Guest SunshineS Posted May 25, 2010 Share Posted May 25, 2010 I have not yet told my parents of our plans, as i knew it would have upset them greatly, so have always kept it hush. Now to make things harder, we have a little boy who just turned one and they adore him to bits! My question for all of you is... How did you tell your family and how best is it to break the news? Thank you for reading my post and i look forward to your feedback x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neilharrison_253 Posted May 25, 2010 Share Posted May 25, 2010 Hope you get some answers, i'm in a similar situation to you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest londongirl Posted May 25, 2010 Share Posted May 25, 2010 I don't envy you at all. I have no family in UK to leave behind, but I had to tell my 12 year old we are going and she reacted very negatively. She has more or less accepted it now, but it has been a very painful process, and really tested my resolve. I have had to really question my motives. My only advice is to try and prepare yourself by being clear exactly why you want to go, and how you expect to maintain your family links. Good luck and let us know how you get on! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mylady Posted May 25, 2010 Share Posted May 25, 2010 Hi all, i'm new on this forum and looking for some advice and support! We are South African's that moved over to the UK about 5 years ago on ancestral visas. My side of the family are over here too. We came here for a better life. My OH family is all still in South Africa. We went on holiday to Oz about 6 years ago and we both fell in love with the country! Since then it's been my OH dream to move there and now mine too, but with his qualifications he had to study further to be able to qualify for the 175 visa. So we decided to come to the UK, and try settle here, but we just haven't been able to! We miss the Sunshine and lifestyle so much! So now that he qualifies, we hoping to make the move soon! My OH has now submitted the visa and we just waiting for a case officer. But i have abit of a dilemma as i have not yet told my parents of our plans, as i knew it would have upset them greatly, so have always kept it hush. Now to make things harder, we have a little boy who just turned one and they adore him to bits! My question for all of you is... How did you tell your family and how best is it to break the news? Thank you for reading my post and i look forward to your feedback x Hi :wubclub: I know exactly how you feel,we are fellow South Africans,moved here 3 and half years ago.My family is in South Africa and I have not seen them since.My OH`S family is split in Portugal and South Africa,but he has met them every year in Portugal.I have a 3 year old that was born here no one has met him,My other three kids have not seen any of the family since we moved here.We have 4 boys. It is difficult because we have absolutely no one here to turn to ,not even as an emergency contact for the kids,It was just us,but we managed,and will in Oz. Sorry for the long story but what I am trying to say is that if you are that serious about going to Australia you should of been dropping hints already or should start now.My hubby and I have had so many endless fruitless arguments cos his family did not want him on the other side of the world but at the end of the day,your decision is the whats best for you,hubby and kids.The visa journey has got to be the most stressful,heartbreaking journey of all times,and you have to be strong.Everybody has to accept your decision in the end.It will be heartbreaking but there is no other way around it,is there??? After 3 and half long years we will be seeing my family in September,for a month,after that, who knows. You need to break it to the family ,maybe one by one or they will feel betrayed that you went behind their back and completed the whole process without saying a word.Start softening the blow now. But above all you have to be strong,in so many ways.:wubclub: Kind Regards Mylady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KIRK AND CO Posted May 25, 2010 Share Posted May 25, 2010 Hi all, i'm new on this forum and looking for some advice and support! We are South African's that moved over to the UK about 5 years ago on ancestral visas. My side of the family are over here too. We came here for a better life. My OH family is all still in South Africa. We went on holiday to Oz about 6 years ago and we both fell in love with the country! Since then it's been my OH dream to move there and now mine too, but with his qualifications he had to study further to be able to qualify for the 175 visa. So we decided to come to the UK, and try settle here, but we just haven't been able to! We miss the Sunshine and lifestyle so much! So now that he qualifies, we hoping to make the move soon! My OH has now submitted the visa and we just waiting for a case officer. But i have abit of a dilemma as i have not yet told my parents of our plans, as i knew it would have upset them greatly, so have always kept it hush. Now to make things harder, we have a little boy who just turned one and they adore him to bits! My question for all of you is... How did you tell your family and how best is it to break the news? Thank you for reading my post and i look forward to your feedback x it is as easy as typing on here but in reality is it. For me as a 47 year old male who has run a buisiness for 10 years made very hard discisions has been easy but telling your mum that you are taking your family to oz is gut renching all I can honestly say is hold your mum & dad as tightly as you can & tell them you love them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Waylyn Posted May 26, 2010 Share Posted May 26, 2010 It's never easy telling family and close friends that you are moving to the other side of the world but it's best to do it sooner rather than later. This is a very personal matter and one that should be handled with tact. If it were me in your situation I would have a quiet conversation with them on your own and explain that you don't feel you have settled and that you are looking in to going to Aus. Tell them that you are concerned for them with their grandchild but that you believe that Aus offers a better life for you and your own family. If they are fit to travel explain that they would be more than welcome to visit and than you and your family would return to the UK for trips to see them. There really is no hard or fast rules. Handle the situation how you feel best. I hope they understand. