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cobbler

I am going to Perth tommorrow but wife does not want to go. PLEASE ADVISE ME.

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well I am about to leave for the airport in an hour so hope absence does make the heart gow fonder & we can see what the time apart does to our marraige I do hope we stay together at the end of the 5 weeks.

 

Thanks to you all :wubclub:

 

You know mate, I know exactly what you mean and what you're passing through. It has always been my dream to live in OZ as well and after many years I had finally convinced my wife to move.

 

Been in OZ for over 3 months now, and not a single day has passed that my wife does not tell me she wants to go back "home". I think it has to be two way to work.

 

I have to admit that it has been very tough, especially due to this reason.

 

Anyway, I, and I'll say it again, I (cause people are different), will never abandon wife and daughter, and if after a year (yeah, that's the deal even though I know it takes around 2 yrs to settle down) we will go back. I'll shove up my dream up my arse, look up and forward and will continue my life. Fair? No idea. Will I be happy? Probably, if I'll accept it and twist my perception.

 

People are different, so it is really up to you mate what to do, just do what you think is right. Most probably, what is right is when you think out of love and put yourself second. You'll also have to think about how many lives you'll affect and/or maybe hurt.

 

That's how I reason things out, maybe I am wrong.

 

What you can also do (like some suggested), take it as a long holiday so that you can both try it out and see how it goes. If you tell her it could be temporary, and as a 'working holiday', then she wont feel pressured or stressed that she'll have to stay forever and will be easer.

 

Whatever you do, Good luck mate....after all I need it badly too! :laugh:

 

Cheers

B!K3R

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Guest NeilEB

It's a tough call really, but at the end of the day only you can know.

 

My situation is an odd one. It was always my wife's dream to move to Oz after she lived there for four months about 10 years ago. I was open to the idea, and now it's hopefully progressing, she seems to be getting cold feet.

 

In our case we have promised to give it 2 years, although I have no idea what will happen if either of us are totally miserable for 6 months. At least we have a young son who should be starting school when we finally get out there (if WA ever approve me!) which will help us to make freiends and settle in.

 

Sometimes though if you have an itch that needs scratching, you have to scratch it. Maybe you'll move back to the UK, or your wife and daughter will go and join you in Oz, or maybe you'll both part and live happy lives in the respective countries - it's one of those things that only time will prove.

 

Just remember the Mark Twain saying: you regret the things you didn't do, more then the things you did (paraphrased slightly)

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I am flying out to Perth tommorrow (sun 3rd April) 9.20pm from birmingham on my own for 5 weeks to meet 457 employer, look at area,schools ,houses etc etc (wife & 3 kids are staying at home) BUT last sunday my wife dropped a bombshell on me by telling me she does not want to move to oz with our children cos we have a good life in UK ( moving to oz has ALWAYS been my dream, I am 41 so time is running out). One or two things were said & we decided it might me best if we split up but stay ''friends''. Where & What do I do????? Please help in my hour of need :hug::notworthy:

 

cobbler

 

Just want to wish you and your family all the very best. It was always my dream to move to OZ. Five years later we are going home. Hubby was never keen about the move here, but he supported me. OZ has been Fab, we have had a great time. Funny thing is, i've driven this move back to Blighty. Hubby is mighty pleased though. :cute:

 

All the very best to you .

 

sunni x

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i had this sort of thing going on with elaine for years that i so wanted to move to USA, Canada or OZ, but she wasnt having it cus of kids missing family etc etc, so i didnt push it much more, then the third time of mentioning it last JAN 2010 she agreed and is now wantring to go more than i do lol. just keep the peace and see if things change.

i dont think leaving your kids is worth moving to OZ for really.

 

chris

I have been with my wife for over 14 years, she has always known that one day my intention was to move to OZ but now it has come down to the wire she has pulled out BUT tonight she tells me if I move over, then she brings herself & the kids over to visit me & it is as fantastic as I say then she ''could'' move to me. I think the problem is I have lived in many places home & away but she has never moved more than 5 miles from where she was born.

 

cobbler


we have flights book and rental booked. we are off on 16th Jan 2012. Joondalup area, Perth..:biggrin:

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I think before either of you decide to move to Australia you both need to visit it, to get a taste for what life is like there. Your wife is probably scare of moving 50 miles of where you are now, so she's petrified of moving to the other side of the world. If anyone has any doubts about a move, they should always go and visit before up heaving everything in their lives.

 

I think someone else's post suggesting that the wife and kids join you for the last few weeks is a very good idea.


