Miserable and bored

[Guest 123456]

Dave,

 

I posted on the Considering returning to UK thread yesterday and talked about parochial newspapers and media generally.

 

My wife and I have similar situations to you. We are introduced to an Aussie and they start to talk about themselves non stop. I have never been asked about my family, where I come from and what I think. I am talked at about their family, their problems, illnesses and other woes.

 

I have tried to bring conversation round to something topical - even footy - but the talk returns to the Aussie's opinion, their life history and themselves.

 

As such, we have introduced ourselves to neighbours but not one has come and introduced themselves to us or come and spoken with us. I don't know if it is the isolation of this place but they just talk and ignore the other person and talk over one another.

 

It is frustrating as they are very friendly people but I long for a good old chin wag without having to know someones deep medical history within 5 minutes.

 

123...etc

[Guest guest36762]

Dave,

 

I posted on the Considering returning to UK thread yesterday and talked about parochial newspapers and media generally.

 

My wife and I have similar situations to you. We are introduced to an Aussie and they start to talk about themselves non stop. I have never been asked about my family, where I come from and what I think. I am talked at about their family, their problems, illnesses and other woes.

 

I have tried to bring conversation round to something topical - even footy - but the talk returns to the Aussie's opinion, their life history and themselves.

 

As such, we have introduced ourselves to neighbours but not one has come and introduced themselves to us or come and spoken with us. I don't know if it is the isolation of this place but they just talk and ignore the other person and talk over one another.

 

It is frustrating as they are very friendly people but I long for a good old chin wag without having to know someones deep medical history within 5 minutes.

 

123...etc

 

mate

you should meet my MIL

she loves poms! she loves talking to poms, or anybody for that matter

she listens, but mostly she just witters on endlessly about NAFF ALL

[Que Sera Sera]

Dave,

 

I posted on the Considering returning to UK thread yesterday and talked about parochial newspapers and media generally.

 

My wife and I have similar situations to you. We are introduced to an Aussie and they start to talk about themselves non stop. I have never been asked about my family, where I come from and what I think. I am talked at about their family, their problems, illnesses and other woes.

 

I have tried to bring conversation round to something topical - even footy - but the talk returns to the Aussie's opinion, their life history and themselves.

 

As such, we have introduced ourselves to neighbours but not one has come and introduced themselves to us or come and spoken with us. I don't know if it is the isolation of this place but they just talk and ignore the other person and talk over one another.

 

It is frustrating as they are very friendly people but I long for a good old chin wag without having to know someones deep medical history within 5 minutes.

 

123...etc

 

I am gobsmacked by this. Everytime I open my gob I get asked where am I from? In the supermarket, down the school, at the beach everywhere!:swoon:

[Guest siamsusie]

I am gobsmacked by this. Everytime I open my gob I get asked where am I from? In the supermarket, down the school, at the beach everywhere!:swoon:

 

Yes I feel the same way, it takes me ages to get out of a damned shop!:laugh:

[Guest guest36762]

Yes I feel the same way, it takes me ages to get out of a damned shop!:laugh:

 

I have to say I agree with both of you:shocked:

I have only really met people who are very welcoming to poms

I do not get this 'not listening' thing, or the egocentricity either

[Parley]

It may be a bit different in country towns compared to cities.

But don't like to generalise too much as it doesn't usually stand up to scrutiny.

[DannyCoyles]

Feel for you, however have to say that a lot of Aussies do not like to discuss politics and their views with people they do not know well and I think that is a good thing. These sorts of conversations can get out of hand on a forum but in real life they can get really out of hand.

 

I find people of all persuasions boring if they do not want to have a proper conversation and move on to someone who does. :laugh:

 

I often find myself agreeing with Petals posts and this one is no exception. There are so many nationalities here and mixed families that you have to be really careful what you say. For example my nieces and nephews are part, Dutch, Maltase, English and Irish but Australian born, so easy to offend by saying the wrong thing. Best to keep views to yourself until you know people well enough.

I know the politicians don’t have the same debate as the UK and I didn’t hear one policy during the recent election. But very few of the promises and policies made during the UK elections are ever kept. So which is better?

