Guest AndyandJan Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 Hi, Anyone got a set of parents who clearly don't want you to make the move? I have!! Even though they gave us their blessing in Feb when we started the process, they simply refuse to accept whats happening and don't say a word about it. Never ask whats happening, how far we've got etc, its as though they are clearly in deniel about the whole situation. I understand it must be v.hard for them and is probably the last thing they ever imagined would happen, but it does get me down! I also appreciate the fact that it wouldn't be "normal" for them to be pushing me out of the door, waving goodbye at the first instance. The in-laws, however, can't wait for us to go so they can spend a vast amounts of time in Oz visiting. Any comments welcome! Janxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Toutys Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 You are not alone, my parents are totally the same, more so mum than dad. Mum says we will break her heart and she will feel like she is suffering a breavement. They too have hardly spoke about it where as the "in laws" are open and are always asking "how are the plans going"! It makes it so much easier when you get the support from those close to you. When we speak to my husbands mum and partner we are excited becuase they are excited for us, but my parents are more on the negative side and therefore it makes it harder. Many people on here have said before that you have to live your life for you and your family (me, hubby and Jacob (2)) and not others, they are the ones that matter. I believe that what we are doing is making a better life for us as a family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AndyandJan Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 Hi, thats exactly how it is with us, exciting around the inlaws, depressing around my folks. I agree, at the end of the day, when you shut the door at night, your family members are the only ones that really matter! Can't help feeling totally selfish though, and I suppose when you've got kids, there is no way you can be a selfish person! It doesn't help matters either in that my mum looks after Annie, my youngest (3) three days a week, and has done so from a very early age, so she has bonded more with her than any other of her grandchildren. Jx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KP Nuts Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 Hi AndyandJan an the Toutys, this kinda thing is always gonna upset someone in the family, as you've said, you do whats right for you and yours, there has been loads of posts like this (similar) friends or family it all comes down to the same thing, do you want to do it, is it what you want, are you going for the right reasons???????? huh what is the right reason????? what is right for you. We hav'nt even told our kids cos we dont want them getting wound up an then if for some reason, we dont get there then they are not dissapointed, but there again i only told my sis the other day cos i needed some info that could only get through her. So i'm sorry i'm not being of much help (like normal) but everyone to there own, and if you want it, then you'll just have to put up with the negatives it will only make you stronger, if, when you go. Mr KP Nut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ryan, Rachel & Beth Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 Hi, we are like you in the sense that both our parents have gone into total denial! It's so awful and makes it that much more difficult to speak to them about the Visa. The sad thing is that they are distancing themselves from us and before long we will have our visa in hand and will be boarding the plane and the last few months will be a total regret! Neither of our parents ask about the 'move', it is treated like a secret which is so sad. Why do people that should love you the most have that 'nack' of hurting you so easily? We also have a little girl (2) and she does not see much of the family as they have mostly distant themselves away from us. I'm begining to see that the familes are finding it easier to forget about us whilst we are still here...how does that make sense??? Rachel x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AndyandJan Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 Thanks KP (Mr). Reassurance is a "nice" thing. Jx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AndyandJan Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 Racheal, I understand completely, I feel distant from both my mum and dad and at one point my dad said we'll never see you again once you go to Oz. I could have easily snapped there and then, but thought better of it. I took that gesture as though they are not likely to come and visit once we move. There loss, but it does make me bitter. My sister is more up beat for me, but has again hinted that she doesn't want me to go, although never said it, and I doubt/hope never will. She has said though she will come and visit. Its a tough call!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Toutys Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 I too think they will regret the distance the are putting between us. This week i told my mum the house was going on the market and that has seemed to make it worse like it has made it more real for her, she has not spoken about it since. i love talking about the exciting adventure that lies ahead with people, that are obviously going to miss us, but know what an opportunity and exciting adventure that emigrating to oz is going to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AndyandJan Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 At least you know you're not on your own and others are in the same boat. I sometimes wonder if my parents are actually testing me to see if I'm strong enough to see this through or am I just going on a "whim" so to speak???!!?? If you get my drift. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ian Laverick Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 Hi all who share this dilemna My parents were ok at first, now say that they were in shock at first and now do not want us (married with 3 x children) to go. They got upset but now refuse to talk about it. The application stage is stressful enough without this, but they cannot help how they feel. I hope that they can think beyond our departure and the better lifestyle that me and my family will have as a result. Be strong - you have got thus far and owe it to yourselves to carry it through. Life can be better ........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 I think alot of us have been where you are now - the easiest thing will be to give up for a quiet life... but you'll always end up resenting your folks for making you stay. Your mum and dad are dealing with you going - have you told them how it makes you feel? It was very hard for my dad our leaving as he was very close to my children and our going to Aus has left him alone in the UK - he didn't talk about it much and said he was sad on one hand that we wouldn't be close by, but knew that this was an opportunity we couldn't miss (we're both in our 40's so time wasn't on our side). He leaves the UK in a few days to spend a month with my brother in Brisbane and a month with us in Perth Ali Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoanneHattersley Posted July 22, 2007 Share Posted July 22, 2007 This is my story,:wubclub: I have been here 2 1/2 years now. My husband and I had very mixed emotions when we told our parents!! His parents both said `we dont want you to go but you have to do what you want to do. you only have 1 life!` Now having both been out here to see us his parents can see what a difference it has made to our life and both plead with us never to come home! They said we have such a good life here. When I told my parents it was very mixed emotions. My Dad is a matter of fact man and whatever we wanted to do then so be it. Deep down he really wasnt sure that we would do it! He actually said that to us after we had left. My Dad sent me the most gorgeous email that I collected in the internet cafe at Heathrow Airport! We went through to Departures bawling our eyes out! As far as my Mum , I was living the dream that she always wanted to do. She found it very very hard to think about what we were doing and would not talk about it , to us or any visitors! We had to prep visitors before we got there to say `dont mention australia`. After a while she realised that we were going to go anyway no matter what anyone said!! She then began to get involved in what was happening. We were happy to send both sets of parents any information that we could to try and reassure them that we were doing this and doing it right!! They will come round! Mine did! The hardest part is telling relatives. I have an aunt and uncle and three cousins (all boys of 11,12,13 when we left!). Our last night with them was terribly hard! I had to tell my Nan and say goodbye knowing that I may never see her again. I actually didnt see her again as she died after we had been here 18 months. Once you are here and settled it will be good. Involve parents in your emails, letters that you get. Show them emails of houses you want to look at, areas you want to live in. It will all work out! It will work out! They will come round and no matter what they are parents and they will always love and respect you! Once they see what a great quality of life you will have they will understand. My parents have put in their CPV application and all fingers crossed that they will be out next year for good! :wubclub:It will get better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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