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Guest lancashire2goldcoast

help! aussie husband, about2have second child,seriously considering moving home

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Guest lancashire2goldcoast

Hi everyone, well i discovered this website yesterday afternoon and subsequently spent 7 hours straight reading posts in these forums about people in a similar situation and i am still unsure of what to do so i thought i'd tell you my story and hope and pray that i receive some advice:) here goes...

5 years ago i was backpacking round aus with some friends and met my now husband who is australian born and bred! I moved back here on my own to be with him despite having a close knit family at home and we have had an absolute ball however last year we had our first child and i am now pregnant with our second so the dilemmas and arguing in my head began..

I;ve had the odd spelt of homesickness since having our daughter, normally at its worst when ive had to say goodbye to my family however she is now 15 months and ive just found out im pregnant with my second and im really starting considering our future here in australia!

Bringing up our daughter has been difficult with no family support as my other half isnt close to his family but it hasnt been bad and you just make it work...i know with a second little one it will be a bit more difficult but people manage and i know i would as id have to!

 

the thing is i just keep getting overwhelming feelings that i am making the wrong decsion in being here that my kids would have a better life in the UK being around close family and friends. I feel so so guilty about denying both my kids and parents the relationship that they deserve and which i loved as a kid! I have such happy memories of my grandparents and i feel awful that my kids arent going to get that!

 

Another thing that i hope doesnt sound too selfish is that it would be so so nice to have the opportunity to spend some time with husband kid free...of course i dont resent our daughter for not having that opportunity now as we chose to have kids and wouldnt change that for the world but it would be great to be able to have grandma and grandad babysit and mummy nad daddy can get the romance back, :wink:!

 

a huge huge worry is job opportunities in england, my husband is a concreter/steel fixer and work over here is pretty well paid and regular, he's a hard worker and will go looking for work but im just worried that it wont be there in england as building just isnt as huge as it is here! does anyone have any advice in that regard?? We will be moving initially back to Blackpool as thats where my family are anywhere in that area is doeable, manchester/preston/blackburn etc

 

some advice on would be much appreciated...is england really that bad, now ive not lived there i can see that it really wasnt a bad place to grow up, i had an amazing childhood and was outdoors all the time! With europe on our doorstep im sure hubby could get some surfs in every now and then:)

thanks everyone for the advice, the decision is starting to get ontop of me and struggling with what to do x

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Guest siamsusie

A very warm welcome from Poms In Oz.

 

There is much good advice to be had from our members on this thread, so dont worry you are not alone.

 

I sincerely wish you all the best for your future plans either here or back in the UK.

 

Very best wishes

 

Susie x

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Hi everyone, well i discovered this website yesterday afternoon and subsequently spent 7 hours straight reading posts in these forums about people in a similar situation and i am still unsure of what to do so i thought i'd tell you my story and hope and pray that i receive some advice:) here goes...

5 years ago i was backpacking round aus with some friends and met my now husband who is australian born and bred! I moved back here on my own to be with him despite having a close knit family at home and we have had an absolute ball however last year we had our first child and i am now pregnant with our second so the dilemmas and arguing in my head began..

I;ve had the odd spelt of homesickness since having our daughter, normally at its worst when ive had to say goodbye to my family however she is now 15 months and ive just found out im pregnant with my second and im really starting considering our future here in australia!

Bringing up our daughter has been difficult with no family support as my other half isnt close to his family but it hasnt been bad and you just make it work...i know with a second little one it will be a bit more difficult but people manage and i know i would as id have to!

 

the thing is i just keep getting overwhelming feelings that i am making the wrong decsion in being here that my kids would have a better life in the UK being around close family and friends. I feel so so guilty about denying both my kids and parents the relationship that they deserve and which i loved as a kid! I have such happy memories of my grandparents and i feel awful that my kids arent going to get that!

 

Another thing that i hope doesnt sound too selfish is that it would be so so nice to have the opportunity to spend some time with husband kid free...of course i dont resent our daughter for not having that opportunity now as we chose to have kids and wouldnt change that for the world but it would be great to be able to have grandma and grandad babysit and mummy nad daddy can get the romance back, :wink:!

 

a huge huge worry is job opportunities in england, my husband is a concreter/steel fixer and work over here is pretty well paid and regular, he's a hard worker and will go looking for work but im just worried that it wont be there in england as building just isnt as huge as it is here! does anyone have any advice in that regard?? We will be moving initially back to Blackpool as thats where my family are anywhere in that area is doeable, manchester/preston/blackburn etc

 

some advice on would be much appreciated...is england really that bad, now ive not lived there i can see that it really wasnt a bad place to grow up, i had an amazing childhood and was outdoors all the time! With europe on our doorstep im sure hubby could get some surfs in every now and then:)

thanks everyone for the advice, the decision is starting to get ontop of me and struggling with what to do x

 

Hi there to lancashire2goldcoast, I felt I had to reply as your post is exactly the same as my life and the dilemma's we are facing too!! My hubby is Australian and we had our first little one 8 months ago. Until our son was born I was very happy in Australia and felt this was the place for us, I am now torn between moving back home to be closer to family or staying here and maybe offering him the outdoor life he wont get over there. we are heading back in a few weeks for holidays to check things out with the view to maybe moving back early next year but its such a hard decision. It would be great to hear what others have to say as all your questions and thoughts are constantly running through my head at the moment too. I hope everything works out for you whatever your decision, I dont now how to send a private message so we can chat more as I am also new to this site but if you know how, please message me and maybe we can talk more. Thanks Sarah x

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Guest lancashire2goldcoast

hi sarah, i would love to chat more as i hate being in this situation and unless you're in it you just don't understand! I've sent you a friend request although dontreally know what that means, haha! Will try and find out how to send a private message now, do you have facebook?? a bit forward i know but at leats it has instant chat xxx

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Odd you don't mention any thing about what your husband wants to do.

