Basic rules for driving in canberra

[Family Anderson]

Hi All,

As recent arrivals to fantastic ACT, i am truly shocked by the driving ability exhibted by drivers, given that we everyone here is so friendly, anyhoo whilst discussing this with my new work collegues, one of them sent me this which i thought i would pass on to help those thinking of living here and as an aide memoir for those already here.

 

I should add that bad driving, apprently, is the preserve of those 'out of state' types posted to ACT by the Federal Govt!! Suffice to say i am kind and considerate, and the rush hour here beats anything i had to deal with in Swindon!!

 

BTW noticed that Aggers from the BBC was comenting on ABC666 during our dismal 1st day of the Ashes its like a home away from home!

 

BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN CANBERRA

 

 

1. Indicators will give away your next move. A real Canberra driver never

uses them.

 

2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and

the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in that space, putting

you in an even more dangerous situation.

 

3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered "going

with the flow."

 

4. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of

getting hit.

 

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive repairs. The

other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

 

6. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to ensure that your

ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal

pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

 

7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and

apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.

 

8. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during

rush-hour traffic in Canberra.

 

9. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone

changing a tyre.

 

10. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, especially AWD

owners.

 

11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Canberra is the home of High-Speed Slalom

Driving thanks to the Urban Services, which puts potholes in key locations

to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes, not forgetting the

'Test your skill' chicanes in suburbs.

 

12. It is traditional in Canberra to honk your horn at cars that don't move

the instant the light changes.

 

13. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.

 

14. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left

before proceeding.

 

15. Remember that the goal of every Canberra driver is to get there first,

by whatever means necessary.

 

16. Real Canberra women drivers can put on pantyhose, apply eye makeup, do

their hair and text at 75kph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

 

17. Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed

rules. These weather conditions are God's way ensuring a natural selection

process for panel beaters, junkyards, and new vehicle sales. It is an

acceptable practice to increase your speed in comparison to the rate of rain

fall, i.e.: the harder it rains, the faster you go.

 

18. Never, never, never look in your rear vision mirror. The mirror is for

applying makeup - that's it.

 

19. There is a commonly held belief in Canberra that high-speed tailgating

in heavy traffic reduces petrol consumption as you get sucked along in the

slipstream of the car in front.

 

20. It's OK to cut off fully loaded semi-trailers, road trains and buses

because, hell - they have brakes.

 

21. It is an essential duty of the driver to preserve the life of his

passengers. Hence no matter how much of an inconvenience it may be, always

find a detour around The Causeway, Lower Kambah, Lower Wanniassa, Scullin,

Gungahlin, areas of Ainslie, Queanbeyan and Oaks Estate.

 

22. Always anticipate oncoming traffic while driving down a one-way street.

 

23. It's O.K when driving in Tuggeranong's suburbs to air your grievances at

bad drivers by giving the "one finger salute" while screaming out "#%*#

you". However, it is imperative you are driving at least a 5-litre V8 with a

crow bar in your lap.

 

24. Canberra drivers are experts at merging, when in two or more lanes

travelling in the same direction, ensure that if you see someone politely

indicating, waiting slowly trying to merge into your lane, show them that

they must 'Wait their turn' to use your lane. Speed up, try to cut them off,

should they succeed and get into your lane never mind that it was actually

legal for them to do that, ensure that your flash your lights, honk your

horn, use extreme hand gestures, even tailgate them, just to let them know,

IT WAS YOUR LANE.

 

25. Ensure that when merging into traffic travelling at any more than 40kph

that you stop in the merging lane, backing up traffic for miles behind you,

ensuring that you have given yourself or no-one else that opportunity to

merge. Again, forget that the traffic handbook states that you should speed

up to meet traffic speed then merge. If you are travelling in a lane near a

merge lane, don't change lanes to make it easy for them, instead see rule

24, after all they deserve it.

 

26. While using Canberra roundabouts, particularly two lane roundabouts,

ENSURE that you are in the left lane to turn right, or the right to turn

left, hell lets keep those people in those other lanes on their toes.

 

27. If you are an Action bus driver, you must win at all costs, getting to

your destination prior to any other driver is life and death. Never worry

about your passengers bouncing round in the back like tennis balls, hell

it's a cheap form of theme park; in fact Canberra's very own.