It can take a while to get to know people here and I do agree that sometimes people don’t get too involved with what’s going on in the world. Therefore serious conversations are not always welcomed. But I have found myself watching the news less if at all since moving here and enjoying my life more. I have made friends with Australians and people from overseas, I find everyone once you get to know them will have a good conversation with you. But Australians will not try and talk about a topic they have no knowledge of or interest in.

I lost my mother when I was 23 she was 58. That put things into perspective for me. I no longer worry about things I can’t change and make the most of each day. I’m not going to spend whatever time I have on this Earth talking about its problems with intoxicated strangers at 3am! For me the Australian way is perfect.

[olly]

No, generalising doesn't stand up to scrutiny usually. Sure there are some things you could generalise about (Queenslanders are more laid back than we Victorians - yes I believe that, takes me ages to get to grips with the life up there - it's different). As far as conversations about certain things, well there are people that I will talk away about some things to and others I don't bother as such (my friend's husband is a bit of an aussie bloke, good guy, but don't get into deep and meaningful conversations with him, he doesn't do it - more his personality than nationality though? I haven't found myself in so many deep and meaningfuls with British men either:no:so it goes both ways). My three favourite subjects are politics, sex and religion, so naturally I only talk about those things with the people that I know can contribute to and like those conversations, others might be uncomfortable with it, so I stay on general things.

[Guest guest36762]

No, generalising doesn't stand up to scrutiny usually. Sure there are some things you could generalise about (Queenslanders are more laid back than we Victorians - yes I believe that, takes me ages to get to grips with the life up there - it's different). As far as conversations about certain things, well there are people that I will talk away about some things to and others I don't bother as such (my friend's husband is a bit of an aussie bloke, good guy, but don't get into deep and meaningful conversations with him, he doesn't do it - more his personality than nationality though? I haven't found myself in so many deep and meaningfuls with British men either:no:so it goes both ways). My three favourite subjects are politics, sex and religion, so naturally I only talk about those things with the people that I know can contribute to and like those conversations, others might be uncomfortable with it, so I stay on general things.

 

Hi olly

contradicted yourself a bit there

 

 

 

 

I'd happily talk sex with anyone who's interested

[olly]

Thanks Dom, I shouldn't have strung that sentence all together - 2 nights of nightshift doesn't do for good posting ! Didn't mean it to mean all aussie blokes, but him in particular, he calls himself 'an aussie bloke' as he is 'blokey' in his understanding. Not all Australian men are 'blokey and I never meant it to seem that way. In some people's minds even saying aussie bloke creates a mindset and it shouldn't. I do work with another guy who sees himself as 'blokey' as well, and I have fantastic conversations with him at 3am on nightshift (we managed to solve the carbon tax issue last night, all his idea:idea:so both of us should be standing for PM and deputy soon, and all because two Australians had a conversation:laugh:

I

[Parley]

Yeah Olly, I was thinking of the country type Queenslanders when I wrote that too.

Love to hear your Carbon Tax solution, in another thread, if you care to share.

[pinup]

Ta, Ozsceptic......

 

I wasn't planning on getting into WW3 with what I originally wrote, but I fully appreciate that some people out there would take some offence, that's natural. The sentence that sums it up is the last one that you wrote, which said, 'You're not alone mate.'................

 

The main reason for writing was to assure others from the UK that what they were feeling was the same as some others in this country. I wasn't directing what I said at the entire nation, that would be ridiculous, but on a day to day basis, out and about, this I believe to be the case.

 

At the end of the day, I am sure that it is just down to cultural differences. I understand that we should not expect things to be the same as back home, what would be the point of that? But I have been very surprised over the last few years about something I thought I would never have to take into consideration, but I know that I am not alone with the way that I feel.

 

But saying that, I am glad that people responded to what I wrote yesterday. I just wished that people would have a similar kind of response when out and about on a daily basis.

 

So I am sorry if I upset people.......

 

Davethebear, this is a long one I’m afraid….but hope it helps!

 

I really feel for you. It’s such a long way from home and it can feel much further when your not feeling the best.

 

I had some similar feelings when in Oz (planning to go back soon). I found the isolation from Europe and the lack of international news made things feel very local and almost insular at times. Being quite politically minded I was often frustrated not to have more in depth conversation or references to world politics in the new. The way we talk in Ireland is different and I missed that. I think there is something about having a natter to ones countryman/woman that just makes you feel a sense of home, comfort in familiarity and a sense of identity.