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cosmicsis Posted May 26, 2010 Share Posted May 26, 2010 we kind of broke the news to my husbands mum (our only parent between us now living) & her husband after applying for the visa but knew we had mentioned it before in passing. It was hard not knowing the response but wanted to keep them informed every step of the way - felt that then at least it wouldn't be a big shock when we got our visa. We just said that we had been thinking about it - first response "well can't blame you" and then started talking about someone else who had done it! Phew we thought! Later on - we said we had got the visa but no rush to leave. (Luckily as house still not sold)!! Then as things start getting nearer to going we have just been honest and kept mentioning little things that were happening to let them know it was real. I know they will miss our kids mostly and seeing them growing up. The have other grandkids and a big family nearby so not leaving them on their own so to speak. I know that they are happy for us as just want us and the kids to have a better life - but that we also have to think of our little family now and what is best for them. It is hard but i'm sure when you feel the time is right you just have to take a deep breathe and be honest. Hope this helps xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
supa Posted May 26, 2010 Share Posted May 26, 2010 We knew that our youngest would blab to our parents so we decided early on to break the news. It was met with different reactions interestingly; mum - in denial (if I don't think about it it won't happen) and loads of "I read this about Australia and it's rubbish, bless her, dad - go for it, good on you, MIL - fought back tears, ran and got her holiday photos of Oz and started pointing out places to visit (her coping mechanism) and FIL only just managed to not cry and took himself off into another room. FIL is by far the most emotional which is wierd given that he isn't like it normally. He doesn't say as much, but he is/will be heartbroken. The biggest surprise was my dad as he has been brilliant but they have all said that we have to do what we feel is right and we feel so lucky for their support. Doesn't help, but it may help to know just how differently people react. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDC Posted May 26, 2010 Share Posted May 26, 2010 We're in a similar situation. My husband is Australian, we lived our there for 3 years and our first child was born there. I missed home and wanted my family around the baby (my parent's only grandchild at the time), so we came back 4 years ago. I now have a job offer back in Australia, one where I would earn twice as much as I do here, and we could get a bigger house, as well as giving our kids (we now have another) the chance to know their Australian family better. My problem is that they are still my parents' only grandchildren and I just can't seem to bring myself to break their hearts. I hint at it sometimes, saying that we are always going to be in this dilemma as my husband is Australian etc, but so far I haven't plucked up the courage to mention the offer. If I do take the job we won't have to move until next year, but that doesn't seem to make it any easier. I know we have to do what's right for us at the end of the day, but that isn't helping either! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayBone Posted May 26, 2010 Share Posted May 26, 2010 Tell them you are going for a year, which they will be-grudgingly accept, Then after a year, they will be used to you been away, then tell them you plan on staying. Kind of breaks them in easier. My parents are not happy that we are going, but accept that it is our decision, my wifes parents on the other hand are thrilled because they get to come and stay with us, and they plan on retiring there in 4 years, and because we have PR we can help out with that, with the balance of family visa route. Dont tell them its forever, because 1. It might not be, and 2. Its a harder pill to swallow. Jon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tashii27 Posted May 26, 2010 Share Posted May 26, 2010 I really feel for you and hope you find a solution soon. I'm an aussie living in the UK and my husband is british. We met 4 years ago in Australia, I moved over here temporarily 3 years ago as it was easy for me to get a British Passport, and we got married last year always with the intention to move back to Australia eventually. We've been quite lucky because my hubby's family are quite supportive of our move, we came clean with our intentions from the start-in fact my mum in law is always trying to get him to move on with it. So for us when it is time to leave, it won't be as tough cos everyone will be expecting it. For me it can't come fast enough as I am having so much trouble getting another job here and am just fed up with things in general.I will miss my in-laws so much, they have been my rock these past few years while I've been away from my own family and friends but at the end of the day you have to think whats best for you. And it's really only a days flight to come back for a visit!! Good luck with everything x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SunshineS Posted May 26, 2010 Share Posted May 26, 2010 Hiya, Thanks to all of you for your messages. What you all said, has made me more positive now about telling them our news but it’s also been abit of a wake up call that i better do it soon as i know i’m just stressing myself out the longer i delay it. I know I’m probably just thinking the worst will happen, but deep down i believe i know they will understand why.. I will most probably be the one that will end up in tears... The past few years things have been said about Oz, and my OH has a few Aus magazines and books that are around, so i suspect they have seen them already... I plan to also tell them separately to my sisters and their families.. I think the main reason why i haven’t said anything yet, as i know it would have all just been a waiting game for them.