 

28. Canberra Cabs, see rule 27, except you are now qualifying for the GMC

400.

 

29. Pedestrian crossings - what are they?

 

30. Lycra worn by cyclists is a great means of keeping your car clean. Make

sure you drive as close as possible so you can clean the side of your car on

every cyclist you pass.

 

 

 

 

Enjoy

:biggrin:

 

Mr Family Anderson

[Quoll]

That's brilliant - and oh so true!!!

[Guest wayniexagt]

i love it .. but if u wana mess with 40 ton plus........ then remeber that i will be going home to see my GF coz im in the truck .......................................... you will be going home in a box !

[Skani]

On the positive side, Family A., be ever so grateful for the roads you have in Canberra. Driving on Canberra roads is a revelation for us from interstate - "Oh, so that is where all our taxes went!":biggrin:

 

Signed: "Just Jealous", well....very jealous actually!

[olly]

And we Victorian drivers never misbehave whilst driving in the ACT, it's everybody else, that's my story and I'm sticking to it:biggrin:

[Guest Guest40285]

i love it .. but if u wana mess with 40 ton plus........ then remeber that i will be going home to see my GF coz im in the truck .......................................... you will be going home in a box !

 

Yeah bit of respect for truck drivers, nice one. Most of them are good people that have to put up d1ck head car drivers that think they own the road, trucks own the road so give way and respect them.

[Mongrel]

Hi All,

As recent arrivals to fantastic ACT, i am truly shocked by the driving ability exhibted by drivers, given that we everyone here is so friendly, anyhoo whilst discussing this with my new work collegues, one of them sent me this which i thought i would pass on to help those thinking of living here and as an aide memoir for those already here.

 

I should add that bad driving, apprently, is the preserve of those 'out of state' types posted to ACT by the Federal Govt!! Suffice to say i am kind and considerate, and the rush hour here beats anything i had to deal with in Swindon!!

 

BTW noticed that Aggers from the BBC was comenting on ABC666 during our dismal 1st day of the Ashes its like a home away from home!

 

BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN CANBERRA

 

 

1. Indicators will give away your next move. A real Canberra driver never

uses them.

 

2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and

the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in that space, putting

you in an even more dangerous situation.

 

3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered "going

with the flow."

 

4. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of

getting hit.

 

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive repairs. The

other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

 

6. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to ensure that your

ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal

pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

 

7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and

apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.

 

8. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during

rush-hour traffic in Canberra.

 

9. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone

changing a tyre.

 

10. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, especially AWD

owners.

 

11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Canberra is the home of High-Speed Slalom

Driving thanks to the Urban Services, which puts potholes in key locations

to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes, not forgetting the

'Test your skill' chicanes in suburbs.

 

12. It is traditional in Canberra to honk your horn at cars that don't move

the instant the light changes.

 

13. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.

 

14. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left

before proceeding.

 

15. Remember that the goal of every Canberra driver is to get there first,

by whatever means necessary.

 

16. Real Canberra women drivers can put on pantyhose, apply eye makeup, do

their hair and text at 75kph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

 

17. Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed

rules. These weather conditions are God's way ensuring a natural selection

process for panel beaters, junkyards, and new vehicle sales. It is an

acceptable practice to increase your speed in comparison to the rate of rain

fall, i.e.: the harder it rains, the faster you go.

 

18. Never, never, never look in your rear vision mirror. The mirror is for

applying makeup - that's it.

 

19. There is a commonly held belief in Canberra that high-speed tailgating

in heavy traffic reduces petrol consumption as you get sucked along in the

slipstream of the car in front.

 

20. It's OK to cut off fully loaded semi-trailers, road trains and buses

because, hell - they have brakes.

 

21. It is an essential duty of the driver to preserve the life of his

passengers. Hence no matter how much of an inconvenience it may be, always

find a detour around The Causeway, Lower Kambah, Lower Wanniassa, Scullin,

Gungahlin, areas of Ainslie, Queanbeyan and Oaks Estate.

