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Guest itsSHIRLEY

Daughter doesnt want to go to oz

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Guest itsSHIRLEY

Hi is there anyone who has children who didnt want to go to oz, but did go with thier family and now think its great, my daughter is 12 and has made some good friends at secondary school and doesnt want to leave . also she would be leaving her stepsister who is 25 and just recently had a baby. Is there anyone who can reassure her that it will be ok . I think i am doing the right thing for my family . How has it worked out for anyone else.

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Guest guest36187

What are her reasons for not wanting to go?

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Guest itsSHIRLEY

She has made friends at school and is worried about making new friends. she would also miss visits from her stepsister and son.

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Guest guest36187

I would say you have to be proactive in demonstrating the good things about Oz but also being realistic and telling her `yes you will miss them`. Tell her you will too but that does get better.

 

At the end of the day you are making the decisions for her, she is 12 and you are the adult so she will have to abide by your wishes

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Guest BrightonBoys
At the end of the day you are making the decisions for her, she is 12 and you are the adult so she will have to abide by your wishes

 

I know I don't have children, but deal with teenagers from year 10 upwards everyday!!! Firstly Joanne has, for me, hit the nail on the head!

 

A 12 year old will soon make friends at school and other clubs. She will be able to keep in touch with current friends via email and skpe! (not like when I was 12 and letters would take weeks to my cousins in Canada!!!)

12 year olds live very much in the present and can't always see beyond the end of their nose!

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My daughter is 12 and really didn't want to come. We told her she had to give it at least a year and we would discuss it. If she was still really unhappy we would go home. It's the only way we could get her here without kicking and screaming. We've been here 8 weeks and she still says she's going home in Dec this year. She starts school on monday so hopefully this will make things better for her. On a day to day basis she's enjoying herself it's just when she gets tired she gets upset. I'll try and keep you posted on how things go. My son is 10 and can't wait to start school.

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Guest itsSHIRLEY

my son is 15 and is looking forward to going. but as i said my daughter doesnt want to go. when we all went to oz in sept 2008 she was all for going, its because she has settled in her secondary school. would love to hear how your daughter gets on, thanks for the reply. we are also hoping to settle in queensland.

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Guest smithys

Hi, we are in the process of waiting to move to Oz too.

My daughter is 12 too, and like yours has settled into High School and seems to be VERY attatched to her friends! But this is also a blessing as she can see how easy High School has been, especially for making new and firm friends. I've told her that this will happen in exactly the same way when she starts school in Oz too, and she sees that.

When we started the migration process she was 10 and we were hoping to have moved before she had started High school but what with all the changes and hold ups things are nowadays taking MUCH longer than first anticipated and this has made it more difficult, for her especially. She has never said she doesn't want to go but I know she is 50/50 about the move.

We try very hard to keep upbeat about the whole thing and talk as openly as possible and as was mentioned before we tell her it's OK to feel sad, scared, worried, nervous etc etc, we feel that at times too. But also we bombard her with all the positives about moving and why we want to do it and why we feel it would be a better life. We reaasure her about staying in contact with her friends - my daughters a FaceBook addict and we have discussed that she can set aside times for catching up with pals etc. We have also told her that we would make a promise that if after her first year she is desperately unhappy we would never make her stay somewhere she hated. Although we are all anticipating this to be a "forever" move and for her once she has settled in school to be happy, saying this to her seems to have really reassured her as I think she feels she has some choice and say in the process (which is at that age what they like), she feels she has some control and not just being given no say in the matter.

Also rightly or wrongly, we have promised her some things to help soften the blow so to speak! Just to give her something to look forward to of her own when we get there.

Like BrightonBoys said, we are the adults and ultimately make diecisions which we feel will benefit our children, so they will go along with it. I personally believe it will be one of the best things we will do for our kids and they are surprisingly extremely adaptable at that age.

Let me know how things go on for you. This is a hard process to go through and the thought that you are inflicting any emotional hurt on your kids is probably the hardest part of it all.