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quinkla Posted May 30, 2010 Share Posted May 30, 2010 Different people have different needs. I told my mother very late in the piece - presented her with a fait [almost] accompli. I told my brother once I had got here and I still haven't told my father. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SunshineS Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 Hi All, just thought i would give you an update on our situation! I have told all my family and as i imagined - they took it better than me telling them!. They were visibly upset, but I don't think they were shocked at all, and started asking questions straight away... They really did take it better than i expected, but there's still a long process ahead... We got the notification this past monday that we got a case officer and the go ahead for medical and clearances. I know that there's still alot more emotions to go through, and now that we have a case officer, it's going from being a dream to becoming real!! Thanks again for all your comments, they really did help alot! Regards S Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjscjs Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 Hi All, just thought i would give you an update on our situation! I have told all my family and as i imagined - they took it better than me telling them!. They were visibly upset, but I don't think they were shocked at all, and started asking questions straight away... They really did take it better than i expected, but there's still a long process ahead... We got the notification this past monday that we got a case officer and the go ahead for medical and clearances. I know that there's still alot more emotions to go through, and now that we have a case officer, it's going from being a dream to becoming real!! Thanks again for all your comments, they really did help alot! Regards S Sorry to say but they are hoping it will not happen and like we all do as parents in a tricky situation, if we say little it might go away. My parents were so upset and they kept asking me why we were going and (other than the weather) I couldnt tell them anything definite. In the end I had to very firmly say that I had to put my family (kids and hubby) ahead of them and then they started to accept it. Recently (that was 6 years ago) my mum did say to my sis that it was her darkest day when she heard the news. I will always feel guilty but I hope to be able to make it up to them in some way somewhere along the track when my children are older and dont need me so much. I actually think it is harder for us the people leaving because we are moving to a life where we know no one and have great big holes where our friends and family used to be whereas they only have one hole where one part of their life has changed. As one poster said - it is hard - you do have to stay strong All the best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoandJon Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 Hi All, just thought i would give you an update on our situation! I have told all my family and as i imagined - they took it better than me telling them!. They were visibly upset, but I don't think they were shocked at all, and started asking questions straight away... They really did take it better than i expected, but there's still a long process ahead... We got the notification this past monday that we got a case officer and the go ahead for medical and clearances. I know that there's still alot more emotions to go through, and now that we have a case officer, it's going from being a dream to becoming real!! Thanks again for all your comments, they really did help alot! Regards S That sounds great It's often the case that worrying about something only makes it worse - sounds like you've got a supportive family who may well come and visit loads in Oz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest stevenw8971 Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 As you have a wee one, just say that you see no future here for them and that you believe that they could have a better life in oz, as things are just too exspensive, uni fees, riots etc.., make it about your kids future. They are likely to understand Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest rhodex1980 Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 I have not yet told my parents of our plans, as i knew it would have upset them greatly, so have always kept it hush. Now to make things harder, we have a little boy who just turned one and they adore him to bits! My question for all of you is... How did you tell your family and how best is it to break the news? Thank you for reading my post and i look forward to your feedback x Of course it will be hard, but life aint easy BUT I can assure Oz is a great country and a wonderfull caring country, Come here get settled, bring the parents out on a holiday they will be convinced, then if they like it apply for an aged parents visa. Look at it this way if you want, you are giving them the oppourtunity to spend there final years in a fantastic country Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DWB Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 I have no qualms about telling parents and other relatives, they should be supportive of a move like this. I have a big issue telling my 2 daughters who are 7 and 9. They live with their Mum and its going to kill me leaving them. As it stands at the moment I get them every fortnight for 2 nights but things have always been strained. If/When I move to Australia I expect to have them for a month every summer + I will visit during the year etc, before I even move I will be buying them an iPhone or iPad each so I can face time them whenever I want. I would take them with me in a heartbeat. I have a new partner and Son now and want the best possible life for us all as I can achieve, it sounds hell of a selfish when I put it like this but I will give them more money every month too from my higher wages I know money is not the bea ll and end all, but hard decisions have to be made here, I can think of none harder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 I mentioned it to my parents about 4 years ago and was faced with "how dare i do such a thing to them/ hope i can cope with the guilt of what i am doing etc as they will not see their only