Making some hay whilst the sun shines

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You can't be serious! She hasn't sent him to Australia, she didn't tell him to go, unless I misread the thread.

 

If my husband indicated that he couldn't quite decide whether it was me and the children he wanted or the chance of living in another country for a couple of years on a temporary visa I would be questioning the relationship too.

???????

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Guest The Ropey HOFF

Hi cobbler

 

i assume you are there now............... hows it going buddy?

 

best of luck.

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Hi Hoff,

Yes mate I have been here a week now, what I have seen so far is just fantastic,when the plane landed in perth I thought at last after all these years I have finally arrived in Australia. Perth,Mandarah (if thats how you spell it)been there today, houses (loveley but mega bucks), weather (80 degrees today, I could live with that all year, lol), went a footy match last saturday night (didn't understand the rules though but it was different) been to freemantle (nice place), work setup could suit me, I went to hillarys harbour on sunday (great day out). I ring my kids twice a day missing them loads. as the saying goes ''wish you were here'' but marriage might be over even if I go back to the UK (wifes not sure what she wants)

Thanks for asking.

cheers cobbler

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Guest guest17301

Glad you're enjoying it Cobbler, good luck with whatever happens.

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Hi all,

Sorry for carrying on this drama but, since I have been in Perth,I have either rang or been on skype to my family mostly my 3 children (5,8 & 10), they are either really glad to see or hear from me (as I am them too) but when it comes to talking to the wife it seems that the love has gone. She tells me if/when I go back to the UK she can not live with me anymore & she has not been in love with me for quite a few months ( I did not know this until a week before I came to oz ) Now how am I supposed to respond & feel to that???? It brings tears to my eyes writing this sorry. I feel if I stay in the UK I will only be a part time dad (I would not want to see somebody else living or being with my family) also if I do move to OZ on my own I will hardly see my kids then either which I don't want but at least then I am not around to see who/what my wife is with or doing.

Sorry for sharing my problems with you all.

 

Thanks

cobbler

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Guest guest37336
Hi all,

Sorry for carrying on this drama but, since I have been in Perth,I have either rang or been on skype to my family mostly my 3 children (5,8 & 10), they are either really glad to see or hear from me (as I am them too) but when it comes to talking to the wife it seems that the love has gone. She tells me if/when I go back to the UK she can not live with me anymore & she has not been in love with me for quite a few months ( I did not know this until a week before I came to oz ) Now how am I supposed to respond & feel to that???? It brings tears to my eyes writing this sorry. I feel if I stay in the UK I will only be a part time dad (I would not want to see somebody else living or being with my family) also if I do move to OZ on my own I will hardly see my kids then either which I don't want but at least then I am not around to see who/what my wife is with or doing.

Sorry for sharing my problems with you all.

 

Thanks

cobbler

 

Hi Cobbler.

 

Won't bore the arse of you, but I have been EXACTLY where you are now, if you want a chat without airing all your emotions please feel free to PM me mate, no judgements etc, just listening often helps.

 

Cheers Tony.:wink:

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A very tricky problem. I like your wife have never lived away from my home town and so am very worried about moving to oz. We too have a good life here, but I honestly believe we will have a better one in oz in terms of quality family life. The nature of my husbands work has meant that he has had to work away from home the whole 17 years we have been together. Our children are now 3 and 6 and want daddy to be home more.

I would still go on your trip as if you don't you will end up resenting her, and this will allow her time to think about what she is suggesting, after all she must have been fully aware of your desire to go to oz and it is unfair of her to suggest you don't go at such short notice.

I would suggest she join this forum as there is so much reasurrance to gain from speaking to other people in the smae boat!!!

Hope it all works out!!!

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Hi all,

Sorry for carrying on this drama but, since I have been in Perth,I have either rang or been on skype to my family mostly my 3 children (5,8 & 10), they are either really glad to see or hear from me (as I am them too) but when it comes to talking to the wife it seems that the love has gone. She tells me if/when I go back to the UK she can not live with me anymore & she has not been in love with me for quite a few months ( I did not know this until a week before I came to oz ) Now how am I supposed to respond & feel to that???? It brings tears to my eyes writing this sorry. I feel if I stay in the UK I will only be a part time dad (I would not want to see somebody else living or being with my family) also if I do move to OZ on my own I will hardly see my kids then either which I don't want but at least then I am not around to see who/what my wife is with or doing.

Sorry for sharing my problems with you all.

 

Thanks

cobbler

 

If your wife does end up with someone else that would be hard to take I'm sure. But you are the kid's dad and if you are there with them and see them regularly which you will be able to do at home you will remain that and be a massive part of their life. I'm sorry but staying in Perth could turn your kids against you and you lose everything.