Good luck xxxx

Rose.

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Guest BrightonBoys

Are you not risking big problems in 12 months, if your children hate it and want to go home as you promised but you don't want to leave?

 

Its a fair question to parents and not a criticism, as I fully understand why folk would say this. Have said things to pupils to pacify them and has bitten me on the bum months later!!

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Guest smithys
Are you not risking big problems in 12 months, if your children hate it and want to go home as you promised but you don't want to leave?

 

Its a fair question to parents and not a criticism, as I fully understand why folk would say this. Have said things to pupils to pacify them and has bitten me on the bum months later!!

 

 

Actually I don't think so, as I feel if my daughter was ''desperately'' unhappy, so would I be.

We are moving as a family and that means for us, we ALL need to be happy to ALL feel happy.

So, for me, I mean what I say to her. Yes, we need to give it time. But it would never be at any cost.

Rose x

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Guest BrightonBoys

Fair enough!!!

 

I hope you didn't mind me asking

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Guest smithys
Fair enough!!!

 

I hope you didn't mind me asking

 

Of course not!!

I just didn't want it to come across like I was saying that to her just to keep her quiet!!!

It applies to all of us.

One for all and all for one!

xx

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Guest ebstar

My daughter is nearly 14 now but has known about the move since she was 11.When we first told the children she was excited but this quickly turned to anguish and refusing to go.The past couple of years we have had to tread carefully and try to judge the best times to talk to her between those teenage mood swings.Sometimes we have tears, cuddles and reassurance.Other times digging her heels in (not helped by my mum saying she can stay here but thats a whole other story).The whole time she has been able to accept that the education and time toether,lifestyle etc will be far better for us in Oz.But that huge drawback for most kids is missing their friends and the only lifestyle they have ever known.After lots of discussions with oh we decided to get her a laptop for christmas (helped by saving tescos vouchers).It was the best thing we could have done for her.She was so shocked i have some fantastic jaw dropping xmas pics.We have now set her up on skyp and she is talking to her friends on there a few days a week.Now she realises how simply she can get in touch with those she will undoubtedly miss so much,she is starting to come round to the idea.Some days she now says she is looking forward to the move,sun,new friends,new adventures etc.She is also so impressed that we got the laptop for her that she is falling over herself to help in anyway she can at home.

All you can do is be positive,supportive and ready to answer any questions you can as honestly as possible.Im sure once she is there she will not look back.In the mean time as harsh as it sounds you are the parent and she is the child.

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Basically, what the others have said - she is 12, she doesnt get to make the decisions and she has a choice to be as miserable as sin or to make the best of it. I wouldnt push the "better education, better lifestyle, better opportunities for the kids" thing - there is no guarantee that it will be and ultimately this is an adult itch for adventure needing to be scratched or opportunity not to be missed which needs to be acknowledged. The isolation is hard to handle and dont be misled by the skype generation - IMHO that actually makes it worse because you never quite sever the ties and constantly are reminded of what you are missing.

 

The kids also know just how difficult it is to get into a clique when you are a new kid at HS and that probably scares them rigid - and rightly so, year 8/9 girls here can be a nightmare if they take a set against you. I really think it is easier for boys at that age, girls can be right little b*tches!!!

 

Good luck, hope it all works out well for you.

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Guest guest36187

Honesty is definately the best policy. When they complain they are going to miss their mates tell them they will. When they complain they are going to miss family tell them they will. WHen they complain life is going to change and it ill all be different tell them it will!

 

Then tell them here is the other stuff about the move you need to know.

 

I would be telling my kids......Now we ARE going to go and we are ALL going to miss people. We are ALL going to find it a struggle, we are ALL going to find it different but we can ALL work together to make it right for ALL of us.

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My daughter was in her last year of primary school when we first started talking about going to Aus ... she burst into tears and told us we were taking her whole life away ... yes we were, as Quoll said it was the only life we've ever known.