 

22. Always anticipate oncoming traffic while driving down a one-way street.

 

23. It's O.K when driving in Tuggeranong's suburbs to air your grievances at

bad drivers by giving the "one finger salute" while screaming out "#%*#

you". However, it is imperative you are driving at least a 5-litre V8 with a

crow bar in your lap.

 

24. Canberra drivers are experts at merging, when in two or more lanes

travelling in the same direction, ensure that if you see someone politely

indicating, waiting slowly trying to merge into your lane, show them that

they must 'Wait their turn' to use your lane. Speed up, try to cut them off,

should they succeed and get into your lane never mind that it was actually

legal for them to do that, ensure that your flash your lights, honk your

horn, use extreme hand gestures, even tailgate them, just to let them know,

IT WAS YOUR LANE.

 

25. Ensure that when merging into traffic travelling at any more than 40kph

that you stop in the merging lane, backing up traffic for miles behind you,

ensuring that you have given yourself or no-one else that opportunity to

merge. Again, forget that the traffic handbook states that you should speed

up to meet traffic speed then merge. If you are travelling in a lane near a

merge lane, don't change lanes to make it easy for them, instead see rule

24, after all they deserve it.

 

26. While using Canberra roundabouts, particularly two lane roundabouts,

ENSURE that you are in the left lane to turn right, or the right to turn

left, hell lets keep those people in those other lanes on their toes.

 

27. If you are an Action bus driver, you must win at all costs, getting to

your destination prior to any other driver is life and death. Never worry

about your passengers bouncing round in the back like tennis balls, hell

it's a cheap form of theme park; in fact Canberra's very own.

 

28. Canberra Cabs, see rule 27, except you are now qualifying for the GMC

400.

 

29. Pedestrian crossings - what are they?

 

30. Lycra worn by cyclists is a great means of keeping your car clean. Make

sure you drive as close as possible so you can clean the side of your car on

every cyclist you pass.

 

 

 

 

Enjoy

:biggrin:

 

Mr Family Anderson

 

FFS dont go to WA them nate

[Piewie]

The poms are not exactly the best drivers in the world. Most sit in the right hand lane at exactly 70 mph overtaking the lorry that is doing 69mph never mind the 500 cars behind that are willing and able to exceed the speed limit to actually get past the lorry.

 

Then there is the famous indicate/lane change most poms believe that indication is a god given right to change lanes never mind the 30mph speed difference between them and the other lane or the fact that the space is not big enough.

 

Lets not go to the bully tactics that the lorry drivers use?

[Guest chris955]

Don't come to Brisbane if you think Canberra drivers are bad :laugh: It was a revelation driving in the UK again a few months ago, most not only knew about lane discipline but also followed it. Piewie the best thing was that drivers were not afraid to travel at a reasonable speed and weren't constantly having to look for POlice with revenue cameras and they obey the keep left rule that drivers here seem to struggle with so badly.

[nik_kershaw]

The poms are not exactly the best drivers in the world. Most sit in the right hand lane at exactly 70 mph overtaking the lorry that is doing 69mph never mind the 500 cars behind that are willing and able to exceed the speed limit to actually get past the lorry.

 

Then there is the famous indicate/lane change most poms believe that indication is a god given right to change lanes never mind the 30mph speed difference between them and the other lane or the fact that the space is not big enough.

 

Lets not go to the bully tactics that the lorry drivers use?

 

 

Thats because I have yet to see any of these signs in the UK

 

 

How are drivers supposed to know????

 

Ha ha

[Guest chris955]

Yes I love the fact that these signs are everywhere but drivers still ignore them and just drive in whatever lane they want. Why is it in the UK keeping left is by and large just automatic ?

[matjones]

Yes I love the fact that these signs are everywhere but drivers still ignore them and just drive in whatever lane they want. Why is it in the UK keeping left is by and large just automatic ?

 

Oh boy... what fun we have to look forward to

[Guest wayniexagt]

Yeah bit of respect for truck drivers, nice one. Most of them are good people that have to put up d1ck head car drivers that think they own the road, trucks own the road so give way and respect them.

 

 

just remember peeps........... if you take our braking space when you cut infront of us then you mite aswell sign your own death certificate ...................... coz if you have to stop in a hurry ............ then im dam sure the car length you pinched off us is the one that can save or take your life....... ! :sad: