Guest PocketMamma Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Anyone else been in a situation where the move has meant their family is split between here and the UK? Long story....I came over on a temporary visa (subclass 444) and my baby daughter on a subclass 461 back in December (she was 5 months then). This is for NZ citizens (I'm also brit) with family members. My partner was going to follow 2-3 months later. There were a few reasons why he would stay on a bit longer - his Irish passport was in the process of being renewed (due to expire in 2011) so he couldn't apply for the 461 visa at the time I applied for my daughter; he could save a bit more cash as he had been without work for quite some time and finally had some good steady work; and he had a bit of an attack of cold feet but a lot of this was due to his poor finances and not wanting to rely on me for money while looking for work over here. At the time although I didn't feel right about us being apart for a few months I thought I was doing the right thing going without him - I was anxious to be back for xmas so my parents could meet their first grandchild (they've not been too well). I also needed a bit of family support as was feeling pretty exhausted as a new mum. I thought/justified the time apart would be good for my partner as he could focus on working hard and getting a bit more money together and that he'd feel more certain about wanting to be here. Anyway - what a disaster. His passport renewal was supposed to have taken about a month. He submitted it around the end of October and didn't get it back until mid April 2011 (they lost the photo of one application and it wasn't until he chased them at end of December he found out about it - they didn't contact him to let him know). He applied for the 461 visa three weeks ago and still waiting. So we've been apart for 5 months now and if I knew then what I know now I wouldn't have got on that plane. I've been house-sharing with my parents (they moved down from Queensland to be near us and got a rental sorted before we got there) so I've at least had the family support I needed and they've been able to spend ample time with their grand-daughter which she has loved. But she's now 10 months old and he has missed so much - she couldn't even sit up when he last held her! Skype is great but it's just not the same as being here. To top it all off I was unknowingly pregnant when I came over so I'm now 23 weeks - definitely want the baby but it's been a pretty lonely pregnancy with him not here. After all of this he absolutely wants to be here so I guess that's something too. At the end of the day we thought we were doing the right thing - we miss each other so much and just want to get our new life started - I feel like we're in limbo - waiting, waiting, waiting. I'm at my wits end with all this waiting! All I see around me are happy families out and about. All my friends in the UK are busy with their lives and it's all great. It's like everyone's life is ticking along nicely except for ours! We just want to be together and start our Aussie life together as a family - is that too much too ask??? Has anyone else experienced the difficulties of being apart - I can only hope a bad start means it can only get better!!
Guest Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I've not been in quite your situation but didn't want to read and run without at least offering a virtual hug and a bit of moral support. My hubby and I had to do long distance for a few years when we first met. So it was hard going being apart for up to 9 months at a time and then only having a couple of months together. Once he was finally able to move to the UK of course things changed. And this was before we married or had our son. I can appreciate how you feel about your hubby missing out on your little ones' first months and all the things but try to keep him as involved as possible with pics, videos and Skype. And hopefully his application won't be too long in arriving and he'll be able to fly out soon. Also he'll be around for your second one's arrival (if visa is not through perhaps he could even take a trip out after running it past his CO to make sure he is there for a few weeks). But am crossing my fingers he'll be out for good before this. Hang in there, it'll be worth it once he is back with you.
kali Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Oh Pocket Mama, I really feel for you. Your post sounded so lonely. I am in a similar situation. My husband is in Oz and I am here with our children. We will follow out in July but he has been there since September. I have great family support as well but it's not quite the same. I miss him terribly and so do the children. One of their birthdays has just passed and my youngest asked was daddy sad he couldn't come to the party. My heart broke when he said that. It is a very difficult situation to be in. In saying all that it has made me look at myself and what I am capable of. I'd have never thought in a million years that I could manage something like this but I am and so are you. And not only are you looking after your little one but you have another on the way. It takes a lot of strength to go through something like this. I hope you can see that side of things as well. Fair play to you. I don't really have any advice but wanted to say that you are not alone. I really hope your partner gets over to you soon. :hug:
Guest jackie Macdonald Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I know exactly how you feel.., my hubby has been in Oz for 2 months without us, he needed to start his job before we were all ready and organised this end. We have another 3 months before we can join him, It is hard but you manage and you get through it. I have the 3 kids as well as holding down a part time job.. and have surprised myself at how organised I can be. It is a means to an end so hang on in there, he is going to join you as soon as he can. Thankfully you have some support of family around you, as I do, but wherever you are, the feeling is just the same. I wish you all the best and hope you can all reunite soon. You are certainly not alone. j xx
Guest PocketMamma Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Thank you ladies for your kind words of support and encouragement! It really means a lot :-)
RockDr Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 All I will say is that if your relationship can make it through an extended time apart long distance, then it can make it through anything. I hope you are reunited soon. Big Hugs
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