What is his feelings on the subject ?

 

I know that if you are unable to find work it is very stressful and may not make up for additional family contact in terms of overall happiness.

Being able to be consistently employed is extremely important for a man to feel happy and that he is supporting his family.


I want it all, and I want it now.

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Guest lancashire2goldcoast

you're right i have babbled on about myself and not mentioned much about him. My husband has been amazing and is very supportive, even before we had our daughter and i had spelts of homesickness he said he would move to england so i could be near my family. He loves spending time with my family as he has not had a great upbringing and doesnt have a great relationship with his own. Finding employment is obviously a worry for him but i;m sure he'll find something as he works his backside off but im more worried how he will cope with the culture shock especially with regard to surfing, he absolutely loves it as i said and i think he would miss the ocean being on his doorstep as it is now more than he thinks he would, although saying that he doesntget the opportunity to go much at the moment anyway and im sure when number 2 arrives it will be that bit harder.

Him not settling in is one of my biggest worries but I feel so so blessed that he is so supportive and willing to make the move, ive read some awful posts on here from english women with aussie husbands who erefuse to move to the uk and as they have kids they are trapped, i cannot even imagine how mard that must be!

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Guest lancashire2goldcoast

surfers are a special breed:laugh:

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Have you been back for a holiday at all? We lived in Preston and my in-laws still do - they don't paint a happy picture of the recession at the moment (not sure what it's like in the building trade), but the general feeling that they give is that things haven't yet recovered in that part of the world. If you're unsure - then a trip back may help you both decide one way or another, it would also give your OH an opportunity to test the waters with regard to employment opportunities.


I just want PIO to be a happy place where people are nice to each other and unicorns poop rainbows

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Given the kids will be so young it is probably the easiest time to go back. No schooling issues.

If your husband is willing and you will be happier then you might as well go back.

The exchange rate is definately in your favour for a move back too.

 

I guess you can always come back again to Aus in the future if your feelings change.

 

Just my thoughts...


I want it all, and I want it now.

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Guest lancashire2goldcoast

we last visited at christmas ali and despite the FREEZING weather we had a ball including other half who was on his hands and knees feeling the snow as soon as we got off the plane, haha! although it was christmas and everyone was in high spirits, i know that life there would be a different story.

Do you live here in australia too?? is your ok aussie?? Sorry for the questions just wanted to know everyones story:)

 

and thanks parleycross, i know that if we move and the worst comes to the worst we could always move back to aus although financially it would put us back alot but the feeling im getting from reading previous posts is that if you dont do it whilst kids are young it becomes harder and harder and alot of people are living with massive regrets!

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Australia is a great country. We are very lucky here.

But if you are really miserable and miss your family too much then maybe you should return.

 

I'm sure your kids will be happy either way. But there are massive problems in UK so make sure you go with your eyes wide open.

 

Good luck.


I want it all, and I want it now.

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Guest guest30038

Only you can make the decision as to what to do. Recession or not (in the UK), Job opportunities or not, if you miss family that much, and you're going to be miserable here, which will impact on your partner, I think you know what you need to do.

 

Just bear in mind that often, on returning, many folk find that their family and friends have moved on since they left, and quite often, the support that they expected, doesn't materialise.

 

Your relationship with your partner and your children should be your major consideration...........will it be the same if you go back? Your hint at a bit more time together may well indicate that your problem lies not with you missing your family, but what you feel you're missing out with him at the moment. Raising littlies is hard, especially when you're carrying another one. Just make sure that it isn't the "baby blues" that has you thinking this way and also bear in mind your children's future...............a great many folk come here in the first place because they can't see a future for their kids in the UK and I certainly didn't see one for my kids in Blackpool. When I took them over there, they couldn't wait to get back here. My youngest calls blackpool "3D"..............not 3 dimensional..............just dreary, dismal and dirty

 

good luck

 

kev

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Guest Scotinaus

I have to agree with itcouldbeworse, my dad and step-mum live just outside Blackpool and it is not the nicest part of the world, especially for kids to grow up in (in my opinion).... Your family is very important, but the family you created for yourself is more so as you get older, especially as you have kids now. Some say that is selfish, I just think its a fact. My Mum and extended step-family live in the Scottish Highlands and as much as I miss them all terribly, I would never in a million years go back there, or subject my poor family to moving there, even to a nearby city like Inverness or Aberdeen. They just couldn't live there, and neither could I anymore. They are all very happy up there so its just each to their own isn't it!

