Guest gullicks Posted June 4, 2007 Hi everyone I know some of you have probably gone through this already but any advice , encouragement and support welcome We are moving to Oz early part of next year, we recently told my parents who initially took the news very well, however, having had time to reflect on this their emotions are running very high and we had a showdown last night where by my dad is absolutely devastated that we are taking the grandkids away (12 and 9) My parents have and still play a huge part in our childrens lives and it is heartbreaking to see my kids and my parents so devastated. It starts to make you think why are we doing this and then all the positives start to come out.. my 12 year old son is taking this move especially hard Please can anyone give me some advice on how to keep strong and handle this situation Thanks in anticipation hazelxx:sad: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Davidgolf Posted June 4, 2007 Hi Hazel, we have all my family in oz but oh are all here,we knew that my mother in law would take it bad we have the only three grand-kids, the older two are 19,17 but we have Gabrielle who is 9 and she is the apple of mother in law and father in laws eyes she spends every Saturday with them and they all love it.So when we told them we were going father in law was great and said he knew why we were doing it bur mother in law took it really bad she would not talk about it and burst into tear very time somebody said anything about it that was back in jan,but now she is much better she has just started to talk about it she still gets very upset but she is better,what i think is that you have to give them time to get use to the idea,we gave mother in law the time to get it sorted for herself. hope this helps .Gabrielle found it hard as she wants to go but really doesnt want to leave them behind,but we hope that once they came out on hoils they well love it and came and live out there with us. sharon Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest tinbasher Posted June 4, 2007 Hi Hazel It is very hard and my heart goes out to you and your family. There are no easy answers unfortunately the choice is heartbreaking. The best advice I can give you, from our point of view, is to focus on the future and why it is you want to come here. For us it was a better life for our daughter. I can say now that it is the best thing we ever did. I know if she had gone to high school in the UK we would now have a different child than what we have today. The children here don't seem to grow up as quickly. I feel guilty all the time when I see her doing something and my parents aren't here to see it. My parents played a major role in our lives and it breaks my heart. I speak to them all the time on the phone, it is not the same and I miss them such a lot, but I look at what we have done since being here. It is hard and the emotions pull you in two, but for us I feel it was worth all the heartache, I see it in our daughters smile, laughter and her eyes. I think most people come here for a better life for their kids. It is hard, very, but focus on the reasons why you want to do it. I wish you all the very best. Mrs TinB Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest kimdownie Posted June 4, 2007 Hi there Hazel, We are in a very similar boat to you, the only thing that has softened the blow slightly is the offer of sponsoring them to come over. Even then my mum is still not 100% on board with that. The way I see it is that we are not just doing it for ourselves we are doing it for the kids. Our intention is to stayout there permanently, but I always air on the side of caution as far as my parents are concerned and play on the fact that IF we dont like it and are unhappy we can come back. I had a very hearty talk with my mum one evening when I found out that she'd been crying all day. I basically put her in my shoes. I know that we have a lovely house and the girls are settled and happy in their schools, but we also have a large mortgage, my husband barely spends any quality outdoor time with the girls due to his working hours, and I am not overly keen on the british education system and especially the schools where we live. I made my mother ask herself what she would of done for me and my brother when we were kids, if she was given the opportunity of a new life in a better climate, with better schools and more money in her pocket. Would she stay or would she give it a go??? her answer was the same as mine!!! You have to live your life for you and your kids, your parents had their time....and now its YOURS!!! Dont worry about your son he will be fine it will just take time. I hope this is what you wanted to hear. best wishes Kim xx:wubclub::wubclub: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Vicar of Dibley Posted June 4, 2007 Hi there I just really want to echo what the others have said. My mum is not a happy bunny to put it mildly. I am taking her only grandchildren away from her and she will never see them again etc. But I need to do what I think is right for my children. Its so hard to see ourselves as mothers in our own right sometimes, because we are programmed to be duitiful daughters and spend all our time trying to keep everyone happy. You are a mum and you have the absolute right to make decisions on behalf of your family - in fact, you wouldn't feel much of a mum if you didn't. My sis in law said a true thing to me. " When you are a mother, guilt is always your middle name" How right she was! Parents have a great way of writing the life script for their children but there has to come a time when the chilD takes control of writing their own storyline. yOURS IS TAKING YOU TO oZ and what a fantastic story its going to be. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest mtcosby Posted June 4, 2007 Hi Hazel We are going through the same thing with our parents... we had negative feedback from OH's parents... father in law said we making huge mistake, mother in law said theres lots of poisonous animals out there!!!! but when we explained our feelings they seemed to come round. My mother took news really bad, i talk to her all the time she is happy we are making this move but she will miss the grand children..... We are going to buy a camcorder ( cheapest you can get) and take lots of videos that we will be sending back home... plus we will have a computer and a web cam which grand parents can keep in contact in a more personal way. Hope this helps you... gives you a few ideas in ways to keep in contact.... Good luck Tracey :cute::cute::cute: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest gary12 Posted June 4, 2007 Hi Hazel We are in a similar position. My mother and Father in Law are both in their 70's and we are taking their only grandchildren away from them. They refuse point blank to even talk about it. But, I, we both think that you have to live your life for 'your family' ie your children. I think most of us are moving in the hope to give them a better quality of life/future. We have got them a web cam so that they can get some practise in even though they only live 30 mins away. My mum has one regret in life and that is not moving overseas 20 years ago whilst my dad and