must admit I have fancied other women in the past, there is a fine line IMO that makes some of us straight or gay.

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I'm not a parent but I expect that the parents who have certain expectations of their children seem more unlikely not to accept it if their son/daughter was gay, or if they are homophobic. It's a shame in 2011 people aren't more open minded and can accept that people are different.

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i wud throw him oot and never speak to him again,:laugh:na a wud say och well and gee the lad a hug, brave thing at to come oot but saying that i wud be very upset too

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Guest Hatton
i wud throw him oot and never speak to him again,:laugh:na a wud say och well and gee the lad a hug, brave thing at to come oot but saying that i wud be very upset too

 

Great honest post steve.

 

 

pity it took me 10 mins to work it out though.

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Great honest post steve.

 

 

pity it took me 10 mins to work it out though.

You shud go and learn Scots , Its a proper language:cute:

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I must admit I have fancied other women in the past, there is a fine line IMO that makes some of us straight or gay.
at interests me that hatton, you finding ither lassies attractive:wub: i often dream aboot such things :laugh:

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Guest Guest 47403
at interests me that hatton, you finding ither lassies attractive:wub: i often dream aboot such things :laugh:

 

In a way it doesn't suprise me Hatton finding women attractive :cute:

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Guest

I think that for some that struggle to come to terms with it its the initial shock. The realisation that everything they hoped for for their child growing up, everything they thought they knew, the future life of their child, one of assumed heterosexual living isn't happening. And it blows everything out of the water.

 

The how to get their heads round their child being gay having been under the assumption all those years they were heterosexual. It is just assumed. Its the lifestyle the parents have known, their world and often the gay community, the lifestyle of it, its a world they have no understanding or knowledge of and it can be scary. You worry for your child in ways you perhaps might not if they were dating a person of the opposite sex. You mourn the probable/possible lack of grandchildren, being able to see your child have a family and so much more.

 

None of this makes the father (or any parent) a bad person. It just means they need a bit of time to come round to the news. To not have it pushed on them overly, but given time to adjust and get used to the changes it will mean not just to their child but to them. Its a loss, selfish perhaps, but its a loss.

 

I've known a number of parents react this way and most of them given time have come round and been ok with things. It may change the father son relationship somewhat but it can still be good. Supporting both the son and father and keeping an open mind is a good thing. And perhaps if the father needs it later on, counselling to help him talk about what is upsetting him.

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