grandchildren again from my mom, my dad saw the positives as he himself emigrated to South Africa when in his 20s for a few years. But the next day on the phone my mom said that my dad was so disgusted with me and all this caused so much heartache for me that my husband said that we wouldn't bother to go.... My mom is disabled, quite poorly at the time of mentioning it and would never be able to fly out to see us and me being an only child too put more guilt on me.... Then last year we decided to apply for our PR visa before the change of rules came into force, they were granted in june this year. I am dreading telling my mom that we have changed our minds and are going as she will just think we have been deceitful and i dont know how she will cope, I know the pain will leave her heartbroken, as she only lives for the kids. I dont know what to do, whether to validate and come back which we cant really afford unless we sell up or get a loan or just go for it anyway.. Do i put my hubby and kids first or my parents... its such a horrible decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoandJon Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 Do it. Your parents are playing guilt trips and mind-games. They SHOULD be supporting you in whatever decision you make and be providing a good example for your kids, not showing them how to use emotional blackmail. Sorry, I know it's harsh of me, but I get really cross when people try to use guilt to stop someone doing what they want to do. If you think it's a better life for your family and your kids, explain that to your Dad away from the influence of your Mum. Then he might be able to help explain it to her... (Sorry don't mean to keep having multiple ..................... but my keyboard is sticking) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 Do it. Your parents are playing guilt trips and mind-games. They SHOULD be supporting you in whatever decision you make and be providing a good example for your kids, not showing them how to use emotional blackmail. Sorry, I know it's harsh of me, but I get really cross when people try to use guilt to stop someone doing what they want to do. If you think it's a better life for your family and your kids, explain that to your Dad away from the influence of your Mum. Then he might be able to help explain it to her... (Sorry don't mean to keep having multiple ..................... but my keyboard is sticking) Thanks, We really do want to go, although im scared stiff i do thnik its a positive turn for my family. I will speak with my dad and see how he reacts. Joanne :hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoandJon Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 Good to hear Joanne - good luck with it all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_shaws Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 Tell them you are going for a year, which they will be-grudgingly accept, Then after a year, they will be used to you been away, then tell them you plan on staying. Kind of breaks them in easier. My parents are not happy that we are going, but accept that it is our decision, my wifes parents on the other hand are thrilled because they get to come and stay with us, and they plan on retiring there in 4 years, and because we have PR we can help out with that, with the balance of family visa route. Dont tell them its forever, because 1. It might not be, and 2. Its a harder pill to swallow. Jon I completely agree, tell them you are going for a year that is what we have said, set them up with Skype and Facebook and have a practice before you leave. We probably talk more with our family than we did when we were at home! We regularly exchange photos on facebook and see each other on Skype...even over a Smartphone. The world is much smaller now. We were not close to our family but I must say it was the hardest thing we have ever done. It was heart breaking when we left and there is no way to prepare for it. My parents wanted to take us to the airport but I persuaded them to say our goodbyes the night before we left in our home city. If they had come to the airport it would have made the trip down under unbearable. We have been in Melbourne for 3 months now and to be honest I am desperately home sick, everyone says it takes time and in my mind I am trying to give it a year and see how it goes. If its not working out then we will be back home again and it will be like we never left...except we can say we have done it and got the bug out of our system! I am hoping I grow to love the place as the kids are getting on really well over here. Good luck and all the best with your adventure! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest fultonclan Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 I mentioned it to my parents about 4 years ago and was faced with "how dare i do such a thing to them/ hope i can cope with the guilt of what i am doing etc as they will not see their only grandchildren again from my mom, my dad saw the positives as he himself emigrated to South Africa when in his 20s for a few years. But the next day on the phone my mom said that my dad was so disgusted with me and all this caused so much heartache for me that my husband said that we wouldn't bother to go.... My mom is disabled, quite poorly at the time of mentioning it and would never be able to fly out to see us and me being an only child too put more guilt on me.... Then last year we decided to apply for our PR visa before the change of rules came into force, they were granted in june this year. I am dreading telling my mom that we have changed our minds and are going as she will just think we have been deceitful and i dont know how she will cope, I know the pain will leave her heartbroken, as she only lives for the kids. I dont know what to do, whether to validate and come back which we cant really afford unless we sell up or get a loan or just go for it anyway.. Do i put my hubby and kids first or my parents... its such a horrible decision. Hi ya, Who's life is it? Yours or your parents? You do what is best for YOU, not your parents. No one said its easy leaving family but if you don't do it you may always regret not taking this opportunity and life's too short for regrets. You only have one life so LIVE IT!!!! xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.