What to do now???

[ewok4314]

Hi, some of you may remember I posted on here a while ago about being unhappy living here and wanting to go home to the UK. Well I just wanted to provide a little update on my situation and see if anyone can give me some constructive advice. Since my last post my relationship with my Aussie partner has gone so far down hill yesterday I told him it was over (we have been together for 9 years, living in Oz since Dec 2008 and have a 2 ½ year old together, I am also 5 months pregnant with our second child). I discovered he has been having an affair with a work colleague (unbelievably she is also English but 10 years younger than me!) and I have told him to move out (only because I don’t have anywhere for my child and I to go). It’s all getting pretty ugly and I have no idea what to do next. After confiding in several friends, here and in the UK, their opinion is to come back home ASAP and have the baby around people who love and support me but as many of us know on this forum this isn’t quite as easy as it seems. I told my partner I was planning on returning home and he said he wouldn’t let me take our child out of the country and will be seeking legal advice – I’m not sure how serious he is about this but could obviously be a major problem. Anyway, I just don’t know what to do, do I stay here heartbroken, miserable and without support but allowing my children to see their father or do I attempt to leave (obviously I would only do this with permission from my now ex) and lead a much happier existence in the country I want to be in the most and with the help and support of family and friends? What would you do?

[menlow4]

I am really sorry to hear about your situation. I would definately want to be around my friends and family in this situation. Legal advice is your best bet. Things seem a bit raw at the moment and perhaps that was a knee jerk reaction from your ex. A friend of mine went through the same thing a couple of years ago and her partner eventually let her take the children back to the UK. I really hope that things work out for you too.

[Guest PocketMamma]

What a terrible situation to be in. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you. I'm not sure what I would do in your situation but can totally understand why you want to go back. But the reality is that this may not be an option for you - at least not for the short term. Over time he may well have a change of heart - particularly if he becomes involved in a new relationship (very sorry if that's an insensitive thing to say atm!). All you can do for the moment is focus on your children and take each day as it comes. Ensure you will all be ok financially - you've wisely stayed in your home, and you're already aware that you need to get legal advice so you're doing great under the circumstances. Look after yourself - you're carrying precious cargo and you are precious to your children.

 

Things are very raw for you at the moment so try not to think too much ahead of yourself and remember that things as they are now are not indicative of how they might be in 3 months, 6 months or a year. I wish you all the best of luck and hope that he will see sense and eventually let you and your children go!!

[RockDr]

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/ParentsRights/DG_4002954

So if the new baby is born and registered in England, Father wouldn't have parental responsibility.

 

Australian rules would apply to your first child (assuming she was born over here). I would recommend getting legal advice on this asap.

[Guest chris955]

Without a doubt I would be looking at getting back to the UK as soon as you legally can. The fact that your husband is having an affair would, I imagine, work in your favour. Get out as fast as you can.

[Quoll]

:hug::hug: sweetie, get a lawyer and fast. Do everything you can not to have your second child in Australia. If you have parents/siblings/big brawny cousins then see if one or other of them could come over to be with you and to help you work through the minefield that is family law in Aus. Try the women's services - even if he isnt physically abusive they still have good advice and resources you may be able to utilize.:hug:

[2tigers]

Sorry to read about your horrid situation.

 

I am not advising this to encourage you keeping the children away from the father, but you may want to check for the validity of this, as this is what I was told by my legal team 4yrs ago. If may have changed since:

 

With the Hague Convention, if the left behind parent does not pursue the leaving parent for over 12 months then the child/ren are classed as being settled in the new country and relocation back to the previous country is not so simple.

 

I do hope you'd never have to go through a court case to relocate as mine took over 2yrs, and I was told that is a normal time frame for international relocations.

[Petals]

If you are going to consult a solicitor a lot offer a free first half hour consultation where they can discuss your options. You should also ask about the costs involved as I have seen many cases and if they think you do not have the cash they are really not that interested. Custody my firm shied away from.

 

I know its raw as the other op has said but you have sit down and think logically with the head not the heart and do what is best. Its best to keep on good terms with your oh as this way you may be able to keep costs down and avoid lengthy tug of love situation.

 

Keep in contact with your friends and see if there is anyone here on the forum you can keep in good touch with and have some support.

 

So sorry it has turned out this way