her were still young enough. She didn't go as she felt unable to leave her parents, my grandad died 18 yrs ago and my nan earlier this year and now she feels she is too old to do it. Will your parents/ in laws get over it, i'm sure they will, will you regret not moving your family almost certainly. I say, you have to go for it. Yes they will be upset when you leave but if you read back through the posts even those who have family that are 100% behind them find it hard when the time comes but they all get over it. As for your son, 12 yrs old is a hard time anyway so just give him some time. Good luck Michelle Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest GillnLloyd Posted June 4, 2007 Hi Hazel We too are coming out the beggining of 08(hopefully).We are going through exactly the same thing.We havent even told the inlaws yet.Dont know quite how to do it.My two are 13 and 10.They are the youngest grandchildren.I am having a BIG blip at the min.I cant really give you any advice but to say hopefully we are all doing the best thing for our familys future.If the imigration process was alot quicker we wouldnt have all this time to dwell on everything.I hope everything works out ok for you all. Thinking of you Gill Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest OldiesRUs Posted June 4, 2007 Hi When my eldest son went to Aus, with Aussie girlfriend in tow, he promised the sobbing mess that was his mother that he would only be gone for a year. He lied! That was 10 years ago. Despite that fact that I didn't want him to go, I firmly believe that you have to let your children go to keep them. So much so, that I actually paid his fare. It is even worse now as he has a 6 year old son - our only grandchild. Yes, I hate them being so far away, but quite frankly with modern communications and cheaper air travel, Australia is not the other side of the world anymore. OK, so you can't hug a webcam but it is a lot better than waiting for letters to come through the post. My heart goes out to your parents, but the job of a parent is to bring up loving, happy, independent children, and it seems that that is exactly what yours have done. Be gentle with them, but stick to your guns. You will always be close to them no matter how many physical miles are between you. Good luck Jean Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest gullicks Posted June 4, 2007 Hi everyone just want to say a huge thank you to all who replied. I feel a little better now after all your kind words. It is very traumatic to leave your close family, but as you all said it is our lives too. webcam, camcorder are definitely musts thank you all again for your support .. I have been a blubbering wreck all day!! LOL Hazel xxxxxxx Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
a&s 10 Posted June 4, 2007 This thread is lovely :cry:.And oh how so true, i have been a little tearful today thinking of friends and family and we haven't got the visa yet,so god knows what i will b like then. As well as helping Hazel u have helped me 2 CHEERS.:cry: Alex Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest kimdownie Posted June 4, 2007 Thanks for your insight Jean, It is really good to hear the flip side of the coin, and is very appreciated, I just hope my parents think like you. love Kimxx Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest EM&M Posted June 4, 2007 Hi, This post was me in March. My mam was devastated, we are really close and she said so very horrible things to me taht I never ever seem coming. We to are taking away the only 2 grandchildren. The update 3 months later is that she has now accepted that we are going (this took approx 3/4 weeks) I only ever dicussed it if she mentioned it. She has never flown in her life (shes 54) and has recently in the last week booked a holiday to Jersey (short flight) for her first time out. She joined a fear of flying forum for encouragement and support (very like PIO) and is now set to go for it. Never in my wildest dreams in those first few weeks did I imagine that she would a. ever forgive me or b. FLY!! At one point I spent the whole weekend crying that it was starting to effect my toddler, I put up with the backhanded comments and the fact that I was "selfish" I kept my mouth shut till I could take no more and then I let her have it and give her a few home truths of her own. In a way I do and dont recommend this in the end it was what we needed being so close our relationship could not withstand the situation and having a blow out actually cleared the air and got us both back on the same level (if that makes since). I hope that things smooth out for you, Im sure they will at the end of the day. My philosophy on it is that my girls have no-one else but us to make the right decision for them and try to offer them a better lifestyle, my parents have had their opportunity to live their life. Stay strong Em x Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest steve110 Posted June 4, 2007 I had a bit of a revelation this last weekend....... Brens mum is dead against a move abroad,and we were discussing this fact round at my parents house,and my dad said you can only live your life for yourself,and not for others. so that means although they might not be happy,my parents at least are supportive ..... At the end of the day,and i don"t mean to sound horrible,but the family that are not moving will just have to like it or lump it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ali 16,507 Posted June 4, 2007 Think we've all been here with friends and family. My dad is now on his own in the UK, and adores his grandchildren. He was very sad that we came to Aus, but encouraged our decision knowing it was the best one for our children - even though it was the hardest one for him. You have to live your life for you not someone else, otherwise you end up resenting the other people. My dad is 67 and coming out to spend a month with my brother in Brisbane and a month with us in Perth. Ali I just want PIO to be a happy place where people are nice to each other and unicorns poop rainbows Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest linzibelles Posted December 31, 2010 Hi guys we are moving over to Oz next year my husband is an Australian citizen and we have two girls Melissa nearly four and Niamh eighteen months we told my parents in feb of this year and they were devasted my mum took two days off work as she was so upset since then we have not spoke about it at all she said we were being selfish by going and taking the girls away from everything that they know and what did Australia have that here didn't she said over my dead body are you going o have found it really hard to make the deacision my mother in law sister in law and some friends are over there so we are not going to no one I really want to be excited about it but can't as I can't talk to my mum and dad about it we want a better life for us and our children and feel by giving them the opportunity to grow up some where like Oz is great I really don't know how to broach the subject with her as we are planning on coming over sept 2011 but she doesn't know that as I can't talk to her about it any advice Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
