Jump to content

You're currently viewing the forum as a Guest
register-now-button_orig.png
and join in with discussions   
ask migration questions
message other members

..and much much more!

Tibby

How do I break it to my mother?!

Recommended Posts

Hello all

We are moving to Melbourne very soon - my husband in October and myself and our daughter (who is 2) in December. We have told our friends who are supportive but upset - and now I have to tell my mum and dad that we are taking their beloved granddaughter away. It's unlikely mum will get on a plane to visit us - she thinks she's too old.

 

How did you all do it?! Have you had family traumas back in Blighty that you've had to deal with from afar?

 

Thank you!

 

Michelle 'maybe I won't tell them at all' Edmondson

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest siamsusie
Hello all

We are moving to Melbourne very soon - my husband in October and myself and our daughter (who is 2) in December. We have told our friends who are supportive but upset - and now I have to tell my mum and dad that we are taking their beloved granddaughter away. It's unlikely mum will get on a plane to visit us - she thinks she's too old.

 

How did you all do it?! Have you had family traumas back in Blighty that you've had to deal with from afar?

 

Thank you!

 

Michelle 'maybe I won't tell them at all' Edmondson

 

Welcome to Poms In Oz Tibby,:hug:

 

Family affairs are the hardest to deal with thats for sure.

 

How old is Mum please?

 

Susie x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest guest37336

Hi Michelle.

 

This is one of the worst parts of migration matey. But there are loads on here who have been in EXACTLY the same situation, and no doubt they will be along soon to help you and no doubt they will help greatly.:yes:

 

Rest assured though, it 'can' be done, however hard it may seem at times.:yes:

 

Cheers Tony.:wubclub:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hi Michelle.

 

This is one of the worst parts of migration matey. But there are loads on here who have been in EXACTLY the same situation, and no doubt they will be along soon to help you and no doubt they will help greatly.:yes:

 

Rest assured though, it 'can' be done, however hard it may seem at times.:yes:

 

Cheers Tony.:wubclub:

Thanks Tony - I think I might tell them as they drop us off at the airport - I'll shout it through the departure gate :wink:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest guest37336
Thanks Tony - I think I might tell them as they drop us off at the airport - I'll shout it through the departure gate :wink:

 

You might have a plan there Michelle.:biglaugh:

 

It is NEVER easy, but one of those bloomin 'intangibles' that to a degree we all deal with differently, but you will be OK Michelle.

 

My parents now barely look up from their newspapers when I say I'm off again I've done it so many times, this is normally met with a grunt of, 'Be sure to send us a postcard, IF YOU HAVE THE TIME',:biglaugh::biglaugh:

 

Cheers Tony.:wubclub:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Mystery^Customer1974

Luckily we were well supported by both sets of parents although there was a time early one where there was a bit of a shaky period from one but that person has been out twice to visit us here we have not seen one of our parents here yet and one set have come out once but had medical issues which have prevented them coming back out but I'll be seeing them in Oct when I travel back to see them

To be perfectly honest you have to be a bit selfish about the huge move otherwise it could cause a huge shadow over your new life

When you have your own children, your own 'family' that is YOUR family in my opinion so although it can be difficult you have to live YOUR own life and not others lives for them otherwise you might well end up so unhappy that your move could be blighted with sadness and regret

 

This is my personal take on it all and others points of view can and will be different so what I type might be helpful or it could be irrelevant to your own personal situation!

 

I hope all works out for the best for you

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest tinamammy1974

i know the feeling i just told mine yesterday and i was dreading it

to say shocked was one word but they support me all the way

so dont beat your self up to much

all the best

kat

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Tibby

 

I had to break it to my 86 year old Nan last week, and didn't sleep for days beforehand worrying about it. She only has 2 grandchildren, and my brother already lives over in Australia. Plus she is too old for flying now, and is very much a 'Britain is best' old school type.

 

I toyed with telling a few 'white lies', but in the end went for honesty with an economic spin. Our move is largely, though not entirely, motivated by me wanting to progress in my career and the lack of opportunities for me in the uK at the moment.

 

I was surprised, but Nan took it all ok, understood the need for me to do what was best for myself and my partner etc.

 

I also played up the opportunities for Skype, letters, weekly calls, etc.

 

Good luck! And just remember why you're doing it.