 

Since being back in Ireland and awaiting my return to Oz I have been able to see the differences of the Ozzie/Irish/European lifestyle with a little more objectivity mainly through my relationship with my Ozzie OH. When he came to Ireland to visit the first time we had big disagreements about politics (all topics covered, colonialism, the north, aboriginal rights, American foreign policy, Ireland social welfare system, Palestine/Israel etc etc). We had never really broached politics in our honeymoon period over in Oz and we were both slightly aghast at how different we thought about some things, or at least we thought our opinions we’re different until we calmed down and talked rationally, it transpired we differed on some aspects, agreed on others. The crooks of the problem was that we spoke about it defensively, as if both of us was right. He said “why are we talking about this, I don’t argue about these things with my friends in Australia”, I said “how can you not talk about it, are you all stupid” or something equally unhelpful and mean! It wasn’t argument per se, we were both just expressing our opinions with such gusto that our voices became slightly raised and things got a bit heated, but ultimately it came down to the fact that we didn’t share the same conversational dynamic. He doesn’t talk politics, I do. Now we both do sometimes. I keep my trap shut when I needn’t bother lamenting the world’s woes and he occasionally pipes up about the odd injustice here and there.

 

Speaking generally here….We have a rich political and historical tapestry which we reference every day in Ireland (possibly in Europe in general?). We are fiery, opinionated and at times we think we are intellectually superior. We are also, to my mind whinging whiners, negative, self-serving, unmotivated naysayers. But, we are great fun, passionate and love to talk and have such a fantastic cultural heritage. So too do the Ozzies, there is so much to the country if you scratch the surface. They may not indulge in the same sort of news reporting and political dialogue that we do in Ireland/UK/Europe but I think that is because things are relatively stable in Australia and because they are a very new country without the same cultural hang-ups that we have. They have such a different history and one that has informed they way they communicate today. In contrast to Ireland my experience of Australians is that they are upbeat, positive, team-players and there is a general sense of community spirit without the complexities of politics and classism that seem to have crept in over here. One thing I love about Australia is that you don’t get judged on your job, and people don’t really care if you are a sparky or a banker, if you are decent they will give you the time of day. Not so in Ireland. Also, geopolitically, Australia is really quite a total loner!

 

When I lived in the UK during Uni I felt anonymous at times, really uninspired and a bit bored and unmotivated. It bothered me that I couldn’t connect to my classmates in the same way I would with my Irish friends, there was a lack of ‘umph’ as you put it and I felt a bit underwhelmed. Until I thought about where I lived, in the west midlands, one of the most culturally diverse place in the Uk. I went out, joined the Venezuelan Solidarity Centre ( in Wolverhampton!?!), went to local markets, went to Birmingham each weekend to the galleries/museums/cinema etc, took up yoga and began to feel much happier and more enriched. Tried to learn the Tablas, a step to far it transpired!!!

 

Australia is different, very different to the UK, but there is plenty to see do and lots going on that will help you to feel more at home. Give yourself another few months at least, try something new, this looks interesting Politics in the Pub beer and politics?! That might cure what ales ya. I felt a same lack of umph before and I think most of the time upmh attracts umph. If your’re not feeling particularly upbeat and generally a bit blue it’s hard to see the all the good stuff you might be missing and you may run the risk of coming home and feeling the same way.

 

Hope it all works out well whatever you decide

[Paul1Perth]

I am gobsmacked by this. Everytime I open my gob I get asked where am I from? In the supermarket, down the school, at the beach everywhere!:swoon:

 

Seems especially so when you fist arrive. No-end of people are interested why you came, where from, what's it like there, do you like it here etc.

A lot of the questions were from poms too, who had been here for a while and wondered what it was like "back home'.

[olly]

Yeah Olly, I was thinking of the country type Queenslanders when I wrote that too.

Love to hear your Carbon Tax solution, in another thread, if you care to share.

 

Yes you are right Parleycross, the country type Queenslanders are so laid back generally - I love it when some of them says to me "You're Victorian aren't you"?:laugh::goofy:

[Guest siamsusie]

Excellent post Pinup! Thank you.. one of the best I have seen on here for a very long time!

