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whichway

I can't make this decision at all!!!!!

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I am really going mad with this decision:arghh:

I came home for my "do I want to move back home?" so that I could decide. I thought it would be a no-brainer and I would def want to stay in UK. But I got here and after a few days I think yep, Oz is the place for me.

 

Then something crazy happens, and one of my friends 'pops' round unannounced to visit me. It was brilliant!! I haven't had any one do that in the 4 years I have been in Oz. Only in the last few months have I had any friends to speak of at all. So since I have been back I have been to see my friends a few times. Sounds so small but when you have been as lonely as I have it just brightens my day.

 

Then...my parents who have applied for a visa get a case officer. So now the pressure is on, the decision has to be made.

 

To be entirely honest I have not experienced what would be a great Australian lifestyle due to

a) having no friends

b) having a partner who didn't want to do anything with me (and I mean ANYTHING)

c) becoming depressed due to a + b

 

Don't get me wrong I have made many efforts to get friends and get out there but tbh I am not afraid of doing things by myself but when you do it for years and years it does get tiresome and lonely.

 

Now my partner "guarantees" me that when I get back to Oz (assuming I have decided to live there) we will do things together. But I am totally over it! I have really decided that when I do get back I am not assuming that he will help me enjoy what Australia has to offer and will instead go back to doing things (which will be more fun now) myself and my child.

 

To top it all off. I have dreamed of having a house close to shops and a pub, and of course one has come up in Oz (we would be skint but I would have enough to go to the pub at least once a fortnight).

 

My mum is really keen on coming to Oz and my Dad is on the fence, he'd be happy anywhere. But if he stayed in UK it would be less hassle. If my mum came certain aspects of her health would improve due to the weather.

 

Recently I started on antidepressants (maybe 6 months now) which has made a great impact on my view and I feel a lot more positive. But I just cannot make this decision!! I know it is mine to make, and everyone around me is aware. But please any advice would be brilliant.

 

For more info, in Oz I have a brilliant job (and I know it is only a job) but having a crap job has a huge impact on ones life. My partner too has a brilliant job.

 

Thanks in advance x

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I think a bit depends on where in Oz you go to and the luck of the draw whether you find friends or not. There are certain parts where I just know I would never have settled- you go there and it feels alien somehow. I guess you know that there is not much of a pub culture here really- people tend to have more parties and BBQs in the backyards or go out to a restaurant. I am not sure I would come if I were you if you feel happy in the UK- and I don't think i have ever said that to anyone before but you have been here before so you do have a clue about life here and it seems to me you had a lot of things you weren't too sure about. Not much help to you, I'm afraid but good luck, whatever you decide to do!

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Sorry if this is harsh but I do not think its the country you live in I think its the life you are leading that is causing you some angst at present.

 

If you sort out what "you" want in life and accept the fact that nowhere is shangrila then life will improve a great deal whereever you are.

 

Good luck hope you can sort it. I take antidepressants for life so have some idea of how it all goes.


Petals

:ssign15:taking no prisoners :wink:

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Guest Dylan1

I think problems within yourself will follow you around wherever you go, you cant hide or run away from what's inside. You have to confront your own problems. If I went to my favourite place in the world right now would that make me happy ? No it wouldn't.Go back and give it one more go with your other half and make it clear to him that things have to change or else it's over.If he says he's going to change then he must still want to be with you. At least thats a start. Do you still love him ? Try to get this settled before your parents uproot themselves. Imagine them going all the way to Oz only for you to tell them your going back. The grass is always greener.These days after a two week holiday I cant wait to go home, when I get home I want to be on holiday.

 

Good luck.

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Couple of things it seems to me that you need to think about:

 

1) Does your partner do things with you in the UK?

if not, why not? and what makes you think it'll be any different in Australia once the novelty wears off?

If yes, then why were things different in Australia? and do you honestly think it might be different this time round?

 

2) Will you be able to cope with the initial lack of friends if you move again? Or will you get lonely again, and depression get worse and get on that downward spiral again?

 

If you have any issues in your relationship (which if your partner doesn't do ANYTHING with you, seems to be the case), then this needs to be addressed before even considering a move. Moving is stressful enough, and puts enough of a strain on a relationship, without having existing problems making things worse. A big move is more likely to make problems worse than to solve them.

 

The other thing is, your parents have got their own choices to make. You have yours. You need to be considering what YOU want and need. Your parents will figure themselves out, it's not your responsibility.

 

Off on a tangent, but are you aware of the Hague convention? have a read of this thread: http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/news-gossip-chat/47091-children-what-happens-if-you-your-partner-decide-go-home.html It's something all migrating parents should be aware of.

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thanks all. I have managed to make my decision. I have taken a bit of something each of you has said and it has helped me. The main thing is that if I do move back things won't really be any different, my partner will still be the same lovely and kind but unsociable person, and that is fine. I have started to make friends and will continue to get out there. I am staying in Oz and am going to start enjoying my life and not let anyone hold me back nor am I going to be governed by what others want to do. I am responsible for my own happiness. You have all helped a lot.

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Guest liltman
thanks all. I have managed to make my decision. I have taken a bit of something each of you has said and it has helped me. The main thing is that if I do move back things won't really be any different, my partner will still be the same lovely and kind but unsociable person, and that is fine. I have started to make friends and will continue to get out there. I am staying in Oz and am going to start enjoying my life and not let anyone hold me back nor am I going to be governed by what others want to do. I am responsible for my own happiness. You have all helped a lot.

 

I wish you all the BEST......... :hug:

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No matter which way you jump, it isnt a life sentence - if you find that staying just isnt working for you then you can move later on. I'd be wary of spending a life on antidepressants though - perhaps you need to make your decision when you are not on them and see whether the environment is the causative factor for you. As you said - your life, make the most of it. Good luck!

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I Know, that is the bummer. I realised that and feel like I have wasted time being unhappy.

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I Know, that is the bummer. I realised that and feel like I have wasted time being unhappy.

 

I know how you feel, just try and make the most of life now. :). Good luck x

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Me again :-(

I am sorry but once again my mind has changed. I think I really want to come home, I think Caledonia has called me back.

My decision to stay (in Oz) is totally my head's (and not even mine more for other people than for me) and not the one in my heart. So I will tackle my partner about it next week and I am coming home (hopefully).

I have actually been happier this time at home, than I remember being in a long time. So good luck to everyone in a dillema. Dillemas suck!!

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Hard to say not being in your position tbh,but if it was me i'd wait untill your parents move over and see if your partner carries out his promise to do more together,if you take in those factors life could be a lot more fulfilling?

Good luck whatever you decide,its hard when yer torn between places i imagine


"The problem with neo conservative capitalism and it's insatiable greed for more wealth and disparity amongst the populace,is that it ended up being the catalyst for the great depression and modern recession"

 

Me,tonight:wubclub:

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