 

But only you know.

 

Good luck.


457 - Nomination Submitted 17/02/2011. Nomination Approved 12/03/2011. e457 Submitted 13/03/2011. Visa Approved 26/03/2011. Landing in Sydney 23/05/2011.

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Guest NeilEB

Wow tough one Cobbler, I feel for you (and your wife and kids of course).

 

Can't really offer you any advice, only support.

 

Which makes this a bit of a pointless post I guess......sigh...

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You see how many posts there on theis thread.

Lots of people have given you advice, most of it from their hearts. Lemming has offered you his ear to bend and why not take him up on it. You never know words of wisdom can be found in the strangest of places.

 

But maybe Australia has come along at the right time in your life? Maybe you could really start again. maybe you could reinvent yourself? Cobbler the stud and international playboy? Or just Cobbler the nice guy.

It will be hard if you do go to Australia as you will feel isolated, but give it time and you will make friends. Maybe even a Sheila when the time is right to move on.

 

You will find it tough back in the UK, being a part time dad. Maybe buy your kids a computer and Mobile phones with international calling cards. Get yourself a car and a house and invite your kids over to stay with you for a few weeks. Maybe they would love it and the lifestyle and wan t to stay with you in the end?

 

But think. Do what is right for you. Not anyone else. You.

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Guest The Ropey HOFF

All the best buddy its really tough for you, if you need a chat just pm me.

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Hard to tell from this distance but it is quite possible that your wife has chosen to distance herself from you because she knew that she was going to be faced with this horrible decision. If you love her and want to grow old with her then go and fight for the marriage I reckon. Stand up and take the initiative and suggest that you both go to marriage counselling to see if there is some sort of compromise. She may allow herself to feel differently if she thought that you werent going to turn her world upside down. You probably both think the other is being very selfish.

 

Women are funny old things and often what they say isnt quite what they mean - saying "it is over" could well be a cry for "for heavens sake, fight for US!" they sometimes just want to jolt you out of your doldrums.

 

Sorry to hear this is such a difficult time for you - emigration, sadly, does that to relationships

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Guest PocketMamma
Hard to tell from this distance but it is quite possible that your wife has chosen to distance herself from you because she knew that she was going to be faced with this horrible decision. If you love her and want to grow old with her then go and fight for the marriage I reckon. Stand up and take the initiative and suggest that you both go to marriage counselling to see if there is some sort of compromise. She may allow herself to feel differently if she thought that you werent going to turn her world upside down. You probably both think the other is being very selfish.

 

Women are funny old things and often what they say isnt quite what they mean - saying "it is over" could well be a cry for "for heavens sake, fight for US!" they sometimes just want to jolt you out of your doldrums.

 

Sorry to hear this is such a difficult time for you - emigration, sadly, does that to relationships

 

As a woman who is a funny old thing (and often say things that aren't quite what I mean), I have to completely agree with Quoll. There is a chance that her feelings are a result of fear of leaving her home, or of you leaving them behind. An armour to protect her from the hurt that she would feel if you left them. I would probably be reacting the same way myself. I've been apart from my partner for four months now - I'm in Oz now, he will be here in a few weeks but I left in December with our baby daughter. He didn't feel ready at the time and needed a couple of months to sort a few things out so I left with faith that he'd come. Even though he is coming over, and is over the cold feet I did go through a period where I questioned my love for him and our relationship as I was angry and hurt that we didn't appear to be his number one priority. In our skupe calls I told him that I thought maybe we weren't supposed to be together - maybe it was better to just end things. I didn't mean it - I just wanted him to feel a bit of what I was feeling, to realise what he stood to lose.

 

If your wife has felt like she and your children weren't the most important thing in your life then can you understand why she might be feeling the way she does? She may well still love you cobbler - so if you want your family you need to show them that they're the number one priority. And that may mean giving up your dream.

 

Perhaps they aren't number one for you at all though, which makes your decision a lot easier.

 

Best of luck to you and your family with whatever happens - I hope you still see your children in whatever part of the world you end up living in.

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Hi, I too can relate to what you are going through and understand the feeling you must be having.

I know what it feels like to live away from your kids.

 

My sincere advice would be to go back to UK and try to be the best Dad you can be for your kids whether you end up being able to live with them or not. They will always know you are their Dad and love you if you keep working on your relationship with them.

 

I would also recommend you find people to talk through your situation. This is very important. Us blokes often don't talk about our feelings but this is vital. If your main support network is in the UK, I think you need to go back, perhaps after a month holiday.