 

Susie x

[olly]

Agree with Susie Pinup, great post, and I think you bring out some good points - the different way people communicate etc.

[Paul1Perth]

Pinup,

That was an incredible analysis of the two countries and conversations you might have in each.

 

Agree totally. Don't talk any less here, just about different things which seem to influence this part of the world.

[Guest davethebear]

Davethebear, this is a long one I’m afraid….but hope it helps!

 

I really feel for you. It’s such a long way from home and it can feel much further when your not feeling the best.

 

I had some similar feelings when in Oz (planning to go back soon). I found the isolation from Europe and the lack of international news made things feel very local and almost insular at times. Being quite politically minded I was often frustrated not to have more in depth conversation or references to world politics in the new. The way we talk in Ireland is different and I missed that. I think there is something about having a natter to ones countryman/woman that just makes you feel a sense of home, comfort in familiarity and a sense of identity.

 

Since being back in Ireland and awaiting my return to Oz I have been able to see the differences of the Ozzie/Irish/European lifestyle with a little more objectivity mainly through my relationship with my Ozzie OH. When he came to Ireland to visit the first time we had big disagreements about politics (all topics covered, colonialism, the north, aboriginal rights, American foreign policy, Ireland social welfare system, Palestine/Israel etc etc). We had never really broached politics in our honeymoon period over in Oz and we were both slightly aghast at how different we thought about some things, or at least we thought our opinions we’re different until we calmed down and talked rationally, it transpired we differed on some aspects, agreed on others. The crooks of the problem was that we spoke about it defensively, as if both of us was right. He said “why are we talking about this, I don’t argue about these things with my friends in Australia”, I said “how can you not talk about it, are you all stupid” or something equally unhelpful and mean! It wasn’t argument per se, we were both just expressing our opinions with such gusto that our voices became slightly raised and things got a bit heated, but ultimately it came down to the fact that we didn’t share the same conversational dynamic. He doesn’t talk politics, I do. Now we both do sometimes. I keep my trap shut when I needn’t bother lamenting the world’s woes and he occasionally pipes up about the odd injustice here and there.

 

Speaking generally here….We have a rich political and historical tapestry which we reference every day in Ireland (possibly in Europe in general?). We are fiery, opinionated and at times we think we are intellectually superior. We are also, to my mind whinging whiners, negative, self-serving, unmotivated naysayers. But, we are great fun, passionate and love to talk and have such a fantastic cultural heritage. So too do the Ozzies, there is so much to the country if you scratch the surface. They may not indulge in the same sort of news reporting and political dialogue that we do in Ireland/UK/Europe but I think that is because things are relatively stable in Australia and because they are a very new country without the same cultural hang-ups that we have. They have such a different history and one that has informed they way they communicate today. In contrast to Ireland my experience of Australians is that they are upbeat, positive, team-players and there is a general sense of community spirit without the complexities of politics and classism that seem to have crept in over here. One thing I love about Australia is that you don’t get judged on your job, and people don’t really care if you are a sparky or a banker, if you are decent they will give you the time of day. Not so in Ireland. Also, geopolitically, Australia is really quite a total loner!

 

When I lived in the UK during Uni I felt anonymous at times, really uninspired and a bit bored and unmotivated. It bothered me that I couldn’t connect to my classmates in the same way I would with my Irish friends, there was a lack of ‘umph’ as you put it and I felt a bit underwhelmed. Until I thought about where I lived, in the west midlands, one of the most culturally diverse place in the Uk. I went out, joined the Venezuelan Solidarity Centre ( in Wolverhampton!?!), went to local markets, went to Birmingham each weekend to the galleries/museums/cinema etc, took up yoga and began to feel much happier and more enriched. Tried to learn the Tablas, a step to far it transpired!!!

 

Australia is different, very different to the UK, but there is plenty to see do and lots going on that will help you to feel more at home. Give yourself another few months at least, try something new, this looks interesting Politics in the Pub beer and politics?! That might cure what ales ya. I felt a same lack of umph before and I think most of the time upmh attracts umph. If your’re not feeling particularly upbeat and generally a bit blue it’s hard to see the all the good stuff you might be missing and you may run the risk of coming home and feeling the same way.