 

We made her the following promises - that she would finish primary school in the UK (she'd been with these children since she was 4 - some longer at nursery) and no matter what we wouldn't be moving until she had finished year 6. We also promised to let her know everytime we were doing something about Australia and that if she had any questions we would answer them. We also acknowledged to her that this was a big thing for us, that we were a bit scared too and could understand how she was feeling, but it was something we were hoping to do and as our 11 year old daughter she had no choice in not coming.

 

My daughter did 3 months at high school before our move here - she made some new friends there but was really with a lot of the girls from Primary, we used this as a positive experience of her changing schools, adapting and making new friends. By the time we were ready to make the move, she had adjusted to the idea, although still quite apprehensive.

 

We were lucky in that we'd organised a 3 month furnished rental prior to our arrival, so we had an address and approached schools to see which catchment area we were in. The principle of the school was great setting up a pen-pal before arrival, she talked to her new class mate who introduced via FB other class mates and by the time we arrived she knew a little about the school, teachers and was already looking forward to meeting new friends.

 

My children have settled, they haven't expressed a desire to go back, and my daughter 4 years on is still in touch with all her friends in the UK - that's down to the effort that she and they put in to it, whilst they're not involved in each others daily lives their friendship has remained important to them.

 

Hope it provides a bit of reassurance for you and your daughter.


I just want PIO to be a happy place where people are nice to each other and unicorns poop rainbows

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Are you not risking big problems in 12 months, if your children hate it and want to go home as you promised but you don't want to leave?

 

Its a fair question to parents and not a criticism, as I fully understand why folk would say this. Have said things to pupils to pacify them and has bitten me on the bum months later!!

I didn't particularly want to come, my husband has wanted to come for over 20 years but i always said i couldn't leave my family. It was only July 2008 that i agreed. Saying we'll give it a year also helped me leave family and friends. We had so many tantrums from our daughter saying she won't get on the plane etc so telling her she had to do a year then we'd talk about it helped. As it happens i think i'll be quite happy staying but yes if she still hates it and we all love it then i will be gutted and will cross that bridge when i come to it. I know children can't rule your life and should fit in with you, but when you see them sobbing histerically saying you've ruined their life and you're feeling unsettled yourself , it breaks your heart. She's very emotional about starting school tomorrow but i feel this should be the last bug hurdle for her. Our furniture arrives a week tuesday so having all her things should help her settle. I'll probably find come christmas she'll want to stay and i'll be crying to go home lol.x

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Oh I feel your pain ....We arrived in Perth 2 years ago now with two boys one 8 and one 15 ...The youngest was a dream started school within a wk of arriving and was having new friends round for tea with two wks ...he has never looked back .And then the eldest ....he cryed every day telling us he was going back to the UK asap..all the usual things how we had ended his life taken him away from his friends etc etc ....this did break my heart ...we had to hide his passport because i have no dout he would have gone back ...but hang in there because it did take time but he has made some great new friend and he loves his life here now ...he is 17 now and has no desire to return to the UK ..his tells everyone it was the hardest thing he ever did but it was the best ever move ...

 

He is still in touch with his old mates in the UK and i guess always will be which is all good as im still in touch with friends around the world to .

 

It is hard at first for everyone but especially teens ..but they are still children and they do give in eventually and start to enjoy the new things they have around them ...If myne can turn around from were he was two years ago to refusing to go back to the UK for a holiday to visit his grandparens then there is hope for all those kids out there whos lives are about to be turned upside down ...

 

Good luck to you all ..you will need to be strong but its worth it x

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Guest itsSHIRLEY

Hi thanks for the posts. I have talked with my daughter about what would make the move more easy , she has always wanted a dog and i said i would be prepared to get a dog should we move to queensland australia, this seems to have made her more positive about the move, she is still not keen but at least she feels there is some thing positive in it for her.

