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bennyboy

Saying good bye is looming

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Hi everyone,

 

Why is it when on occassions such as Mother's Day or family Birthdays' etc..... these are the times when sitting across the table from your mother-in-law/father-in-law after a nice dinner, you look at her and think i am taking your son away from you next year-wonder what she really thinks when we a re all together? Should we make the most of it and plan more meals as a family together?

Suddenly i am feeling racked with guilt. But it's going to happen eventually so i just think of our new life on Oz and the guilt goes away. OR DOES IT??

Has anyone had these feelings when you have been with family and are having a good time, then you start to think are we really doing the right thing? Can we really leave family/friends etc and start all over again with making new friends etc....even if you have family in Oz that will help you settle.

I hate the thought of saying good bye to nearest and dearest, but when i'm not with family i don't think of the guilt, my o/h is waiting for partner visa to be grantd (applied in Feb and have been told won't hear until at least Jul) so i know when he get's it the excitement really starts!!!!!

Any way, sorry for the rambling on but just like to know what other people feel at times whilst waiting to make the move?:hug:

 

Cheers

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Guest MADTOM

Hi Bennyboy

The guilt thing doesn't go away when you get here! I feel sad when I see sons's friends at kindy have Gran pick them up or my son says so and so is going to his gran & grandads. I can't stick my MIL but I would willingly have her here for a few weeks - arrrggh just for my kids sake.

Spoke to my Gran on skype the other day and all she did was cry.

The best thing in the world would be to emigrate with all your close family (whether they like it or not!)

Really though I guess you have to do what is right for yourselves. Don't forget skype, trips back home, telephone etc

 

Good luck with the move

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Guest the hamlyns

You guy's aren't making this easy reading! We've not left yet but are in the same position, when you have get together's you really enjoy it and think of all you will be depriving your kids of, ours have 12 cousins here, but then we don't get together that often as all have our own busy lives's. we are currently trying to sell our house in order to go to adelaide hopefully aug/sep time (moving from Derby, we have 3 boys 2, 4 and 6) my husband say's I shouldn't read these posts as will only get upset but they're compulsive! i keep blocking out the thought of saying goodbye but know its got to happen sooner or later!

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Guest Magnetic6

Most parents want what's best for their kids even if this means living on the other side of the world from them. I left the Uk with lots of encouragement and support from a very close family and that meant so much to me, even if the goodbyes were a killer (there's no getting away from that one).

I'm lucky that my parents plan to visit yearly, health permitting.

I've been here 5 months and haven't been homesick yet, though i'm sure that will come at some point though.... when i've seen grandparents picking kids up from school i have felt a real pang of sadness that i literally have to look away. But i tend not to think of what i'm depriving the kids of in regards to family and focus more on the new experiences they're having and how great that is.

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Guest Sk1ppy

Im in exactly the same position as you but I really wanna go back home and know that we will have a better life over in oz. But like I keep being told, Im not forcing anyone to go, its somethin that we both really wanna do and have worked so hard over the last year to make it happen. We submitted my partners visa in March and was told we will get an answer in August so fingers crossed hey. I hope it all goes ur way and chin up :wink:

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Guest shusselmann

I'm afraid I agree with MADTOM, it doesn't get easier once you get here but you do learn to cope. I constantly feel guilty about having the kids so far away from family, particularly the Grandparents. We've been in Aus for just over a year and now that we're feeling more settled, and I look at the whole picture, there are so many positive things about our move (lifestyle, our closeness as a family unit, kids exposure to different cultures etc) that the guilt is a fairly small sacrifice.

 

My four year old said to me at the weekend, after a Skype with the Grandparents, "I want to go and see G & G at home". I said, "We'll go soon." Then he quickly added, "Just for a day though, then we'll come straight back here!"

 

Good luck!

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Guest Sk1ppy

I guess after bein in the uk for nearly seven years I just got used to it but it was still a move worth makin:cute:

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Guest Muffin Mum

Hi guys, my husband and I moved to NZ 10 years ago and are moving to Melbourne with our Kiwi daughter. My parents followed us out 6 years ago. They are now returning to the UK.

It is hard, I am not going to lie but it does get easier.

Over our 10 years we have really established ourselves and have a wide range of friends from different areas and age ranges. I think I am going to find it harder to leave NZ than I did the UK.

The best thing to do is jump in. People will not replace family but they will share life with you and become part of your history. The first few years where no one has any history with you is a drag. Things happen and life goes on.

Forums and twitter are good meeting places. In NZ in belong to a parenting forum and have many friends from it and I do mean real life friends. Same with twitter.

Be open, let people in and follow through when people ask if you want to meet for coffee one day.

I still find Easter hard. It is because it is nothing spectacular but everything is closed and it feels like everyone is at a secret family club.

Hope I make sense.

bonnyboy- I am originally from Brighton (well Portslade), East Sussex!

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Guest Muffin Mum

Sorry- Bennyboy

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Hi muffin mum and thank you for your reply. I totally understand what you are saying and i agree what you say about life goes on and you meet new friends etc....

 

It's great to hear that you came from east sussex too, i just wondered if you miss it and would you come back ever?

 

Cheers!:cute:

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Guest Muffin Mum

99% of the time I don't miss it. In terms of the actual place, I do have times when I wish I could be transported somewhere. An example would be Lewes, just to see the old buildings and have a proper pub lunch. NZ is a lot smaller than Oz , the shops are too, so ASDA and M&S often feature in my teleporting moments.

One of the great markers in this whole business is when you go back for the first time. It is really odd as you have been doing very different things, been to new places, met new people and changed your life. Everyone else is plodding on just the same. That is not a bad thing but it is stranger to realise.

 

My daughter was born in NZ and her paternal grandparents have very much had a phone/sykpe relationship with her and then intense periods when visits happen. When they skype she tells them everything and we find out things we didn't know about her school week. She is very comfortable with them because of this contact when we meet in real life. We are heading back for a holiday in July and she has already planned to go away for a few nights with them. She hasn't seen them for 4 years.

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Ahh Muffin Mum I loved Lewws!! My mum grew up around Portslade....King Alfred!!!

 

Bennyboy....you do miss family and yes there is guilt, but fortunately my family were all postive and encouraged us to move.

 

xxxxxxx


Sue (44) Steve (51) Scott (17) Bradley (9) Sophie (5)

Jake - Little Ozzie Angel:angel_happy_face_ha

Spouse visa (PR) granted 17.4.09. In Secret Harbour 29.4.09..loving it!!!!!

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Guest Muffin Mum

Wow what a small world! Usually no one has heard of Portslade and all its glory.

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Hi i feel the same as you !!we have just been excepted for oz whilst we are excited my brother is making me feel guilty leaving my mum behind she is 76 and we lost our dad 4yrs ago .I do lots for my mum and she see my 2 girls alot so i guess my brother feels like he will have to look after her when she is older .my mum is a very fit lady for her age but i think hes thinking long term .The way i see it she may never become ill so i have to live for today .when i am with my hubby and girls we are so positive and excited but i know what you mean as soon as your with close family and friends your thinking (this could be the last birthday etc in the uk ) I have only just got off the phone from my brother and have been in tears so thought i would come on and see if anyone else felt the same and by luck read your one .sorry for waffling but its good to know your not the only one!!! thanks .

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