 

StS

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest siamsusie
She's 80 next year - but a young 80, and my dad is 58.

 

Tibby, it could be a great experience for her:laugh: treated like royalty.

 

Yes its a tough call, but its amazing how parents can change their minds when they see you are off on that big bird.

 

:hug:Hang in there.

 

Susie x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest guest37336

The trouble is Michelle that there are loads of sites, magazines and the like that deal with the more 'tangible' things, housing, careers, schooling, and the like, but I have yet to see a website called:

 

wwwhowtodealwiththeemotionalaspectsofmigration.com

 

This is where PIO comes into its own Michelle, as well as the ordinary aspects it has reams of very personal and educated advice about the more emotional aspects, you will no doubt be a little 'different' to anyone else, but in the long run you will find massive amounts of help on here to get you through the tough times.:notworthy::yes:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

All your messages have been really lovely - thank you! I was also nrevous about making friends, but if you are anything to go by, I have no worries there either!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Sandisonsonthemove

HI there

 

I am much in the same position. We got our visas in May and my mum has not spoken about it since. Not a word. My dad said she understands it is the right thing for us but to speak about it makes it real and it will break her heart.

 

We have this weekend accepted an offer on our house (only two weeks on the market lucky sods we are) and I am finding it hard to tell her. We were out at the weekend with them and she was talking about Christmas and my 40th birthday in Feb next year what are they going to organise and I almost cried.

 

They have known about us going since we started this process in early 2009 so it is not a shock to them. I didnt think it would be this hard.:frown:

 

Keep strong I know it is right for my family and I am sure you believe that too for yours.

 

Donna x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
HI there

 

I am much in the same position. We got our visas in May and my mum has not spoken about it since. Not a word. My dad said she understands it is the right thing for us but to speak about it makes it real and it will break her heart.

 

We have this weekend accepted an offer on our house (only two weeks on the market lucky sods we are) and I am finding it hard to tell her. We were out at the weekend with them and she was talking about Christmas and my 40th birthday in Feb next year what are they going to organise and I almost cried.

 

They have known about us going since we started this process in early 2009 so it is not a shock to them. I didnt think it would be this hard.:frown:

 

Keep strong I know it is right for my family and I am sure you believe that too for yours.

 

Donna x

This sounds exactly like my mum - except it's all happened so quickly, they've got no idea...

Dad will be the worst I think - he wouldn't mind about me going, but it's my daughter, whome he dotes on. Yeeeeshk - not looking forward to it one bit...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My parents were the first to know. I owed it to them to tell them first.

 

The longer they know about your definite the plans, the longer they have to get used to it.

 

It is not easy. Good luck!


Best Newcomer 2013-14.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey Michelle :biggrin:

 

I had exactly the same feeling about telling my Mum, Im about to go on a 457 VISA, but took ages to pluck up the courage to tell her that I even had an interview! She seemed delighted by that, but now I have got it and told her she keeps coming up with random things against it:huh:

 

But I keep telling her its what I have wanted for ages, the job prosepects are better, quality of life is better etc etc she slowly seems to be coming round to the idea and even the idea of coming to visit :biggrin: so I guess it wont be easy just persist and in the end she might come round too it! I think all the mums just dont like the idea of thier 'little girls' going to be so far away!:unsure:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

it's hard, one of my brothers is in NZ, with his family, and my parents have never been out to see him, nor has he come back here, tho' I believe he's offered to fly them out, another of my brother's is going to be spending 9 months of the year in China although his family will be staying here, my dad says he's not bothered about that. when we told them we were going to Australia they were pleased, but now when my dad's not around my mum and sister have started to have a few digs and it's hard, but to be honest nothing new............make me feel like I'm taking the gravy train away really. It just puts a dampener on things and I think there's a little jealously I've never been 'in the in crowd' anyway, so I keep quite and try to keep it away from the kids


Job offer April 2011, Reccie July 2011, 457 submitted 21/09/2011, my medical only 14/10/11, medical submitted 21/10/11 (IT issues), referred 21/10/11, approved 27/10/11, landed 24/4/12, PR submitted (decision ready) June 2012, PR granted August 2013

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hello all

We are moving to Melbourne very soon - my husband in October and myself and our daughter (who is 2) in December. We have told our friends who are supportive but upset - and now I have to tell my mum and dad that we are taking their beloved granddaughter away. It's unlikely mum will get on a plane to visit us - she thinks she's too old.

