Guest Tania Cox Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 :arghh:HELP!!!....Having decided to make the massive move to Victoria, July 2011, (so going through visa process now, skills assesment, etc as i'm a nurse)....and talked to children about it...mixed reactions at first but all seemed up for it!(23yrs, 18yrs, 15yrs, 5 and 3 yrs of age). Now 15yr old daughter is getting very stressed and feels her world is ending.....18 yr old wants to give it a go, but can't imagine life without her friends. course we understand how they feel as we're leaving everyone behind too....but has anyone got any ideas how we can alleviate their fears? A reccie isn't an option as 7 of us and flights would just be ridiculously expensive. We've done our research and i've lived in Queensland for 3 years so have insight into life..but of course they don't. We feel we have to do what we think is right for everyone..but teenagers at best of times can be hard work, but right now:arghh:....this is how i'm feeling! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KIRK AND CO Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 :arghh:HELP!!!....Having decided to make the massive move to Victoria, July 2011, (so going through visa process now, skills assesment, etc as i'm a nurse)....and talked to children about it...mixed reactions at first but all seemed up for it!(23yrs, 18yrs, 15yrs, 5 and 3 yrs of age). Now 15yr old daughter is getting very stressed and feels her world is ending.....18 yr old wants to give it a go, but can't imagine life without her friends. course we understand how they feel as we're leaving everyone behind too....but has anyone got any ideas how we can alleviate their fears? A reccie isn't an option as 7 of us and flights would just be ridiculously expensive. We've done our research and i've lived in Queensland for 3 years so have insight into life..but of course they don't. We feel we have to do what we think is right for everyone..but teenagers at best of times can be hard work, but right now:arghh:....this is how i'm feeling! Welcome you have joined the club. We were all set to go sept 2010 but 18 year old put spanner in works now its next year or not at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tania Cox Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 It's so hard isn't it...we just all want to be together...but if we don't go now...we'll be over the age limit! And then when they all fly the nest...we'll be left wishing we'd gone! We're just going to crack on with it...a lot can happen in a year, and if this time next year when visas here, they don't want to come...i guess we just have to let them get on with it? awful thought but at end of day at some point in their lives they will make their own choices about jobs or destinations and won't consider what we want....so maybe we have to try and do the same now.....couldn't bear the thought of ot all being together.....but if they said they were off travelling...we'd just have to wear it! Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest12791 Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 It's so hard isn't it...we just all want to be together...but if we don't go now...we'll be over the age limit! And then when they all fly the nest...we'll be left wishing we'd gone! We're just going to crack on with it...a lot can happen in a year, and if this time next year when visas here, they don't want to come...i guess we just have to let them get on with it? awful thought but at end of day at some point in their lives they will make their own choices about jobs or destinations and won't consider what we want....so maybe we have to try and do the same now.....couldn't bear the thought of ot all being together.....but if they said they were off travelling...we'd just have to wear it! Good luck! Im in the exact same position with my two daughters. Its so hard Annemarie:sad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 My 16 year old thought I was ruining her life but as its getting nearer she is becoming more positive about it, so hang on in there hopefully they will come around closer to the time:wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest12791 Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 My 16 year old thought I was ruining her life but as its getting nearer she is becoming more positive about it, so hang on in there hopefully they will come around closer to the time:wubclub: We origionaly went to brisbane 2007 but after few probs and my dad being seriously ill and dying my oh and i returned. My two daughters loved it over there, met good friends and then stayed for a year. Both wanted to go to uni and so came home as i didnt have the funds for them to go in brisbane. Now iam in a position to go back i guess it is selfish of me to ask them to give up their friends again and of course uni. I asked them both to come out to me after they finish uni but its looking like they want to stay here :cry: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest colsha7 Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 Hi, we are also in the same postition. 5 kids....21,19,17,14 and 12. 14 and 12 year old would go tomorrow!!!17 year old doesn't want to go but as he's still got 2 yrs school (A levels), doesn't have a choice. can't support himself. 19 year old has a year left(school) and wants to go to Uni (nursing) next year. 21 year old is at Uni and will stay until she's finnished. We moved back to Britain in 2008 from Germany with the hopes of making the move to Oz easier for all. (lived in Germany for 15 yrs, would have been too hard to go from there for the kids.)Unfortunately due to school system being totally different in germany to here the 17 and 19 yr old had to resit a year. good for the 17 yr. old as he would have had to go straight into yr.11 having only been in yr. 10 in germany. however the 19 yr. old is flying through her AS.....and will have no problems with her A2's. Our plans are to go in April next year (if all goes well with visa etc....) the 19 and 21 yr. old will come down in summer to validate their visa and they then have 5 yrs. (I have been told this on this forum) to decide if they want to come for good or not. My daughter (19) wants to come to oz but after Uni. 21 yr. old is still undecided. It has only ever been us....kids only seen grandparents etc... on holidays....so we are a very close family. I can't imagine getting on a plane and leaving any of them behind no matter if only for a few months, years.......It really tears me up. But as my hubby says, its our time. Everything we have ever done has been for the kids. We have wanted to go to Oz for soooooooo long. Kids will eventually leave.....then what.....don't live with what ifs, life is for living. hope it all works out for you and your family. sharon.