I have had enough of my daughter treating me bad

[byrned]

Your daughter sounds just like my youngest sister, who is also a spoilt brat, she has removed her self from the whole family and our mum, poor mum spent years putting up with her, and when finally it came to ahead after a big argument with mum, but mum yet again said what have I done i better make a move to put things right we all said to mum what is the point, when she is in your life she makes you miserable, ie saying nasty things making her feel like a bad mother all the time, so when mum was around her, mum was always on pins, anyway they have not seen each other for about 8 months now, and its ok mum says I love her because she is my child, but I really dont like her, my sister is 42, lucky for mum she has 5 other kids that appreicate her, but why just becasuse we are mothers put up with our children treating us like muck, no way, dont back down to her, she is pushing your buttons knowing what will hurt you more, and that is nasty, let her stew in her own juices and get on with your plans and life.

[Guest juliemtaylor]

So sorry this has caused so much upset. I have seen family members react strangely when someone is grieving for a loss or one to be. My Dad threy a wobbly when we first said we were leaving, but has come to terms with it. Your daughter will be an emotional wreck at the moment anyway, give it time after you have made the move.

 

Big hugs coming your way, you'll love it here in Victoria and there are enough of us around you when you get here to help you along the way.

 

Julie x

[Guest martinandmanda]

Thankyou everyone for your invaluable, advice and experiences that you have shared with me. I'm not getting in touch with her this time. She has to realise that she can't treat me the way she does and cause me so much upset with her wicked ways. I swear to God, you would have to meet her and then you would know what I mean. It's nothing to do with me emigrating, in fact, she's so wrapped up in herself that she probably doesn't believe I will go, but I am! She is just a spoilt, immature, young woman who has never appreciated that I have been a nice mum. Maybe when Im gone she will realise how much she took me for granted and will regret it.

 

Thankyou again

Amanda xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[byrned]

Thankyou everyone for your invaluable, advice and experiences that you have shared with me. I'm not getting in touch with her this time. She has to realise that she can't treat me the way she does and cause me so much upset with her wicked ways. I swear to God, you would have to meet her and then you would know what I mean. It's nothing to do with me emigrating, in fact, she's so wrapped up in herself that she probably doesn't believe I will go, but I am! She is just a spoilt, immature, young woman who has never appreciated that I have been a nice mum. Maybe when Im gone she will realise how much she took me for granted and will regret it.

 

Thankyou again

Amanda xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

good on ya, I know I have a daughter who is 20 and no way would i have her treat me or speak to me in a nasty way, she tried the other week over something I cant remember what it was but I told her to watch her mouth I said you may be 20 now but I am still your mother and you are my child, read her the riot act saying I have never spoken to my mother in such a way, she soon backed down and apologised, I dont evern allow my kids to swear in front of me.

[Guest soon2move]

I had a similar situation with my father - we didn't really get on well before we left to move to Oz, he never made the effort to come and see me (i lived 45 mins away) and he always knew me and OH wanted to move here but as soon as I told him we were actually moving all hell broke loose. He kicked off saying that my OH was 'dragging' me here - again shows how much he knew nothing about me, that long distances break families up (not behaviour like his which I wont go into, but 8000 miles), that he'll see me in the next life as he wont come out to see me. Basically he acted like a complete *rse. I told him after a few days by email that for once in life things aren't about him and that people like him allow the distance to break up the family. I could go on forever with this so in a nutshell what I did was to say goodbye to him not talking about his behaviour and then had loads of space from him once got here. I didn't speak to him for the first 6 weeks (I didnt want to), I occasionally emailed to say we're ok, and basically gave him such a wide birth because I didn't want to open up to him.

 

We've been here over 4 months now and its getting better - i think he's starting to realise what a horrible man he was being..he did send an apology text 'for everything' the day we flew which in my opinion was too late.

 

I can't advise on the grandchild bit but i'm also due to give birth any day now and it'll be his first grandchild but I would just give it time, don't rise to her anger as I haven't this time round and its only now after years of bickering he's starting to realise that. I said in an email (as we couldnt talk about it) that I have no more energy for his behaviour - i wouldnt accept this kind of behaviour from a friend, so why should I accept it from him. You have to be the bigger person and say limited things now as the more someone has the ability to verbally fight, the more they will. The less they have to latch onto, the less they will argue and are able to argue...

 

Good luck with it all - i know how tough it is.

[fluffy]

I feel for you it isnt a nice way to leave your daughter, im only 23 and i have moved to Oz with just my boyfriend, I could never treat or talk to my mum in that way, But I guess she isnt doing it to hurt you more to protect herself, in my view her actions are making it easier for her to part with you if you leave her on bad terms then there is no emotional connection and it in her eyes will make it easier for her when you leave.

 

I think also feels like she still needs you around for example to her with her kids your grandchildren. As much as I could never do that to my mum and I would be happy for my mum to take any path that makes her happy, your daughter is trying (in her own way) to make the parting easy.

 

She will come round to you being away from her just like my mum has me being so far away from her. It doesnt mean we love each other any less and im sure your daughter still loves you. She is just finding it hard to express that she most likely doesnt want you to leave.

 

She will get used to the idea and I guess she was ok with it all until most of your things had gone and all of a sudden it was real, you were really going.

 

Like another post says she may even want to follow you. Im sure she will be in contact and will want to come out to see you, as another post said sending each of your children a letter when you leave my be a good idea, this way you can talk to your daughter without agruements and say just how you really feel.

 

I hope you can sort things out, I know it must be hard seeing your daughter treat you this way but im sure its defence barriers more than anything else.

