Guest guest37336 Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Had some bad news last week, my ex (nearly) brother in law died from lung cancer, only 45 he was, lovely bloke and barely smoked to any great degree, but nonetheless it probably got him in the end,:cry:. Knew him on and off for years through my brother, but never 'close', having said that mum and dad are down my way tomorrow to go to the funeral, then they are spending a few days with us, will be a sad day for all, in particular the three direct family members he leaves behind,:wubclub:. But it got me thinking, you know the old saying, 'Life Goes On', well it does really. Though at times we want to hit the next person who says it, it is a true statement nonetheless. I have lost many people that were close to me, some family and some friends, and when 'it' happened my life was turned upside down, I had no idea, and couldn't decide between my arse from elbow. To even get out of bed at some times seemed to much, too much bother, too much effort. You would walk downstairs and EVERYTHING in your life has crumpled before your eyes, EVERYTHING has changed in YOUR LIFE. Can't be bothered to get dressed properly, can't be bothered to cook, can't be arsed to do anything really, except to sometimes cry yourself into a sleep and hope that when you wake up it has all stopped, but that is impossible, you wake to find the same bloody nightmare facing you again, and you wonder how on earth you are going to get through another bloody horrible day. I know all this sounds like doom and gloom, but I was thinking, Andrews parents at the moment must be going through a living hell, to lose a child I imagine (I'd rather not) is one of the worst experiences we can have, if not the worst. They must be wondering which way is up right now, and in all likelihood they must wake everyday with constant thoughts of their son in their minds, BUT. Here I am, posting away on PIO, going shopping, working, looking after Ruth and the kids, and to all intents and purposes my life has remained the same, even though no further than ten miles away a families life has been tinged with absolute sadness and grief. Don't really know what I am trying to say here, but it does seem strange at times to open the front door when a bereavement has happened and their before your eyes the world is carrying on as usual, nothing out of the ordinary, just another day, that's all, seems very surreal at times, and at times we (I) want to scream out at the pain we are going through. So in essence I am trying to say that life does go on, it has to, there is no other way, but to think that a few miles up the road a family is going to bury their son tomorrow is truly a humbling experience. Just my thoughts is all. Cheers Tony.:wink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest roaminnomore Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 So sorry hon, it puts thing into perspective eh! Life does go on but for a while it is so true you just don't function with a cylinders firing. Loosing a child must be just the worst to go through (no matter how old). By the way, I love the way you are able to write/communicate, it helps me and I am sure many, relate to what we are thinking for many a subject. All the best Ley x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest37336 Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Hi Ley. Firstly I hope all is well over there matey, good luck to you and yours, hope you have settled a bit more now and are enjoying the adventure,:jiggy:. Like I said Ley, wasn't that close to Andrew, but still a great shame, but at times like these the poor buggers left behind seem to be in a parallel universe. Everything is just so 'normal' in the outside world, but yours, well, there are no words to describe it really, sort of numbness and in a daze, but still you see people going to work, chatting, eating, laughing, really weird feeling I find, and at times the last thing you want to hear (no matter how true) is that 'Life Carries On'. Cheers Tony.:wubclub: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caramac Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 I'm sorry to hear about Andrew. It's very sad and devastating for his parents. I know what you mean about looking around you and life going on as normal - all those people completely unaware of something which is life changing for you. I remember a friend of mine saying that when she could eventually sleep, she'd wake up and for a second she wondered why she felt so sad, then she remembered and knew she had another day to get through. All you can do is look after each other, I suppose.:hug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest siamsusie Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 No parent should outlive their children, life deals out some tough blows so many times. RIP Andrew I wish Andrew's parents the strength and courage to handle such a tough tragedy. Susie x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Tony life is very cruel, especially taking a child away from their parents. RIP Andrew. Rob and I have had quite a few conversations of late and to be honest I think it is the families who need lots of support, they are the ones left behind to face things. I know my eldest had started counselling at school and my youngest use to go to school and not stop crying. Although the patient gets lots of support the families tend to get ignored. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brideycollette Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 I understand fully what you are saying tony . We call it the Haze in our family . Hubbies mum and dad passed when they were both in their 50's within months of each other with cancer , they left a poor 13 yearold daughter too ( who we brought up ). On the day of dennis mum's funeral it was very strange sad and a happy time ...we are irish familys and the irish familes came together to go to Hubbies mum's funeral and also to celebrate the birth of the first grandchild of the Evans Its wierd you know..... dennis never cried when they both passed and no one could understand ( well except me ) i knew he was crying inside ... he said he had no choice as he put it ten years later ( thats when he woke up one morning and cried and said he felt alone with noone ie parents to ask about history events in the family . He did have a grandmother who was 86 at the time and they coped with things in their own way ( My millie was born a month before dens mum died and i think that helped in a way .) Life does go on ..... but for the people it is happening to its like a haze that stays for quite awhile , but one day it will pass .... then it will pop up again out of the blue ....Then pass again ( and the postman will be still be delivering the mail :wubclub: the wheel clamper will be still getting up peeps noses ) The Haze is a pain sometimes but as you say life goes on and my blessings go to the family and friends of Andrew x P.s didn't mean to turn this into a book lol :biglaugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest37336 Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Tony life is very cruel, especially taking a child away from their parents. RIP Andrew. Rob and I have had quite a few conversations of late and to be honest I think it is the families who need lots of support, they are the ones left behind to face things. I know my eldest had started counselling at school and my youngest use to go to school and not stop crying. Although the patient gets lots of support the families tend to get ignored. Hi Kate. Like you said, I can think of nothing worse than losing a child. And it's weird, I have known a few couples who have lost kiddies, and it either makes them a lot stronger or tears them apart, sometimes even the strongest of loving bonds is not enough to hold a relationship together when something of this scale happens, truly awful, and like you said the ones left behind are the ones who have to try and live, no matter how hard. Cheers Tony. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest37336 Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 I understand fully what you are saying tony . We call it the Haze in our family . Hubbies mum and dad passed when they were both in their 50's within months of each other with cancer , they left a poor 13 yearold daughter too ( who we brought up ). On the day of dennis mum's funeral it was very strange sad and a happy time ...we are irish familys and the irish familes came together to go to Hubbies mum's funeral and also to celebrate the birth of the first grandchild of the Evans Its wierd you know..... dennis never cried when they both passed and no one could understand ( well except me ) i knew he was crying inside ... he said he had no choice as he put it ten years later ( thats when he woke up one morning and cried and said he felt alone with noone ie parents to ask about history events in the family . He did have a grandmother who was 86 at the time and they coped with things in their own way ( My millie was born a month before dens mum died and i think that helped in a way .) Life does go on ..... but for the people it is happening to its like a haze that stays for quite awhile , but one day it will pass .... then it will pop up again out of the blue ....Then pass again ( and the postman will be still be delivering the mail :wubclub: the wheel clamper will be still getting up peeps noses ) The Haze is a pain sometimes but as you say life goes on and my blessings go to the family and friends of Andrew x P.s didn't mean to turn this into a book lol :biglaugh: That's it exactly Brides, life 'just' carries on, harsh but so true. And I know there will be some who say that we can't go round all our lives considering such weighty matters, but I think now and again it does us good to remember what some are going through, whilst still carrying on day to day living, 'Yep, 'Life Goes On', but a little reflective thought at times does no harm.:notworthy: Cheers Tony. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calNgary Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 RIP Andrew, so sad to lose someone so young. I think in a way life HAS to go on, the grief will never go away but you somehow find ways of dealing with it. I was 12 weeks old when my mum died of cancer,with my Dad in the army, my Nan and Grandad took over care of my brother and I. To me, although i saw my Dad alot and even lived him for a while my Nan and Grandad were my parents. I lost my grandad just a few hours before my son (his first great grandchild) was born,i lost my nan a few years later and to this day it still hurts to talk about it, it hurts more than losing my mum which i know may sound odd but you have to carry on and focus on the good times you had. Cal x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30038 Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 So in essence I am trying to say that life does go on, it has to, there is no other way, It does Tone, but sadly, not for some old folk who can't live without their partners. We got an email yesterday that Bridget's Uncle Jim had died in his sleep. He's actually her brother-in-law's father but Bridget has been close to him since she was a kid. As you know, she has just returned from the UK and spent a night at his place in Totnes. He was 97 and his wife (Aunty Ena is 93). They were totally independent and Jim still drove his old morris minor estate and worked regularly on the wood trim :smile: His last words to Bridget as he hugged her goodbye were, "tara love, I probably won't see you again" Now, only a week later, he's gone :cry: Bridget, ever the nurse, (and although I know that she is cut up about it) simply smiled and said, "I'm glad he's gone like this. He would have hated to go downhill and lose his independence" Poor old Aunty Ena will probably give up now..............they'd been together for 67yrs. Live each day as if it's your last eh mate? :yes: kev Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritChickx Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Really sorry Tony, my thoughts are with you xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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