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Our daughter had no strong views either way when we migrated. She knew that she was the child, and we were the adults, and what we said, went. She was 10 and we were always aware that she might hate it here in Aus. We decided we would see her through school and assess the position then. Almost three years down the line she absolutely loves it here. She considers herself Australian. She recently told me that her greatest fear was that I would want to return to England. She loves school and everything about her life. Children are amazing!! They adapt so well. They are so flexible and far more open minded than we give them credit for.

 

When it comes to the crunch, they have to do what we say.

 

We also dangled the "dog" carrot and we welcomed Franklin into our lives about three months ago. He has been the icing on the cake for our daughter and basically she is living the life she deserves.

 

I hope your daughter has a life as full as ours does.

 

T.


Domestic Goddess For Hire

your home cleaned with pride

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Hi is there anyone who has children who didnt want to go to oz, but did go with thier family and now think its great, my daughter is 12 and has made some good friends at secondary school and doesnt want to leave . also she would be leaving her stepsister who is 25 and just recently had a baby. Is there anyone who can reassure her that it will be ok . I think i am doing the right thing for my family . How has it worked out for anyone else.

 

Hi I have been here in Oz for 2 years now and have 3 kids, they where 13, 15 and 16 when we arrived, My 16 year old hated me didnt want to come,, well when speaking the other day she turned around and said that she classed herself as a Aussie. My other 2 are very setteled they all went to school 2 still there and made friends very easy, I never see any of the kids they are out and about with friends down the beach surfing playing sport, ur daughter will have a great life once settled and that will take about 2 weeks, I know I have been there.

Hope this helps but please dont worry about her she will be fine, take it from me, she wont know what all the fuss was about

Anita :biggrin:

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Guest Taylor72
I know I don't have children, but deal with teenagers from year 10 upwards everyday!!! Firstly Joanne has, for me, hit the nail on the head!

 

A 12 year old will soon make friends at school and other clubs. She will be able to keep in touch with current friends via email and skpe! (not like when I was 12 and letters would take weeks to my cousins in Canada!!!)

12 year olds live very much in the present and can't always see beyond the end of their nose!

 

Hi do you think that also applies to 15 yr olds with a boyfriend who she just cant tear herself away from ?? She only sees him once a week, but its causing no end of emotions :no:

Need to get over there before Jan 2012 so she can slot into their yr 11 and 12 !!!

But i think at 12, your right you just have to go for their best interests and they have to deal with it , so to speak !!

I remember when i was those ages(12 and 15) and to be fair i wouldnt of been given any options at all. Quilt is my middle name at the moment x

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Guest Taylor72
Hi I have been here in Oz for 2 years now and have 3 kids, they where 13, 15 and 16 when we arrived, My 16 year old hated me didnt want to come,, well when speaking the other day she turned around and said that she classed herself as a Aussie. My other 2 are very setteled they all went to school 2 still there and made friends very easy, I never see any of the kids they are out and about with friends down the beach surfing playing sport, ur daughter will have a great life once settled and that will take about 2 weeks, I know I have been there.

Hope this helps but please dont worry about her she will be fine, take it from me, she wont know what all the fuss was about

Anita :biggrin:

 

Heres hoping Anita. 15 yr old, with a boyfriend and full of emotion and wont listen to anything that sounds like Australia lol !!! Ohhh its lovely at the moment:nah::nah:

Annette xx

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Guest Taylor72
my son is 15 and is looking forward to going. but as i said my daughter doesnt want to go. when we all went to oz in sept 2008 she was all for going, its because she has settled in her secondary school. would love to hear how your daughter gets on, thanks for the reply. we are also hoping to settle in queensland.

 

Hi i have a 15 yr old and the same problem, i feel your pain xx

Annettex

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Guest Bobby

Reading thread with intrest and playing devil's advocate what would happen if you got there and after 12 months you hated the place but your daughter loved it, would you take her back after making her go in the first place when she did not want to go.

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