 

Hope it all works out well whatever you decide

 

Cheers for that, that certainly makes a great deal of sense and has made me think a great deal about what you have written. What made me laugh the most was the fact that I am also originally from the West Midlands and like what you said, you can't get a more multicultural place than that. I suppose after working for 9 years in the East and West of London where it is even more multicultural before moving to Oz 3 years ago, I can't really expect the same here, can I ?

 

Thanks again..............

[Guest linda41]

I do agree, I find that I am being 'talked over' constantly, I would say that I know most of my work friends lives/problems because I inquire, but I sit in silent exasperation most of the time as noone ever asks or tries to find out anything about myself. I have tried to make it work but I have to say, I have never been as miserable in my life!

[Parley]

Some people have no self awareness unfortunately.

Actually meeting a pom is good for me. If you meet someone with an obvious english accent it gives you a good topic to talk about. Where in England they're from, Why are they here etc.

 

But your right some people wont think past themselves.

But not all aussies are like that so don't give up on us.

[pinup]

Cheers for that, that certainly makes a great deal of sense and has made me think a great deal about what you have written. What made me laugh the most was the fact that I am also originally from the West Midlands and like what you said, you can't get a more multicultural place than that. I suppose after working for 9 years in the East and West of London where it is even more multicultural before moving to Oz 3 years ago, I can't really expect the same here, can I ?

 

Thanks again..............

 

What a coincidence! Your right about London probably can't get more multi-cultural, New York maybe? My friend just moved away from London, she enjoyed it but decided to move to New York to take advantage of her dual citizenship. She spent about 3 years in London and didn't meet all that many new friends, was a bit fed up and generally felt she hadn't really taken advantage of such a great city. In the last 3 months she was there she did more than she'd done in the 3 years put together and had a fantastic time then didn't want to leave!! It's a cliché but there's a lot to be said for seizing the day as they say.

 

Incidentally, she is madly cynical about the US (despite being one) and was having the same doubts about moving to the US as you are about Oz, lack of conversation, politics etc. She's only been there a few weeks but shes a new woman, she resolved to drop the cynicism and be more open to new experiences, so far so good. She's even calling shops 'stores'!! What next!!

 

I really do hope it all works out for you, maybe a visit home would help make up your mind.

[Que Sera Sera]

Some people have no self awareness unfortunately.

Actually meeting a pom is good for me. If you meet someone with an obvious english accent it gives you a good topic to talk about. Where in England they're from, Why are they here etc.

 

But your right some people wont think past themselves.

But not all aussies are like that so don't give up on us.

 

 

Its a wonderful country and so far all the Aussies I have met without exception have been lovely to me. I cannot fault the service and the attitude that I am given. I can only give my experiences. I know sometimes my OH says he is not understood because of his accent, I have the same accent and have never had a problem, I reckon my OH just mumbles :biglaugh: I love this country and the people are "Awesome":notworthy:

[Guest davethebear]

I do agree, I find that I am being 'talked over' constantly, I would say that I know most of my work friends lives/problems because I inquire, but I sit in silent exasperation most of the time as noone ever asks or tries to find out anything about myself. I have tried to make it work but I have to say, I have never been as miserable in my life!

 

Linda, I really understand where you are coming from and the way that you are feeling at the moment. It is a very hard situation and even more difficult to know what to do about it. It is bad enough having to go to work and even worse if you feel miserable in your job. All I wanted to say when I made my original post was to let people know that they are not alone with the way that they feel, there are others who truly understand.

 

Hope things pick up for you............big hugs

[Paul1Perth]

Its a wonderful country and so far all the Aussies I have met without exception have been lovely to me. I cannot fault the service and the attitude that I am given. I can only give my experiences. I know sometimes my OH says he is not understood because of his accent, I have the same accent and have never had a problem, I reckon my OH just mumbles :biglaugh: I love this country and the people are "Awesome":notworthy:

 

Maybe it's just Perth and WA that's like this Que Sera Sera.

I find the same as you and still love the place after nearly 20 years here.

Can't fault the weather this summer can we either, never ending.

[Guest siamsusie]

Maybe it's just Perth and WA that's like this Que Sera Sera.

I find the same as you and still love the place after nearly 20 years here.

Can't fault the weather this summer can we either, never ending.

 

For me its not just isolated to WA Paul, wherever I have been in Australia I have been exceptionally happy.

 

Different strokes....:wubclub: