noel2538 Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Hi Allbodies:wubclub: Why do I feel like Ive jumped from a plane only to discover half way down that I left the parashoot on the plane???? We've been in Oz nearly 9 months...sold house in UK, both left jobs, left family and friends and lovely neighbours...left my eldest daughter in UK and took my youngest with us...bought the dog and spent money and had loads of stress and for what? I really dont know at the moment...my daughter is settled but my hubby has a job but they treat him like hes stupid, only been a welder for over 20 years!!!! Ive started in Tupperware which has got me out and meeting people.....a good thing. But Im getting so stressed and worried about our future here.....we just have less income coming in and more expensives going out....its a nightmare!!!! We've bought land here with our equity from UK house but the bank took three months to give us the funds to build. Now the builder is working at a snails pace...we have to pay rent plus all the bills that are now coming in for our new house...I just cant see how we'll be able to pay both the rent and the mortgage!!!! Alot of things are more expensive than the UK and then some things cheaper...Im just so stressed that my IBS is really bad...Im so miserable and keep crying...Ive been through divorce and bereavement and feel this is so much worse. I feel I dont have any options....cant go back to UK, couldnt even buy same house as before...job wise theres nothing....so Ive got to stay here...with no family or friend support...sorry I just feel so awful!!! ...I just dont feel settled.... Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest boa Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Very sorry you feel like that, I think a lot of these problems stem from people expecting too much when they get here. 10 years ago literally everything here was cheap, houses, cars, fuel, food etc but now that has changed and all the bills you left are at least as bad as back home. Some people get through it by telling themselves that everything is worse in the UK and if that works for them then fine, others take a more realistic view and then the problems start. This isn't a whinge about Australia but I want people to be realistic about their expectations, this country is now an expensive place to live for the average family. I can't and wont give you advice as only you can decide what is best for you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sykestykes Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Ahh Debbie....:hug::hug: I really feel for you. Being upset and unsettled is a horrible thing, I have been there and done that (still do, sometimes!) . You're taking all the right steps in the right direction though - the Tupperware thing will take off and gets you out meeting people which is a huge help in preventing yourself from feeling worse every day. You've probably been so busy up until now that it hasn't had time to hit you how you're really feeling - you'll be missing your daughter in the UK and all the upheaval with the house build and the financial stress you're under will all be contributing to your feelings of unsettlement. I imagine that you like where you live, as you're building a house there? If that's the case, try and focus on the end of the house building project - somewhere to call your own, and no rent to pay. In the meantime, is there any way you could take on some cleaning, ironing, extending your Tupperware business - any work that means you're bringing in some money? I've done some cleaning jobs myself over the past year (I was a legal assistant in the UK) and it's surprising how much in demand you can become if you're efficient and reliable. I often think that emigrating is like starting your married life all over again - it's ruddy hard work and every penny counts. If you're committed to staying here, try to imagine what your lives might be like in 5 years' time - you'll all be more emotionally settled and things will gradually get better, including the work situation. Big hugs Sue x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noel2538 Posted February 18, 2010 Author Share Posted February 18, 2010 Thanks Sue.... Your post says it all...how I feel...I needed the 'hug':hug: xx We did alot of research about Oz and cost of living here...they're were times back in the UK that we did think..NO...we're staying. But then we choose to come as life is too short to have regrets...I dont regret coming its hard to explain....if I was in the same situation in the UK I'd have the support of family and friends.....thats what Im missing... After coming all this way....I cant give up can I? xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sykestykes Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 Thanks Sue.... Your post says it all...how I feel...I needed the 'hug':hug: xx We did alot of research about Oz and cost of living here...they're were times back in the UK that we did think..NO...we're staying. But then we choose to come as life is too short to have regrets...I dont regret coming its hard to explain....if I was in the same situation in the UK I'd have the support of family and friends.....thats what Im missing... After coming all this way....I cant give up can I? xx It depends on how miserable being here makes you, whether you could realistically go back and get jobs...so many things tio think about. Ultimately, life's too short to be really unhappy but when you feel as you do, it's hard to see the positives about your life here. Believe me, I know. My friend has been in NSW for 4 years now, and when she arrived she hated it for a long time,she couldn't put into words why she felt that way but she said she could feel herself "shrinking" as a person, putting on a happy face for the outside world and crying inside. she is now totally settled and would never go back. Is there any way your daughter could come out to see you at some point in the future? Maybe get relatives to club together for Christmas/birthdays and save up gradually so you have something to look forward to and focus on, and that way you can reassure yourself that she is okay? Alot of my anxiety disappeared when my parents (one of whom is disabled and I worry about alot) came to see us...they could see we had a nice life and they reinforced my reasons for coming here, because I couldn't really see the positives at that time. I hope you begin to feel better soon. And if you do decide you must return to the UK, it's not giving up, it's being where your heart lies. Sue x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noel2538 Posted February 19, 2010 Author Share Posted February 19, 2010 Hi Sue My daughter and my mum are coming over in June this year, my daughter is staying for 2 months and my mum a month....I cant wait. My daughter, who's 20 soon, activated her PM Visa with us last Feb 09...she choose to stay in UK...she been with her boyfriend 3 years now...works part time...been at Tesco's for nearly four years. Our house is due to be finish about June but the builder cant give us a date...I suppose I want my mum to see Im ok when Im not..she wasnt happy us coming here...she's on her own, my dad died 2001. Dad always said never have any regrets...he wanted to come to Oz but never made it. My husband, Keith says once we get the house done and sorted....we'll go back to UK for holiday and see how we feel. Its as if we're looking back at the UK through rose coloured glasses...my friends are always saying things are the same there and how crap work is!!! I hope I feel better soon, as my poor Hubby is getting all the crap off me atm..bless him Debbie xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sykestykes Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 Hi Sue My daughter and my mum are coming over in June this year, my daughter is staying for 2 months and my mum a month....I cant wait. My daughter, who's 20 soon, activated her PM Visa with us last Feb 09...she choose to stay in UK...she been with her boyfriend 3 years now...works part time...been at Tesco's for nearly four years. Our house is due to be finish about June but the builder cant give us a date...I suppose I want my mum to see Im ok when Im not..she wasnt happy us coming here...she's on her own, my dad died 2001. Dad always said never have any regrets...he wanted to come to Oz but never made it. My husband, Keith says once we get the house done and sorted....we'll go back to UK for holiday and see how we feel. Its as if we're looking back at the UK through rose coloured glasses...my friends are always saying things are the same there and how crap work is!!! I hope I feel better soon, as my poor Hubby is getting all the crap off me atm..bless him Debbie xx I hope your mum and daughter have a fantastic time with you in June, enjoy your time together. And don't worry about giving your hubby cr4p, it's good to get it out and he won't mind...you'd do the same for him, I'm sure. Are there any other PIO members nearby who you could meet up with for a coffee? I know you're getting out and about already but sometimes it's good to chat to someone who has the shared experience of emigrating, it helps that they know what you've gone through. Sue x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noel2538 Posted February 19, 2010 Author Share Posted February 19, 2010 Thanks Sue:wubclub: I'll have a look for meets in Melbourne....it helps so much talking to people who've been there, done it and now have the t-shirt.... Debbie x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olly Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 Oh you poor thing, if you weren't on the other side of town I could have had a coffee with you this morning, as was doing avoidance behaviour with the housework. Can you somehow get the builder to hurry up, is he private or one of the big home builders, or I assume you have already told them you are in need of it in a hurry? Hope things get better for you. Olly:hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30038 Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 Our house is due to be finish about June but the builder cant give us a date Hi Debbie, I know exactly how you feel as we built also and had to rent for 12 months whilst doing so........... :hug: 3 months into the rental, we got a letter from centrelink asking us why we hadn't asked for rent rebate. i was gobsmacked! We had money in the bank from the sale of our first home but were still entitled. I'd look into it if I were you. I'm a bit puzzled though by the fact that your builder cannot give you a date. The major companies in Qld give a date with penalty payments if not completed on time. Not that it's worth much.........I think ours was about $20 a week or something stupid. Hang on in there chook. Once you have your home, it should all come together for you. kev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest littlesarah Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 Hello Debbie It can be sooo hard to settle in a new country. :hug: I won't go over the commiserations stuff again (I'm not very good at that kind of thing, and it's been done brilliantly by others); and as I live in NSW I don't think I can make it for coffee and cake! Maybe you could meet with your builder to discuss the timescale and try to 'firm it up' a bit. As his customer, if he wants prompt payment he should be prepared to give you a reasonable idea of the timeline. Just make sure that you feel it's realistic (the internet can help). I know that when you move you just want a life. But of course it takes time - not easy for someone like me (who is incredibly impatient a lot of the time)! But it will happen, and all you can do is focus on what you can do a day at a time. I know I always feel better if I write a list of things to do, objectives to achieve, etc. Then I can see what progress I'm making. That's what I did when I moved 190 miles from my hometown by myself 11 years ago. (Living in the hospital was grim - but at least it gave me an instant target - get outta here!) Sounds like you've already made a start with your business venture. If you were near where I live I'd get you round - I have a need for storage at present (that's what happens when you ditch all your stuff before you leave the UK!)!!! Hang on in there - things will get better, I'm sure. Best wishes Sarah xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theonetruechris Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 Theres a meet up tomorrow at cardinia http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/victoria/77769-melbourne-meet-up.htm There's going to be a few first timers (me included) there looking through the posts. I know its the wrong side of melbourne from melton but could be worth a look and chat with others who might've been in the same boat. I know I've been through the mill over moving - looks like I'm coming out the other end a little bit wiser and a little bit happier. Good luck with everything I hope you can work it through here there or elsewhere (with pr you could always try NZ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest paulwbafc Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 Hi I have been here 18 months now. It is very stressful. But we are getting on with our new lives here and moving forward. We are starting again, new job has taken getting used to, different bills and expenses too. We sold up in the uk and all the equity paid off debts and funded starting up and getting here. We are renting now have no savings as all used up moving here. Will be at least 2 years before we can get back on property ladder. We have been thru the homesickness thing and xmas we visited england and after 3 days wanted to come back to oz. Felt very odd. I know a number of people whom moved to oz then back to england then realise why they left england in the first place and move back to oz again. moving here is very unsettling and you really do have to start again. we have basically ripped up our old lives for a new one. We were fed up in uk hence wanting to try something new. We do enjoy the new lifestyle here and have made more friends here in oz. mostly ex pats like ourselves whom we have known over a year, couple of times aa month we have barbies together, every week on friday eves we meet for a drink. getting camping gear together as next year we are all going on camping trips. I have considered moving back but england is moving backwards, most of the pubs have shut or closing, everyone is stuck in doors, parks are in ruin or built on. theres nothing for kids to do. interests for the kids there are not the same standard as in oz. to dine out etc in england it is more expensive than here. england i have to get on a plane for sunshine, here i can enjoy it all year round or on a short drive i can hit the beach. Oh just watched life of grime on bbc knowledge. Theres the england i remember. Plus they don't have decent raison bread in england. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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