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My Dilemma


Guest Mr Guts

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Guest Mr Guts

Hi,

 

I've spent most of today reading loads of threads (mmm, going to have to catch up on work tonight), and god - I'm green :wideeyed:with envy. My problem is that my wife doesn't want to move past the end of the road let alone around the other side of the world. I've been open with her that i want to move to either NZ or Oz for the past 10 years, but persistence is futile. I can understand her reluctance, but it's an opportunity i really don't want my kids to miss. In the UK our days consist of getting up, fighting the traffic to the office, work, fighting the traffic home, put the kids to bed, cook, and sleep; and at the weekends rush around doing all the stuff that we didn't have time to do during the week. The schools are poor in my area, but at least I've managed to get my eldest into a private school for September. Thats costing an arm and a leg.

 

My oldest child (11) really wants to go - although she realises that she'd miss her friends and grandparents, she can see the positives. My mother is very supportive, and i think that her parents will be OK in the medium to long term, as they had previously considered moving overseas them selves.

 

I am hoping that i should be able to gain a reasonably well paid job quite easily as i have a good work background in computing (Technical Architect), and in addition I have family in Perth who will sponsor me if needed.

 

So, what i am wondering has anyone else that has come up against similar reluctance / resistance, and if so did you manage to compromise or overcome it?

 

I'm pulling my hair out over it. The frustration:goofy: is ......well i am guessing at least some of you know what i mean.

 

Mr Guts (full)

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Guest alfixie

Really feel for you cause most of us just want to live the dream and are just frustrated with the waiting of getting the visa, can't imagine if my oh didn't share this dream aswell, this must be hard.

 

Sorry don't know anyone in your position, but could'nt you suggest you live your dream for two years and if the family is unhappy then you will come back.

 

Good luck and all the best for the future, hope it works out in the end keep us all posted.

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Guest LyndaG

Hi

Just had to reply to this, i do know your frustration i have waited patiently for 8 years for OH to come round to the idea and now we have his TRA passed the visa application is in and now HE is the impatient one. No miracle answers but when the time is right I guess but never give up your dreams. I know its costly but maybe a holiday there to get a feel for it.

 

Good luck

 

Lynda

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Guest Davidgolf

Hi MR GUTS

I wounder if you took your wife on a holiday over there so she could see the lifestyle over there i am sure she will fall in love with it,:yes: its worth a try good luck.

sharon xx:wubclub:

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Just going to suggest the same as Davidgolf, if poss try going for a holiday it just might make the difference.

 

Good Luck

 

Tracey

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Hi Mr Guts.

 

This post could have been written by my OH less than a year ago. Now, we are well on our way with the Visa application and just trying to sell the house.

 

All I can say is that after years of digging my heels in I decided to let Neil give his dream a shot. I wasn't 100% on the idea but I was 100% behind Neil. His want of a new life was stronger than mine of keeping our present one. For me, who always has a glass that is half empty, not half full, its been hard to get over the "what ifs" but I have and now I'm really looking forward to what's in store for us. I still get the "oh my god are we mad" days, but I think everyone does at some point.

 

What I would say, Mr Guts, speaking as one who has an idea how your wife is feeling, I would go the softly softly route. What swayed it for me was that Neil prepared a big folder for me of information, statistics, details of houses, schools, areas, everything, then he gave it to me and told me to have a look, in my own time. He never pushed me, but every so often he'd ask me if I had any questions. If I did, he'd try to answer me or he'd find me the answer. I also wrote down all my pros and cons for the move. I've kept them and its good to see the cons list shrink and the pro list grow.

 

It could be that she's just scared. I was. Still am really. But I'm also excited as well now.

 

One other thing, before you fall asleep with boredom, we met up with people who were also migrating to Oz and that has helped me loads. We regularly phone a lovely family and they make the break to Melbourne next month. So I'm interested and excited to know how they will do.

 

I don't think you can make her change her mind, but you can give her all the information she needs to enable her to make an informed decision for herself.

 

Best of luck Mr Guts. If Mrs Guts wants to PM or anything, feel free.

 

Tracey :jiggy:

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Guest wardy

I think putting the idea to her that you could try a couple of years out there is a good one.

 

You have lived the way she wants to live for a long time now its your turn to try the lifestyle you want. If she knows how important it is to you surely she would be able to at least give it a go.