 

Fluff

 

:hug:

[Guest martinandmanda]

I feel for you it isnt a nice way to leave your daughter, im only 23 and i have moved to Oz with just my boyfriend, I could never treat or talk to my mum in that way, But I guess she isnt doing it to hurt you more to protect herself, in my view her actions are making it easier for her to part with you if you leave her on bad terms then there is no emotional connection and it in her eyes will make it easier for her when you leave.

 

I think also feels like she still needs you around for example to her with her kids your grandchildren. As much as I could never do that to my mum and I would be happy for my mum to take any path that makes her happy, your daughter is trying (in her own way) to make the parting easy.

 

She will come round to you being away from her just like my mum has me being so far away from her. It doesnt mean we love each other any less and im sure your daughter still loves you. She is just finding it hard to express that she most likely doesnt want you to leave.

 

She will get used to the idea and I guess she was ok with it all until most of your things had gone and all of a sudden it was real, you were really going.

 

Like another post says she may even want to follow you. Im sure she will be in contact and will want to come out to see you, as another post said sending each of your children a letter when you leave my be a good idea, this way you can talk to your daughter without agruements and say just how you really feel.

 

I hope you can sort things out, I know it must be hard seeing your daughter treat you this way but im sure its defence barriers more than anything else.

 

Fluff

 

:hug:

 

Hi Fluff, thankyou for your advice. You seem a really nice girl and I'm glad you treat your mum well. However, it is nothing at all to do with my daughter being on the defensive because I am leaving. She has always been a spoilt little girl, wanting everything her own way, and blackmailing me with something if she couldn't get it. I literally had to move house when she came to live 2 doors away from me (and guess who gave her the deposit for that and became guarantor?) as she made my life such a misery!

Like my husband keeps telling me, I am only giving a snapshop of what my daughter is really like, if you knew her as we know her then you really wouldn't find her a nice person. Twice she has overdosed when she couldn't have her own way. She has hit me (and she's very strong) however, she hasn't got to use those tactics now as she has my beautiful little grandaughter to use as her pawn! I am so bloody angry and frustrated as I really don't want to lose Niamh (my grandaughter) and that is the only thing she has over me and she plays that card so bloody well. This time I am not going to be the one to back down and send the nice little text! Why should I and what for? For her to use the little girl again and break my heart again? NO! I am being strong now and as much as it kills me not to see my Grandaughter I won't let my daughter do this to me anymore! :arghh::arghh::arghh::arghh: That is how I feel right now! I am not giving in AGAIN!

 

Amanda xx

[fluffy]

I hope this move will help you. Maybe she will see your not there for her to use and abuse! She has her own life now and her own children to look after, I just wonder how she would feel it it was her daughter treating her this way.

I hope cos she wont get everything she wants all the time as you wont be there to give it all to her. she should learn she cant always rely on you and then take everything out on you.

 

I think you being so far away for you not to come to her every time she has a problem or wants to take her emotions out on someone. hopefully this will make her grow then hell up!

 

I know she is your daughter and no matter what you will love her but maybe when you move away if you dont have contact with her at all and maybe just send cards and letter to your grandchildren, I know they wont be able to read them but maybe you not intreacting with your daughter and just to the grandchildren she will feel that she wont have you in her life if she always treats you this way.

 

If she is with the dad of the kids maybe address the letters to him so everything bypasses her. Hopefully he will read them to the grandkids.

 

I hope you can get over the problems with your daughter and hpefully the distance will do you both good, by the sounds of it especially her.

 

Fluffy

[Guest martinandmanda]

I hope this move will help you. Maybe she will see your not there for her to use and abuse! She has her own life now and her own children to look after, I just wonder how she would feel it it was her daughter treating her this way.

I hope cos she wont get everything she wants all the time as you wont be there to give it all to her. she should learn she cant always rely on you and then take everything out on you.

 

I think you being so far away for you not to come to her every time she has a problem or wants to take her emotions out on someone. hopefully this will make her grow then hell up!

 

I know she is your daughter and no matter what you will love her but maybe when you move away if you dont have contact with her at all and maybe just send cards and letter to your grandchildren, I know they wont be able to read them but maybe you not intreacting with your daughter and just to the grandchildren she will feel that she wont have you in her life if she always treats you this way.

 

If she is with the dad of the kids maybe address the letters to him so everything bypasses her. Hopefully he will read them to the grandkids.

 

I hope you can get over the problems with your daughter and hpefully the distance will do you both good, by the sounds of it especially her.

 

Fluffy

 

Thankyou Fluffy, I really wish my daughter was as mature as you! I always say "what goes around comes around" however, I really wouldn't wish my daughter's behaviour on anyone. She doesn't want to see me and being honest I really don't want to see her! It's Niamh I would love to see but for me to see her I will have to send that little text and ask my daughter. She will probably say yes followed by what time? I will say 12 o clock and at 12 o clock if I am not there my daughter will text asking where I am and that I'm taking the p**s now! However, she just might start texting earlier and say Niamh has been asking for you so hurry up! Once again, I will run out to collect her, get snarled at and given a list of demands and then drive off feeling so frustrated. I will have bitten my lip once again while I let my daughter call the shots! This will carry on for a few days until I speak my mind (as I did on Friday) and my daughter won't like it and subsequently tell me I'm not seeing Niamh AGAIN! Yes I love my daughter with all my heart but being honest, I really don't like her one bit.

I am going to keep my head held high this time and not bother. She has her new baby soon (due 1 week today) and I will just wait and see what happens.

Would you like to be my daughter Fluffy lol, you seem such a nice girl. Why can't my daughter be like you? Never mind eh, hopefully she will realise how nice a mum I am to her but I think by that time it will be far too late.

 

Amanda xx