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobj Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 Sad, innit??? My dear old Dad walked 3 miles to work, 6 days a week in the Yorkshire pits...all at age 13... My teens were spent in post war Yorkshire, ration books, etc... Sorry, but I find it extremely difficult to sympathise with the kids of today. Cheers, Bobj. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellathedog Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 Sorry if this puts a dampener on your thoughts, but..................... Teenagers are a pain in the proverbial! When my eldest was being a pain, the younger one was all sweetness and light. As soon as the eldest left home for uni (paid for by us!) the youngest turned into the nightmare from hell. Now they are in their 30's and I love them both to death, and am so proud of both of them, even though they are on opposite sides of the world, they are both such nice, thoughtful. lovely people! It's not that you are looking to move to the other side of the world that is the problem, it's the fact they are teens and its what they have to do, rebel????? Not a lot of help, but a different slant maybe? Good luck, Pam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LukeM Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 Yes we are a pain in the proverbial... I speak from experience, being a teenager myself!! Haha back in the days when we started looking at it about 3 years ago I was the one reluctant to go and my brother was all up for it. Now that we're all set to go, he's the reluctant one and I personally don't see that I have a future in the UK and am desperate to go! By the time we go... if we go... I'll be 18, he'll be 16. My parents and I all know it's "this year or not at all" Our house has sold. Our buyers have sold their house and the people who move into their house are in a good position too because their house is being bought by the company they work for. I understand why my brother doesn't want to go but tbh he doesn't see it from the right perspective at all. I applied to University and accepted an offer in the UK. Now because of the "possible" move and having already accepted it I couldn't defer for a year and had to totally withdraw my application so all I have now my last exam was sat today for my A Levels is a part-time job in a supermarket! With uni applications becoming tighter and my exams having not gone as well as I'd have liked at all, I'm stuffed if we don't go to Australia. I really want to go and do a year long Diploma at TAFE and then go to University to study a degree in IT. I don't think my parents understand the "urgency" that I have. Hopefully they'll take it as "we're going... we'll try it... and if it doesn't work out we can come back" but we'll see. Even if they decide that, I probably won't come back as I'll be 19/20 by the time that happens?? Let's see what happens... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 Sad, innit??? My dear old Dad walked 3 miles to work, 6 days a week in the Yorkshire pits...all at age 13... My teens were spent in post war Yorkshire, ration books, etc... Sorry, but I find it extremely difficult to sympathise with the kids of today. Cheers, Bobj. Harsh Bob very harsh but very true :biglaugh::biglaugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest12791 Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 The world aint that big anymore with skype , facebook etc and i guess we have to let go to an extent one day, my oh said that that our two coped pretty well for a year in brisbane without us, both worked and earned a living and will do again if we return to brisbane. Both at uni here and got jobs along side so guess i have to leave it to them and hope one day they follow, its our time now but it will be hard. Annemarie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LukeM Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 Well y'know I am the less sociable (and older) of 2 brothers. I do the whole technology thing... I know he has stuff here but he'll make friends etc more easily there than I will. Plus the college he wants to go to in the UK is not exactly close to home, so he'd have long days and none of his friends are going there from school anyway so I don't get what all the bloody fuss is about!! I hope my parents will see that, make him realise, and just drag. He'll have fun once he gets there... :mask: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jojimaca Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 We too are in the same boat, eldest is 17 and youngest 11. Having had our visa for a couple of years but being unable to sell our house until recently, this move has been part of our lives for what seems like forever. We went to Brisbane in 2008 and we all loved the place, although my eldest informed me 'that it wasnt her best holiday and it would have been better if she hadnt known we were moving there'! However she seemed to fully enjoy herself at the time. We are now due to fly out permanently mid July. My 11yr old, no problem, would go tomorrow. The 17year old is another matter, she is coming with us at least, albeit reluctantly. She says she wants to travel the world in a year or two, so this is her first step. She is leaving her boyfriend of 8months and all her really close friends. I do feel for her as she is in the middle of her A levels and may have to go back a year in Australia or go down the TAFE route. I do know what its like, having moved all over as a teenager myself, the last move I made with my family was when I was 19years old. I too had a long term boyfriend and lots of friends but I found the move ok once it was done, it was the actual build up which was worse. I do think teenagers are feeling just like we do. One minute their ok (well never fully ok) and the next scared to death, its just that we concentrate on their feelings more and this turns in to our own guilt as to whether or not we are doing the best for them. I think thats part of being a good parent. One minute my eldest is talking as if she cant wait and the next its like the end of the world. But I too feel like that, its a big scary decision. At the end of the day they have their whole lives ahead of them and can make their own decisions once we have put them through the education they need. I hope that we all settle in Australia, I am not going with any misconceptions it will be better than the UK, just different. My reasons for going is simply because we can, my husband and I are able to carry on our careers in Australia and why not. Lets go as a family and sample life in another culture, you only live once. If we all hate it we'll come back. The UK will still be there in a couple of years, so will their friends, probably talking about the same things in the same places. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LukeM Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 We too are in the same boat, eldest is 17 and youngest 11. Having had our visa for a couple of years but being unable to sell our house until recently, this move has been part of our lives for what seems like forever. We went to Brisbane in 2008 and we all loved the place, although my eldest informed me 'that it wasnt her best holiday and it would have been better if she hadnt known we were moving there'! However she seemed to fully enjoy herself at the time.We are now due to fly out permanently mid July. My 11yr old, no problem, would go tomorrow. The 17year old is another matter, she is coming with us at least, albeit reluctantly. She says she wants to travel the world in a year or two, so this is her first step. She is leaving her boyfriend of 8months and all her really close friends. I do feel for her as she is in the middle of her A levels and may have to go back a year in Australia or go down the TAFE route. I do know what its like, having moved all over as a teenager myself, the last move I made with my family was when I was 19years old. I too had a long term boyfriend and lots of friends but I found the move ok once it was done, it was the actual build up which was worse. I do think teenagers are feeling just like we do. One minute their ok (well never fully ok) and the next scared to death, its just that we concentrate on their feelings more and this turns in to our own guilt as to whether or not we are doing the best for them. I think thats part of being a good parent. One minute my eldest is talking as if she cant wait and the next its like the end of the world. But I too feel like that, its a big scary decision. At the end of the day they have their whole lives ahead of them and can make their own decisions once we have put them through the education they need. I hope that we all settle in Australia, I am not going with any misconceptions it will be better than the UK, just different. My reasons for going is simply because we can, my husband and I are able to carry on our careers in Australia and why not. Lets go as a family and sample life in another culture, you only live once. If we all hate it we'll come back. The UK will still be there in a couple of years, so will their friends, probably talking about the same things in the same places. I will show this post to my parents!!! lol They only want to do what is best for the family. Why should parents have to feel guilty for doing that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest snoo Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 Hi Guys, We had all of these problems and issue. My Daughter was almost 16 when we arrived last Sept in Perth. We had 'ruined her life'....etc etc...you know the score! Well after packing her bags EVERY weekend and almost pushing us to the brink with her crying and moaning we packed her back of the the UK for a month. And guess what? She realised that all of the friends that were crying when she left had 'just got on with their lives'!! How DARE they? And after about 10days she phoned us and said that ''you were right, I was wrong'' she'd realised that Australia was 'home' and she wanted to come back' She said 'It's been an expensive lesson but I've realised that there's nothing in the U.K for me and that you were right to move us to Australia'. She has a large group of friends that mainly go to Mindarie Snr College and they have a 'gathering' (code for PARTAAY!) every weekend. 30 of them watched the footy here last weekend whilst we were banished to a friends' house for the night! Anyone coming to Perth in particular is very welcome to get in touch or maybe have a meet up when you arrive. Kids have 'bouncebackability'......don't despair! Lisa,x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockola57 Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 We came out on last chance,due to our age, with 2 sons 16 and 18 on departure(457 visa)in September 2008.Hell on earth,they were kicking and screaming on the way out,and before.18 yr old violent to me on the plane, embarrassing or what!First 18 months wife crying all the time and upset,saying 'what have we done'.The younger one brooding in his room every weekend,refusing to have anything to do with the place,damaging the rental in rage,abusive and basically saying why have you ruined my life,i hate you!The older one not much better,real bad atmosphere in the house 24/7,they lived in one part of the house,us in the other!Wife wanting to go home all the time,but we both knew it really was the right move,as they were going nowhere in the UK,out of work,no prospects and no future,plus heading rapidly into trouble with violence and the Police.Now things have changed a lot,they have got a few mates,are out every night,working and a tad happier.We still have a way to go yet,but it was better staying in retrospect,than caving in to their demands and packing up for home.Teenagers are selfish,and can't see past tomorrow,that's life.:frown::wideeyed: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tania Cox Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 Thanks to u all for your stories/opinions.....this week i've done a lot of thinking..i say i have, because OH is dad to the two little ones (who don't really have a say in all this).....and he feels we just have to make the move based on the valid reasons we have for migrating. For me, being the mum to all 5 children...the thought of leaving any of them behind...well.....gutting! But i'm realsitic enough to reaslise that i've raised them to be individuals and that at any point in their future life, they may choose to take an opportunity and move to wherever...so if we stay ow for any of them...once they fly the coop...we'll still be stuck here...not an option! So we're definitely coming with only one aim...to stay, to make the best of it, and to make it work...returning is not on the agenda! The oldest will follow once he has work experience years/qualifications under his belt (and he's dead keen to come), the 18 yr old will come, for how long..who knows, but as long as she gives it a fair go, thats all we could ask for. The 15 yr old, has to come and again if she hates it (which she won't) then when she's 18 she could come home...the littlies.....will love it and have their whole life ahead of them out there. Frustratingly having to wait for registration as nurse to come back from Vic ( any day now), then skills assesment completed and ready to be filed with sponsorship for Vic...then main visa time....so should be done by April next year, ready to put house on market....and leave for July once daughter finished GCSE's....cannot wait!! Good luck to you all. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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