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Hi everyone, well i discovered this website yesterday afternoon and subsequently spent 7 hours straight reading posts in these forums about people in a similar situation and i am still unsure of what to do so i thought i'd tell you my story and hope and pray that i receive some advice:) here goes...

5 years ago i was backpacking round aus with some friends and met my now husband who is australian born and bred! I moved back here on my own to be with him despite having a close knit family at home and we have had an absolute ball however last year we had our first child and i am now pregnant with our second so the dilemmas and arguing in my head began..

I;ve had the odd spelt of homesickness since having our daughter, normally at its worst when ive had to say goodbye to my family however she is now 15 months and ive just found out im pregnant with my second and im really starting considering our future here in australia!

Bringing up our daughter has been difficult with no family support as my other half isnt close to his family but it hasnt been bad and you just make it work...i know with a second little one it will be a bit more difficult but people manage and i know i would as id have to!

 

the thing is i just keep getting overwhelming feelings that i am making the wrong decsion in being here that my kids would have a better life in the UK being around close family and friends. I feel so so guilty about denying both my kids and parents the relationship that they deserve and which i loved as a kid! I have such happy memories of my grandparents and i feel awful that my kids arent going to get that!

 

Another thing that i hope doesnt sound too selfish is that it would be so so nice to have the opportunity to spend some time with husband kid free...of course i dont resent our daughter for not having that opportunity now as we chose to have kids and wouldnt change that for the world but it would be great to be able to have grandma and grandad babysit and mummy nad daddy can get the romance back, :wink:!

 

a huge huge worry is job opportunities in england, my husband is a concreter/steel fixer and work over here is pretty well paid and regular, he's a hard worker and will go looking for work but im just worried that it wont be there in england as building just isnt as huge as it is here! does anyone have any advice in that regard?? We will be moving initially back to Blackpool as thats where my family are anywhere in that area is doeable, manchester/preston/blackburn etc

 

some advice on would be much appreciated...is england really that bad, now ive not lived there i can see that it really wasnt a bad place to grow up, i had an amazing childhood and was outdoors all the time! With europe on our doorstep im sure hubby could get some surfs in every now and then:)

thanks everyone for the advice, the decision is starting to get ontop of me and struggling with what to do x

 

Hi there,

 

I can totally sympathise with your dilemma. Although my hubby is English, I think he would be just as happy to stay in Oz as return to the UK. I have had a great time in Oz but since having my son have found that I am eager to return to the UK and spend more time with the extended families. I don't want to live in their pocket just to live closer again. It doesn't sound selfish to say you would like some kid free time with your husband, at the end of the day relationships need nurturing too. I've not gone back to work and don't plan to for some time and while I love every moment with my son, I love me time too :wink:

 

I share a lot of your worries about employment ops for my OH, as I would feel guilty if we moved back and he had very limited options. We are planning to move back in 2 years, so we are financially trying to make sure we are in the best shape possible before that. It's a tricky one, isn't it? If only we had a crystal ball...

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Hi, Welcome to PIO.

We live in Blackpool. and my husband is a Plasterer. I have to say work here is pretty bad for the trades.He has a good reputation and therefore kept busy, but has had to take a full time job doing other things and does plastering at nights and weekends , to make ends meet. Blackpool is not what it used to be , However my parents would say different but they are retired and dont see how bad the job situation is. There are lots of redundancies going on within DWP in Fylde Coast and within the Blackpool Council offices. Lots of Polish live here now , and although i dont mind them and have a few friend who are polish. They do take a lot of the seasonal jobs now and will do the work for less pay.

I would seriously take a holiday and visit first , I know its not cheap to do that but at least you would see the difference in the Lancashire region.

We are in the middle of ens 121 visa sponsor and cant wait to get out to OZ. But cos the housing markit is not moving much in the Fylde coast, my OH will move out on his own and i will follow with the kids when sold,but i am not holding my breath.

On the positive side, we have just had a 15million regeneration project on the promenade , so from Star gate to Cleveleys/fleetwood the promenade has been rebuilt and a new tramway has again rebuilt. The Tower has been bought and this is going through a major refit. So much so its not even opened for trade this season.

 

I hope you make the right decision for you and your family and good luck with the what ever you do.

 

regards janine and darren.

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Guest lancashire2goldcoast

It's awful isnt it Kirsty, constant debates going on in my head, struggling to sleep at the moment as have too much going on up there!! I'm also at home with our little one and I am so grateful for that opportunity and love spending time with my daughter and watching her grow up but it does get very full on sometimes, think the longest i've been away from her except when sleeping in the last 15 months has been about 6 hours but saying that it hasnt been as difficult as I expected (coming from a person who had never had a thing to do with babies and pregnancy was huge suprise!) and I just blessed to have a happy healthy child1

 

How long have you been in Aus for?? What does your hubby do for a living?? I keep on hearing real mixed opnions on how the job market is for tradies in england at the moment, some say its booming and others say that the work just isnt there!

 

We too are giving it another year here to save as much as possible and then make the final decisions, either way having some cash saved up can't be a bad thing so we'll see...

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