 

its funny i married a geordie 15 years ago and geordies love their city with a passion and he would never leave the area we live in now where he has been for 41 years, we even now live in the same house he grew up in.

 

He surprisingly is the one who instigated the idea of moving to Oz and being a bit of a nomad I agreed, he now sees that the Uk and newcastle have changed so much for the worse he wants out. So were off if we dont like it we can always come back.

 

Hope you get to live your dream

 

kaye x

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Guest jonseywife

Best of luck Mr Guts with your dilema.

You have certainly been given some great advice on here already. I think in most situations it's always one persons dream more than the other, it was my husband that has had a bee in his bonnet about Oz for years....... so like Tracey I finally came round and now we are going for it too !!!!!

So book that holiday as soooon as possible !!!!!!!!!!!!!! :yes:

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Guest Mr Guts

Hi

 

Thanks for all your kind words of understanding and ideas. I have been very sympathetic to my wife and placed absolutly no pressure on her todate. I think i'll give the holiday a go - as i have an open invitation to Perth, and Tracy's idea of a portfolio is great.

 

Again many thanks.

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Hi Mr Guts.

I don't know if you used to watch the A Team, but if you did you'll know where i'm coming from with this. BA Baracus would never get in a plane, so the others used to drug his juice and when he passed out they would get him into the plane. You could maybe try this with your wife. Lets face it - she will thank you for it one day, and if you are lucky you might find that you can do some "I aint gettin' in no plane crazy fool" jokes together!

 

But seriously.... my Mrs spent a few years not wanting to do it. Eventually she came round to the idea. We agreed to get our visas and give it 2 or 3 years. If it hasn't worked out we will come back. The thing that seemed to be causing her problems was that it seemed so final that we were leaving everyone behind for good. Being able to say that we can actually come back if we want seems to have made it easier to swallow, and it is now something that she is looking forward to rather than dreading.

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Guest M2921

Hi Mr Guts,

I only discovered this site tonight and am not very good at this stuff! We are at the moment applying for our visas, but it was my husband who was much keener than me. I have a really big , close family and am really terrified of leaving them all behind. he managed to persuade me by suggesting we go for a couple of years, he is being sponsored for two years for a job in Perth. Maybe your wife would be okay going for a fixed period with the promise of coming home at the end unless she has changed her mind. I know that there is no way I would have agreed to move to the other side of the world for good. But you never know what would happen when you had all lived there for a while? Plus, it doesn't seem as far away as it used to, people come backwards and forwards all the time. also with live webcams and ichat it is almost like you're seeing people anyway.

Good luck, I hope you get a chance to try it in the end!

 

Maddi

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Guest Fredtheman

Hi Mr Guts

 

You think you can go for hols ??Best way to find out. I used to live and work in Melbourne.Back now 17 years.Been wanting to go back for years now.So I'm going back for good If I get back in. Not a good thing to say about the UK now.gone to the dogs it has !!! Wont be easy in Oz (Perth) but I'll be away out of here. The Australains live to live you only work to get by day by day. The first few years are Hard,and the heat wave after heat wave! Go stick your head in the oven the next times it 's on!! But if you work in an office then great stuff for you.Now if one of yous don't want to go and WHEN things don't go to smoothly the other one gets it.Been there done that.Me I hope I get back and I'll never look back for the Good times and things far out do the not so good times

 

Fred

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hi mr guts

the first time we went for a hol that was it .

remember and take plenty of vidios and get them out at home when its pi88in down whth rain try and coax her gently saying if it dosent work out 24 hours and we can get home if needed.when we wre thare i was told to take out a credit card just for emergencies so you have the cash sittin waiting to get home in a hurry .rent your house out so in 2/4 yrs you can either sell it or move back .

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Hi Mr Guts

My husband has always said that he is not going to live here in England forever, and I always thought Yes you are !!

My family have always lived in Australia and I have never visited them until Christmas just gone and it's all I can say is that I got to the airport to come home and cried in the queue to check in, as I really did not want to leave Australia.

So we are now applying for our VISA's and hope to be in Australia September/October 2008!!

Gd luck Mr Guts, but dont bully your wife 'Slowly, Slowly catch a Monkey' !

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