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Hello!!! Dibley Update!!!!!!I've missed you!


Guest Vicar of Dibley

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Guest Vicar of Dibley

Saturday blessings to all.

Life in the Dibley residence has been hell I can tell you!

There is only so much DIY any sane woman of the cloth can take. And I have reached my limit! If you are wondering where I have been for the past few weeks and why I haven’t posted. Its because I have been buried under three layers of dust sheets, not knowing which way is up! The computer was also buried under a pile of rubble and come to think about it, I haven’t seen the kids for a while either, although I did hear some faint maoning from the direction of the kitchen some days ago! Although that now appears to have stopped!

We have been told by lots of estate agents that we have to do three things to sell the house. Number one, it has to have a fresh lick of paint. Number two, we have to re-carpet and finally I have to cook bread or doughnuts everytime someone comes to view! Oh yes, and the kids have to be gagged and stuffed in a cupboard somewhere!

So for the past four weeks I have been up to my armpits in paint and polyfiller. Doing things with mens tools that no self respecting Vicar should have to consider! I never knew drill bits had so many uses or could vibrate quite so fiercely either!!!!!

I have bought in a bulk load of extra strong white flour and yeast , blown the dust off my Delia homebaking collection and the kids (when found) will be gagged with “Duct tape” and loaded into the airing cupboard!

The nice man from Crown relocations came to visit on Tuesday. Very professional and very thorough!!. Needless to say we are going to need a 40 foot container and a small armada to get all our stuff over to Oz. He had a tough job trying to do an inventory in a house that looks like it has been robbed and then hit by a freak storm but he persevered!

We were going to take the long suffering cat until the OH found that it was going to cost £1330! So guess what, Puss aint coming! She is going to be offered as part of the fixtures and fittings. (and if she rubs her rain sodden arse up against the newly painted walls one more time, she will be a permanent part of the fixtures and fittings!) Either that or she will be used to rag-roll the remaining walls!

The Current Mr Dibley has returned from his jolly to Adelaide. He led the life of Riley while he was there, being seriously led astray by Lazy Cow, Tin Basher and Fat Boy. He was fed far too well, taken to Bars and then introduced to Aussie Footie, which he has still failed to explain to me in any way that makes any sense at all. Apparently the Crows got thrashed….but then Perth just got lucky…?

He had far too good a time and a big Thank You to all for making him so welcome.

He found some fab places to live, and may even have found himself a job, so considering he was on his own without the direction of a superior female intellect , the old sod did good! He did complain on one occasion about having to cook his own meals, to which I replied well I’m having to fill my own holes! (Not much sensible conversation after that exchange!).

So, that’s the Dibley Update. I’m sorry if I have missed important news or Visas being granted. I am hoping to be able to catch up in the next few weeks.

Any way, time for some serious reflection with thoughts for the Day.

There was this Irish nun sitting on the curb, sipping a bottle o' stout and obviously drunk out of her mind. The town constable walked up to her and said, "Sure, now sister Colleen, and why'd ya be doing a thing like this?" The sister replied, "Oh now, it's not fer me-self I done it sir. I done it fer the mother superior to cure her constipation." The perplexed policeman looked askance at this and asked, "And how might it be that yer present state could have anything to do with the mother superior's constipation?" To which sister Colleen said, "When she sees me this way, she'll be ****tin a brick."

A priest decides to pay a visit to a nearby convent. The convent is in a run-down neighbourhood, and as the priest walks down the street several prostitutes approach and proposition him. "Twenty quid a trick!" These solicitations embarass the priest who lowers his head and hurries on until he gets to the convent. Once inside he displays his sheltered upbringing by asking the Mother Superior, "What is a trick?" She answers, "Twenty quid -- just like on the outside!"

And Finally…..

St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for the incoming. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. "Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?"

 

"Sure," replied Jesus. "What do I have to do?"

 

"Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven."

 

"Sounds easy enough. OK."

 

So Jesus waited at the gates while St. Peter went off on his errand.

 

The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to the examination table and sat across from him. Jesus peered at the old man and asked, "What was it you did for a living?"

 

The old man replied, "I was a carpenter."

 

Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward. "Did you have any family?" he asked.

 

"Yes, I had a son, but I lost him."

 

Jesus leaned forward some more. "You lost our son? Can you tell me about him?"

 

"Well, he had holes in his hands and feet."

 

Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered, "Father?"

 

The old man leaned forward and whispered, "Pinocchio?"

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Guest Davidgolf

Great to have you back with us VOD you have been missed,glad oh had good time in oz.Hope the house sells quickly for you and as always you made me laugh:biglaugh:

Tack care love Sharon xx:biglaugh:

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Guest KP Nuts

Great to see you back VOD, you do make me laugh :biglaugh:. Glad to hear Mr Dibley had a fab time in Adelaide, hope he didn't pick up to many bad habits from LC. TB and FBF.

 

By the way how's your back????

 

Hope the house sells quickly, good luck with it all.

 

MRS KP Nut

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Guest jonseywife

Ello darling !!!!!!!!!

 

 

Welcome2520back2520flashing.gif

 

Glad your still with us and Mr Dibbers survived lazy cows cooking !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good luck with the house (you just described mine at the moment - although Ive still mananged to get to the pooter while WW2 is going on around me !!!!!!!!!!)

Love Sally-ann xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

p.s. Try Aunt Bessie's home cooked scones ------- just open the freezer bag, bung 'em in the oven and bob's you uncle - the smell of home baking !!!!!!! Then you get to eat 'em all after too !!!!!! mmmmmmmmmmmm !!!!!!

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Glad your still with us and Mr Dibbers survived lazy cows cooking !!!!!!!!!!!!!

p.s. Try Aunt Bessie's home cooked scones ------- just open the freezer bag, bung 'em in the oven and bob's you uncle - the smell of home baking !!!!!!! Then you get to eat 'em all after too !!!!!! mmmmmmmmmmmm !!!!!!

 

Yes,but I'm guessing he still had indigestion from my lasagne!

 

I wouldn't feel too sorry for him..Mrs T did (unless she was just being vindictive!) and sent him off with a container of her finest left-overs! Men! And you with your bad back, eaten/missing/slain bunnies and the most hopeless home-help ever (DIY guy)...mind you, I believe your poor man did go jogging on the beach in the rain one day...aahh...

 

Please let him know we were thinking of him yesterday when we went to see West Coast lose to Port! And the Crows weren't thrashed, they allowed West Coast to win!

 

I love the idea of the scones (yum!), but Sarah Beenie recommended popping a vanilla pod in the oven prior to a visit...bit too high class for me, but it's a thought!

 

:wubclub:LC

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