Guest KP Nuts Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 Crikey eddie, there's a Mr & Mrs KP Nuts, an she added onto your joke. Ya know wot there like with " pooter's " cant even put a new fuse in a plug let alone anything this technical, Oh well there goes my night AGAIN. Mr KP Nut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Working to fish Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 got you mixed up with your wife on there thread , and yes i did feel a bit of a twa....... one more clean thread from me ,dont know how long it will last. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KP Nuts Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 Apparently a new store has opened up in OZ, where a woman can go to chose a husband, amidst the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the service operates. "You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of men increase as the shopper ascends the flights of floors. There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go to the next floor, but you go back down except to exit the building" So this woman goes to the husband store, yes, to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads, 1st floor :- These men have jobs. She moves onto the second floor an the sign on the door reads, 2nd floor :- These men have jobs and love kids. She decideds to move up another floor an the sign reads, 3rd floor :- these men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. Wow she says to herself, but is compelled to go up again, 4th floor :- these men have jobs, love kids, are drop dead gorgeous AND help with the housework. " OH MY GOD " she exclaims " i can hardly stand it " But still she goes up another floor, an the sign reads, 5th floor :- These men have jobs, love kids, are drop dead gorgeous, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. She is tempted to stay but goes to the next floor, an the sign reads.................. 6th floor :- You are visitor # 31,483,069 to this floor,:nah: There are NO men on this floor, :realmad: This floor solely exists as proof that women are impossible to please, :arghh: Thank you for shopping at the husband store!!!! Mr KP Nut Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KP Nuts Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 OH well Eddie they all count but we must stop cos they'll probably say were cheating, an i know what will happen if the wife finds me cheating................. I'll get the kids. :arghh: :arghh: :arghh: :arghh: Mr KP Nut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Working to fish Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 how do u know when a woman is about to say something smart. when she starts her sentence with, "A man once told me ..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Working to fish Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 WHAT A WOMAN SAYS: This place is a mess! C'mon. You and i need to clean up. Your stuff is lying on the floor And if we don't do the laundry right now you'll have no clothes to wear. WHAT A MAN HEARS Blah blah blah blah c'mon. Blah blah blah blah you and i blah blah on the floor blah blah blah right now Blah blah blah blah blah no clothes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest steve110 Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 bloke comes home from work to find his wife had cooked a really nice dinner. all of his favourite dishes,and a glass of beer were waiting on the table for him. thats odd he thought "whats going on he said to his wife?" i have some good news and some bad news she said.... "hmmm thought something was up, give me the good news ......" well you know our new car? she said ... "what about it?" he asked well she said ............................. the air bags work ........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Working to fish Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 What is a cupboard full of lesbians called? A licker cabinet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Working to fish Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 What is a lesbian dinosaur called? Lickalotapuss Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest steve110 Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 whats the best thing about a bj? 10 minutes peace and quiet....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Working to fish Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 A lesbian slimmer club opens up Woman says "You are what you eat!" Slimmer lesbian says "Are you calling me a c**t?" and my wife just told me that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KP Nuts Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Two women walking along the river when one shout's to the other, "Could you tell me how to get to the other side" :unsure: To which the other shout's back, "But you are on the other side" :err: Question is which one is the blonde ??????????????????????????? :biglaugh: Mr KP Nut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Working to fish Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 thats women for you ,blonde or not. blonde , auburn,brunette, grey , there all the same . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KP Nuts Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 The 1st Affair :- A middle aged couple had two hansome boys, but had always talked about having a girl. They decided to try one last time for the girl they had wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby girl. The joyful father rushed to the delivery room to see his new born girl. He was horrified to see it was the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife, "there's no way i can be the father of this baby, look at the two great boys we have, you've been cheating on me hav'nt you". The wife smilled an said, " Not this time dear " Mr KP Nut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Scarletfever Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 A man was walking along a California beach and was in deep prayer to the Lord. He said, "Lord, you have promised to give me the desires of my heart. Please give a confirmation that you will grant my wish." Suddenly the sky darkened and the Lord, in a booming voice said, "I have searched your heart and determined it to be pure. I think that I can trust that you will not disappoint me. Because you have been faithful to me, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm deathly afraid of flying and I get very sea sick in boats. Could you build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive there whenever I want?" The Lord laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of the concrete and steel! Your request is very materialistic and disappointing. I could do it but it's hard for me to justify. Take a little more time and make another wish, one you think would honour and glorify Me." After much thought, the man said, "I"ve been married 4 times. My wives always said that I was insensitive to their needs. So I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel and what they're thinking. i want to know why they cry and how to make them truly happy. That's my wish, Lord." Then, after a few minutes, God said, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Scarletfever Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Just when us blokes thought you could trust them................ A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to see a gynaecologist. The doctor takes one good look at this woman and his professionalism is a thing of the past. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does he says to the woman: "Do you know what I'm doing?" "Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities." "Correct," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now", he says. "Yes," says the woman, "you're checking for any lumps or breastcancer." "That's right," replies the doctor. He then gradually proceeds to having his way with her. "Do you know," he pants, "what I'm doing now?" "Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Scarletfever Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 ... A man comes home after a hard day's work, and is looking forward to relaxing. He pours himself a glass of wine, eats a delicious home-cooked meal prepared by his wife, and goes up to his bedroom, where he and his wife have separate beds. His wife follows him up a few minutes later. "Honey-woney," the man says, "I just want to thank you for fixing me such a delicious meal. I am blessed to have such a wife as you." He then turns out the light and tries to sleep. After several minutes he finds he can't nod off. "Sweety pie," he calls out, "I'm lonely." His wife gets out of bed and makes her way accross the room, but she slips and bangs her nose. "Did my little bunny fall and hurt her nosey-wosey?" the man asks, as his wife climbs in bed with him. There follows a 3 hour session of love making. When the couple have finished, the wife heads back over to her own bed, and as she goes she slips up a second time. "Clumsy Bitch," the man mutters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Working to fish Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 I came home today and my wife asked me if i could do some housework. I nearly spilt my beer and phoned for the doctor. He came round and his assessment was she had had a nervous breakdown of some kind. No need to worry as they had found her a lovely care home and she has been put on the appropriate medication. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Scarletfever Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question. WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would?" (With a hurt look) HUSBAND: (makes audible groan) WIFE: "Would you live in our house?" HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house." WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?" HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new." WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do" WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?" HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own." WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you? HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times." WIFE: "Would she use my clubs? HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed." WIFE: -- silence -- HUSBAND: "shit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Working to fish Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Hi Scarletfever Its only here for a day or two mate - its one for the girls to giggle at as they do in their giggly girly way. I'm a barbie girl in a barbie world. Once again this is all in gest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Scarletfever Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Hi ScarletfeverIts only here for a day or two mate - its one for the girls to giggle at as they do in their giggly girly way. I'm a barbie girl in a barbie world. Once again this is all in gest. HEHEHE....... I only just noticed the wording in it matey...........quite cool actually! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KP Nuts Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr Smith, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery, Smith had the largest private organ he had ever seen!. :sad: I'm sorry Mr Smith he thought to himself, i cant allow you to be cremated with that, it must be saved for posterity.:idea: So, he removed it, stuffed it into his brief case, and took it home. "Darling i have to show you something you wont believe it" he said to his wife opening the brief case. " OH my god " :notworthy: The wife exclaimed, " SMITH IS DEAD "!?!?!?!:cry: Mr KP NUT. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KP Nuts Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 Must say, an Mrs Kp will authenticate, that we both sat here without cheating, an i said i was a thick choc fudge brownie with cream, kind of guy, so when she went for, choc choc, i had to go for brownies. But i have a confession to make B4 we meet anyone on the 8th i can WRITE joke's but i Definately cant tell em, an Mrs KP will also authenticate this. Mr KP Nut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest angela m Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 I can relate to the one, way back, about the several pairs of shoes in different colours, however, this can backfire. I was once in a rush to get to work and grabbed two shoes from the bottom of the wardrobe and yes you've guessed it, they were the same style, height etc but totally different, one was shiny black with a design on it and the other was plain dull blue. However, the really funny thing is that I didn't notice until midday and no-one else even seem to have noticed at all! Since then I only ever buy one pair at a time. Angela :embarrassed: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jonseywife Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 AN ALIEN WARSHIP HAS LANDED!!!!! THEY ARE TAKING ALL THE ATTRACTIVE, SEXY & INTELLIGENT PEOPLE. SO, OBVIOUSLY ALL YOU MEN WILL BE SAFE....... US GIRLS JUST THOUGHT WE'D LET YOU KNOW AND SAY GOODBYEEEEEEE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.