 

Good Lcuk.


I want it all, and I want it now.

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I am so sorry to hear this and whatever we advise it could be the wrong thing to do.

Personally, I think you need to go back to the UK and sit with your wife and discuss everything. I often say hurtful things to my OH, the number of times I have told him to beggar off with someone else as he deserves better. However, if he did I would be absolutely heartbroken, he is my life, BUT, sometimes us women do play games just to test how much our men love us.

If you love her then fight for her, if you don't well then you have to think what is the best way forward whether it be in the UK or Perth.

If ever you want a chat like everyone else I am always here for you.

Big hugs

Kate


If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.

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Its such a difficult situation. But the only nugget of advice I can give is, nothing is forever, life and people move on. My Ex Husband emigrated to Brisbane with his new wife when our children were 9 and 12.

 

He made a new life for himself and his new wife and I carried on with my life with our girls my new Husband and our young son in the UK.

 

Well to cut a long emotional story short, my daughters aged 20 and 17 are now living with him in Brisban and I am living in Perth with my Husband and son.

 

Life has a funny way of throwing curve balls, and if you want to stay in touch you can do that from Australia and you can have your children out for holidays.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide I think we all really feel for you:hug:

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Guest Guest 47403
Hi all,

Sorry for carrying on this drama but, since I have been in Perth,I have either rang or been on skype to my family mostly my 3 children (5,8 & 10), they are either really glad to see or hear from me (as I am them too) but when it comes to talking to the wife it seems that the love has gone. She tells me if/when I go back to the UK she can not live with me anymore & she has not been in love with me for quite a few months ( I did not know this until a week before I came to oz ) Now how am I supposed to respond & feel to that???? It brings tears to my eyes writing this sorry. I feel if I stay in the UK I will only be a part time dad (I would not want to see somebody else living or being with my family) also if I do move to OZ on my own I will hardly see my kids then either which I don't want but at least then I am not around to see who/what my wife is with or doing.

Sorry for sharing my problems with you all.

 

Thanks

cobbler

 

Sorry for your dilemma cobbler obviously the chance to move to Oz is a dream come true for you so I can see your in a difficult situation and hope you make the right decision.

 

I'm not going to try and give you advise on your wife as Quoll said women are funny old things (mad as sticks!!), but for what it's worth I would never leave my kids half way around the world no matter how much I wanted something.

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Cobbler,

 

i know how you feel , i was happily sorting our visa out in 2008, had ss sorted, just the diac to do when i went home from work on the friday with all intentions of sorting the application out when my then wife of 18 years told me she wanted me out of her life and that she hadn't loved me for a while. gutted was an understatement, however i never gave up hope and here iam 3 years later still trying to do my visa application, however this time around I have met the woman of my dreams who has encouraged us to go for it and is as keen for us to go as i always have been.

 

what i'm trying to say is we only live once and if that is how she genuinly feels do what you need to do to fulfill your dreams and ambitions. with todays technology you will never be far away from your kids, also just think of the holidays they could have!

 

if you need a chat just pm me. enjoy your trip.


Visa Applied 25/5/11, GRANTED 16/9/11 Now Living the Dream In Perth:jiggy:

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Guest Andy
Cobbler,

 

i know how you feel , i was happily sorting our visa out in 2008, had ss sorted, just the diac to do when i went home from work on the friday with all intentions of sorting the application out when my then wife of 18 years told me she wanted me out of her life and that she hadn't loved me for a while. gutted was an understatement, however i never gave up hope and here iam 3 years later still trying to do my visa application, however this time around I have met the woman of my dreams who has encouraged us to go for it and is as keen for us to go as i always have been.

 

what i'm trying to say is we only live once and if that is how she genuinly feels do what you need to do to fulfill your dreams and ambitions. with todays technology you will never be far away from your kids, also just think of the holidays they could have!

 

if you need a chat just pm me. enjoy your trip.

 

Top post mate, good luck with your future in Oz:yes:

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Sorry but I just cannot understand why/how anyone can leave their 3 very young children to go to the other side of the world-(UK or Oz). And the excuse of not liking your potential ex wife's potential new partner is outrageous. I imagine that your wife is furious that you have gone and left. If it was her upping and going without the children and considering staying and leaving the children permenantly I suspect we would all be outraged.

 

We all have dreams and sometimes we are in a position to follow them, sometimes we are not. If your wife will not leave her family then that is hard for you but surely you are a father first and as such you should be around as much as possible for your children.....

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