 

How did you all do it?! Have you had family traumas back in Blighty that you've had to deal with from afar?

 

Thank you!

 

Michelle 'maybe I won't tell them at all' Edmondson

Have to face the same thing within the next 18 months, both my parents have passed away and the o.h's dad, just have his mother left. We have her for dinner every Sunday and she adores our 2 year old. She has another son with 4 kids but did not get to see them grow up till recently, youngest being 13 so may be pretty bad. Wishing you all the very best...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Luckily we were well supported by both sets of parents although there was a time early one where there was a bit of a shaky period from one but that person has been out twice to visit us here we have not seen one of our parents here yet and one set have come out once but had medical issues which have prevented them coming back out but I'll be seeing them in Oct when I travel back to see them

To be perfectly honest you have to be a bit selfish about the huge move otherwise it could cause a huge shadow over your new life

When you have your own children, your own 'family' that is YOUR family in my opinion so although it can be difficult you have to live YOUR own life and not others lives for them otherwise you might well end up so unhappy that your move could be blighted with sadness and regret

 

This is my personal take on it all and others points of view can and will be different so what I type might be helpful or it could be irrelevant to your own personal situation!

 

I hope all works out for the best for you

 

Totally disagree , family is everything .....we have dual citizenship and property in oz , and i could quite easily take the " selfish " route .

My mom is elderly now , and we are here in the UK .

When she passes all boxes will have been ticked .....no regrets , not one , we have sacrificied a lot , we may move back , we may not.

Regrets are one thing that are starting to become an issue with family over in Oz now ....the day is approaching.


BUT I DONT FEEL AFRAID

AS LONG AS I GAZE AT

WATERLOO SUNSET

IAM IN PARADISE

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

again, it's a horses for courses situation, some people have great parents or parental figures, for others sometimes the situation isn't so great, each case is individual


Job offer April 2011, Reccie July 2011, 457 submitted 21/09/2011, my medical only 14/10/11, medical submitted 21/10/11 (IT issues), referred 21/10/11, approved 27/10/11, landed 24/4/12, PR submitted (decision ready) June 2012, PR granted August 2013

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest guest37336
again, it's a horses for courses situation, some people have great parents or parental figures, for others sometimes the situation isn't so great, each case is individual

 

Never a truer word Cal, all different, I am eternally grateful to my family, especially parents in the way they have ALWAYS backed me emotionally, even when when my stupidity led to many a 'crisis' in many countries,:realmad::no:

 

I can never repay their reassurance and love, no way on gods green earth.:yes:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

honesty is best and the sooner the better, If she's got a computer set skype up on it for her and get her used to using it before you go , if not buy her a cheap laptop, It worked for me, my parents took it so much better knowing they could see me whenever they wanted even though it was only through a screen. Hardest decision I've ever had to make but worth it. good luck

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As a grandparent I think I would be mightily ticked off if I was the last to know that my grandkids were heading for the other side of the world - you can tell them that you are only going for a couple of years to see how you like it. You may not like it and be back within a little while, you never know. But once you are there she will get used to it and I am sure that being the good daughter you are, you will be making regular trips home with this granddaughter and any others that follow.

 

TBH I never gave my parents a thought when we moved over - told them straight away and they, to their credit, never told me to do anything else. They were able to take matters into their own hands and come for long and regular visits but now they are not able to do that to see their great grandkids so we all make the effort and go and see them (aiming for every 2 years if we can). However I have never regretted moving as much as I do nowadays and if I could wind back the clock I would do it in an instant.

 

My folks dont get on with computers and it isnt always a good idea for the over 80s if they havent got a handle on this technology thingie so dont bank totally on Skype - and in some ways that just makes the pain worse - you cant get cuddles over Skype!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest MichelleNZ

I am in a slightly different situation as we are moving from NZ to Melbourne, but I was a nervous wreck before telling my Mum.... but she was surpsingly okay about it all and basically said, you have to do what is right for YOUR family. She said she would miss us of course, but we needed to be happy and that was what was most important. Obviously it is easier for her and my step-dad to visit, but we sill be keepin contact regular with phone calls and emails and letters etc. Mum was the first person I told.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest MichelleNZ

sorry that should read "we will be keeping in regular contact with ...."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×