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Saz

Do we give up the dream

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Hey everyone & sorry in advance for the long post.

There are 4 of us, me Sara 43, OH Paul 50, daughter Lucy just 19 & son Adam 16. We have been wanting to make the move for many years now. We originally applied when the children were younger on a skilled visa as my OH is a brickie by trade. We missed out by 5 points & decided maybe it wasn't meant to be!!

However I think it has always been at the back of our minds & when my OH was made redundant in 2009 we decided to use the money & go out to Oz & see if Paul could find sponsored work. I have a lot of family in WA so there was no problem with having to sort accommodation. We had a wonderful 6 months & Paul managed to find a fellow pom who was willing to sponsor him. However in June 10 Paul's father was taken seriously ill & we had to return to the UK. He passed away 3 weeks after our return & Paul is still trying to sort things out!!!!!!!!!! As you can imagine due to the time it has taken the sponsorship is no longer available as he was looking for some-one to start ASAP. :arghh:

Since returning I have been unable to find work & our daughter has had the same problem. This has been extremely difficult & we still hanker after a return to Oz. I have been checking the job situation in Oz & applied for a position for my OH which comes with sponsorship, & it is looking promising.

Our dilemma is our son went back to school & is studying for his GCSE's. He has caught up on all the coursework he missed while we were in Oz & got brilliant mock results in December. He has decided that he would like to stay in the UK & go to sixth form & continue his education. To top this our daughter has recently got herself a serious boyfriend & her best friend from Oz has just come to the Uk to live with some-one she met. Our daughter has also now said she doesn't want to return to Oz. :confused:

Is it time we just gave up on our dream & let the kids live their lives? Part of me thinks this would be the best thing as I don't want to be without either of my kids, but the other part of me wants to go for it. My OH also wants to go for it & says that at 16 our son should come with us anyway & at 19 our daughter has to make up her own mind!!!! :arghh:

Many thanks for taking the time to read my post :unsure:

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Guest The Ropey HOFF

I think only you together as a family can decide this, we are heading into similar problems with our children getting older and having a say on whether we emigrate or not and we couldn't leave them behind. I hope things work out for you, Perth is a fantastic place to live and we loved it there.

 

All the best.

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As Jim said, this is something only you as a family can decide. However I can imagine how you are feeling after having a couple of chances fall through, I am dreading my children getting old enough to say no. I would say that given your sons place in education at the moment it would be unfair to force a move upon him. I had this threatened on me at GCSE level and it is such a stressful time, and whilst there are more important qualifications out there he will need these to have the possibility of doing them. Your daughter is over 18 so you cannot impose on her whether she stays or goes, have you already got your visa? I ask because would she now not be too old just to go on yours? Its a difficult situation when your heart says one thing and your head says another. I don't envy you. But you need to be careful about forcing what you want upon the kids at an age when they are just setting out on their own lives.

 

Hope the children make up their minds to come with you as that would be easiest all round. Good luck


 


Kate (34), Lewis (37), Eve (11), Rhys (7), Phoebe (5)

DH granted Citizenship by descent 30/10/09 sub class 100 visa granted 4/12, Arrived 5th Sept 13.:biggrin:

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Thanks for your replies.

I don't intend to move our son until he has completed his GCSE's, but thought that he could continue further education in Oz?

We don't have our visa yet, but have been advised our daughter could be included as she is still dependent on us. I realise that we really have no say in our daughters decision & that at 16 our son is just starting out on the road to adulthood also, we just want to give them the best life possible.

I don't want to give up on our dream but at the same time, I can't see myself on the other side of the world from my kids. They are my life really :cry:

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If your son wants to finish his education in UK then I would let him - hopefully you have some rellies he could stay with to do that. You can head off and have your dream if that is what you really want. I tend to think it is quite naive today to expect your kids to tag along to wherever you happen to be - they are going to nick off and do their own thing sooner or later anyway, yours are just making that decision a little bit earlier. I think at 16 you will have missed the boat for your son, he's probably better to get his A levels then the world will be his oyster and he can then make a choice about where he does uni. Good on him for catching up and doing so well, I reckon. Your view of the best life possible and theirs could be two entirely different things - nothing magical about Australia, just another first world country really.

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We are in a similar situation. Our eldest son is 22 this year and daughter 20 this year. My son says he is migrating but is paying off a car loan first and is also saving too. So that's not so bad (as long as he sticks to it) My daughter is not interested at the moment, you know the usual friends, work, family thing that is holding her back. I feel that when my o/h is granted his visa (hopefully) i think my daughter may start to see that we mean what we say and we are going but not set a date yet.

They are indeed both old enough to live what life they choose and where, but i cannot imagine going without them, i would constantly worry if they were ok etc.... They are adults and i cannot force them but it's my daughter that really needs working on. She is saving too as she says it will be to set herself up before we go. But if she changes her mind then the money she saves will help her with flight and getting a car.

We have a 6 year old too but he has no choice and after his first holiday in oz in nov 09 he loved it and he cant wait to go. It's the life that we would love to give our children and as they are citizens by descent (i am Australian) they have such an opportunity that some people do not have, so it too good an opportunity to let go of.

 

I would love to read your progress and hope that things will work out for you all. I believe that life is too short and if you have got the opportunity, take it with arms wide open, at least if things dont work out you can say you tried! That's how i see it.

Best of luck.:wink:

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I was just wondering, dilemma aside, are you sure you would be able to get a visa anyway? How certain is the lead you have and is it for a permanent visa or temporary one?

 

Also you mentioned your daughter having trouble finding work? Does this mean she is not in full time education? If she isn't it would be highly unlikely that she is going to be allowed on the visa application.

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Guest guest36187

Bennyboy, what are you children doing? Are they working ? IN education???

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Thanks for your reply Bennyboy, sounds I hope your son sticks to joining you & that you manage to convince your daughter.

I know our daughter is an adult & can decide what she wants, I just can't imagine her being so far away & I think I would find it a constant worry. I think we will be able to convince our son to leave once his GCSE's are over.

I also know that one day soon they will probably both upsticks & leave home regardless of where we live. I suppose this is part of being a parent!!

What a wonderful opportunity for your little boy, sounds like he will have a wonderful life. Good luck with your plans & I hope you will all be together in Oz. :yes:

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Hi Pumpkin, thanks for your reply.

There is nothing certain as yet, it will be a employer sponsorship visa which I'm led to believe is temporary. As for our daughter I have been advised that as she is dependent on us it would be possible to include her on the visa.

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Hi Pumpkin, thanks for your reply.

There is nothing certain as yet, it will be a employer sponsorship visa which I'm led to believe is temporary. As for our daughter I have been advised that as she is dependent on us it would be possible to include her on the visa.

 

Is she in full time education though? Because it is not as simple as just saying she relies upon you therefore she is a dependent in DIACs eyes. A forty year old might be unemployed or have a low income and might need to reply upon parents help, that doesn't mean they would be considered dependent for visa purposes either. I saw that you said earlier what you have been told, I am concerned you have been badly advised and hence my comment.

 

Also, if this is a temporary visa, what is your plan for PR, it is not a natural progression from the 457 visa. You would also again face the children's dependency issue at that stage.

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Hi Joanne,

 

My 2 eldest are both full time workers and as they will be getting their Australian passports, they can go whenever they please. They are now dual citizens so you would think they would jump at the chance to live down under!!!! Lol! Time will tell.:biggrin:

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